Things have been non-stop lately. I meant to write every day and thought I could get by on once a week...which as you can see didn't turn out, either. So, here is an update on my father.
He is home. After a month of being in the in-patient rehap at Sparrow, he came home two weeks ago. Just last week, he was able to start moving his right leg. This is an answered prayer. Still, no movement in the right hand--YET. Also, not talking...yet. He tries to talk but it still isn't freely coming out. You can show him a cup but he can't say the word unless you write the word for him. Most words he can get when they are written...except television. Man, does he try to say that word. He practices it over and over again.
I miss my dad. I miss talking to him and laughing with him. I get down sometimes about it. I look down sometimes about it. The looking down thing got me a few weeks ago. I didn't sleep for two nights in a row because I couldn't quit thinking about all the things that might go wrong. This would be called Not Trusting God. I had to let it all go and remember three things about worry:
1.) When you worry you are playing God. You are not God and are not in control. He is. So let go and let God.
2.) When you worry, you are pretty much saying that God is done working in your life. He isn't. Let Him be in control.
3.) "The attitude of faith does not worry, fret, or have anxiety concerning tomorrow, because faith understands that wherever it needs to go, even into the unknowns of the future, Jesus has already been there." Joyce Meyer
As for my dad, I kind of related the situation like this: your house burns down destroying everything you have inside...but everyone made it out alive. You move forward, not focusing on what was lost but on the new beginnings, the new way of life.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Week Two--Don't Look Down
I thought I had better update on week two as we are about to tackle week three. Last Sunday, Joey and I watched half the Super Bowl with dad. He was definitely rooting for the Cardinals and not the Steelers. He was also trying desperately to communicate something to Joey and I. He kept tapping two fingers on his knee. Every response I gave frustrated him. I wasn't understanding. Joey suddenly said, "two words." Dad shook his head yes with excitement. Shit. He was playing Charades with us! Now this would not be too unusual for dad because as a family, we did and do play Charades. Some of my favorite memories are because of this game. Anyhow, we figured out that he needed something...but what. I asked him if he needed a beer. Yes was the verbal response. I laughed. No way was he getting a beer from me. Anyhow, we never did figure out what it was he wanted...or needed. But we had a small breakthrough when dad was pointing to his bed. Joey asked if he wanted to get in bed. He rolled his eyes and shook his head no. He continued to point to the bed. Did he want a pillow? A blanket? No...NO! It suddenly occured to me that he wanted something on the night stand. Joey picked up a Tootsie Pop. YES! That was what he wanted. Relief. He was also really cute because he kept putting his 3D glasses on.
My aunt Ginny and Uncle Lynn came to see him on Monday. Joey and I went out to dinner with them and drank wine. I'm so glad they came to see me...I mean him :o)
I didn't go up to see dad Tues, Wed or Thurs because I was battling a cold. Lucky for me, the cold never quite moved past the first few stages. I never had the full out symptoms. Friday, I got to see dad in physical therapy. It is still too early to know if he'll regain any mobility on his right side. His speech therapist is really hopeful, though. He can count and say a few words. I swear, it's like I hold my breath waiting to hear his voice and then I get excited just to hear him say simple words like "bye" "wait" "no" "yes". Baby steps....
So, now we are on to week 4. wow. Really? Seems like this whole thing just happened. Oh, and an update on my step-mom...I think she is holding up well. She is definitely trying to be at his therapy sessions. She is doing an awesome job at communicating to him and trying new ways of communication (tic-tac-toe, a deck of cards). She has been amazing.
Oh...and me. Well, I guess I can explain it like this: I'm afraid of heights. I can't go up in a ferris wheel without freaking. I can get on an airplane and ride a roller coaster...so I'm not always afraid. I'm even more afraid in my dreams. I've had dreams where I'll be in a tall building and suddenly the whole building is made of glass and I'm standing on a glass floor way up in the air. THAT is what I feel like now. I'm on this glass walkway and I have to stay focused on getting to the other side, to safety...or I have to focus on Christ and trust God so I need to look up...because the second I look down, I freak out. I panic. I start to wallow. I start to miss my dad. I think negative thoughts. So...I continue to look ahead and up.
Thank you for all of your prayers. We really do need them.
My aunt Ginny and Uncle Lynn came to see him on Monday. Joey and I went out to dinner with them and drank wine. I'm so glad they came to see me...I mean him :o)
I didn't go up to see dad Tues, Wed or Thurs because I was battling a cold. Lucky for me, the cold never quite moved past the first few stages. I never had the full out symptoms. Friday, I got to see dad in physical therapy. It is still too early to know if he'll regain any mobility on his right side. His speech therapist is really hopeful, though. He can count and say a few words. I swear, it's like I hold my breath waiting to hear his voice and then I get excited just to hear him say simple words like "bye" "wait" "no" "yes". Baby steps....
So, now we are on to week 4. wow. Really? Seems like this whole thing just happened. Oh, and an update on my step-mom...I think she is holding up well. She is definitely trying to be at his therapy sessions. She is doing an awesome job at communicating to him and trying new ways of communication (tic-tac-toe, a deck of cards). She has been amazing.
Oh...and me. Well, I guess I can explain it like this: I'm afraid of heights. I can't go up in a ferris wheel without freaking. I can get on an airplane and ride a roller coaster...so I'm not always afraid. I'm even more afraid in my dreams. I've had dreams where I'll be in a tall building and suddenly the whole building is made of glass and I'm standing on a glass floor way up in the air. THAT is what I feel like now. I'm on this glass walkway and I have to stay focused on getting to the other side, to safety...or I have to focus on Christ and trust God so I need to look up...because the second I look down, I freak out. I panic. I start to wallow. I start to miss my dad. I think negative thoughts. So...I continue to look ahead and up.
