The Spoiled Brat Rides Again

I admit it and I can't believe I'm admitting to it. I had a major meltdown on my birthday. It wasn't pleasant for anyone within a 5 mile radius of me. It started when my co-workers started cancelling on my birthday lunch...and then the family started saying they could not attend the birthday dinner. My irrational thinking led to "no one loves me" and tears. So over the top emo. My other teammates made banana splits which cheered me and I even thought there was still hope while driving to Lansing. But as I approached the city, my attitude worsened.

Arriving to my mom's, I ignored everyone in the house and went straight to bed where I cried for the next three hours. What was my deal? 31, I guess. Krissie asked me earlier where I thought I would be right now in my life. "Married to my best friend whom I am passionately in love with even when he annoys me and we have one little kid and another on the way" was my answer. That day, turning 31, I think I broke down and couldn't see anything clearly. Are we entitled to one day of this, hiding in bed? Still, I was way out of line and could barely control myself. I apologize to all who took the hit.

Just for public knowledge, I am extra sensitive on my birthday. All I want is to have a nice lunch with a friend or friends, a nice dinner with family and to look at baby pictures with my mom. That's all I want. The two seasons of Veronica Mars, the trip to Florida, the Playmakers GC, the facial at Douglas J, the dinner at Clara's Friday night, the 1 pound of honey and the endless birthday wishes I received were good, too. I guess I always knew I was a spoiled brat.

Oh, and the wine tasting was a great time. I think if you click....here...you'll see pictures from the event.

Thanks to all of you who continue to love the bratty me.

(crickets chirping)

Trip Around The Sun

Trip Around The Sun

By Jimmy Buffett

Hear 'em singing Happy Birthday

Better think about the wish I made

This year gone by ain't been a piece of cake

Every day's a revolution

Pull it together and it comes undone

Just one more candle and a trip around the sun

I'm just hanging on while this old world keeps spinning

And it's good to know it's out of my control

If there's one thing that I've learned from all this living

Is that it wouldn't change a thing if I let go

No, you never see it coming

Always wind up wondering where it went

Only time will tell if it was time well spent

It's another revelation

Celebrating what I should have done

With these souvenirs of my trip around the sun

Yes, I'll make a resolution

Then I'll never make another one

Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun

Just enjoy this ride ...Until it's done

Jimmy: Darker Days Behind For Me

“Hey, Beau-ful”

That’s how he greeted the ladies. The last time I heard him say that to me was February 4, 2006. That was the last time I spoke to him.

And now it’s been a year since he’s been gone. Looking back, it has been a strange, sad, angry, confused year which was also full of joy and healing. If only he could have taken that trip with all of us.

No, I wasn’t a close friend but I still had the privilege of walking into his house unannounced like everyone else. I still teased him in retaliation of his teasing me. I still went to the Chophouse restaurant with him and fought with him over the bill. I still got to share a little bit of Jesus with him.

A year ago today, I was driving home from work talking to Jenny. Talking to Jenny? No…complaining to Jenny about the stupid stuff going on in my life. I told her I would call her back as I pulled into my parking lot. I walked over to the mailbox, grabbed the emptied trashcan by the side of the road (Jimmy’s trashcan he let us borrow) and began to drag it back to it’s designated spot by the front porch when I saw Krissie coming out from under the carport. I hadn’t even realized she was there. The look on her face…completely white…shocked. “Jimmy’s dead.” As my mouth dropped so did the mail. I grabbed her, hugged her saying, “why? How? When?”

“It must be a joke,” she said. She was dazed as she walked down the street to Jimmy’s parent’s house, having to pass Jimmy’s house on the way. I called Joey who was taking his grandma to the Lion King at the Wharton Center. There was just no way this was happening. People started to arrive to our condo. They were stunned, convinced someone had broken into the house and killed Jimmy. The darkness of those days began to settle in. Nothing felt safe anymore. Nothing felt right. Yet, I still managed to hang on to my petty problems. They were almost an escape from something I couldn’t handle.

Soon, the truth started to seep into Jimmy’s family and friends. He took his own life. Sadness turned to anger at Jimmy for not confiding in them…and then turned to anger at themselves for not seeing any warning signs.

The months following Jimmy’s death were just so dark. That is the only word I can use to describe them. Krissie stopped sleeping. I could barely drive down the streets to our home and would rush inside so I didn’t catch a glimpse of his house. His friends, the ones who found him, fell apart. It was a complete mess. And then summer came. Krissie and I had so many talks about what happened and finally, against even my best judgment, I told her to leave. She had to leave the condo to get away from the constant reminder. And she did leave. And she finally slept.

The healing began. Krissie got engaged and started attending a church near her new condo. Some of Jimmy’s friends rallied and raised money for suicide awareness and prevention. Still, people will always be a little broken from this tragedy. Some more than others.

I no longer feel the darkness from those months after Jimmy’s death. Joey hauled in the trashcan last night, the same trashcan, Jimmy’s trashcan. The night felt a little different. It felt peaceful. I looked down at Jimmy’s house. The new neighbors who moved in had the front porch light on. The house looked peaceful, too.

There is a banquet tonight to honor and remember Jimmy. I think I’ll attend and hug the people who are still living under those dark days. But I pray that somehow this tragedy will cause them to really rely on God, not their own understanding of it because suicide doesn’t make sense.

Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own

U2 (Jimmy’s favorite band ever)

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soulI don't need...
I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -Sing,
you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...

Where are we now?
I've still got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

Red Dress Run

Good Idea: Run a race for charity.
Better Idea: Run it in a red dress.
Bad Idea: Sucking down a chocolate martini before finishing the end of the race.

Okay, that's the short of it. The long of it goes something like this...

