I met BT my freshman year of college. I vaguely remember the introductions which took place in the Towers (dorms at CMU) but it made more of an impression on him. We both lived in Saxe Hall our Sophomore year and were introduced again. His roommate was a friend of the guy across the hall from my room. BT knocked on my door one night and asked if I wanted to go see Ace Ventura Pet Detective Part 2. Uh…no. It wasn’t just the offer to go see a sucky movie that caused me to say no. I had a boyfriend at the time who was still finishing up high school in Holland. BT moved on to another girl and all was well. We hung out casually in the cafeteria and in his dorm room but nothing about him motivated me to want to date him.
Junior year of college recap: broke up with boyfriend while I was living with 3 guys, joined a sorority to meet new people, signed my major which was broadcasting, proceeded to make friends in the department, got involved in student radio and television, started dating one of my roommates and got a job at the Public Broadcasting station. My new boyfriend was 22 and I would go to the bar with him. Of course, I had a big huge “X” on my hand indicating I was underage but I still went with him. BT was at the bar one night. He had a fake ID and asked if I wanted a drink. I laughed, explaining I was with someone and no, I couldn’t drink. Something about BT was different that night. He was flirty and bold. His risk taking made an impression on me.
The second semester of my senior year—I was heartbroken and depressed. I had to find a job soon as graduation was right around the corner. My boyfriend and I had broken up but the new guy I had fallen for wanted nothing to do with me. BT walked in the bar as I sat there with a friend. He pulled up a stool next to mine and we talked all night. He asked me out to dinner and I finally said yes. It only took me all of college to say do it.
I was really unsure about this guy at first but his confidence was charming. He planned dinners for us and liked to surprise me. For the first time, I was in a real relationship. We didn’t fight. We liked to be together. We enjoyed a lot of the same things. It was an awesome time in my life. He was Lebanese and catholic. The whole thing amazed me.
After graduation, he went back to his parent’s house in Novi and started working for a recruiting company. I went back to Lansing working at meaningless jobs trying to save money. We visited each other every other weekend. When a company in Southfield, MI offered me a job, I jumped at the chance. It didn’t matter that they paid me in dirt. It didn’t matter that my office was behind the filing cabinets. It didn’t matter that they didn’t even give me a computer. It didn’t matter that I had to live with my sorority sister’s parents. None of this mattered because I was closer to BT.
We had a rocky first year. I moved into my own apartment about three miles from his parent’s house. We saw each other quite a bit and tension started to work its way into our relationship. We hit our one year mark and BT broke up with me. He said it was all getting too serious for him. I was devastated and tried to accept it. A month past and just as I was starting to pick myself up, he came back.
We fought more than we used to which may have led to the second breakup, a year after the first one. Same story: I was devastated, he just wanted space and we ended up at a party together…and leaving together. By the summer of 2000, it seemed we were going to be okay. But then there was the bachelor party in Vegas…and I just couldn’t handle the stories circulating among our friends. Third time—breakup. This time, I wasn’t so heartbroken. At first, I was but after a couple of weeks, I was out on the town with a new set of friends. My old set of friends and I actually became stronger friends, too. I got ambitious. I quit my job and got a new one at Ford. Things were looking awesome for me…and of course that attracted BT. He missed me but when he tried to come back this time, I had some conditions: we were going to stay together no matter what. If he didn’t think he was going to marry me, I wanted him gone. For the first time, BT said he did want to marry me and we talked about a two year plan. I was giddy.
BT bought a house in Berkley, about 25 minutes away from my apartment. My lease was up so I moved to Ferndale, right down the road from him. This was the golden era of our relationship. We both had the things we liked to do separately and the stuff we had together. For the most part, I was his wife…most likely in God’s eyes. He and his friends started a band. I was their manager. We had so much fun…but there was a lot of selfishness in both of us.
During the spring and summer of 2001, I felt a tug at my heart. I wanted to find a church for us because I wasn’t sure I could go to the Catholic Church his parents’ went to. I started researching different religions and we discussed them. He was finally open to finding a church we both liked…but I was pretty much on my own for doing the leg-work. I remember making a resolution at the beginning of 2002. I wanted to go to a different church each Sunday until I found one I liked. I think September 11th furthered the need to have God in my life. I went to one. Just one church. It was a Universal church and the lady taught about Christ, Buddha and a bunch of other stuff I didn’t understand. Here is the scary part: I liked it. But BT would not go with me the following weekend. God in action J I went to a Pentecostal church with my co-worker. I mostly liked it…well, just the message. I bought a tape of the sermon and played it for BT the same day. He liked it, too but I noticed he was dragging his feet. He didn’t want to give up the Arabic speaking Catholic church.
We talked about moving in together when my lease was up in the fall of 2002. I moved a bunch of my stuff into his house and we set up a budget of who would pay what. I was excited for this next, big move. I spent less and less time in my apartment and pretty much lived with BT. But I found myself increasingly alone. BT was working some odd jobs and was obsessed with making a million…or at least a lot of money. His family was successful and he saw success as having a lot of cash. But I wanted heart…more than he was willing to give.
For some weird reason, I was listening to Dr. Laura a lot at that time. She was changing my views. She was urging me not to be a “shack-up hunny.” Somehow, it all started coming undone in May 2002. BT went to stay in Lebanon for a month. I was relieved. It gave me time to think. I found myself picking up apartment guides and researching new jobs. I took a leap and applied to a coupon making company. I wanted something else. I wanted more. I remember praying hard at that time, looking up at the ceiling and saying, “God, please help me figure this out. Am I supposed to be with him?”
BT came back from Lebanon. He was different. He seemed anti-American and more driven to make money. We had heated arguments. I was demanding. He was independent. I spent more time at my apartment. We wouldn’t speak for a few days at a time. But I also got the job at Val which was 20 minutes away in Livonia. The new job boosted my self-esteem. I made a bold move to Novi in September 2002. God was answering my prayers but I didn’t know it because I didn’t know Him.
BT and I continued our downward slide but God had plans for both of us and it was going to be a little painful but we were going to turn out better than before.
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