Thank you for all of your prayers. We really do need them.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Update on Dad
It has been a crazy week. Crazy.
Saturday--Dad could somewhat speak. Somewhat. When asked, he could say Holly, although it wasn't perfect. "Joey" sounded more like Jodi. But hey, he was comprehending and he could walk with assistance. The doctors said his prognosis was favorable. I thought for sure after some sleep he would be a little better.
Sunday--He was worse. I walked in expecting way more than I got. He barely said anything. He was frustrated. He was losing some of the feeling on his right side. He wasn't comprehending. The doctors were negative. I felt panic. He had another stroke. Still, when they moved him to the step down unit (less critical), he walked.
Monday--I went up to see him after school. He was about the same. Tried to speak but it came out funny. Then, he would get frustrated. I didn't stay very long.
Tuesday--Again, visited him after work (school). He seemed worse. He could barely move his right hand and leg. What was going on?
Wednesday--I had a crappy day at East Lansing High School. I will never sub there again. It was only a half day in the Resource Room. Yeah...should have been easy. I assisted the lead teacher in first hour, had planning second hour and then had to give an open book test in 3rd hour. The kids in this 3rd hour were tough kids. They were a heartbeat away from being kicked out. In fact most of them left for the career center after this class. One kid kept swearing up a storm...he didn't even care I was right in front of him. I kindly asked him to stop. Normally, I would send his butt to the office but I knew that if I could keep him on my good side, I could stand him for the 50 minutes. But then, he pulled out a pocket knife. Seriously? I sat there trying to figure out what to do. At Holt, I would know to push the emergency button. At EL, no clue. I didn't want a confrontation with him so I didn't draw attention to the knife. Trying to figure out how I could get to the office with my stuff without him knowing left ME almost paralyzed with fear. I decided to not say anything to him. After class, I reported it to the office and left...for good.
I felt better thinking about how I would have all afternoon to spend with dad but that changed when I saw him. He could no longer move his right arm or leg. It was like they were dead to him. I tried not to make a big deal about it but asked the nurse what was up. She kind of blew me off saying something about a change, waxing and waning and how she would talk to me when she returned from her break. Dad and I watched TV (that is the only thing he wants to do) and ate Jelly Bellys. Dad's friend Tom came to visit. We watched as the Speech Therapist worked with dad. She saw some improvement in his comprehension. Good news...finally! Tom and I had a chance to talk about everything that was happening. There was a funny moment we had which involved my dad(not going to go into it, though). Dad couldn't quite get that he couldn't use his right side so he tried to take himself to the bathroom. He had no balance at all. Two women had to take him. I finally realized something was really wrong and said I wanted to see his doctor. The doctor happened to be just down the hall. He explained that dad's stroke may not have completed itself and there was still a lot of swelling in the brain.
"So, I have to sit and watch him get worse?" I asked.
"Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do," came the answer.
I had to excuse myself to cry that one out. The brain is such a mystery. So is my dad right now. After my moment, I went back to his room and was shocked to see him sitting up! His balance was back. I guess that is the way it goes with a stroke.
Thursday--I didn't go up to see him. I wanted him to rest.
Friday--He was about the same but seemed to be more in tune with his right side. He rubbed his hand and tried to answer questions. He finally was moved into the In-Patient rehab. Yay! He has his own room and is right outside the nurse's station. He and I watched something on the History Channel about Hitler's Family. I had been missing my dad a lot but this soothed me.
Saturday--Walked into Dad's room to see him sitting in the big chair, with shorts and a t-shirt, watching basketball. He looks so normal. He got excited when he saw my sister and I but couldn't say anything that made sense. I spent a lot of time with him this afternoon. After everyone else left, he turned the channel to Braveheart and we both fell asleep watching it.
I miss talking to my dad and have this need to see him every day. I don't think I have seen my dad every day since we were working at the golf course together. But I know this isn't it. I know he will improve. Anyhow, that is my update.
Also, one more thing. Not everyone has access to this here blog so please don't make mention of it on Facebook. My dad is a pretty modest and a private person which is way I'm not saying too much on FB. I'm sorry I didn't mention this before and no hard feelings to anyone :o)
Saturday--Dad could somewhat speak. Somewhat. When asked, he could say Holly, although it wasn't perfect. "Joey" sounded more like Jodi. But hey, he was comprehending and he could walk with assistance. The doctors said his prognosis was favorable. I thought for sure after some sleep he would be a little better.
Sunday--He was worse. I walked in expecting way more than I got. He barely said anything. He was frustrated. He was losing some of the feeling on his right side. He wasn't comprehending. The doctors were negative. I felt panic. He had another stroke. Still, when they moved him to the step down unit (less critical), he walked.
Monday--I went up to see him after school. He was about the same. Tried to speak but it came out funny. Then, he would get frustrated. I didn't stay very long.
Tuesday--Again, visited him after work (school). He seemed worse. He could barely move his right hand and leg. What was going on?
