It started with waiting for Joey to finish coaching softball. Then, we went to Finley's for a Michigan Cherry Salad. I felt blah so I went back to my mom's to sleep.
Saturday, I lied to the RivRunners, causing them to run further than normal. Next, Jenny and I did a mad dash to the mall to buy Meg some embarrassing gifts. At Meg's bridal shower, we enjoyed chocolate while Meg blushed. Then, it was back to my mom's where I rested a minute, changed clothes, picked up my father and headed to his class reunion. While waiting for the reunion, I saw the Piston's win on the TV to the right and the Red Wings win two minutes later on the TV to the left. Pretty flippin cool. My evening was spent with the Laingsburg class of 1966. Man, they are a fun group!
Sunday, after church, I ran the Koman (which you can read about in a different post). Then, Yi, Joey and I made hamburgers at Joey's. Afterward, we met up with my sister, bro-in-law, niece, nephew, mom and step-dad at Sweet Sensation's for Max's birthday. See, Max, the dog, turned 1 that day so the family took him out for some ice cream. Sounds dumb but it was pretty cool. Another interesting weekend passes by...
Monday, April 30, 2007
Koman Race for the Cure 2007
Overall:420
Bib: 925
28:05: Final Time
Chiptime: 27:27
I started the race with J.T. thinking I could maybe keep up with him (what a joke). As soon as we crossed the start line, J.T. yelled "35!" and then he vanished into thin air. I knew what "35" meant, though. We crossed the start line when the clock was at 35 seconds. So, I knew whatever the clocks said on the course, I had to subtract 35 seconds from it. I hit my baby wall around 1/2 a mile. Not sure why I do this but my body acts like it is going to shut down about a 1/2 mile into any race or actually into any run of mine. I pretend like it isn't happening and push through it. It lasts about a minute and then, I'm usually a running machine.
The weather was beautiful...and hot...and windy. We ran behind the captial and at one point, we ran past the Michigan Historical Museum. I suddenly remembered being 12 or 13 and working a water station for the Run For Shelter race. It was an awesome memory and propelled me through another 1/4 mile.
We went up and down the streets behind the capital and at one point, the wind was so strong, I was running in place. But the song "Stand" by Rascal Flatts was on my MP3 player and the lyrics really pushed me on.
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ‘til you break
Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand
No walky for me. The other thing that kept pushing me on was hearing Todd Thie's voice before I left, "You will break 28 minutes today. Push hard after that 2nd mile." Well, after that 2nd mile, I was dead tired. I would try to step it up a bit but quickly, I moved back to a slower pace. It was around this time I started thinking about the Breast Cancer survivors, the ones who have it now and the ones who didn't survive. I saw the sign "In memory of Barb Farmer" on the back of someone's shirt and it inspired me to keep going.
I rounded the 2nd to last curb. This was where the good-looking police officer was standing. I admit to going out of my way just to high five him but it really encouraged me to step it up again. So did all of the people cheering us on from the sidelines. I knew MY people were on the corner of Capital street, though. Soon enough, I saw them...but there was a surprise there, too.
Joey had made it from Riverview to cheer me on. I saw him and then saw Todd sitting on the ground. He was yelling at me hard while taking pictures. Joey was holding up 2 fingers signaling how many blocks I had. Apparently, J.T. was there, too but there was so much going on. I turned that last corner and I tried to light it up. Problem was that I was running up a steady, small slope. The finish line looked a hundred years away. I could hear Joey yelling at me and running with me on the sidewalk. J.T. was right there, too. I tried...I really tried to push it but I was out of steam. Just before crossing the finish line, I saw my step-mom yelling for me. I gave her a half hearted wave, all I could muster, and then I crossed the finish line. 28 minutes. But after subtracting the 35 seconds, my actual time was 27:27. My personal best and I blasted my goal by 30 seconds.
After the race, someone handed me some sort of orange drink. I took a huge swig and almost threw up. It had fake sugar in it which makes me just sick. I wandered over to a building, calmed myself down, thanked God for getting me through it, and then found my step-mom. It was an awesome race. As we walked around looking for Joey, Todd, J.T., and Yi, people handed me a flower and then someone else put a medal around my neck. It was an awesome feeling. The best feeling, though, was seeing the survivor's faces...smiling through streaming tears, happy to just be there. Way cool.
Bib: 925
28:05: Final Time
Chiptime: 27:27
I started the race with J.T. thinking I could maybe keep up with him (what a joke). As soon as we crossed the start line, J.T. yelled "35!" and then he vanished into thin air. I knew what "35" meant, though. We crossed the start line when the clock was at 35 seconds. So, I knew whatever the clocks said on the course, I had to subtract 35 seconds from it. I hit my baby wall around 1/2 a mile. Not sure why I do this but my body acts like it is going to shut down about a 1/2 mile into any race or actually into any run of mine. I pretend like it isn't happening and push through it. It lasts about a minute and then, I'm usually a running machine.
The weather was beautiful...and hot...and windy. We ran behind the captial and at one point, we ran past the Michigan Historical Museum. I suddenly remembered being 12 or 13 and working a water station for the Run For Shelter race. It was an awesome memory and propelled me through another 1/4 mile.
We went up and down the streets behind the capital and at one point, the wind was so strong, I was running in place. But the song "Stand" by Rascal Flatts was on my MP3 player and the lyrics really pushed me on.
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ‘til you break
Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand
No walky for me. The other thing that kept pushing me on was hearing Todd Thie's voice before I left, "You will break 28 minutes today. Push hard after that 2nd mile." Well, after that 2nd mile, I was dead tired. I would try to step it up a bit but quickly, I moved back to a slower pace. It was around this time I started thinking about the Breast Cancer survivors, the ones who have it now and the ones who didn't survive. I saw the sign "In memory of Barb Farmer" on the back of someone's shirt and it inspired me to keep going.
I rounded the 2nd to last curb. This was where the good-looking police officer was standing. I admit to going out of my way just to high five him but it really encouraged me to step it up again. So did all of the people cheering us on from the sidelines. I knew MY people were on the corner of Capital street, though. Soon enough, I saw them...but there was a surprise there, too.
Joey had made it from Riverview to cheer me on. I saw him and then saw Todd sitting on the ground. He was yelling at me hard while taking pictures. Joey was holding up 2 fingers signaling how many blocks I had. Apparently, J.T. was there, too but there was so much going on. I turned that last corner and I tried to light it up. Problem was that I was running up a steady, small slope. The finish line looked a hundred years away. I could hear Joey yelling at me and running with me on the sidewalk. J.T. was right there, too. I tried...I really tried to push it but I was out of steam. Just before crossing the finish line, I saw my step-mom yelling for me. I gave her a half hearted wave, all I could muster, and then I crossed the finish line. 28 minutes. But after subtracting the 35 seconds, my actual time was 27:27. My personal best and I blasted my goal by 30 seconds.
After the race, someone handed me some sort of orange drink. I took a huge swig and almost threw up. It had fake sugar in it which makes me just sick. I wandered over to a building, calmed myself down, thanked God for getting me through it, and then found my step-mom. It was an awesome race. As we walked around looking for Joey, Todd, J.T., and Yi, people handed me a flower and then someone else put a medal around my neck. It was an awesome feeling. The best feeling, though, was seeing the survivor's faces...smiling through streaming tears, happy to just be there. Way cool.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
My Lord, My God, My Jesus
I have been feeling quite Eeyorey the past few days. The weekend was awesome but the events at Virginia Tech along with my own personal battles have me gloomy. I went running last night to clear my head. I always run with music when running alone but I left the MP3 behind. I wanted to share my time with Jesus.
We ran the route I haven't run since last fall. It felt good to get moving again and pass my old checkpoints. I came to the parking lot of a church and remembered something with a smile. This was the spot God had whispered the word "RivRunners" in my ear. Fascinating. I ran down the side street, talking to the Lord, thanking Him for so much, praying for this and that, confessing some stuff, loving Him, asking for His will.
I ran under two huge pine trees. The branches formed a canopy over my head. It reminded me of being under a weeping willow. I felt sheltered, protected...and then I came out from under the branches. The perfectly blue sky seemed so vast...but I still felt protected. A thought came to me so suddenly, I almost broke down on the sidewalk in tears.
Jesus protects me. He saves me from so much. He gave me free will to choose Him and eventually, I did. But other people do not. They either outright reject Him or they make no decision at all, which is still a decision. Some people take that free will and kill other people, giving them no choice at all, either. But even if someone takes me out, too, I am still protected. They can murder me, destroying my physical body, but God has protected my soul. He's got my back. He may allow me to go through something devastating...so devasting I might shake a fist his way...but He's got me. Never will He foresake me.
I wonder why people put their trust in so many things. I wonder why I fall in that trap, too sometimes. But He pulls me to Him and I'm under His safety. What a wonderful place to be.
We ran the route I haven't run since last fall. It felt good to get moving again and pass my old checkpoints. I came to the parking lot of a church and remembered something with a smile. This was the spot God had whispered the word "RivRunners" in my ear. Fascinating. I ran down the side street, talking to the Lord, thanking Him for so much, praying for this and that, confessing some stuff, loving Him, asking for His will.
I ran under two huge pine trees. The branches formed a canopy over my head. It reminded me of being under a weeping willow. I felt sheltered, protected...and then I came out from under the branches. The perfectly blue sky seemed so vast...but I still felt protected. A thought came to me so suddenly, I almost broke down on the sidewalk in tears.
Jesus protects me. He saves me from so much. He gave me free will to choose Him and eventually, I did. But other people do not. They either outright reject Him or they make no decision at all, which is still a decision. Some people take that free will and kill other people, giving them no choice at all, either. But even if someone takes me out, too, I am still protected. They can murder me, destroying my physical body, but God has protected my soul. He's got my back. He may allow me to go through something devastating...so devasting I might shake a fist his way...but He's got me. Never will He foresake me.
I wonder why people put their trust in so many things. I wonder why I fall in that trap, too sometimes. But He pulls me to Him and I'm under His safety. What a wonderful place to be.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Just say no
I’m hurting. I can barely hide it. Vulnerability weighs me down. I keep catching myself staring into nothing, walking with my head down, forcing joy to the surface.
Hear my prayers. I know you do. I want to help but I can’t fall while trying to lift.
Drugs suck. They suck the life out of me and I don’t even take them. They steal from me, lie to me, put me in weird, uncomfortable places…and I’ve never seen them.
I’m not sure where to start and stop. Crying out for Your help and your help, too gives me comfort. I want to feel safe again. That’s what addicts do to you. They can make you feel like you’re the one taking the drugs. But I’m done with the abuse and the drama. At some point, you have to protect yourself…right? Or is that selfish of me? I can see the ones closest to me starting to step up to protect me because I’m not doing it myself. It’s like I’m standing in the middle of a battlefield with bullets zinging by my face but I keep moving toward the gun…and someone is there trying to catch the bullets before they hit me but some have hit me because I’m hurt. Superficial wounds that hurt a ton…like a bitty paper cut that stings worse than a gapping lesion.
