I just could not believe I was pregnant. I thought for sure we would struggle to conceive like so many of our friends. That just seems like the norm these days. I asked for more proof. I wanted to see this little being. Amanda ordered an ultrasound.
I was 7 weeks pregnant when we went in for the ultrasound. The tech brought us into the room, turned down the lights and had me get on the table. I was somewhat relaxed until she put the jelly on my abdomen and started looking for baby. As she moved the thingy ma bob around my belly, I almost was holding my breath. She said nothing. Why not? I became anxious. I told myself, "see, you can't carry this baby. You don't deserve to. You've already lost it." But the other half was praying to God, "please, please, please...I want this baby."
A song popped into my head (they often do) that made my eyes start to well up with tears.
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching
as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
to where will you run
'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
in the dead of night whenever you call
and please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you....
I wanted to scream out to this lady, "WHAT IS GOING ON? IT HAS BEEN 5 MINUTES AND YOU'VE SAID NOTHING." Suddenly, the tech said, "Ah...baby," and she flipped on the microphone. The sound of the baby's heartbeat flooded my ears. Tears slipped out of my eyes as I looked at Joey and thanked God. A little heartbeat. Everything looked fine so far.
Oh...and we found out my platelets were never low. They just clump. How stupid. All of those blood draws for nothing. But it was still a great story and we used it as a cover until we were ready to tell people our wonderful news.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
There goes 2009... (The Bump Story Begins...)
The last time I wrote on this blog I had no idea I was pregnant...or actually, just barely pregnant. But I was...and my life was about to change drastically. So was my faith.
Not to get too personal but we did conceive somewhere in March...around the 21st but that is not how you count pregnancy dates. You go from the first day of your last period (ewwww!). So, by the end of March, I was about 3 weeks. I went to the doctor on March 9th or 10th for a check up. She put me on Vitamin D pills which she said may help me get pregnant and had me get my blood drawn. All of it was routine. Nothing our of the ordinary. But wow, did my March and April get crazy fast.
On our around March 4, I filled in as a substitute for the 8th grade P.E. teacher. She was actually a long term sub filling in for Mr. Stierly who was filling in for a math teacher. The math teacher's husband was really ill. They had tried to fill the math position with a qualified substitute but decided to put Mr. Stierly in there as he is certified to teach math. They switched the math sub and the P.E. teacher around. On March 11th, I got a phone call from the Holt Jr. High principal. He requested a meeting with me for later THAT HOUR. Lucky for me, I was able to make it. I was told that the sub for P.E. was not working out. Would I be willing to step in until Spring Break?
Hecks yeah! I mean, it was EVERYTHING I wanted as a substitute. I would have my own classes with my own kids (the new tri-mester had just started two days earlier), I would be in a building with my husband, and my pay would go up. I felt soooo blessed but I had no clue how much of a blessing it would become.
Here are the key dates (that I can remember)
March 10: Routine check up with new doctor
March 12: New temporary long-term sub position starts
March 15: Blood draw
March 17 (Tuesday): Amanda (soon to be doctor) tells me my platelets came back low. I had 60,000. I should have 150,000.
March 18: Go get more blood drawn at lunch.
March 23: I now have 80,000 platelets...but why so low? Go back to my doctor. Referred to an oncologist. I'm a little freaked out. Mention to my doctor that I needed the German Measles vaccination (my last OB/GYN tested me for it and said I needed it again). Dr. agreed and gave me a pregnancy test (can't get the vaccine if you are pregnant). I remember waiting for the test and wondering what I would do if they came back and said I was pregnant The nurse informed me the test was negative. I was disappointed but not surprised. They gave me the shot. Had it been the next day or even the day after that, the test would have been different :o)
March 30: Had to see a Gastrointerologist (not sure of that's the real name but someone who had to take a look at my intestines--guy was super creepy and I never went back. Everything was fine anyhow). Blood drawn again.
March 31: Met with Dr. Kaluza (Oncologist). She said I needed to go back for another blood draw because the last draw came back incomplete. Incomplete?! Bah... She also told me that until we got the platelet issue figured out, I should wait to start a family. She asked me to give it 6 months. I agreed but was sad.
April 1: Blood draw and Dr. Appt. AHHHH!
April 6: Spring Break begins
April 7: Brett came over for dinner. Drank margaritas.
April 8: Dr. called. Platelets had clumped again. I needed ANOTHER blood draw. THIS TIME, I needed to tell them that my platelets clump so they put the blood in a vile with a purple top (different viles have different colored tops indicating different medications). Blood draw
April 9: Yi and Jenny came over for dinner for Jenny's birthday. We drank a bottle of wine.
April 10: Went to Marshall, MI with Joey to sample beer at Dark Horse Brewery. While we are there, we get a phone call that I might be needed as the P.E. sub thru the end of the year. I was excited because I had bonded with the students. I was also going to be paid even more. But the downside was that it meant someone else was sick. Really sick.
April 13: I'm exhausted. Joey and I started going home for lunch and I would take a quick 10 minute nap. I also wonder why I haven't started, yet. I'm a few days late. But all the signs were there so I didn't think it through much. It must be the platelets...
April 15: Half day of school in the morning. Went to the teacher's meeting at 7:30 and around 8:45, I ask Joey if he wants to go with me to get a pregnancy test. I doubted it would be positive but....might as well. We had time to kill. First, we went to Pet Supplies Plus for fish food. As you can see, we did not think we were pregnant. We bought a generic Rite Aid test and took it to the school as kids would be showing up in 40 minutes or so. The only restroom near Joey's class is the boy's restroom (which the school keeps locked). Sooooo, that was the restroom I took the pregnancy test in. I waited in the stall and watched the lines and colors change. Nope. I'm not...wait. Can I see the directions again? Joey took a look. "It's positive," he said. I wasn't convinced. No way. I called the doctor's office in a panic. What about that vaccine?? What about my platelets?? Ah! I took another test that afternoon in the girl's locker room. Positive. Dr. Amanda told us to come into the office and get an official test. After school, we drove in disbelief. I took the test again in disbelief. Amanda opened the door to the waiting room with a smile on her face. I was in disbelief. She brought us in a private room and said, "YOU are pregnant!" My eyes filled with tears in disbelief. So did Joey's.