Wednesday--I had a crappy day at East Lansing High School. I will never sub there again. It was only a half day in the Resource Room. Yeah...should have been easy. I assisted the lead teacher in first hour, had planning second hour and then had to give an open book test in 3rd hour. The kids in this 3rd hour were tough kids. They were a heartbeat away from being kicked out. In fact most of them left for the career center after this class. One kid kept swearing up a storm...he didn't even care I was right in front of him. I kindly asked him to stop. Normally, I would send his butt to the office but I knew that if I could keep him on my good side, I could stand him for the 50 minutes. But then, he pulled out a pocket knife. Seriously? I sat there trying to figure out what to do. At Holt, I would know to push the emergency button. At EL, no clue. I didn't want a confrontation with him so I didn't draw attention to the knife. Trying to figure out how I could get to the office with my stuff without him knowing left ME almost paralyzed with fear. I decided to not say anything to him. After class, I reported it to the office and left...for good.
I felt better thinking about how I would have all afternoon to spend with dad but that changed when I saw him. He could no longer move his right arm or leg. It was like they were dead to him. I tried not to make a big deal about it but asked the nurse what was up. She kind of blew me off saying something about a change, waxing and waning and how she would talk to me when she returned from her break. Dad and I watched TV (that is the only thing he wants to do) and ate Jelly Bellys. Dad's friend Tom came to visit. We watched as the Speech Therapist worked with dad. She saw some improvement in his comprehension. Good news...finally! Tom and I had a chance to talk about everything that was happening. There was a funny moment we had which involved my dad(not going to go into it, though). Dad couldn't quite get that he couldn't use his right side so he tried to take himself to the bathroom. He had no balance at all. Two women had to take him. I finally realized something was really wrong and said I wanted to see his doctor. The doctor happened to be just down the hall. He explained that dad's stroke may not have completed itself and there was still a lot of swelling in the brain.
"So, I have to sit and watch him get worse?" I asked.
"Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do," came the answer.
I had to excuse myself to cry that one out. The brain is such a mystery. So is my dad right now. After my moment, I went back to his room and was shocked to see him sitting up! His balance was back. I guess that is the way it goes with a stroke.
Thursday--I didn't go up to see him. I wanted him to rest.
Friday--He was about the same but seemed to be more in tune with his right side. He rubbed his hand and tried to answer questions. He finally was moved into the In-Patient rehab. Yay! He has his own room and is right outside the nurse's station. He and I watched something on the History Channel about Hitler's Family. I had been missing my dad a lot but this soothed me.
Saturday--Walked into Dad's room to see him sitting in the big chair, with shorts and a t-shirt, watching basketball. He looks so normal. He got excited when he saw my sister and I but couldn't say anything that made sense. I spent a lot of time with him this afternoon. After everyone else left, he turned the channel to Braveheart and we both fell asleep watching it.
I miss talking to my dad and have this need to see him every day. I don't think I have seen my dad every day since we were working at the golf course together. But I know this isn't it. I know he will improve. Anyhow, that is my update.
Also, one more thing. Not everyone has access to this here blog so please don't make mention of it on Facebook. My dad is a pretty modest and a private person which is way I'm not saying too much on FB. I'm sorry I didn't mention this before and no hard feelings to anyone :o)
Friday, January 23, 2009
So....here I am....
Today sucked. It made me realize just how much I've grown up and how childish I still am. See...a lot has happened to this little life of mine in the past year. Last January, my independent Grandmother almost died but ended up okay...just in a retirement home. I saw her life completely change. And my life...well...we all know...I moved, took a husband, changed my name, address, social security, benefits, quit my job...yeah...lots of changes. I almost felt like I wasn't me anymore.
But I still have Christ. Thank you...God :o)
And now...on this cold, snowy evening...I wrestle with the latest change in my life: my father just had a stroke. What the hell? Seriously? This stuff doesn't happen to parents. It might happen to grandparents but my mom and dad are young. At least...the last time I noticed. I guess I haven't been paying attention to the time...because my life has been changing every day. At least it wasn't serious but seeing him laying there, unable to communicate except for a few words...it left me wanting to scream STOP! NO MORE CHANGES, LORD...please. But if there aren't going to be anymore changes, then I'm never going to grow...and I'll never have a better job...and if there aren't any changes in my life, then I would never welcome a baby into ours. So, I guess it is bittersweet...like the wine I'm drinking right now.
I hate January.
But I still have Christ. Thank you...God :o)
And now...on this cold, snowy evening...I wrestle with the latest change in my life: my father just had a stroke. What the hell? Seriously? This stuff doesn't happen to parents. It might happen to grandparents but my mom and dad are young. At least...the last time I noticed. I guess I haven't been paying attention to the time...because my life has been changing every day. At least it wasn't serious but seeing him laying there, unable to communicate except for a few words...it left me wanting to scream STOP! NO MORE CHANGES, LORD...please. But if there aren't going to be anymore changes, then I'm never going to grow...and I'll never have a better job...and if there aren't any changes in my life, then I would never welcome a baby into ours. So, I guess it is bittersweet...like the wine I'm drinking right now.
I hate January.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Wedding Day Part 2: The Ceremony
I was about to walk down the aisle but I was tripping on my dress. This would not do at all. I was in panic city as Jenny left through the doors down the aisle. I can’t remember the woman’s name (she works at Riverview) but she told me to give my dad my flowers and pick my dress up off the floor. I would have to hold the front. No. I didn’t want to do that. I reluctantly gave my dad the flowers as Kelly left through the doors. My sister was next and then me. My sister suddenly turned around got under my dress and pushed the hoop skirt way up. Then, she was gone. We were next.
I remember Bradley pulling the aisle runner and hearing people laugh. I remember the doors closing. I remember the weight of my bouquet as I took it back from my dad. This was it. I was floating. Bradley had to pass me as he went to the side door and back up to the front. He gave me a smile and I think he touched my arm. Oh…my little nephew all grown up…almost grown up. The doors opened and Devon nodded for us to go. So…we went.