The part that almost hurts worse is to see yourself through someone else’s eyes and the way they see you is a complete lie. I remember what my dad told me, “consider the source” but words still hurt. I never thought I was part of the problem. I only served when I thought God wanted me to. I still hold on to that. I won’t believe their lies about me. Isn’t that weird? When someone thinks something of you that isn’t true, you almost second guess yourself. You start to replay every occasion and event wondering if you were part of the problem. I was starting to feel the world against me when really it isn’t the world. I was feeling unloved, a loser. I’m not doing that anymore. I’m done second guessing my actions because then I would be second guessing God. Christ fills my cup, not lies of people who don’t get it.
But the part that does hurt more is listening to the tears, pleas, remorse, promises...and still having to say no. "I love you with all my heart but no. I will do so much for you but no. You are going someplace I'm not...I'll see you if and when you come back."
With all of that said, I still love my friend. I will always love my friend and pray.
Hear my prayers. I know you do. I want to help but I can’t fall while trying to lift.
Drugs suck. They suck the life out of me and I don’t even take them. They steal from me, lie to me, put me in weird, uncomfortable places…and I’ve never seen them.
I’m not sure where to start and stop. Crying out for Your help and your help, too gives me comfort. I want to feel safe again. That’s what addicts do to you. They can make you feel like you’re the one taking the drugs. But I’m done with the abuse and the drama. At some point, you have to protect yourself…right? Or is that selfish of me? I can see the ones closest to me starting to step up to protect me because I’m not doing it myself. It’s like I’m standing in the middle of a battlefield with bullets zinging by my face but I keep moving toward the gun…and someone is there trying to catch the bullets before they hit me but some have hit me because I’m hurt. Superficial wounds that hurt a ton…like a bitty paper cut that stings worse than a gapping lesion.
The part that almost hurts worse is to see yourself through someone else’s eyes and the way they see you is a complete lie. I remember what my dad told me, “consider the source” but words still hurt. I never thought I was part of the problem. I only served when I thought God wanted me to. I still hold on to that. I won’t believe their lies about me. Isn’t that weird? When someone thinks something of you that isn’t true, you almost second guess yourself. You start to replay every occasion and event wondering if you were part of the problem. I was starting to feel the world against me when really it isn’t the world. I was feeling unloved, a loser. I’m not doing that anymore. I’m done second guessing my actions because then I would be second guessing God. Christ fills my cup, not lies of people who don’t get it.
But the part that does hurt more is listening to the tears, pleas, remorse, promises...and still having to say no. "I love you with all my heart but no. I will do so much for you but no. You are going someplace I'm not...I'll see you if and when you come back."
With all of that said, I still love my friend. I will always love my friend and pray.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Real Quick
I have to read a short story for open mic night at Riv tomorrow. I was going to take one from this blog. Any suggestions? It has to be short which makes me think none of my entries will work. Thanks!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Under Where?
This isn't for the faint of heart.
In trying to break myself of buying the "elite" items in life, I decided I didn't need to be buying Victoria Secret underwear anymore. I've always purchased the 5 for $25 but come on! That's a lot of flippin money for a pair of underwear.
My quest to find something I liked but was affordable led me to the outlet mall--Hanes. I thought i hit the jackpot with all of the sales and specials. My total for 5 pairs of underwear? $22.22. I thought it was a great sign until I realized I'd barely saved any money. The following weekend, I returned them.
My next stop was to Target. They had a sale on the Fruit of a Loom's: 6 pair for $4.99. Now we're talkin! I was so pleased with my find and couldn't wait to try them on. They seemed fine so I adopted them into the family. I knew I was in trouble when I was walking out to the car and already had a wedgie. Screwed! I had to wear them all day at work which was highly uncomfortable and now I'm stuck with a bunch of underwear I can't even wear!
This is so frustrating. I went to VS just to browse...I picked out the 5 pairs I would buy if I wasn't trusting God for something better and cheaper. Sadly, I put them down and walked out. I'll find that perfect pair of underwear...somewhere...
In trying to break myself of buying the "elite" items in life, I decided I didn't need to be buying Victoria Secret underwear anymore. I've always purchased the 5 for $25 but come on! That's a lot of flippin money for a pair of underwear.
My quest to find something I liked but was affordable led me to the outlet mall--Hanes. I thought i hit the jackpot with all of the sales and specials. My total for 5 pairs of underwear? $22.22. I thought it was a great sign until I realized I'd barely saved any money. The following weekend, I returned them.
My next stop was to Target. They had a sale on the Fruit of a Loom's: 6 pair for $4.99. Now we're talkin! I was so pleased with my find and couldn't wait to try them on. They seemed fine so I adopted them into the family. I knew I was in trouble when I was walking out to the car and already had a wedgie. Screwed! I had to wear them all day at work which was highly uncomfortable and now I'm stuck with a bunch of underwear I can't even wear!
This is so frustrating. I went to VS just to browse...I picked out the 5 pairs I would buy if I wasn't trusting God for something better and cheaper. Sadly, I put them down and walked out. I'll find that perfect pair of underwear...somewhere...
Updates
So, I'm out of the loop a bit. I still love this little blog but I'm limited to the net access. I am picking up a signal from my neighbors but not sure which ones. It is locked so I can't just hop on, though it would make my life so much easier...and I wouldn't be spending so much time at the Coffee Beanery buying the cheapest item I can find (wheat bagel with peanut butter). I've thought about going door to door asking my neighbors but that seems slightly hard up.
I hope Joey gets the internet at his house soon. Please, Joey?
What's new...what's new...
Please pray about my living situation. I want to find a new place to live closer to my work and closer to Lansing for a reasonable price. Right now, I'm spoiled. $400 a month plus the gas bill. Everywhere I've looked puts me at $800 not including gas, water, electric...but my "roommate" is looking to sell the condo so I would rather leave now, get in a 12 month lease which would put me at the end of May 2008 to move out...which leads to some other news...
I think Joey and I set a date! Crazy stuff, huh. Only took us since September. But that's how we roll sometimes. Well, how I roll. We are looking at May 25th, 2008. This was after we realized (thanks to Yi) that May 28th is a Wednesday. So please pray about that for us, too.
RivRunners has taken off! It's amazing what God has done with this group. I spend a lot of time on it but i just dig this ministry a ton. I've met so many more people and it is kind of cool to be the lead person on it...I mean, second in lead behind God. I never thought about being a go to person for a group but wow. The Holy Spirit has really encouraged me and helped me to step into this role. Thank you, Lord for thinking of ME to do this RivRunners thing. Of all people! Way cool....
Okay, before my ramblings put me to sleep...I'm out.
I hope Joey gets the internet at his house soon. Please, Joey?
What's new...what's new...
Please pray about my living situation. I want to find a new place to live closer to my work and closer to Lansing for a reasonable price. Right now, I'm spoiled. $400 a month plus the gas bill. Everywhere I've looked puts me at $800 not including gas, water, electric...but my "roommate" is looking to sell the condo so I would rather leave now, get in a 12 month lease which would put me at the end of May 2008 to move out...which leads to some other news...
I think Joey and I set a date! Crazy stuff, huh. Only took us since September. But that's how we roll sometimes. Well, how I roll. We are looking at May 25th, 2008. This was after we realized (thanks to Yi) that May 28th is a Wednesday. So please pray about that for us, too.
RivRunners has taken off! It's amazing what God has done with this group. I spend a lot of time on it but i just dig this ministry a ton. I've met so many more people and it is kind of cool to be the lead person on it...I mean, second in lead behind God. I never thought about being a go to person for a group but wow. The Holy Spirit has really encouraged me and helped me to step into this role. Thank you, Lord for thinking of ME to do this RivRunners thing. Of all people! Way cool....
Okay, before my ramblings put me to sleep...I'm out.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Testimony Tuesday
I started writing my faith story in 2005. It is written in parts and is pretty much a life story. You can view Part 1 here:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/02/in-beginning.html
Part 2:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/02/from-methodist-to-catholicism-to.html
Part 3:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/02/full-circle.html
Part 4:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/03/fresh-start_15.html
Part 5:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/04/my-early-20s.html
Finally...after all these years, I'm going to wrap up my faith story and yes, it is a little cheesy with an Avril song mixed in.
January 2003. My life was spiraling out of control. BT and I went to Cincy to celebrate our friend’s 30th birthday. We drove down there not speaking. We drove back not speaking. We hardly spoke at all because we were so angry with each other. What were we angry about? Can’t really tell you anymore. I know there wasn’t a lot of respect but huge amounts of expectation. We failed each other and let the other person know how they failed. I felt alone. I felt desperate. I wanted to be loved and to be in love again but it was so obvious BT and I couldn’t even get along. Our silences lasted weeks. Neither one of us could make a move. I was somehow convinced I was supposed to marry him. I had believed this for five years.
It was easy to escape from him. I lived in Novi, about 15-20 minutes away. I could also go to Lansing any time I wanted…and I wanted to escape. I wanted to get away from everything. I wanted more. I was searching.
The last week of January, a total "coincidence" occurred. I spoke to my mom to set up a hair appointment for the Saturday before the Super Bowl. My mom casually mentioned that one of her clients had just been in…and had asked about me. He was someone I had known but only casually. I took his phone number down. What if I called this guy? I mean, I knew him from high school. He was a freshman when I was a senior. He had the biggest crush on me but I just thought he was cute. I saw him several times over the years. My mom would save the Holt wrestling articles for me and he was in a lot of them. She and I went to his high school graduation open house. I remembered how his eyes lit up when he used to see me. He attended Alma college. I came down there to party during my senior year at CMU. I don’t know how or why but somehow I called this guy during a drunken moment. He came to the frat house and we danced and talked. Over the years, we had kept tabs on each other through my mom. I made the phone call.
We had a short but interesting talk. I was happy to hear he was an elementary art teacher. I was also happy to hear he didn’t have a girlfriend. I asked if he wanted to go to the Mega 80's concert that Friday. He said sure. I got off the phone and felt a little strange because…he mentioned Jesus. Ick. I think we talked about how he was…a Christian. Yuck. I remember telling my mom that we were going to go out on Friday but I finally knew why JAC didn’t have a girlfriend: he was a Jesus Freak. I also felt a little strange because I wasn't sure what my motives were. Meeting up with an old friend?
I don’t know what the heck I was doing. I was lost and searching for something. I wanted to feel good again, good about my life and self. I didn’t feel guilty about going out with him. We each brought a friend and had a blast dancing to 80s music. He was still so cute after all these years. He confessed his crush on me, finally and I laughed. I was definitely a girl who lived for the moment. When my sister and I dropped him off at home (his roommate had left earlier in the night), I asked him to go shopping with me and my nephew the next day. He said sure.
I had an awesome weekend. I felt new and alive. Somebody out there cared for me and showed it. Of course, this left me with a problem. How could I leave the guy I was convinced I was supposed to marry? Did I really want to leave him in the first place? How did I feel about JAC?
February 2003. I was on the brink of turning 27 and celebrating 5 years with BT. But now, I had surrounded myself by confusion…and the confusion was wonderful. I had reconnected with an old friend and there was something else this old friend was bringing me. It was more than just making me feel good about myself again, making me feel loved and wanted. Something bigger and better was taking place.
There was a song out at the time and it really summed up what I was going through.