Joey and I met up with Playmakers runners at Trippers. Our friend Levi had talked us into doing this run but what I didn't understand was that it wasn't so much a run as it was a pub crawl. First stop: MAC's Bar. The snot was frozen to my face. Yes, it was bitter cold. 5 degree wind chill. I couldn't reconcile doing a run and drinking beer at the first establishment so I had water. I wanted to run, too! I didn't like stopping. We spent about 20 minutes at each bar. We received two drink tickets at the start but I didn't use mine. Not even at the second stop, The Green Door. In fact, I took off a little early for Moriarty's. My parents were there waiting for us and I had a few sips of beer. I talked Levi into buying me a chocolate martini at 621. I traded him my two drink tickets for the martini. Problem was that 621 wasn't accepting the drink tickets. Oh well. The chocolate martini was only $5 and it was the best damn chocolate martini EVER (except for the homemade Joey chocolate martinis).

Joey and Levi

Of course, my stomach told me it wasn't a great idea while running to Tavern on the Square, our last stop. But, we finished and then took off for my mom's hoe down at her church. That was fun stuff, too because I got to square dance. I love to square dance :o)

My mom and I. She's so cute!!!

Locked In

"We're really Jesus Freaks now. We're spending the night in our church." --Jenny Cole

I never belonged to a Youth Group. Well, briefly in 7th grade. Nothing like RivKids, though. And I have never attended a lock-in before, either. This was my first. I volunteered for the RivKids 4th and 5th grade lock-in. What a blast.

We played barbarian capture the flag. I think Peter and I had more fun than the kids.

We did make overs until midnight. Yes, I was curling little girl's hair until midnight.

I thought it was funny that Emma's dad had to make sure everyone knew this was his daughter. I think I'm going to look for a shirt that says "Chuck."


My niece and her new friend, Zoe.



The kids slept in the auditorium (translated = sanctuary). They watched Cars until 3 a.m. Yes, folks, I didn't sleep until 3 a.m. Wendy Smith and I shared an air matress and I don't think I kicked her much during the night. We got up at 7:30 a.m. and I was exhausted but I loved the experience. I'm in for next year.

I Gotta Go Where It's...Sort of Warm

I went to Florida the first weekend in February to visit Kelly (VRA). I felt all grown up driving to the airport myself, missing my exit, getting turned around, parking at Quikpark, taking a shuttle to the airport, finding my terminal and flying by myself to Orlando. Just before take off, I heard someone say Orlando was under a tornado warning until 8 a.m. Interesting, I thought but really, all I could think about was warm weather and my new swimsuit. Ah...a reprieve from the crappy weather in Michigan!

We had a comedian for a pilot. "Folks, we just have a few rules for you. Please don't smoke unless you are in a designated area in the airport. Please adhere to the safety belt rules. Also, please remain inside of the aircraft during the flight. Now, if you'll look out of the left windows, you will see...a bunch of clouds. If your vision is really good, you can Toledo, OH." The rest of the flight was spent listening to Buffett on my MP3 player and talking to God. He is amazing and I can't stop thinking about God's creativity when I'm eclipsing the heavens in a plane.

After landing and taking a shuttle to the main airport, I saw spotted Kelly, waiting for me. I don't know if she saw the tears in my eyes but I was so happy to see her. We have been friends for almost 15 years. Want to see a picture of us from back in the day? Sorry, Kell. And us now...(we definitely improve with age--remember that!)

The first thing I found out was how bad the damage was by the tornados. Kelly's husband, Chris, was deployed to a badly hit subdivison. Second thing--Florida was rainy and cold. Well, warmer than Michigan but not warm enough for the clothes I packed.

Kelly and I drove to Citrus County after trying to gas at a couple of gas stations. I saw where she worked, her new house and then we picked up her two boys from school. We then had to drive an hour to Gram's house to drop off the boys. An hour back and we got ready to go out. I had a lot of fun getting to know Kelly's friends and also getting to know her as well. It had been awhile since we have hung out on a daily basis. True, our lives are different (I do not hang well after midnight) but I still love her sooo much.

Saturday, we picked up the boys from Gram's and took them to Austin's soccer game. I got to see Chris briefly also. See, when the rain started, I took off for the truck with Tyler.

Tyler and I waited for the rain to stop while listening to Jerry Jeff Walker. After the game, Chris took the boys and Kelly and I took off for Margaritaville. I was wearing a turtleneck, folks. A turtleneck in Orlando, FL! I was not pleased. We had a good time at dinner and then moved to the volcano bar for a few drinks.

As you can see, it really is a volcano bar. Once an hour it erupts and margarita flows down the volcano and into the giant shot glass. I love this bar. After dinner, Kelly and I visited with Johnny Walker. We got back to our hotel at a decent hour and even made it to Rob Schiller's new church. I never realized how much I missed that family until I saw them. After eating at Sweet Tomatoes (the best salad bar EVER) and rushing back to the airport, I made my flight. Despite squall warnings back home, our flight left on time. I left the cold damp Florida weather for frigid, blowing snow...or as our pilot said, "welcome to tropical Detroit." Oh well. I had Joey's homemade spaghetti waiting for me at home.

Kate could be the greatest mom ever.

Let It Go

Let It Go
By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you:

let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person intostaying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming tosee you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made

manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us,

no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

LET THEM GO!!

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it justmeans that their part in the story is over. And you've gotto know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keeptrying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, Ibelieve in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'mfaithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

LET THEM GO!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, andsee your worth.....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ..

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to takeyou to a new level in Him......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a brokenrelationship.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even tryto help themselves......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed .....

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are soused to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.GOD is doing a new thing for 2007!!!

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left think about it, and then ..

LET IT GO!!!

"The Battle is the Lord's!"