I wanted to look side to side to see all the people there. I thought that was what I would do but now all I cared about was getting down that aisle without tripping on my dress. My dad had told me we would get through it and go slowly. I felt like we were going slow but now…now I was totally focused on something else.
I remember Bradley pulling the aisle runner and hearing people laugh. I remember the doors closing. I remember the weight of my bouquet as I took it back from my dad. This was it. I was floating. Bradley had to pass me as he went to the side door and back up to the front. He gave me a smile and I think he touched my arm. Oh…my little nephew all grown up…almost grown up. The doors opened and Devon nodded for us to go. So…we went.
I wanted to look side to side to see all the people there. I thought that was what I would do but now all I cared about was getting down that aisle without tripping on my dress. My dad had told me we would get through it and go slowly. I felt like we were going slow but now…now I was totally focused on something else.
See, there was this guy standing at the front of the church. He looked so good in a tux and he was clean shaven. I knew this guy. He was the one who told me when we were in high school how he would date me if he had the chance. He told me years later that he was going to marry me someday. I fought him so hard on it. We came close to walking away from each other on windy day in November 2005 but there he was, at the end of the aisle. He was waiting for me, just like he always has, always does. Our eyes locked and I didn’t take my gaze away from him the entire time. And I could not stop smiling. No tears, just smiles. And I made it down the aisle without tripping. :o)
The ceremony began and when my dad was asked who gives the bride away, my dad happily surprised me by responding, “her Lord, her family and her friends do.” My Lord. It immediately reminded me that God was standing there, too. And my friends…they were there…giving me away. How many girls have their friends give them away? I loved my daddy’s statement. It fit me so perfectly. 
During the ceremony, I was calm but I noticed every time something didn’t go the right way. Like how people didn’t stand during my favorite hymn or no one was singing together. Or when the wrong music started at the wrong time. And how I had told Kristen to only sing the first and last verse of “Nothing But The Blood” but Joey had secretly asked her to sing the whole thing (I’m glad he did).
The bouquet…as pretty as it was, was so heavy my arm was killing me. Joey tried to help hold it up. Finally, it was time to give the bouquet to my sister and let her deal with it. Joey and I went to light the candles and Dan started playing the music to “When I Sing.” I waited…and waited…and waited for him to start singing the words to the song but nothing was coming. I panicked a little thinking, “oh no. He thinks I only wanted the instrumental version! Crap…” But then, the words came. And the song was so beautiful, it was the only time I almost cried. We ended the ceremony on a happy note with a happy song and then, roll the credits. We were hitched.
During the ceremony, I was calm but I noticed every time something didn’t go the right way. Like how people didn’t stand during my favorite hymn or no one was singing together. Or when the wrong music started at the wrong time. And how I had told Kristen to only sing the first and last verse of “Nothing But The Blood” but Joey had secretly asked her to sing the whole thing (I’m glad he did).
The bouquet…as pretty as it was, was so heavy my arm was killing me. Joey tried to help hold it up. Finally, it was time to give the bouquet to my sister and let her deal with it. Joey and I went to light the candles and Dan started playing the music to “When I Sing.” I waited…and waited…and waited for him to start singing the words to the song but nothing was coming. I panicked a little thinking, “oh no. He thinks I only wanted the instrumental version! Crap…” But then, the words came. And the song was so beautiful, it was the only time I almost cried. We ended the ceremony on a happy note with a happy song and then, roll the credits. We were hitched.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Wedding Day Part 1
It’s been 3 months. I still haven’t finished my wedding day story. So, here I go in three parts. Part 1 being called, “How it all falls apart.”
My last thoughts before falling asleep the night before my wedding were full of so much peace and hope. The alarm was set for 6:30ish and Yi was sleeping beside me…but I was up. I made my way to the window which looked out on the Red Cedar. Could I see the moon before it set? Now I don’t remember if it was the moon or the last star. I do remember talking to God and asking Him to be with me all day long. I prayed for Joel and Noah and all of Susan’s loved ones. I knew they would be waking up to a nightmare of not having her here. I wanted a stress free day. I really did. No…really. But here it goes…blunders and all.
I took a long shower. I remember that. I just stood there under the warm water and let my mind go blank. I used too much conditioner in my hair, too. Huge mistake I would hear about later. I got ready with my girls, had my usual breakfast of Trail Mix Grape Nuts with bananas. Yi, Becky and Jenny were amazing in making sure I was doing okay. Becky even went down to the kitchen to get me skim milk which is why I love Becky Luebke. We put my stuff behind the front desk because the room Joey and I were staying in was occupied. We walked out to the limo-van-bus thing and marveled. Dang that thing was cool.
Kelly and Krissie arrived. We boarded and left for my mom’s work in Holt to get our hair did. I felt like I was floating down the road with my best friends. When we turned into my mom’s work, nerves started attacking me again.
My last thoughts before falling asleep the night before my wedding were full of so much peace and hope. The alarm was set for 6:30ish and Yi was sleeping beside me…but I was up. I made my way to the window which looked out on the Red Cedar. Could I see the moon before it set? Now I don’t remember if it was the moon or the last star. I do remember talking to God and asking Him to be with me all day long. I prayed for Joel and Noah and all of Susan’s loved ones. I knew they would be waking up to a nightmare of not having her here. I wanted a stress free day. I really did. No…really. But here it goes…blunders and all.