“I’m standing on the bridge, I’m waiting in the dark, I thought that you’d be here by now. There’s nothing but the rain, no footsteps on the ground I’m listening but there’s no sound. Isn’t anyone trying to find me? Won’t somebody come take me home?” For months, I had felt lost and miserable. My closest friends were quickly becoming the people I worked with. More and more I felt separated from the previous life. Desperate, isolated, unhappy…
“Its that damn cold night, trying to figure out this life, won’t you take me by the hand take me somewhere new, I don’t know who you are but I….I’m with you.” I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I didn’t have much faith to leap forward. I was unsure how I felt about BT. When I was around him, I felt lonely, bitter, unhappy. I was unsure how I felt about JAC. When I was around him my heart felt light, fluttery and I was happy, secure. JAC extended his hand and I wanted to take it. I wanted to go somewhere with him. I had a feeling it was the right choice but I couldn’t take that leap of faith…because I didn’t have any faith.
“I’m looking for a place, I’m searching for a face, is anybody here I know? Cuz nothing’s going right and everything’s a mess and no one likes to be alone. Isn’t anyone trying to find me? Won’t somebody come take me home?” I had to make a decision. I needed more in life. I had been searching for something…something new and lasting. Was it JAC that was trying to find me? Was he going to take me home and finally complete the empty hole in my heart? I barely knew JAC but I took his hand thinking, “yes, this is it.”
“Why is everything so confusing? Maybe I’m just out of my mind…” It was crazy. I walked away from a 5 year relationship that really wasn’t going anywhere but down the shitter. JAC took my hand and led me. I was happy to take his hand and follow. What I soon discovered was that it wasn’t exactly JAC who was looking for me. It wasn’t exactly JAC who was bringing me “home.” It was someone I didn’t know at all but this someone had been trying to get my attention for years. This someone wanted me back. He wanted to fill my heart. JAC opened the doors and led me in.
JAC took me to his church and I allowed myself to go. I was broken, hungover, a mess. I’ve written about it before. I didn’t like his church. It was too new wavy for me. There wasn’t a choir where I could hear my mama singing. There was a band and they played (gasp) Christiany music. There wasn’t even a cross hanging anywhere. My thoughts flashed back to Mt. Hope church. These people were going to suck me in and wash my brain. My memories took me back to the Pentecostal church I had attended with Pat, the woman I used to work with. I thought for sure JAC’s church was going to be like that one. I sat there waiting for people to come flying out of their chairs, waving their arms delieriously, screaming out in tongues or running to the front for an alter call. None of that happened. In fact, the message talked about being in a rut. I could relate. I didn’t attend this church for a few weeks while things were getting sorted out in my life. The cold nights of February turned into warm, pleasant days of March. I started spending every moment of the weekends with JAC. I gave his church another chance.
I was sold. Or…I was bought. Christ was the one searching for me. He wanted me and I found Him through the help of a contemporary church and an old friend. Yes, JAC took my hand and led me there but now…the song that was out at the time…the one that described my life perfectly…it took on a whole new meaning.
“It’s that damn cold night, trying to figure out this life. Won’t You take me by the hand take me somewhere new, I don’t know who You are but I…I’m with You…I’m with You...” I didn’t know what I was doing but I knew Christ was offering me something I had been looking for forever…His everlasting love and acceptance. It would still take me months to really get it…actually, I’ll try to get it for the rest of my life and that’s okay. I remember sitting at Riverview and actually understanding why Christ died on the cross. Can you believe that I never understood that? I had never been taught and it had never been explained. Riv spelled it out for me. “In the OT, people sacrificed lambs to God for the forgiveness of sin. When Christ was on the cross, he became that lamb. He felt every sin ever committed. He felt every sin you have committed and will ever commit. He endured such pain on the cross…for you…and all you have to do is accept that.” I remember almost falling to my knees when I realized how much Christ must love all of us…how much God loves all of us.
So that about wraps up my Jesus story. I mean, I could fill you in on the last four years since I became a Christian or you could just read about all of my struggles on this here blog. I still am always learning and somehow, I still have a child like faith. Christ saved me when I was so weak. And when I’m weak now, I think about that time when everything fell into place. When Christ gave me the best opportunities to get to know the real Him, not the one from the Catholic church that made me feel guilty. Not the one who looked like a pansy hanging out in a field of flowers. The real, powerful, almighty, loving Jesus Christ.
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/02/in-beginning.html
Part 2:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/02/from-methodist-to-catholicism-to.html
Part 3:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/02/full-circle.html
Part 4:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/03/fresh-start_15.html
Part 5:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/04/my-early-20s.html
Finally...after all these years, I'm going to wrap up my faith story and yes, it is a little cheesy with an Avril song mixed in.
January 2003. My life was spiraling out of control. BT and I went to Cincy to celebrate our friend’s 30th birthday. We drove down there not speaking. We drove back not speaking. We hardly spoke at all because we were so angry with each other. What were we angry about? Can’t really tell you anymore. I know there wasn’t a lot of respect but huge amounts of expectation. We failed each other and let the other person know how they failed. I felt alone. I felt desperate. I wanted to be loved and to be in love again but it was so obvious BT and I couldn’t even get along. Our silences lasted weeks. Neither one of us could make a move. I was somehow convinced I was supposed to marry him. I had believed this for five years.
It was easy to escape from him. I lived in Novi, about 15-20 minutes away. I could also go to Lansing any time I wanted…and I wanted to escape. I wanted to get away from everything. I wanted more. I was searching.
The last week of January, a total "coincidence" occurred. I spoke to my mom to set up a hair appointment for the Saturday before the Super Bowl. My mom casually mentioned that one of her clients had just been in…and had asked about me. He was someone I had known but only casually. I took his phone number down. What if I called this guy? I mean, I knew him from high school. He was a freshman when I was a senior. He had the biggest crush on me but I just thought he was cute. I saw him several times over the years. My mom would save the Holt wrestling articles for me and he was in a lot of them. She and I went to his high school graduation open house. I remembered how his eyes lit up when he used to see me. He attended Alma college. I came down there to party during my senior year at CMU. I don’t know how or why but somehow I called this guy during a drunken moment. He came to the frat house and we danced and talked. Over the years, we had kept tabs on each other through my mom. I made the phone call.
We had a short but interesting talk. I was happy to hear he was an elementary art teacher. I was also happy to hear he didn’t have a girlfriend. I asked if he wanted to go to the Mega 80's concert that Friday. He said sure. I got off the phone and felt a little strange because…he mentioned Jesus. Ick. I think we talked about how he was…a Christian. Yuck. I remember telling my mom that we were going to go out on Friday but I finally knew why JAC didn’t have a girlfriend: he was a Jesus Freak. I also felt a little strange because I wasn't sure what my motives were. Meeting up with an old friend?
I don’t know what the heck I was doing. I was lost and searching for something. I wanted to feel good again, good about my life and self. I didn’t feel guilty about going out with him. We each brought a friend and had a blast dancing to 80s music. He was still so cute after all these years. He confessed his crush on me, finally and I laughed. I was definitely a girl who lived for the moment. When my sister and I dropped him off at home (his roommate had left earlier in the night), I asked him to go shopping with me and my nephew the next day. He said sure.
I had an awesome weekend. I felt new and alive. Somebody out there cared for me and showed it. Of course, this left me with a problem. How could I leave the guy I was convinced I was supposed to marry? Did I really want to leave him in the first place? How did I feel about JAC?
February 2003. I was on the brink of turning 27 and celebrating 5 years with BT. But now, I had surrounded myself by confusion…and the confusion was wonderful. I had reconnected with an old friend and there was something else this old friend was bringing me. It was more than just making me feel good about myself again, making me feel loved and wanted. Something bigger and better was taking place.
There was a song out at the time and it really summed up what I was going through.
“I’m standing on the bridge, I’m waiting in the dark, I thought that you’d be here by now. There’s nothing but the rain, no footsteps on the ground I’m listening but there’s no sound. Isn’t anyone trying to find me? Won’t somebody come take me home?” For months, I had felt lost and miserable. My closest friends were quickly becoming the people I worked with. More and more I felt separated from the previous life. Desperate, isolated, unhappy…
“Its that damn cold night, trying to figure out this life, won’t you take me by the hand take me somewhere new, I don’t know who you are but I….I’m with you.” I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I didn’t have much faith to leap forward. I was unsure how I felt about BT. When I was around him, I felt lonely, bitter, unhappy. I was unsure how I felt about JAC. When I was around him my heart felt light, fluttery and I was happy, secure. JAC extended his hand and I wanted to take it. I wanted to go somewhere with him. I had a feeling it was the right choice but I couldn’t take that leap of faith…because I didn’t have any faith.
“I’m looking for a place, I’m searching for a face, is anybody here I know? Cuz nothing’s going right and everything’s a mess and no one likes to be alone. Isn’t anyone trying to find me? Won’t somebody come take me home?” I had to make a decision. I needed more in life. I had been searching for something…something new and lasting. Was it JAC that was trying to find me? Was he going to take me home and finally complete the empty hole in my heart? I barely knew JAC but I took his hand thinking, “yes, this is it.”
“Why is everything so confusing? Maybe I’m just out of my mind…” It was crazy. I walked away from a 5 year relationship that really wasn’t going anywhere but down the shitter. JAC took my hand and led me. I was happy to take his hand and follow. What I soon discovered was that it wasn’t exactly JAC who was looking for me. It wasn’t exactly JAC who was bringing me “home.” It was someone I didn’t know at all but this someone had been trying to get my attention for years. This someone wanted me back. He wanted to fill my heart. JAC opened the doors and led me in.
JAC took me to his church and I allowed myself to go. I was broken, hungover, a mess. I’ve written about it before. I didn’t like his church. It was too new wavy for me. There wasn’t a choir where I could hear my mama singing. There was a band and they played (gasp) Christiany music. There wasn’t even a cross hanging anywhere. My thoughts flashed back to Mt. Hope church. These people were going to suck me in and wash my brain. My memories took me back to the Pentecostal church I had attended with Pat, the woman I used to work with. I thought for sure JAC’s church was going to be like that one. I sat there waiting for people to come flying out of their chairs, waving their arms delieriously, screaming out in tongues or running to the front for an alter call. None of that happened. In fact, the message talked about being in a rut. I could relate. I didn’t attend this church for a few weeks while things were getting sorted out in my life. The cold nights of February turned into warm, pleasant days of March. I started spending every moment of the weekends with JAC. I gave his church another chance.
I was sold. Or…I was bought. Christ was the one searching for me. He wanted me and I found Him through the help of a contemporary church and an old friend. Yes, JAC took my hand and led me there but now…the song that was out at the time…the one that described my life perfectly…it took on a whole new meaning.
“It’s that damn cold night, trying to figure out this life. Won’t You take me by the hand take me somewhere new, I don’t know who You are but I…I’m with You…I’m with You...” I didn’t know what I was doing but I knew Christ was offering me something I had been looking for forever…His everlasting love and acceptance. It would still take me months to really get it…actually, I’ll try to get it for the rest of my life and that’s okay. I remember sitting at Riverview and actually understanding why Christ died on the cross. Can you believe that I never understood that? I had never been taught and it had never been explained. Riv spelled it out for me. “In the OT, people sacrificed lambs to God for the forgiveness of sin. When Christ was on the cross, he became that lamb. He felt every sin ever committed. He felt every sin you have committed and will ever commit. He endured such pain on the cross…for you…and all you have to do is accept that.” I remember almost falling to my knees when I realized how much Christ must love all of us…how much God loves all of us.
