Update on Dad

It has been a crazy week. Crazy.

Saturday--Dad could somewhat speak. Somewhat. When asked, he could say Holly, although it wasn't perfect. "Joey" sounded more like Jodi. But hey, he was comprehending and he could walk with assistance. The doctors said his prognosis was favorable. I thought for sure after some sleep he would be a little better.

Sunday--He was worse. I walked in expecting way more than I got. He barely said anything. He was frustrated. He was losing some of the feeling on his right side. He wasn't comprehending. The doctors were negative. I felt panic. He had another stroke. Still, when they moved him to the step down unit (less critical), he walked.

Monday--I went up to see him after school. He was about the same. Tried to speak but it came out funny. Then, he would get frustrated. I didn't stay very long.

Tuesday--Again, visited him after work (school). He seemed worse. He could barely move his right hand and leg. What was going on?

Wednesday--I had a crappy day at East Lansing High School. I will never sub there again. It was only a half day in the Resource Room. Yeah...should have been easy. I assisted the lead teacher in first hour, had planning second hour and then had to give an open book test in 3rd hour. The kids in this 3rd hour were tough kids. They were a heartbeat away from being kicked out. In fact most of them left for the career center after this class. One kid kept swearing up a storm...he didn't even care I was right in front of him. I kindly asked him to stop. Normally, I would send his butt to the office but I knew that if I could keep him on my good side, I could stand him for the 50 minutes. But then, he pulled out a pocket knife. Seriously? I sat there trying to figure out what to do. At Holt, I would know to push the emergency button. At EL, no clue. I didn't want a confrontation with him so I didn't draw attention to the knife. Trying to figure out how I could get to the office with my stuff without him knowing left ME almost paralyzed with fear. I decided to not say anything to him. After class, I reported it to the office and left...for good.

I felt better thinking about how I would have all afternoon to spend with dad but that changed when I saw him. He could no longer move his right arm or leg. It was like they were dead to him. I tried not to make a big deal about it but asked the nurse what was up. She kind of blew me off saying something about a change, waxing and waning and how she would talk to me when she returned from her break. Dad and I watched TV (that is the only thing he wants to do) and ate Jelly Bellys. Dad's friend Tom came to visit. We watched as the Speech Therapist worked with dad. She saw some improvement in his comprehension. Good news...finally! Tom and I had a chance to talk about everything that was happening. There was a funny moment we had which involved my dad(not going to go into it, though). Dad couldn't quite get that he couldn't use his right side so he tried to take himself to the bathroom. He had no balance at all. Two women had to take him. I finally realized something was really wrong and said I wanted to see his doctor. The doctor happened to be just down the hall. He explained that dad's stroke may not have completed itself and there was still a lot of swelling in the brain.

"So, I have to sit and watch him get worse?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do," came the answer.

I had to excuse myself to cry that one out. The brain is such a mystery. So is my dad right now. After my moment, I went back to his room and was shocked to see him sitting up! His balance was back. I guess that is the way it goes with a stroke.

Thursday--I didn't go up to see him. I wanted him to rest.

Friday--He was about the same but seemed to be more in tune with his right side. He rubbed his hand and tried to answer questions. He finally was moved into the In-Patient rehab. Yay! He has his own room and is right outside the nurse's station. He and I watched something on the History Channel about Hitler's Family. I had been missing my dad a lot but this soothed me.

Saturday--Walked into Dad's room to see him sitting in the big chair, with shorts and a t-shirt, watching basketball. He looks so normal. He got excited when he saw my sister and I but couldn't say anything that made sense. I spent a lot of time with him this afternoon. After everyone else left, he turned the channel to Braveheart and we both fell asleep watching it.

I miss talking to my dad and have this need to see him every day. I don't think I have seen my dad every day since we were working at the golf course together. But I know this isn't it. I know he will improve. Anyhow, that is my update.

Also, one more thing. Not everyone has access to this here blog so please don't make mention of it on Facebook. My dad is a pretty modest and a private person which is way I'm not saying too much on FB. I'm sorry I didn't mention this before and no hard feelings to anyone :o)

So....here I am....

Today sucked. It made me realize just how much I've grown up and how childish I still am. See...a lot has happened to this little life of mine in the past year. Last January, my independent Grandmother almost died but ended up okay...just in a retirement home. I saw her life completely change. And my life...well...we all know...I moved, took a husband, changed my name, address, social security, benefits, quit my job...yeah...lots of changes. I almost felt like I wasn't me anymore.

But I still have Christ. Thank you...God :o)

And now...on this cold, snowy evening...I wrestle with the latest change in my life: my father just had a stroke. What the hell? Seriously? This stuff doesn't happen to parents. It might happen to grandparents but my mom and dad are young. At least...the last time I noticed. I guess I haven't been paying attention to the time...because my life has been changing every day. At least it wasn't serious but seeing him laying there, unable to communicate except for a few words...it left me wanting to scream STOP! NO MORE CHANGES, LORD...please. But if there aren't going to be anymore changes, then I'm never going to grow...and I'll never have a better job...and if there aren't any changes in my life, then I would never welcome a baby into ours. So, I guess it is bittersweet...like the wine I'm drinking right now.

I hate January.

Wow....there are a lot of cobwebs here.