I took a long shower. I remember that. I just stood there under the warm water and let my mind go blank. I used too much conditioner in my hair, too. Huge mistake I would hear about later. I got ready with my girls, had my usual breakfast of Trail Mix Grape Nuts with bananas. Yi, Becky and Jenny were amazing in making sure I was doing okay. Becky even went down to the kitchen to get me skim milk which is why I love Becky Luebke. We put my stuff behind the front desk because the room Joey and I were staying in was occupied. We walked out to the limo-van-bus thing and marveled. Dang that thing was cool.
Kelly and Krissie arrived. We boarded and left for my mom’s work in Holt to get our hair did. I felt like I was floating down the road with my best friends. When we turned into my mom’s work, nerves started attacking me again.
The Make-Up and The Hair
Here is the unnecessary background. I wanted Zaina to do my make-up. We had a trial run in January. I wanted another trial run at her house where we could spend more time on it. So, in March, we went over to Z’s house and worked out a make-up plan. During this make-up plan, Zaina started playing with my hair, showing me the different things I could do. I liked it but didn’t have time to talk about hair. We scheduled another time to meet but after several cancelations, it wasn’t until the beginning of May that I finally had Zaina come up with a style for me. I wanted my sides pulled back and loose waves. Simple…but not. Now, in the meantime, my mom wanted to know who was going to do my hair. Remember, my mom is a hairstylist and has been doing hair for 40 years. I was getting married on a Sunday so I was limited to hairstylists. My mom had some of her co-workers and friends come in. I mentioned I might have Liz do my hair. MIGHT. MAYBE. But then I told my mom Zaina was going to do it. The question came: does Zaina have a license to do hair?
Ummmm….she should. But she doesn’t…yet. But so what. Don’t ask don’t tell…right?
We arrived to the salon and Liz immediately started messing with my hair. I felt so uncomfortable. Had my mom not told her Z was doing it? Z was there and ready to go. My mom arrived and told me to just go sit down and let Zaina curl my hair. So I did. Except the curling iron was not working because I had put too much conditioner in my hair. GRRRRRR. My mom pretty much pushed Zaina out of the way and threw hot rollers in. I asked Zaina to just do my make up. When the curlers were ready to come out, I pulled Zaina into the bathroom. We were both feeling icky like, “what the heck is going on with these other people?!” Zaina said, “Just let Liz do your hair. That makes everything easy.”
Here is the unnecessary background. I wanted Zaina to do my make-up. We had a trial run in January. I wanted another trial run at her house where we could spend more time on it. So, in March, we went over to Z’s house and worked out a make-up plan. During this make-up plan, Zaina started playing with my hair, showing me the different things I could do. I liked it but didn’t have time to talk about hair. We scheduled another time to meet but after several cancelations, it wasn’t until the beginning of May that I finally had Zaina come up with a style for me. I wanted my sides pulled back and loose waves. Simple…but not. Now, in the meantime, my mom wanted to know who was going to do my hair. Remember, my mom is a hairstylist and has been doing hair for 40 years. I was getting married on a Sunday so I was limited to hairstylists. My mom had some of her co-workers and friends come in. I mentioned I might have Liz do my hair. MIGHT. MAYBE. But then I told my mom Zaina was going to do it. The question came: does Zaina have a license to do hair?
Ummmm….she should. But she doesn’t…yet. But so what. Don’t ask don’t tell…right?
We arrived to the salon and Liz immediately started messing with my hair. I felt so uncomfortable. Had my mom not told her Z was doing it? Z was there and ready to go. My mom arrived and told me to just go sit down and let Zaina curl my hair. So I did. Except the curling iron was not working because I had put too much conditioner in my hair. GRRRRRR. My mom pretty much pushed Zaina out of the way and threw hot rollers in. I asked Zaina to just do my make up. When the curlers were ready to come out, I pulled Zaina into the bathroom. We were both feeling icky like, “what the heck is going on with these other people?!” Zaina said, “Just let Liz do your hair. That makes everything easy.”
I headed over to Liz’s chair and Jenny was just getting her hair finished. She turned around and everything in me wanted to bust up laughing. And this is why I love Jenny Cole so much. She looked at me with a huge smile and said knowingly, “what is so funny, Holly?” She had a beehive hair do. No lie. Now….it was my turn?!!?! Oh God NO! But I sat down and was subjected to some of the toughest hair pushing and pulling ever. My head hurt. And the curls were horribly tight. When Liz finished, I wanted to cry. It wasn’t Liz’s fault. I never sat down with her to show her what I wanted. But Zaina knew. Zaina whispered in my ear, “don’t worry. I’ll fix it at the church.” And that is why I love Zaina Holcomb. After everyone’s hair and make-up was finished (and after some weirdness over the payments—my mom ended up paying for everyone’s hair—I love my mom) we left to pick up the groom’s sister, Rebecca.
We pulled up in front of the house and my soon-to-be father-in-law came onto the bus to give me a hug. Then, the mom came on, too. But when Rebecca walked out of the house and on to the party bus, I just about lost it. Her hair was exactly how I wanted mine to be done. I whispered to Krissie “that’s the hair I wanted.” My eyes filled with tears. Krissie immediately started running her fingers through the curls to get them to loosen up. This is why I love Krissie Krenz.
Driving to McAllister’s to eat lunch, I tried to calm myself down. I was so thirsty. Krissie and I split a sandwich (I think) and I had a lemonade but it was too sweet. And now, my nerves were really up. I was pretty quiet as we sped back toward the church. I remember Lyndsay just loving the bus ride. She acted like it was all for her which was cute. I saw the church come into view and wanted to throw up from excitement. I wanted my dress on now. I wanted to get the party started.