So that about wraps up my Jesus story. I mean, I could fill you in on the last four years since I became a Christian or you could just read about all of my struggles on this here blog. I still am always learning and somehow, I still have a child like faith. Christ saved me when I was so weak. And when I’m weak now, I think about that time when everything fell into place. When Christ gave me the best opportunities to get to know the real Him, not the one from the Catholic church that made me feel guilty. Not the one who looked like a pansy hanging out in a field of flowers. The real, powerful, almighty, loving Jesus Christ.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
You are mistaken
The entry posted earlier this week was not made by a pastor. It was made by a teenage girl who was giving the scripture lesson to the congregation for Youth Sunday. The theme was about making mistakes. We all make mistakes...even God makes mistakes. I'm not trying to embarress this girl but I flew into "uh-oh" mode. She was a product of her lesson. She made a mistake.
I guess my issue was that her Youth teachers had listened to the sermon several times before she went in front of the church to give it. And no one clarified afterward. And where did she get such an idea that our perfect Lord makes mistakes? She didn't just say it once. She said it several times over an hour.
As I listened to the CD of this sermon in my car, I dialed my phone with the other hand.
"Uh...Chuck? Just wanted to be positive about something before I move forward. God doesn't make mistakes, right?"
"Right on, sister."
I didn't even need the affirmation. I just needed to talk about it. And I did go to God first. I went right to His word to find out why He made the covenant with Noah. My Bible says that God didn't make the covenant because He was sorry so many people were killed by the flood.
Genesis 8:20 Then Noah built an altar to the LORD and, taking some of all the clean animals and clean birds, he sacrificed burnt offerings on it. 21 The LORD smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: "Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though [a] every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done.
God wasn't saying He had made a mistake and now needed to make good on it. He was impressed, pleased with Noah.
God is perfect. How can something perfect be flawed? His plan is perfect but He gives it to a bunch of imperfect human beings. It is our mistake, not His.
Just as a follow up, I did call the pastor of this church and we discussed "God's mistake." He had already planned on clearing this up at the weekend service. Just so we are all on the same page as Christians here....
I guess my issue was that her Youth teachers had listened to the sermon several times before she went in front of the church to give it. And no one clarified afterward. And where did she get such an idea that our perfect Lord makes mistakes? She didn't just say it once. She said it several times over an hour.
As I listened to the CD of this sermon in my car, I dialed my phone with the other hand.
"Uh...Chuck? Just wanted to be positive about something before I move forward. God doesn't make mistakes, right?"
"Right on, sister."
I didn't even need the affirmation. I just needed to talk about it. And I did go to God first. I went right to His word to find out why He made the covenant with Noah. My Bible says that God didn't make the covenant because He was sorry so many people were killed by the flood.
Genesis 8:20 Then Noah built an altar to the LORD and, taking some of all the clean animals and clean birds, he sacrificed burnt offerings on it. 21 The LORD smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: "Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though [a] every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done.
God wasn't saying He had made a mistake and now needed to make good on it. He was impressed, pleased with Noah.
God is perfect. How can something perfect be flawed? His plan is perfect but He gives it to a bunch of imperfect human beings. It is our mistake, not His.
Just as a follow up, I did call the pastor of this church and we discussed "God's mistake." He had already planned on clearing this up at the weekend service. Just so we are all on the same page as Christians here....
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Thoughts anyone?
“I believe that God made a bad decision and a good decision at the same time; bad by killing people [in Noah’s flood] and good by fixing his mistake by giving us his son.”
How do you feel about this statement made during a local church service?
How do you feel about this statement made during a local church service?
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Jesus's Tomb
For two weeks now, I’ve been listening to two co-workers talk about the Jesus’ tomb thing. Now, it’s not that I’m offended or I think there is one bit of truth in this ridicules story, but the two of them talking about it every day for the past two weeks makes my blood boil. I want to go over and discuss the whole thing with them, but at lunch or another time, not during work hours. I hit my wall the other day. I walked over to them and said the following:
“I hate to be the biiiyatch, but you two have been talking about this for two weeks and it’s distracting. I would love to sit down with you and discuss it at lunch, but not during work hours. What you are talking about is my salvation and I take it seriously.”
I don’t think my message was received well. I totally acted in my flesh.
Sonny and I happened to be e-mailing each other back and forth so I shot him this message:
"I just told a couple people next to me to shut it regarding the “Tomb of Jesus.” They’ve been talking about it for two weeks straight and I finally hit the wall. Probably not a good way to share the gospel but I just couldn’t take another day of listening to them talk about my salvation so brazenly. I totally acted in the flesh. I’m so….fleshy. To me…and I’m saying this for me, now…not you or any other Christian, but my belief in Christianity is faith that Jesus did rise again. If people are trying to discredit that, than they are discrediting my salvation. My belief is in the fact that Jesus was crucified, took on the world’s sins, died and rose again…giving us all new life in him. The rising part is key…for me. The newer Christian might be wounded by all of this. The grade-school Christian (me) is okay with hearing it but my blood pressure goes through the roof. It is just SO absurd that they found this tomb and come to the conclusion it is a certain person in history."
His response was so awesome that I just had to share it (with his permission, of course):
This whole tomb of Jesus thing is a load of crap on two parts.
1. It’s not a new discovery-its been shot down before. This tomb was discovered in 1980. Someone is peddling a book and movie so they want to sensationalize some non-existent link (Da-Vinci Code anyone ?)
2. Being a Christ follower is based on Faith-not tangible evidence for or against.
I understand where you are coming from. I get seriously irritated with armchair archaeologists who base their “belief of the week” on pop-media. Its like they can’t see what’s going on...“Big Film Director” discovers Jesus tomb…oh and he just happened to have made a movie about it and is working with two guys who wrote a book called "Real Archaeology," but this obviously has nothing to do with movie directors and book writers.
People die, only Jesus rose again. I know it because it’s the only time it’s happened and the world was changed from that point on. Only truth can change the world that way.
“I hate to be the biiiyatch, but you two have been talking about this for two weeks and it’s distracting. I would love to sit down with you and discuss it at lunch, but not during work hours. What you are talking about is my salvation and I take it seriously.”
I don’t think my message was received well. I totally acted in my flesh.
Sonny and I happened to be e-mailing each other back and forth so I shot him this message:
"I just told a couple people next to me to shut it regarding the “Tomb of Jesus.” They’ve been talking about it for two weeks straight and I finally hit the wall. Probably not a good way to share the gospel but I just couldn’t take another day of listening to them talk about my salvation so brazenly. I totally acted in the flesh. I’m so….fleshy. To me…and I’m saying this for me, now…not you or any other Christian, but my belief in Christianity is faith that Jesus did rise again. If people are trying to discredit that, than they are discrediting my salvation. My belief is in the fact that Jesus was crucified, took on the world’s sins, died and rose again…giving us all new life in him. The rising part is key…for me. The newer Christian might be wounded by all of this. The grade-school Christian (me) is okay with hearing it but my blood pressure goes through the roof. It is just SO absurd that they found this tomb and come to the conclusion it is a certain person in history."
His response was so awesome that I just had to share it (with his permission, of course):
This whole tomb of Jesus thing is a load of crap on two parts.
1. It’s not a new discovery-its been shot down before. This tomb was discovered in 1980. Someone is peddling a book and movie so they want to sensationalize some non-existent link (Da-Vinci Code anyone ?)
2. Being a Christ follower is based on Faith-not tangible evidence for or against.
I understand where you are coming from. I get seriously irritated with armchair archaeologists who base their “belief of the week” on pop-media. Its like they can’t see what’s going on...“Big Film Director” discovers Jesus tomb…oh and he just happened to have made a movie about it and is working with two guys who wrote a book called "Real Archaeology," but this obviously has nothing to do with movie directors and book writers.
People die, only Jesus rose again. I know it because it’s the only time it’s happened and the world was changed from that point on. Only truth can change the world that way.
Friday, March 02, 2007
So, if you know me well, then you know that I wanted to recreate this dance with Joey. Someone beat us to it! We'll have to start practicing JC. I can just see Mike Lilly and Bobby getting into it, too.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
The longer a couple cohabits before marriage, the greater the amount of negative stresses on them. If cohabiters, by nature, already have less commitment to marriage than those who choose to marry without cohabiting, the presence of these stressors might be just enough reason for them to end the relationship.
http://mcelroycounseling.com/notes/?p=513
It's kind of weird how all of my pre-christian friends just assume Joey and I are living together or will be now that he has purchased a home. Not so, my friends, and it isn't because of a study done on the subject. It's because of God.
http://mcelroycounseling.com/notes/?p=513
It's kind of weird how all of my pre-christian friends just assume Joey and I are living together or will be now that he has purchased a home. Not so, my friends, and it isn't because of a study done on the subject. It's because of God.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
The Spoiled Brat Rides Again
I admit it and I can't believe I'm admitting to it. I had a major meltdown on my birthday. It wasn't pleasant for anyone within a 5 mile radius of me. It started when my co-workers started cancelling on my birthday lunch...and then the family started saying they could not attend the birthday dinner. My irrational thinking led to "no one loves me" and tears. So over the top emo. My other teammates made banana splits which cheered me and I even thought there was still hope while driving to Lansing. But as I approached the city, my attitude worsened.
Arriving to my mom's, I ignored everyone in the house and went straight to bed where I cried for the next three hours. What was my deal? 31, I guess. Krissie asked me earlier where I thought I would be right now in my life. "Married to my best friend whom I am passionately in love with even when he annoys me and we have one little kid and another on the way" was my answer. That day, turning 31, I think I broke down and couldn't see anything clearly. Are we entitled to one day of this, hiding in bed? Still, I was way out of line and could barely control myself. I apologize to all who took the hit.
Just for public knowledge, I am extra sensitive on my birthday. All I want is to have a nice lunch with a friend or friends, a nice dinner with family and to look at baby pictures with my mom. That's all I want. The two seasons of Veronica Mars, the trip to Florida, the Playmakers GC, the facial at Douglas J, the dinner at Clara's Friday night, the 1 pound of honey and the endless birthday wishes I received were good, too. I guess I always knew I was a spoiled brat.
Oh, and the wine tasting was a great time. I think if you click....here...you'll see pictures from the event.
Thanks to all of you who continue to love the bratty me.
Arriving to my mom's, I ignored everyone in the house and went straight to bed where I cried for the next three hours. What was my deal? 31, I guess. Krissie asked me earlier where I thought I would be right now in my life. "Married to my best friend whom I am passionately in love with even when he annoys me and we have one little kid and another on the way" was my answer. That day, turning 31, I think I broke down and couldn't see anything clearly. Are we entitled to one day of this, hiding in bed? Still, I was way out of line and could barely control myself. I apologize to all who took the hit.