I had a million questions but my heart was racing. I didn't want anyone to know, either but I needed prayers. I felt so insecure...like this couldn't really happen to me. I didn't deserve to have a baby. Surely, like so many of my friends, I would miscarry. Where the crap was my faith?
Not to get too personal but we did conceive somewhere in March...around the 21st but that is not how you count pregnancy dates. You go from the first day of your last period (ewwww!). So, by the end of March, I was about 3 weeks. I went to the doctor on March 9th or 10th for a check up. She put me on Vitamin D pills which she said may help me get pregnant and had me get my blood drawn. All of it was routine. Nothing our of the ordinary. But wow, did my March and April get crazy fast.
On our around March 4, I filled in as a substitute for the 8th grade P.E. teacher. She was actually a long term sub filling in for Mr. Stierly who was filling in for a math teacher. The math teacher's husband was really ill. They had tried to fill the math position with a qualified substitute but decided to put Mr. Stierly in there as he is certified to teach math. They switched the math sub and the P.E. teacher around. On March 11th, I got a phone call from the Holt Jr. High principal. He requested a meeting with me for later THAT HOUR. Lucky for me, I was able to make it. I was told that the sub for P.E. was not working out. Would I be willing to step in until Spring Break?
Hecks yeah! I mean, it was EVERYTHING I wanted as a substitute. I would have my own classes with my own kids (the new tri-mester had just started two days earlier), I would be in a building with my husband, and my pay would go up. I felt soooo blessed but I had no clue how much of a blessing it would become.
Here are the key dates (that I can remember)
March 10: Routine check up with new doctor
March 12: New temporary long-term sub position starts
March 15: Blood draw
March 17 (Tuesday): Amanda (soon to be doctor) tells me my platelets came back low. I had 60,000. I should have 150,000.
March 18: Go get more blood drawn at lunch.
March 23: I now have 80,000 platelets...but why so low? Go back to my doctor. Referred to an oncologist. I'm a little freaked out. Mention to my doctor that I needed the German Measles vaccination (my last OB/GYN tested me for it and said I needed it again). Dr. agreed and gave me a pregnancy test (can't get the vaccine if you are pregnant). I remember waiting for the test and wondering what I would do if they came back and said I was pregnant The nurse informed me the test was negative. I was disappointed but not surprised. They gave me the shot. Had it been the next day or even the day after that, the test would have been different :o)
March 30: Had to see a Gastrointerologist (not sure of that's the real name but someone who had to take a look at my intestines--guy was super creepy and I never went back. Everything was fine anyhow). Blood drawn again.
March 31: Met with Dr. Kaluza (Oncologist). She said I needed to go back for another blood draw because the last draw came back incomplete. Incomplete?! Bah... She also told me that until we got the platelet issue figured out, I should wait to start a family. She asked me to give it 6 months. I agreed but was sad.
April 1: Blood draw and Dr. Appt. AHHHH!
April 6: Spring Break begins
April 7: Brett came over for dinner. Drank margaritas.
April 8: Dr. called. Platelets had clumped again. I needed ANOTHER blood draw. THIS TIME, I needed to tell them that my platelets clump so they put the blood in a vile with a purple top (different viles have different colored tops indicating different medications). Blood draw
April 9: Yi and Jenny came over for dinner for Jenny's birthday. We drank a bottle of wine.
April 10: Went to Marshall, MI with Joey to sample beer at Dark Horse Brewery. While we are there, we get a phone call that I might be needed as the P.E. sub thru the end of the year. I was excited because I had bonded with the students. I was also going to be paid even more. But the downside was that it meant someone else was sick. Really sick.
April 13: I'm exhausted. Joey and I started going home for lunch and I would take a quick 10 minute nap. I also wonder why I haven't started, yet. I'm a few days late. But all the signs were there so I didn't think it through much. It must be the platelets...
April 15: Half day of school in the morning. Went to the teacher's meeting at 7:30 and around 8:45, I ask Joey if he wants to go with me to get a pregnancy test. I doubted it would be positive but....might as well. We had time to kill. First, we went to Pet Supplies Plus for fish food. As you can see, we did not think we were pregnant. We bought a generic Rite Aid test and took it to the school as kids would be showing up in 40 minutes or so. The only restroom near Joey's class is the boy's restroom (which the school keeps locked). Sooooo, that was the restroom I took the pregnancy test in. I waited in the stall and watched the lines and colors change. Nope. I'm not...wait. Can I see the directions again? Joey took a look. "It's positive," he said. I wasn't convinced. No way. I called the doctor's office in a panic. What about that vaccine?? What about my platelets?? Ah! I took another test that afternoon in the girl's locker room. Positive. Dr. Amanda told us to come into the office and get an official test. After school, we drove in disbelief. I took the test again in disbelief. Amanda opened the door to the waiting room with a smile on her face. I was in disbelief. She brought us in a private room and said, "YOU are pregnant!" My eyes filled with tears in disbelief. So did Joey's.
I had a million questions but my heart was racing. I didn't want anyone to know, either but I needed prayers. I felt so insecure...like this couldn't really happen to me. I didn't deserve to have a baby. Surely, like so many of my friends, I would miscarry. Where the crap was my faith?
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