When we pulled into the drive and parked in front of the church, I got out but was quickly told that the bridal room wasn’t ready. Back on the bus. Man, I was so antsy! Emmalee and Alex Thill got on the bus to give me a hug. Several other popped their head in to wave. We danced and sang and waited. Finally, we could go in. Unfortunately, my dress wasn’t there yet. So, I went back outside and sat on the grassy island in the driveway. This is the spot I had sat in 24 hours before, sobbing for Susan. This was the spot I had sat in so many times…so many times. Becky joined me and we talked about nothing too important. Just having her right there was important enough. Zaina arrived and so did my dress. We went inside.
I think this was when Zaina took my hair out and started to fix it. My sister, God love her, had said, to me before Z got there, “if you want to change your hair, just do it before mom gets here.” That was good for me to hear. My sister and I both understand how personal our mother takes our hair. So Zaina turned to Devon, our wedding coordinator, and said, “when the bride’s mom gets here, we need a warning. Do you know which one she is?” Devon replied, “Yes I do” and left to wait in the lobby. Z took out the hair pins and did my hair over. It was exactly the way I wanted it. I started to get teary and Zaina said, “stop it. You’ll ruin your make-up.” Suddenly, Devon opened the door to our room, closed it and barely had time to say, “bride’s mom….right behind me.” I started laughing a little at the scene. Me, a grown woman, having someone warn me of my mom’s presence, as if my mom would unleash wrath on me or something. Not the case. I simply explained the situation to her. She smoothed out the top and we were good to go. My hair story is finished!
The DJ
Why?!?!?!!? This just really gets me….really. I’m standing there, about to put my wedding dress on when someone hands me the phone and says, “its Amanda.” Now, Amanda is part of the DJ-Photographer-Wedding Coordinator package we received from Rick. Amanda was at my house talking to Joey. “Could you tell me your set list for the wedding?” she asked. Are you kidding me!?!?! Joey and I had submitted it on Friday night. The reception is just in a few hours. I’m about to put my wedding dress on. And I’m being asked what my set list is?! I could barely think straight. I pulled it together as best I could. There was some sort of glitch which I later found out was our DJ. He hadn’t followed up with me. He hadn’t followed up with Joey. I had tried to call him on Thursday. I tried to call him on Saturday. He said he would call back and never did. I was so frustrated. I walked Amanda through what I could remember and then hung up the phone. But my stressors were just beginning.
The Dress
The dress…oh…the dress. What a monster. It was so big. Too big. But there it was, hanging up, waiting for me. I put it on and thought to myself…wow. This is it. This is really happening. My step-mom walked in and I about lost it again. She and my mom had been there when we found the dress. She went to all the fittings. She was there the first time I tried on my dress, not the sample dress. I remember trying that on at Fantastic Finds. I couldn’t breath and started to panic. She kept telling me to calm down. And then the seamstress came into the fitting room. She said to give it a minute and the dress would relax. It did but I couldn’t walk in the thing. The seamstress and I struggled with the hem of the dress. It needed to be shortened but I didn’t want to look like one of those munchkins with the bell dresses. The problem was that when I walked and if I looked down at my feet, the front of the dress would dip down and I would trip forward. I practiced walking over and over. The seamstress said she fixed the issue but we needed to get a hoop to keep the dress off my legs. Christine ordered that, too.
Now, here we were on my wedding day. I put the dress on. It was gorgeous. It fit perfect. I tried to walk in it. Trip. Shit.
I couldn’t walk in it without picking up the front. No worries. I hadn’t put the hoop on, yet and the hoop helped.
The Flowers
Backstory—I screwed this up majorly. I kind of knew what I wanted all of us to carry. I wanted tulips. Everyone told me tulips were out of season by the end of May. I wouldn’t listen. There must be some out there…somewhere. Christine tried. She really did. She bought 100s of bulbs and waited to plant them. But they came up too soon or not at all. I gave up on having tulips as center pieces and agreed to a variety of spring flowers which we purchased 2 days before the wedding at Horrocks. They were beautiful. But what about the flowers the girls were to carry? And me, too?
I waited too long and just wasn’t as involved as I should have been. I felt caught between using the florist Joey’s mom works for or using the florist who has been a client of my mom’s for 100 years. Four months before the wedding, I sent an e-mail to Reta and Christine discussing flowers. Reta told me to set up a meeting with her employer. But I didn’t. I’m kicking myself now…and still but I didn’t do it.
Was it April 1 or May 1 when Joey and I finally rolled into my mom’s client’s flower shop? I can’t remember. I do remember the urgency. I showed the man pictures. We discussed colors and my style. He spit out names of flowers that sounded pretty but didn’t show me any pictures. I told him I wanted tulips. He said he would check on it but probably not. I showed him a picture of the cake and what we wanted as our cake top—just tulips. He said he could order tulips for the topper. Perfect. We discussed the mom’s corsages. He told me that typically mom’s want wrist corsages. I said I would call him back. I really thought we were on the same page. Dang.
I called him back a few days later and said I wanted wrist corsages. He said no luck on the tulips for my bouquets. I wanted roses instead. Why didn’t I look at the contract when he sent it to me? Why????
I was troubled. I wanted pink tulips for my bouquet. I never thought I would care about flowers but there I was…caring away. I sent some pictures of what I wanted to Joey. When he went in to the florist to pay our bill, he gave the pictures to the man we have been working with. Then, Joey insisted on pink tulips for me. Thank you, Lord, for Joey. Here are the pictures Joey showed them:
Fast forward to the wedding. The flowers arrived. I wanted to see them. Devon said we needed to keep them in the water longer but I wanted to see them. And it was time for our pictures to be taken. We went down to the lobby and I have a picture of me and these flowers.