Just for public knowledge, I am extra sensitive on my birthday. All I want is to have a nice lunch with a friend or friends, a nice dinner with family and to look at baby pictures with my mom. That's all I want. The two seasons of Veronica Mars, the trip to Florida, the Playmakers GC, the facial at Douglas J, the dinner at Clara's Friday night, the 1 pound of honey and the endless birthday wishes I received were good, too. I guess I always knew I was a spoiled brat.
Oh, and the wine tasting was a great time. I think if you click....here...you'll see pictures from the event.
Thanks to all of you who continue to love the bratty me.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Trip Around The Sun
Trip Around The Sun
By Jimmy Buffett
Hear 'em singing Happy Birthday
Better think about the wish I made
This year gone by ain't been a piece of cake
Every day's a revolution
Pull it together and it comes undone
Just one more candle and a trip around the sun
I'm just hanging on while this old world keeps spinning
And it's good to know it's out of my control
If there's one thing that I've learned from all this living
Is that it wouldn't change a thing if I let go
No, you never see it coming
Always wind up wondering where it went
Only time will tell if it was time well spent
It's another revelation
Celebrating what I should have done
With these souvenirs of my trip around the sun
Yes, I'll make a resolution
Then I'll never make another one
Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun
Just enjoy this ride ...Until it's done
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Jimmy: Darker Days Behind For Me
“Hey, Beau-ful”
That’s how he greeted the ladies. The last time I heard him say that to me was February 4, 2006. That was the last time I spoke to him.
And now it’s been a year since he’s been gone. Looking back, it has been a strange, sad, angry, confused year which was also full of joy and healing. If only he could have taken that trip with all of us.
No, I wasn’t a close friend but I still had the privilege of walking into his house unannounced like everyone else. I still teased him in retaliation of his teasing me. I still went to the Chophouse restaurant with him and fought with him over the bill. I still got to share a little bit of Jesus with him.
A year ago today, I was driving home from work talking to Jenny. Talking to Jenny? No…complaining to Jenny about the stupid stuff going on in my life. I told her I would call her back as I pulled into my parking lot. I walked over to the mailbox, grabbed the emptied trashcan by the side of the road (Jimmy’s trashcan he let us borrow) and began to drag it back to it’s designated spot by the front porch when I saw Krissie coming out from under the carport. I hadn’t even realized she was there. The look on her face…completely white…shocked. “Jimmy’s dead.” As my mouth dropped so did the mail. I grabbed her, hugged her saying, “why? How? When?”
“It must be a joke,” she said. She was dazed as she walked down the street to Jimmy’s parent’s house, having to pass Jimmy’s house on the way. I called Joey who was taking his grandma to the Lion King at the Wharton Center. There was just no way this was happening. People started to arrive to our condo. They were stunned, convinced someone had broken into the house and killed Jimmy. The darkness of those days began to settle in. Nothing felt safe anymore. Nothing felt right. Yet, I still managed to hang on to my petty problems. They were almost an escape from something I couldn’t handle.
Soon, the truth started to seep into Jimmy’s family and friends. He took his own life. Sadness turned to anger at Jimmy for not confiding in them…and then turned to anger at themselves for not seeing any warning signs.
The months following Jimmy’s death were just so dark. That is the only word I can use to describe them. Krissie stopped sleeping. I could barely drive down the streets to our home and would rush inside so I didn’t catch a glimpse of his house. His friends, the ones who found him, fell apart. It was a complete mess. And then summer came. Krissie and I had so many talks about what happened and finally, against even my best judgment, I told her to leave. She had to leave the condo to get away from the constant reminder. And she did leave. And she finally slept.
The healing began. Krissie got engaged and started attending a church near her new condo. Some of Jimmy’s friends rallied and raised money for suicide awareness and prevention. Still, people will always be a little broken from this tragedy. Some more than others.
I no longer feel the darkness from those months after Jimmy’s death. Joey hauled in the trashcan last night, the same trashcan, Jimmy’s trashcan. The night felt a little different. It felt peaceful. I looked down at Jimmy’s house. The new neighbors who moved in had the front porch light on. The house looked peaceful, too.
There is a banquet tonight to honor and remember Jimmy. I think I’ll attend and hug the people who are still living under those dark days. But I pray that somehow this tragedy will cause them to really rely on God, not their own understanding of it because suicide doesn’t make sense.
Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own
U2 (Jimmy’s favorite band ever)
Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough
You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soulI don't need...
I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -Sing,
you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...
Where are we now?
I've still got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Red Dress Run
Good Idea: Run a race for charity.
Better Idea: Run it in a red dress.
Bad Idea: Sucking down a chocolate martini before finishing the end of the race.
Okay, that's the short of it. The long of it goes something like this...
Better Idea: Run it in a red dress.
Bad Idea: Sucking down a chocolate martini before finishing the end of the race.
Okay, that's the short of it. The long of it goes something like this...
Joey and I met up with Playmakers runners at Trippers. Our friend Levi had talked us into doing this run but what I didn't understand was that it wasn't so much a run as it was a pub crawl. First stop: MAC's Bar. The snot was frozen to my face. Yes, it was bitter cold. 5 degree wind chill. I couldn't reconcile doing a run and drinking beer at the first establishment so I had water. I wanted to run, too! I didn't like stopping. We spent about 20 minutes at each bar. We received two drink tickets at the start but I didn't use mine. Not even at the second stop, The Green Door. In fact, I took off a little early for Moriarty's. My parents were there waiting for us and I had a few sips of beer. I talked Levi into buying me a chocolate martini at 621. I traded him my two drink tickets for the martini. Problem was that 621 wasn't accepting the drink tickets. Oh well. The chocolate martini was only $5 and it was the best damn chocolate martini EVER (except for the homemade Joey chocolate martinis).
Joey and Levi
Of course, my stomach told me it wasn't a great idea while running to Tavern on the Square, our last stop. But, we finished and then took off for my mom's hoe down at her church. That was fun stuff, too because I got to square dance. I love to square dance :o)
My mom and I. She's so cute!!!
Locked In
"We're really Jesus Freaks now. We're spending the night in our church." --Jenny Cole
I never belonged to a Youth Group. Well, briefly in 7th grade. Nothing like RivKids, though. And I have never attended a lock-in before, either. This was my first. I volunteered for the RivKids 4th and 5th grade lock-in. What a blast.
We played barbarian capture the flag. I think Peter and I had more fun than the kids.
We did make overs until midnight. Yes, I was curling little girl's hair until midnight.
I thought it was funny that Emma's dad had to make sure everyone knew this was his daughter. I think I'm going to look for a shirt that says "Chuck."
My niece and her new friend, Zoe.
The kids slept in the auditorium (translated = sanctuary). They watched Cars until 3 a.m. Yes, folks, I didn't sleep until 3 a.m. Wendy Smith and I shared an air matress and I don't think I kicked her much during the night. We got up at 7:30 a.m. and I was exhausted but I loved the experience. I'm in for next year.
I Gotta Go Where It's...Sort of Warm
I went to Florida the first weekend in February to visit Kelly (VRA). I felt all grown up driving to the airport myself, missing my exit, getting turned around, parking at Quikpark, taking a shuttle to the airport, finding my terminal and flying by myself to Orlando. Just before take off, I heard someone say Orlando was under a tornado warning until 8 a.m. Interesting, I thought but really, all I could think about was warm weather and my new swimsuit. Ah...a reprieve from the crappy weather in Michigan!
We had a comedian for a pilot. "Folks, we just have a few rules for you. Please don't smoke unless you are in a designated area in the airport. Please adhere to the safety belt rules. Also, please remain inside of the aircraft during the flight. Now, if you'll look out of the left windows, you will see...a bunch of clouds. If your vision is really good, you can Toledo, OH." The rest of the flight was spent listening to Buffett on my MP3 player and talking to God. He is amazing and I can't stop thinking about God's creativity when I'm eclipsing the heavens in a plane.
After landing and taking a shuttle to the main airport, I saw spotted Kelly, waiting for me. I don't know if she saw the tears in my eyes but I was so happy to see her. We have been friends for almost 15 years. Want to see a picture of us from back in the day? Sorry, Kell.
And us now...(we definitely improve with age--remember that!)
Saturday, we picked up the boys from Gram's and took them to Austin's soccer game. I got to see Chris briefly also. See, when the rain started, I took off for the truck with Tyler.
We had a comedian for a pilot. "Folks, we just have a few rules for you. Please don't smoke unless you are in a designated area in the airport. Please adhere to the safety belt rules. Also, please remain inside of the aircraft during the flight. Now, if you'll look out of the left windows, you will see...a bunch of clouds. If your vision is really good, you can Toledo, OH." The rest of the flight was spent listening to Buffett on my MP3 player and talking to God. He is amazing and I can't stop thinking about God's creativity when I'm eclipsing the heavens in a plane.
After landing and taking a shuttle to the main airport, I saw spotted Kelly, waiting for me. I don't know if she saw the tears in my eyes but I was so happy to see her. We have been friends for almost 15 years. Want to see a picture of us from back in the day? Sorry, Kell.
And us now...(we definitely improve with age--remember that!) The first thing I found out was how bad the damage was by the tornados. Kelly's husband, Chris, was deployed to a badly hit subdivison. Second thing--Florida was rainy and cold. Well, warmer than Michigan but not warm enough for the clothes I packed.
Kelly and I drove to Citrus County after trying to gas at a couple of gas stations. I saw where she worked, her new house and then we picked up her two boys from school. We then had to drive an hour to Gram's house to drop off the boys. An hour back and we got ready to go out. I had a lot of fun getting to know Kelly's friends and also getting to know her as well. It had been awhile since we have hung out on a daily basis. True, our lives are different (I do not hang well after midnight) but I still love her sooo much.
Saturday, we picked up the boys from Gram's and took them to Austin's soccer game. I got to see Chris briefly also. See, when the rain started, I took off for the truck with Tyler.
Tyler and I waited for the rain to stop while listening to Jerry Jeff Walker. After the game, Chris took the boys and Kelly and I took off for Margaritaville. I was wearing a turtleneck, folks. A turtleneck in Orlando, FL! I was not pleased. We had a good time at dinner and then moved to the volcano bar for a few drinks.
As you can see, it really is a volcano bar. Once an hour it erupts and margarita flows down the volcano and into the giant shot glass. I love this bar. After dinner, Kelly and I visited with Johnny Walker. We got back to our hotel at a decent hour and even made it to Rob Schiller's new church. I never realized how much I missed that family until I saw them. After eating at Sweet Tomatoes (the best salad bar EVER) and rushing back to the airport, I made my flight. Despite squall warnings back home, our flight left on time. I left the cold damp Florida weather for frigid, blowing snow...or as our pilot said, "welcome to tropical Detroit." Oh well. I had Joey's homemade spaghetti waiting for me at home. 
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Let It Go
Let It Go
By T. D. Jakes
There are people who can walk away from you.And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you:
let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person intostaying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming tosee you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk.Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made
manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us,
no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you.And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
LET THEM GO!!
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it justmeans that their part in the story is over. And you've gotto know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keeptrying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, Ibelieve in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'mfaithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
LET THEM GO!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, andsee your worth.....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you ........
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ..
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to takeyou to a new level in Him......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a brokenrelationship.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even tryto help themselves......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed .....