I saw them. I wanted to throw up. I absolutely hated the flowers. They weren’t at all what we had discussed. They didn’t look anything like the pictures I showed the florist. I was so upset but I hid it…momentarily. My bouquet was fine. I really like the pink tulips. But it was on the large side and the flowers were put together in kind of a mess. It was the girl’s bouquets I was completely freaked about. I never, in a million years would have picked these flowers. And there was nothing I could do. And they gave the mom's the pin corsages, not the wrist. We went outside to get pictures taken. I whispered to Krissie “I hate your flowers. That wasn’t what I picked out.” Krissie, God love her, said, “which flowers do you hate? We’ll rip them out and put some of your tulips in there.” Another reason I love Krissie Krenz. Rebecca found out I hated the flowers and told Reta. Reta told me to let it go. It was too late to fix anything. I didn’t even want to look at the flowers. I wanted to focus on my upcoming walk down the aisle. Reta prayed for with me.
The time leading up to the wedding was full of visitors and prayers. Some of my favorite pictures were captured by Yi who shares my need to get memories recorded and preserved. Another reason I love Yi Sun. Devon came in and lined us up. My father took my arm but when I went to walk forward…trip. Oh no. The girls were now out of the room. My dad and I practiced walking but I kept tripping forward. I started to panic. Devon said it was time to go….
Why?!?!?!!? This just really gets me….really. I’m standing there, about to put my wedding dress on when someone hands me the phone and says, “its Amanda.” Now, Amanda is part of the DJ-Photographer-Wedding Coordinator package we received from Rick. Amanda was at my house talking to Joey. “Could you tell me your set list for the wedding?” she asked. Are you kidding me!?!?! Joey and I had submitted it on Friday night. The reception is just in a few hours. I’m about to put my wedding dress on. And I’m being asked what my set list is?! I could barely think straight. I pulled it together as best I could. There was some sort of glitch which I later found out was our DJ. He hadn’t followed up with me. He hadn’t followed up with Joey. I had tried to call him on Thursday. I tried to call him on Saturday. He said he would call back and never did. I was so frustrated. I walked Amanda through what I could remember and then hung up the phone. But my stressors were just beginning.
The Dress
The dress…oh…the dress. What a monster. It was so big. Too big. But there it was, hanging up, waiting for me. I put it on and thought to myself…wow. This is it. This is really happening. My step-mom walked in and I about lost it again. She and my mom had been there when we found the dress. She went to all the fittings. She was there the first time I tried on my dress, not the sample dress. I remember trying that on at Fantastic Finds. I couldn’t breath and started to panic. She kept telling me to calm down. And then the seamstress came into the fitting room. She said to give it a minute and the dress would relax. It did but I couldn’t walk in the thing. The seamstress and I struggled with the hem of the dress. It needed to be shortened but I didn’t want to look like one of those munchkins with the bell dresses. The problem was that when I walked and if I looked down at my feet, the front of the dress would dip down and I would trip forward. I practiced walking over and over. The seamstress said she fixed the issue but we needed to get a hoop to keep the dress off my legs. Christine ordered that, too.
Now, here we were on my wedding day. I put the dress on. It was gorgeous. It fit perfect. I tried to walk in it. Trip. Shit.
I couldn’t walk in it without picking up the front. No worries. I hadn’t put the hoop on, yet and the hoop helped.
The FlowersBackstory—I screwed this up majorly. I kind of knew what I wanted all of us to carry. I wanted tulips. Everyone told me tulips were out of season by the end of May. I wouldn’t listen. There must be some out there…somewhere. Christine tried. She really did. She bought 100s of bulbs and waited to plant them. But they came up too soon or not at all. I gave up on having tulips as center pieces and agreed to a variety of spring flowers which we purchased 2 days before the wedding at Horrocks. They were beautiful. But what about the flowers the girls were to carry? And me, too?
I waited too long and just wasn’t as involved as I should have been. I felt caught between using the florist Joey’s mom works for or using the florist who has been a client of my mom’s for 100 years. Four months before the wedding, I sent an e-mail to Reta and Christine discussing flowers. Reta told me to set up a meeting with her employer. But I didn’t. I’m kicking myself now…and still but I didn’t do it.
Was it April 1 or May 1 when Joey and I finally rolled into my mom’s client’s flower shop? I can’t remember. I do remember the urgency. I showed the man pictures. We discussed colors and my style. He spit out names of flowers that sounded pretty but didn’t show me any pictures. I told him I wanted tulips. He said he would check on it but probably not. I showed him a picture of the cake and what we wanted as our cake top—just tulips. He said he could order tulips for the topper. Perfect. We discussed the mom’s corsages. He told me that typically mom’s want wrist corsages. I said I would call him back. I really thought we were on the same page. Dang.
I called him back a few days later and said I wanted wrist corsages. He said no luck on the tulips for my bouquets. I wanted roses instead. Why didn’t I look at the contract when he sent it to me? Why????
I was troubled. I wanted pink tulips for my bouquet. I never thought I would care about flowers but there I was…caring away. I sent some pictures of what I wanted to Joey. When he went in to the florist to pay our bill, he gave the pictures to the man we have been working with. Then, Joey insisted on pink tulips for me. Thank you, Lord, for Joey. Here are the pictures Joey showed them:
Fast forward to the wedding. The flowers arrived. I wanted to see them. Devon said we needed to keep them in the water longer but I wanted to see them. And it was time for our pictures to be taken. We went down to the lobby and I have a picture of me and these flowers.
I saw them. I wanted to throw up. I absolutely hated the flowers. They weren’t at all what we had discussed. They didn’t look anything like the pictures I showed the florist. I was so upset but I hid it…momentarily. My bouquet was fine. I really like the pink tulips. But it was on the large side and the flowers were put together in kind of a mess. It was the girl’s bouquets I was completely freaked about. I never, in a million years would have picked these flowers. And there was nothing I could do. And they gave the mom's the pin corsages, not the wrist. We went outside to get pictures taken. I whispered to Krissie “I hate your flowers. That wasn’t what I picked out.” Krissie, God love her, said, “which flowers do you hate? We’ll rip them out and put some of your tulips in there.” Another reason I love Krissie Krenz. Rebecca found out I hated the flowers and told Reta. Reta told me to let it go. It was too late to fix anything. I didn’t even want to look at the flowers. I wanted to focus on my upcoming walk down the aisle. Reta prayed for with me.
The time leading up to the wedding was full of visitors and prayers. Some of my favorite pictures were captured by Yi who shares my need to get memories recorded and preserved. Another reason I love Yi Sun. Devon came in and lined us up. My father took my arm but when I went to walk forward…trip. Oh no. The girls were now out of the room. My dad and I practiced walking but I kept tripping forward. I started to panic. Devon said it was time to go….
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Busy Weekend
Sometimes I wonder why I'm so exhausted on Mondays.
Friday: RivRunners Carb dinner for 27 people in our almost finished basement. So much fun--seriously. I love the RivRunners. I love my friends. I love watching Jim and Joey wrestle on a the new hardwood flooring. I love drinking wine.
Saturday: Shared Pregnancy Center 5K. Perfect day for a race. We had a great show of runners and all of us did well. I took 2nd in women but no prize this year for me :o( Joey finally broke into the 22 minute category. My time was 26:35, the best time I've had this year.
We went to eat at McDonald's afterward and then Joey and I drove out to L-burg. My family is from L-burg. My grandparents built a golf course out there and part of the course is a nature trail dedicated to my grandfather, Edward Beavers. This trail had not been taken care of in years so my uncle asked the family to come help clean it up. Joey was supposed to have been out of town but thankfully, God knew I needed him there with me. I didn't really let on how emotional it was to be on the golf course, trying to preserve my grandfather's name...but it was. Just having my husband there was a relief.
After the trail and picnic area were cleared, we headed up to my aunt and uncle's house for my cousin's wife's surprise birthday party. Again, glad Joey was there.
Joey and I hung out at home for awhile and then we crashed a wedding reception. It was the sister of my best friend so yeah, we were invited but not until after dinner. We had so much fun but didn't avoid the drama of my ex-boyfriend's wife wanting to get to know me. Oh boy.
Sunday: Church was awesome. I just love it. Then there was RivKids. I love that even when it is challenging. Afterward, Joey dropped me off to spend time with Grandma. Then, we went home but Joey had to leave again to go paint a dentist office (side job). I spent the rest of the evening picking up from Friday night and doing dishes.
Monday: Riverview Staff Meeting/Retreat. Loved it. Got a great opportunity to learn about other ministries and get help with my own. I also loved being local for the day without the 2 hour drive. I got my grocery shopping done and we had a healthy dinner. I ended the night watching Joey and other Riv guys playing softball.
I need a vacation day to just sleep.
Friday: RivRunners Carb dinner for 27 people in our almost finished basement. So much fun--seriously. I love the RivRunners. I love my friends. I love watching Jim and Joey wrestle on a the new hardwood flooring. I love drinking wine.
Saturday: Shared Pregnancy Center 5K. Perfect day for a race. We had a great show of runners and all of us did well. I took 2nd in women but no prize this year for me :o( Joey finally broke into the 22 minute category. My time was 26:35, the best time I've had this year.
We went to eat at McDonald's afterward and then Joey and I drove out to L-burg. My family is from L-burg. My grandparents built a golf course out there and part of the course is a nature trail dedicated to my grandfather, Edward Beavers. This trail had not been taken care of in years so my uncle asked the family to come help clean it up. Joey was supposed to have been out of town but thankfully, God knew I needed him there with me. I didn't really let on how emotional it was to be on the golf course, trying to preserve my grandfather's name...but it was. Just having my husband there was a relief.
After the trail and picnic area were cleared, we headed up to my aunt and uncle's house for my cousin's wife's surprise birthday party. Again, glad Joey was there.
Joey and I hung out at home for awhile and then we crashed a wedding reception. It was the sister of my best friend so yeah, we were invited but not until after dinner. We had so much fun but didn't avoid the drama of my ex-boyfriend's wife wanting to get to know me. Oh boy.
Sunday: Church was awesome. I just love it. Then there was RivKids. I love that even when it is challenging. Afterward, Joey dropped me off to spend time with Grandma. Then, we went home but Joey had to leave again to go paint a dentist office (side job). I spent the rest of the evening picking up from Friday night and doing dishes.
Monday: Riverview Staff Meeting/Retreat. Loved it. Got a great opportunity to learn about other ministries and get help with my own. I also loved being local for the day without the 2 hour drive. I got my grocery shopping done and we had a healthy dinner. I ended the night watching Joey and other Riv guys playing softball.
I need a vacation day to just sleep.
Family Olympian
Joey's cousin (and mine by marriage :o) throws javelin tonight at 10:30ish. Her name is Kim Kreiner and she is from Ohio (her dad and Joey's grandma are brother and sister). While it probably won't be televised, we are still happy for her to have made it to the Olympics. Throw far, Kim!
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