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are soused to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.GOD is doing a new thing for 2007!!!
LET IT GO!!!
Get Right or Get Left think about it, and then ..
LET IT GO!!!
"The Battle is the Lord's!"
By T. D. Jakes
There are people who can walk away from you.And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you:
let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person intostaying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming tosee you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk.Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made
manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us,
no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you.And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
LET THEM GO!!
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it justmeans that their part in the story is over. And you've gotto know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keeptrying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, Ibelieve in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'mfaithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
LET THEM GO!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, andsee your worth.....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you ........
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ..
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to takeyou to a new level in Him......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a brokenrelationship.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even tryto help themselves......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed .....
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are soused to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.GOD is doing a new thing for 2007!!!
LET IT GO!!!
Get Right or Get Left think about it, and then ..
LET IT GO!!!
"The Battle is the Lord's!"
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Cash: The Autobiography
I finished reading Cash last fall and typed out some of the parts I found interesting, especially because I have someone in my life I love to death but is addicted.
I’m thankful that God has inspired me to want to write, and that He might possibly use me to influence somebody for the good, if I can see the opportunities through the smokescreen of my own ego.
Finally, I’m thankful, very thankful, that at this moment I have absolutely no craving for any kind of drug. I’ve been up almost three hours today, and this is the first time I’ve thought about it, and even then it’s in the spirit of gratitude. So my disease isn’t active. Last night I saw a bottle of wine passed around the table, and I never once thought about taking even a sip of it. (So why am I thinking about it now? Watch it, Cash! Gotta never be complacent. Never take anything for granted. Don’t forget, great prices have been paid and will be paid again if you get too smug, too egotistical and self-assured.)
And as I’ve said before, all mod-altering drugs carry a demon called Deception. You think, If this is so bad, why does it feel so good? I used to tell myself, God created this; it’s got to be the greatest thing in the world. But it’s like the old saying about the whino: he starts by drinking out of the bottle, and then the bottle starts drinking out of him. The person starts by taking the drugs, but then the drugs start taking the person. That’s what happened to me.
I’m thankful that God has inspired me to want to write, and that He might possibly use me to influence somebody for the good, if I can see the opportunities through the smokescreen of my own ego.
Finally, I’m thankful, very thankful, that at this moment I have absolutely no craving for any kind of drug. I’ve been up almost three hours today, and this is the first time I’ve thought about it, and even then it’s in the spirit of gratitude. So my disease isn’t active. Last night I saw a bottle of wine passed around the table, and I never once thought about taking even a sip of it. (So why am I thinking about it now? Watch it, Cash! Gotta never be complacent. Never take anything for granted. Don’t forget, great prices have been paid and will be paid again if you get too smug, too egotistical and self-assured.)
And as I’ve said before, all mod-altering drugs carry a demon called Deception. You think, If this is so bad, why does it feel so good? I used to tell myself, God created this; it’s got to be the greatest thing in the world. But it’s like the old saying about the whino: he starts by drinking out of the bottle, and then the bottle starts drinking out of him. The person starts by taking the drugs, but then the drugs start taking the person. That’s what happened to me.
Being Offended Part III-What to do?
More notes I jotted down while watching JM:
- I have been bitter and resentful because of the way I was treated. Jesus said, “my peace I leave with you.” Don’t be upset all the time.
- Proverbs 19:11. 11 A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression. Glory to pass over a transgression. It’s a choice. We choose to be angry. There is a glory that covers us when we chooses not to be offended.
- Be the kind of person who has to be pushed really far before they ever get offended.
- I will feel my emotions but I can choose my response.
- Though everything else is going wrong, I will rejoice in the Lord.
- When you see the person who has offended you, say hello, ask how they are and do not speak badly about them to others. Someone hurt you but someone else loves that person. Do not share your view. Bless (speak well of) our enemies, don’t curse (speak evil of) them.
- You can’t let what an unkind, rude person has done to you control you. Slam the door in the devil's face and allow God to reveal what the offender has done to you to the offender.
- When you are hurt by the people closest to you, it hurts your spirit. It goes down deep. What should you do?
1.) Repent—even if it wasn’t your fault. Humble self and review how you are treating people in your own life. As I repent, it will soften my heart.
2.) Forgiving—after repenting, it will stick better
3.) Pray for those that hurt/persecute you (Matt 5).
So, yeah. I have been paying more attention to my emotions by giving my emotions less attention. I've been more emotional than usual! But I know God will work through this with me if it's something He wants me to work on. As for dealing with people who offend, well, I've learned a lot. I listen to others complain about what so and so did and I wish they could know the stuff God has revealed to me. And when people have offended me? Whoa. Even recently, I've shared the offense with at least one other person. Is it right? Is it okay to vent? Even if it is to Joey? What if it is about Joey?
More on that later...
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Being Offended Part II—You’ve Got Me Feeling Emotions
In a continuation of JM’s teaching on being offended
Ummm…I’m emotional. We are all emotional. The difference is that I tend to live by my emotions. Not a good thing. Emotions = good; Living by emotions = bad. God gives us emotions and they help us in many situations. I was stunned when Joyce talked about not worshiping our feelings. Instead of asking myself “What do I feel?” I need to ask “what do I BELIEVE?”
We have all been burned by someone in our past. Guess what? We will be burned by someone in the future, too. Sometimes we become jaded and untrusting. Tired of being hurt, we wonder what people’s ulterior motives are. It is important to know that God does not have an ulterior motive. He just loves you and wants the best for your life.
At least once a day, I hear myself say outloud or in my head “I don’t feel…(fill in the blank).” That’s good news! Joyce explained how right feelings come from right decisions. Once you make a right decision, your feelings will follow. Do what’s right when it still feels wrong. Jesus told the disciples to cast their nets on the other side of the lake. Peter explained to Jesus they had been fishing all night and they were exhausted. Also, they had already tried that side of the lake and had no luck. Peter felt tired but he believed Jesus and followed him.
I am striving to be more emotionally balanced. Those closest to me know what a roller coaster ride I can be. Step 1: admit you have a problem (my emotions aren’t me). I have free will. I can go with how I feel or I can go with God’s word. I tried it the other day when for whatever reason, I just felt nasty and hateful. I prayed to God and said, “I believe you can help me by removing these feelings or letting me have control over them.” My brattiness subsided.
Yes, there will be a part 3 and 4 and even a 5 or more of Being Offended. The reason is because I have been offended for over a year and it was these teaching that made it start to subside. I need to record why. Peace out.
Ummm…I’m emotional. We are all emotional. The difference is that I tend to live by my emotions. Not a good thing. Emotions = good; Living by emotions = bad. God gives us emotions and they help us in many situations. I was stunned when Joyce talked about not worshiping our feelings. Instead of asking myself “What do I feel?” I need to ask “what do I BELIEVE?”
We have all been burned by someone in our past. Guess what? We will be burned by someone in the future, too. Sometimes we become jaded and untrusting. Tired of being hurt, we wonder what people’s ulterior motives are. It is important to know that God does not have an ulterior motive. He just loves you and wants the best for your life.
At least once a day, I hear myself say outloud or in my head “I don’t feel…(fill in the blank).” That’s good news! Joyce explained how right feelings come from right decisions. Once you make a right decision, your feelings will follow. Do what’s right when it still feels wrong. Jesus told the disciples to cast their nets on the other side of the lake. Peter explained to Jesus they had been fishing all night and they were exhausted. Also, they had already tried that side of the lake and had no luck. Peter felt tired but he believed Jesus and followed him.
I am striving to be more emotionally balanced. Those closest to me know what a roller coaster ride I can be. Step 1: admit you have a problem (my emotions aren’t me). I have free will. I can go with how I feel or I can go with God’s word. I tried it the other day when for whatever reason, I just felt nasty and hateful. I prayed to God and said, “I believe you can help me by removing these feelings or letting me have control over them.” My brattiness subsided.
Yes, there will be a part 3 and 4 and even a 5 or more of Being Offended. The reason is because I have been offended for over a year and it was these teaching that made it start to subside. I need to record why. Peace out.
The Atheist
I thought more readers would wonder about Jake and if he came to Riverview or not. The answer is…not. His reply was “No, thanks. I’m not interested in Christianity.” Of course, I didn’t leave that alone. My smart ass replied that Christianity was interested in him but hey, no problem. Still, I had to fight that feeling of rejection. I thought about it all day and it burned inside of me. My thoughts would freely float to what looked like rejection. But no. God warned me against this. It took until right before I turned the light off to go to bed. It was almost like I heard God say to me, “Holl, I didn’t ask you to convert him. I asked you to ask him.” Right. Riiiiiight. I need to know that line in the sand. The rejection was toward God and God could handle it. As I tried to sleep, I searched my feelings for that testy rejected one. Nope. Not there. Not there, either. I went to sleep and felt great the next morning. See, giving up the control to God isn’t always as easy as it sounds. In fact, He will continue to work that out of me for the rest of my life.
A Thought by Eric Fields
A co-worker of mine who works in the IT department sends out thoughts to a select few of us. Today’s thought made me think about how I sometimes try to control my friends...but also how much I have stopped trying to do that as an adult.
Proverbs 29:25 the fear of others lays a snare, but one who trusts in the Lord is secure
Yesterday’s lesson was more of a positive take on not allowing the fear of others to impact your decision making. Today, I will dig a little deeper into one the snares that the “fear of man produces’”... wrong agreements. The first thing we need to understand that we all seek and desire acceptance. I believe God placed that desire in us. In order to maintain acceptance we form alliances (or friendships) with others. Often those alliances grow and become clichés, and those clichés slowly begin to require obligations. In all actuality there’s nothing terribly wrong with that. The problem starts when we examine some of the fruit that clichés can produce.
There’s an age old principle used to control others. It’s in operation in religion, politics, race, age, gender, and nationality, and can be summed up in two words; “Us” & “Them”. It’s always intrigued me because it’s in our nature to not want to be one of “Them”. We all want to be loved and accepted. In order to avoid becoming one of “them” we sometimes find ourselves agreeing with statements or accepting mindsets that our hearts know are wrong. Then we feel convicted by those words (wanna guess who’s doing the convicting?). Little did we know that those words would prove to be a snare!
OK; example time. Let’s say you start to form a friendship outside of your normal circle. Now someone in that circle doesn’t necessarily like it. Then comes one of the three methods we use to control people, manipulation (I saw you with so and so. Everyone is talking about it!), Intimidation (We wanted to invite you, but thought that you’d rather spend time with so and so), or domination (Look; you’re both so and so’s friend or ours!). Poor so and so!
You see example after example of Jesus being criticized for healing sinners & lepers, preaching on the Sabbath, forgiving an adulteress. The list goes on. By the way; He never even ministered in the temple. If you study the bible at all you know that it was the chief priest and scribes that leveled accusation after accusation against him. They tempted, tested, and openly accused Him. What always amazed me about this situation was the reasoning for their accusations. He didn’t play be their rules. He had the audacity to obey God, and they refused to believe that God would operate outside of “their” authority. In their eyes the “King of Glory” was one of “them”.
I think we’ve never truly understood that every relationship in our lives is producing or reproducing something. What comes out of your mouth in the midst of your conversations says a lot about what’s being produced (Amos3:3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?). What’s more; if you chose to follow God, I’ll guarantee you that he’s going to send people your way that those around you will question. But know this. God doesn’t want to break up your circle. He wants to raise you above it, so that when others look up to you, they’ll see him. That’ll never happen though if you fear the disdain of others, if you allow people to use manipulation, intimidation, or domination to influence your decisions, and if you refuse to step out of your comfort zone.
Oh, by the way. God will show you who your real friends are if you ask Him.
~Eric Fields
Proverbs 29:25 the fear of others lays a snare, but one who trusts in the Lord is secure
Yesterday’s lesson was more of a positive take on not allowing the fear of others to impact your decision making. Today, I will dig a little deeper into one the snares that the “fear of man produces’”... wrong agreements. The first thing we need to understand that we all seek and desire acceptance. I believe God placed that desire in us. In order to maintain acceptance we form alliances (or friendships) with others. Often those alliances grow and become clichés, and those clichés slowly begin to require obligations. In all actuality there’s nothing terribly wrong with that. The problem starts when we examine some of the fruit that clichés can produce.
There’s an age old principle used to control others. It’s in operation in religion, politics, race, age, gender, and nationality, and can be summed up in two words; “Us” & “Them”. It’s always intrigued me because it’s in our nature to not want to be one of “Them”. We all want to be loved and accepted. In order to avoid becoming one of “them” we sometimes find ourselves agreeing with statements or accepting mindsets that our hearts know are wrong. Then we feel convicted by those words (wanna guess who’s doing the convicting?). Little did we know that those words would prove to be a snare!
OK; example time. Let’s say you start to form a friendship outside of your normal circle. Now someone in that circle doesn’t necessarily like it. Then comes one of the three methods we use to control people, manipulation (I saw you with so and so. Everyone is talking about it!), Intimidation (We wanted to invite you, but thought that you’d rather spend time with so and so), or domination (Look; you’re both so and so’s friend or ours!). Poor so and so!
You see example after example of Jesus being criticized for healing sinners & lepers, preaching on the Sabbath, forgiving an adulteress. The list goes on. By the way; He never even ministered in the temple. If you study the bible at all you know that it was the chief priest and scribes that leveled accusation after accusation against him. They tempted, tested, and openly accused Him. What always amazed me about this situation was the reasoning for their accusations. He didn’t play be their rules. He had the audacity to obey God, and they refused to believe that God would operate outside of “their” authority. In their eyes the “King of Glory” was one of “them”.
I think we’ve never truly understood that every relationship in our lives is producing or reproducing something. What comes out of your mouth in the midst of your conversations says a lot about what’s being produced (Amos3:3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?). What’s more; if you chose to follow God, I’ll guarantee you that he’s going to send people your way that those around you will question. But know this. God doesn’t want to break up your circle. He wants to raise you above it, so that when others look up to you, they’ll see him. That’ll never happen though if you fear the disdain of others, if you allow people to use manipulation, intimidation, or domination to influence your decisions, and if you refuse to step out of your comfort zone.
Oh, by the way. God will show you who your real friends are if you ask Him.
~Eric Fields
Band of Brothers
I really shouldn’t watch Band of Brothers before bed. I was watching it yesterday and realized something new. The American soldiers didn’t know about the concentration camps. The episode was impeccable. The title was “Why We’re Here” and dealt with several of the guys who were starting to struggle with their reasons for being at war. They had been fighting for over a year and had seen some bad stuff. They were told to hate Germany and Hitler. Why? Hitler wanted to take over the world. Now, I don’t doubt that our government knew about the camps but the soldiers?
In the scene, a group of them are scouting an area of woods after 300,000 Germany fighters surrendered. They each notice how eerily quiet it is and keep stopping to check secure the location. They come to the edge of the forest and the only thing the viewer sees is smoke drifting into the guys’ faces. Then, one of them is running to get Major Winters. When the viewer returns to the smoky area, we see Winters pulling up and stopping, a look of complete shock on his face.
After entering the camp, Winters has the interpreter ask the prisoners questions. The first question: why are you here? The prisoner uses a word the interpreter doesn’t understand. Confusion. Were they allied troops? Did they break a law? Finally, the answer comes: Jewish. It blew the soldiers away. Later on, Winters is talking to another guy and says, “they are finding these camps all over.” The men were in shock as they showed the devastation and suffering within the camp.
Like I said, I shouldn’t watch Band of Brothers before bed.
In the scene, a group of them are scouting an area of woods after 300,000 Germany fighters surrendered. They each notice how eerily quiet it is and keep stopping to check secure the location. They come to the edge of the forest and the only thing the viewer sees is smoke drifting into the guys’ faces. Then, one of them is running to get Major Winters. When the viewer returns to the smoky area, we see Winters pulling up and stopping, a look of complete shock on his face.
After entering the camp, Winters has the interpreter ask the prisoners questions. The first question: why are you here? The prisoner uses a word the interpreter doesn’t understand. Confusion. Were they allied troops? Did they break a law? Finally, the answer comes: Jewish. It blew the soldiers away. Later on, Winters is talking to another guy and says, “they are finding these camps all over.” The men were in shock as they showed the devastation and suffering within the camp.
Like I said, I shouldn’t watch Band of Brothers before bed.
A Weekend Update on Wednesday
Remember my weekend updates? Seems like I haven’t given one in awhile. I’m about to unload one but please do not be deceived. My life isn’t full of happiness and fun. I’m just choosing to write about those parts today.
Friday night was so much fun. First, Joey made us a $10 dinner (rotisserie chicken, Meijer mashed potatoes, salad and green beans). He also made some chocolate martinis which we drank out of our new martini glasses (yum). After dancing to some 80s music in the living room with Titan and Joey, we made our way to Club 131 to secure a table. The Mega 80s were in town! Man alive…it was cold in this club. I danced to the videos playing to stay warm and ordered up a Jack & coke. What I got was a lot of ice, some Jack and some Coke but that was a safer bet for me. Levi and JT came down from the upstairs bar and then their friends Lindsey and Emily joined us. Carey, the lead singer of the Mega 80s, walked in with the rest of the band. I went over to say hi and the first thing he asked me made my jaw drop.
“Are you going to stick around for the second set?” he asked.
“What do you mean?!” I asked knowing exactly what he meant.
“You always leave after the first set. Stick it out tonight.” I promised I would. The Cole’s showed up and at first I thought they were not going to have fun. Peter claims not to like the music but he had made a pseudo promise to me back in 2005 he would go to a Mega 80s concert with me. So there we were…along with Aaron and his bro. The band started playing and almost all of us were out on the floor dancing. Truly, I had so much fun that I hurt myself dancing. And we did stick around for the second set. They did a tribute to all of the cheesy metal songs from the 80s. Amazing job. In the middle of “Pour Some Sugar On Me” I realized I was almost 31 and had to be in bed. I even received an e-mail from an anonymous fan:
“I forgot to tell you about this band I saw on Friday night. I was afraid they were going to be "square" but in fact they were pretty "def." Jenny wasn't sure about them either, but I told her to "take a chill pill" and reminded her that this band came highly recommended by our good friend. Would she let us down? "As if!" Anyways, the next time this band is in town I will let you know so we can all have a "kickin'" good time.”
Maybe that wasn’t so anonymous. Mark your calendars 80s fans: Mega 80s come back 3.23.2007—the last show until the fall of ’07.
Saturday, I ran 2 miles with Shelley and Ellen, got my oil changed and my hair cut. After a much needed nap, Joey picked me up for our dinner reservations at the State Room. Darn good food. We even got dessert but the wine was missing from the meal. We stopped to see my step-mom’s new baby (her laptop) and then went to the musical “All Shook Up.” Now, here is where I have to make apologies. I don’t enjoy musicals. My apologies are to my step-mom who purchased the tickets and to Meg, who I kept thinking about through the whole thing. Now, that being said, I didn’t hate the play. It did hold my interest and had me laughing at times. I can also appreciate the beauty in the singing. But a lot of the time while watching, I resemble that guy from Napoleon Dynamite, Don. You know…the blonde dude who is always rolling his eyes and making little noises which match his annoyance level? Yes. I admit this is me.
Sunday at church blew me away. I’m not going to recap, though. RivKids was a good time, too. Afterwards, Joey and I went to the Flap Jack for Blueberry pancakes and then off too look at houses in the snowy weather. And here, my friends, is the quote of the weekend:
Joey: Are you cold?
Me: Yes.
Joey: If you open up that far right vent some warmies will come out.
Me: Okay.
Joey: Did I just say warmies?
Thus concludes the weekend update.
Friday night was so much fun. First, Joey made us a $10 dinner (rotisserie chicken, Meijer mashed potatoes, salad and green beans). He also made some chocolate martinis which we drank out of our new martini glasses (yum). After dancing to some 80s music in the living room with Titan and Joey, we made our way to Club 131 to secure a table. The Mega 80s were in town! Man alive…it was cold in this club. I danced to the videos playing to stay warm and ordered up a Jack & coke. What I got was a lot of ice, some Jack and some Coke but that was a safer bet for me. Levi and JT came down from the upstairs bar and then their friends Lindsey and Emily joined us. Carey, the lead singer of the Mega 80s, walked in with the rest of the band. I went over to say hi and the first thing he asked me made my jaw drop.
“Are you going to stick around for the second set?” he asked.
“What do you mean?!” I asked knowing exactly what he meant.
“You always leave after the first set. Stick it out tonight.” I promised I would. The Cole’s showed up and at first I thought they were not going to have fun. Peter claims not to like the music but he had made a pseudo promise to me back in 2005 he would go to a Mega 80s concert with me. So there we were…along with Aaron and his bro. The band started playing and almost all of us were out on the floor dancing. Truly, I had so much fun that I hurt myself dancing. And we did stick around for the second set. They did a tribute to all of the cheesy metal songs from the 80s. Amazing job. In the middle of “Pour Some Sugar On Me” I realized I was almost 31 and had to be in bed. I even received an e-mail from an anonymous fan:
“I forgot to tell you about this band I saw on Friday night. I was afraid they were going to be "square" but in fact they were pretty "def." Jenny wasn't sure about them either, but I told her to "take a chill pill" and reminded her that this band came highly recommended by our good friend. Would she let us down? "As if!" Anyways, the next time this band is in town I will let you know so we can all have a "kickin'" good time.”
Maybe that wasn’t so anonymous. Mark your calendars 80s fans: Mega 80s come back 3.23.2007—the last show until the fall of ’07.
Saturday, I ran 2 miles with Shelley and Ellen, got my oil changed and my hair cut. After a much needed nap, Joey picked me up for our dinner reservations at the State Room. Darn good food. We even got dessert but the wine was missing from the meal. We stopped to see my step-mom’s new baby (her laptop) and then went to the musical “All Shook Up.” Now, here is where I have to make apologies. I don’t enjoy musicals. My apologies are to my step-mom who purchased the tickets and to Meg, who I kept thinking about through the whole thing. Now, that being said, I didn’t hate the play. It did hold my interest and had me laughing at times. I can also appreciate the beauty in the singing. But a lot of the time while watching, I resemble that guy from Napoleon Dynamite, Don. You know…the blonde dude who is always rolling his eyes and making little noises which match his annoyance level? Yes. I admit this is me.
Sunday at church blew me away. I’m not going to recap, though. RivKids was a good time, too. Afterwards, Joey and I went to the Flap Jack for Blueberry pancakes and then off too look at houses in the snowy weather. And here, my friends, is the quote of the weekend:
Joey: Are you cold?
Me: Yes.
Joey: If you open up that far right vent some warmies will come out.
Me: Okay.
Joey: Did I just say warmies?
Thus concludes the weekend update.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Adopt a Nun
Adopt A Nun
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/27/story_2741_1.html
I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for free…
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/27/story_2741_1.html
I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for free…
Dr. Laura
Yes, I know most of you probably dislike her but I have learned a lot from Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I believe God used her to stop me from “shacking up” with my ex-boyfriend and wanting to be a stay-at-home mom. She is extreme, that’s for sure. Nevertheless, I saw this on Wikipedia today and thought I would post it.
Laura Schlessinger
Born in 1947 in Brooklyn, New York, to Monroe (Monty) Schlessinger and Yolanda Ceccovini Schlessinger, Schlessinger grew up first in Brooklyn, then in Long Island, New York. She has described her childhood in a dysfunctional family as unpleasant, due to extended family rejection of her mixed-marriage parents (her father was a non-practicing Jew, while her mother was an Italian non-practicing Roman Catholic) and due to what she has described as an unloving environment. Schlessinger converted to Judaism in 1996, and she and her son Deryk joined the Conservative branch. Then in 1998 the entire family converted to Orthodox Judaism under Rabbi Reuven P. Bulka of Ottawa, Ontario. Schlessinger sometimes discussed religion on the show, giving examples from Judaism in order to illustrate resolutions of moral dilemmas facing her callers, the vast majority of whom were not Jewish. She occasionally clarified ethical and moral issues with her local Orthodox Rabbi, Moshe D. Bryski, before mentioning them on the air. She was embraced by many in the politically conservative segment of Orthodox Judaism for bringing more awareness of Orthodoxy to her radio show. Schlessinger received a National Heritage award from the National Council of Young Israel in early 2001. Some of her expressed views were explicitly religious and found their way into her 1999 book The Ten Commandments: The Significance of God's Laws in Everyday Life, while many of her other views were purely secular in nature. In July 2003, Schlessinger announced on her show that she was no longer an Orthodox Jew. In a series of monologues over the next month, she explained that she did not feel a connection with God and felt frustrated by the effort she had put into following the religion. She also mentioned envying the relationship with God described by her Christian fans.
Did you catch that?
Laura Schlessinger
Born in 1947 in Brooklyn, New York, to Monroe (Monty) Schlessinger and Yolanda Ceccovini Schlessinger, Schlessinger grew up first in Brooklyn, then in Long Island, New York. She has described her childhood in a dysfunctional family as unpleasant, due to extended family rejection of her mixed-marriage parents (her father was a non-practicing Jew, while her mother was an Italian non-practicing Roman Catholic) and due to what she has described as an unloving environment. Schlessinger converted to Judaism in 1996, and she and her son Deryk joined the Conservative branch. Then in 1998 the entire family converted to Orthodox Judaism under Rabbi Reuven P. Bulka of Ottawa, Ontario. Schlessinger sometimes discussed religion on the show, giving examples from Judaism in order to illustrate resolutions of moral dilemmas facing her callers, the vast majority of whom were not Jewish. She occasionally clarified ethical and moral issues with her local Orthodox Rabbi, Moshe D. Bryski, before mentioning them on the air. She was embraced by many in the politically conservative segment of Orthodox Judaism for bringing more awareness of Orthodoxy to her radio show. Schlessinger received a National Heritage award from the National Council of Young Israel in early 2001. Some of her expressed views were explicitly religious and found their way into her 1999 book The Ten Commandments: The Significance of God's Laws in Everyday Life, while many of her other views were purely secular in nature. In July 2003, Schlessinger announced on her show that she was no longer an Orthodox Jew. In a series of monologues over the next month, she explained that she did not feel a connection with God and felt frustrated by the effort she had put into following the religion. She also mentioned envying the relationship with God described by her Christian fans.
Did you catch that?
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
My Faith Is Sore…but Strengthening
A co-worker and myself started a Bible Study/Prayer Group/Time with God group three years ago. We have been meeting on Wednesdays for lunch and have helped each other through a lot of valleys. Truly, she teaches me. A struggle in her life is that her son, Jake, is an atheist. I know a lot about him through his mother and recently he started going to MSU. Hmmmm….. The brain started cranking out ideas of how to bump into him on campus or perhaps a friend or two in our college group could “by chance” meet him. For the past few months, Jake had seemed to becoming more interested in Christianity, asking his mother for his Bible and opening dialogue. I thought I would just go for it and invite him to Riv.
Last week, after praying about it, I wrote an e-mail and then…no e-mail address. I couldn’t find! I called his mom to get it. She was out of the office until Monday. Was this a sign that I wasn’t supposed to invite him? What if I was acting on my own timing? Was God really driving?
Yesterday at lunch, I was driving down 5 mile and the thought popped into my head to send my co-worker an e-mail asking for Jake’s e-mail address. I quickly dismissed the thought and started flipping through channels on my radio. The Bob Dutko (http://www.wmuz.com/) show was on the Christian station and he was talking about Compassion ministries. I turned the channel but accidentally pushed the button for the Christian station again…just as Bob was talking about a little boy named…Jake…who needed a sponsor. The lights turned back on in my head. “Okay, God. I’ll invite him.” After all, I’m the girl who doesn’t believe in coincidence.
I got the e-mail address. With a quick prayer, I hit send. His mother warned me Jake may not be receptive but my thoughts traveled to something Noel taught a couple months ago. If you care about people, you will share the gospel. If they reject it, they aren’t rejecting you. They are rejecting God and God can handle it. After the rejection, brush it off and go on. Not move on. Stay in that person’s life and just love them.
Sometimes it’s all about planting seeds.
Most of the time, for me, people are receptive to what I share. I do not have a lot of experience with atheism. I was talking to my co-worker yesterday and said this may be about God toughing me up, not asking questions and just doing His will.
I got the response this morning from Jake. :o)
Last week, after praying about it, I wrote an e-mail and then…no e-mail address. I couldn’t find! I called his mom to get it. She was out of the office until Monday. Was this a sign that I wasn’t supposed to invite him? What if I was acting on my own timing? Was God really driving?
Yesterday at lunch, I was driving down 5 mile and the thought popped into my head to send my co-worker an e-mail asking for Jake’s e-mail address. I quickly dismissed the thought and started flipping through channels on my radio. The Bob Dutko (http://www.wmuz.com/) show was on the Christian station and he was talking about Compassion ministries. I turned the channel but accidentally pushed the button for the Christian station again…just as Bob was talking about a little boy named…Jake…who needed a sponsor. The lights turned back on in my head. “Okay, God. I’ll invite him.” After all, I’m the girl who doesn’t believe in coincidence.
I got the e-mail address. With a quick prayer, I hit send. His mother warned me Jake may not be receptive but my thoughts traveled to something Noel taught a couple months ago. If you care about people, you will share the gospel. If they reject it, they aren’t rejecting you. They are rejecting God and God can handle it. After the rejection, brush it off and go on. Not move on. Stay in that person’s life and just love them.
Sometimes it’s all about planting seeds.
Most of the time, for me, people are receptive to what I share. I do not have a lot of experience with atheism. I was talking to my co-worker yesterday and said this may be about God toughing me up, not asking questions and just doing His will.
I got the response this morning from Jake. :o)
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Chessie the Predator
Okay....I'm warning you...this is gross. Chessie, our dear, sweet kitty cat, has been hunting and killing things in the house. She stalks, sizes up her prey and goes for the kill. It's been ugly, stumbling on the remains which end up all over the carpet. Quite a mess. But I can't help but being a little proud. So, I thought I would post a picture of her conquests. Again...this is gross so I apologize ahead of time....
Do you see it? She has bullied these poor, innocent souls and mutilated their battered bodies. Truly sick.
A close up of the one who didn't get away. Now, we haven't actually seen her committing the crimes so I asked Joey how he knows it's her. "Partly because there is cotten in the litter box...and because I've seen her bolt out from under the Christmas tree when I walk in the room."
Chessie...so sweet and innocent...
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Crack
"Hi, this is Dr. Pulver."
"Hello, Dr. Pulver. This is Holly."
"Was up, Holly?"
"Oh...nothing..."
"Don't you have my cell phone #?"
"Well, yeah, but the reason I called you at work is because...well...I hurt myself."
"How did you hurt yourself?"
"I was lifting a car off a small child and in the process I hurt my back."
"Oh...I think I saw that on the news."
"Or...I was bending down to get a shirt out of the dryer...and something broke."
"Your back?"
"Levi, my back hurts soooo bad. I thought I could walk it off, stretch it out, sleep it off...it hurts bad."
"Come on in and I'll take a look."
So, now I'm on my way to a follow up appointment. My back is feeling better, just a little sore. I'm telling you, though....I don't know if I've experienced worse pain. Dude...I'm 31! Grrrrr....
"Hello, Dr. Pulver. This is Holly."
"Was up, Holly?"
"Oh...nothing..."
"Don't you have my cell phone #?"
"Well, yeah, but the reason I called you at work is because...well...I hurt myself."
"How did you hurt yourself?"
"I was lifting a car off a small child and in the process I hurt my back."
"Oh...I think I saw that on the news."
"Or...I was bending down to get a shirt out of the dryer...and something broke."
"Your back?"
"Levi, my back hurts soooo bad. I thought I could walk it off, stretch it out, sleep it off...it hurts bad."
"Come on in and I'll take a look."
So, now I'm on my way to a follow up appointment. My back is feeling better, just a little sore. I'm telling you, though....I don't know if I've experienced worse pain. Dude...I'm 31! Grrrrr....
Monday, January 01, 2007
New Year!!!
Noel and his New Year wine.
Pete and Jennwy
Suzanne and Dan--the hosts
The tarp that wouldn't stay up.
Welcome, 2007!
Yeah, I know.
Jaden
Emma and I and our confetti hair.
The annual Joey & Jenny New Years dance.
The party got so crazy, people started taking off their diapers.... 
...and their hair. 
Suz and I (yes, she's wearing clothes. The party didn't get THAT crazy).Cousins
Joey and I went to visit my cousin Justin (mom's side of the family) while he is staying with his parents. He goes back to Walter Reed Hospital in mid-January for more surgery to remove a knuckle. We watched a TV interview done on him when he was first injured in Iraq. It made everything way more real for me. I think it's hard for Justin to be back home but he is making plans for the future which really makes me happy.We also visited my newest cousin, Brenna (dad's side of the family). She is my cousin Cory's daughter. She and Joey watched some football together.
Lyndsay's 10!
I took Lyndsay to the Libby Lu in Grandville. Fawn and her step-daughter, Allie, accompanied us. I can't believe my little niece is 10...
Lyndsay at 1
Lyndsay at 10 @ Libby Lu
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