Pain to Remember and Forget

"Starin' at you takin' off your makeup
Wonderin' why you even put it on
I know you think you do, but baby you don't need it
Wish that you could see what I see when it's gone

Yeah, smile and shake your head as if you don't believe me
I'll just sit right here and let you take me back
I'm on that gravel road, look at me
On my way to pick you up you're standin' on the front porch
Lookin' just like that, remember that"

Joey sang these lyrics to me at the top of his lungs a year ago today. It's an awesome memory that makes me smile. It's a bad memory that makes me regret. Ever have a memory like that? It was the night we saw Joe Diffee and a photographer took our picture. This picture was posted on the Whiskey Barrel Saloon's website the next day. We flipped out but also laughed. If you didn't know by now, we were both messed up last year. Think I'm going to get more specific? No, but I want to write about it vaguely and I'll just say that Grey's Anatomy is becoming way too familiar for me.

It is strange to be where I am now and to remember where I was then. Wednesday, I was at the building I worked in last year. When I pulled out of the parking lot onto Levan, I remembered so many things. The leaves turning colors, the windy days blowing me around, the songs on the radio, the overwhelming feelings of guilt, loss, pain. I can still remember. I was placed on a pedestal and then knocked down in a day. I felt like nothing. I felt crazy. I wondered where God was but all I could do was cry in my bed and walk around like a zombie. I numbed myself from the pain I hid in my heart. I failed at work consistently. I disobeyed God consistently. I saw my path choices and KNOWINGLY selected the wrong one. God let me go. Let me rephrase that. God didn't let go of me but He let me go down the road I wanted. Funny how He did try to stop me.

I remember trying to leave work to get to Lansing for the concert. My IAMS job was blowing up and I was in a meeting with higher ups until after 6 pm. When I finally left work, the ramp to the freeway I take every day was closed. Whoa. I knew then I should turn around but I kept going. After rerouting myself, I was stuck in traffic for another half hour. The Holy Spirit urged me to turn back but I didn't. I kept going. Being stuck in a sin pattern is like that.

Things went from seemingly good to truthfully bad. God broke down both Joey and I. He made us start over from the beginning and confess our sins to others involved. But I remember being so broken when I wrote this post and the strength returning when I wrote this one. It’s been a year later and I’m still trying to sort things out a bit. I’m in a better place now. It’s like looking back on a tragedy in your life…remembering where you were on 9/11 and how you felt but sighing deeply at the healing you've done since then. Still painful, but less.

I'm a sinner and don't deserve anything from God. That's what makes Jesus so flippin awesome. God sees me through Jesus. God forgives me. So, yeah, this will be my only post reflecting back on the pain of last year. I post it to remind me when I come to this situation again in my life. Trust God. Really trust Him. I feel better being here but wonder if I could have learned more back there. I should have trusted God more. Perhaps things did turn out the way He wanted. Pre-marital counseling starts Sunday so I think we’ll work out any remaining kinks we worked into our own lives last year. Prayers are awesome, Peeps :o)

Guess who got hurt during his trip to Ohio State? One guess only, please. :o)

William Granger Youatt Jr. East Lansing, MI, William Granger Youatt Jr. died October 10, 2006. Born in 1947, his family moved to East Lansing when he was a child, and he grew up in the "barracks" on the Michigan State University campus where his father was pursuing a degree. Bill would later earn a B.A. in English (1969) and M.A. in History (1971) from MSU. Except for his years in Law School, (Florida State University, 1975), he spent his life in the East Lansing-Haslett area. He married June Pierce in 1977, and opened a private family law practice in Haslett where they raised their three children, Allison June, Emily Jean, and Andrew Pierce. Bill attended elementary through high school in Haslett, and wanted his children to experience the sense of belonging he and his brothers had known in Haslett. As a high school student, he was an avid athlete, winning varsity letters in basketball, football, and baseball. He remained deeply rooted in his community and committed to its schools all of his life. Bill had a strong commitment to service; and over the years served as a volunteer for the Haslett Public Schools and the HYRA program, as a member of Meridian Township government, and as a dedicated nursery worker at University Baptist Church. He understood his law practice as another venue for service, and helped generations of Haslett families over the past three decades. His greatest joys were family and friends. Bill is survived by his wife of 29 years, June Pierce Youatt, and their three children; his three brothers Robert (Suzi) Grafton, VT, Daniel (Rachelle) Peoria, AZ, and Thomas (Kay) Harbor Beach, Michigan; six nieces and nephews, a grandnephew, and a paternal uncle and family, Ned and Ellyn Youatt of Romeo, Michigan. He was preceded in death in 2005 by his father, William Granger Youatt, Sr. and earlier in 2006 by his mother, Frances Jean Youatt. He cared deeply for his mother and father-in-law, Leta and Clyde Pierce. His friends were a significant part of his life, and he was surrounded by many he had known and loved since high school and college. A memorial service is planned for Monday, October 16 at the MSU Alumni Chapel at 4:30 p.m. The family will receive friends on Sunday, October 15 from 4 to 6 p.m. at University Baptist Church, 4608 S. Hagadorn Rd., East Lansing. Those wishing to honor his memory may do so through a donation to the William G. Youatt Endowed Undergraduate Student Scholarship fund at Michigan State University, 300 Spartan Way, East Lansing, Michigan 48823. The Family is being served by the Gorsline Runciman Funeral Homes, Lansing.Published in the Lansing State Journal - October 13, 2006

Hello, Snow.
I didn't think I would be seeing you for at least another month. But here you are. Funny how there are 12 months in a year but you only managed to stay away for 5. Why complain? I choose to continue to live here, after all. The problem I do have with you is the way you sometimes act so gentle and care-free, yet underneath, you are freezing the roads we drive on creating a slick, hellish ride to our destinations. This morning when I woke up, I saw you flying outside my window, just like the bugs did last week. I saw you falling so peaceful this morning and actually welcomed you into my heart. A few minutes later, you were raging in the wind and it made me sad. How many more months of this until my beloved spring?

Bill

My dad, me (in the 10th grade), Tommy and Bill

Youa.tt, William Granger Jr., 59, died Tuesday. Arrangements by Gorsline-Runciman, East Lansing

Bill Y.ouatt died Tuesday night. The last time I saw him was…actually...at my grandma’s funeral. I stood before the church and began my speech about grandma. I remember seeing him smiling from the back of the little, country church. That was in 2 years ago this past September. He was my father’s friend but his family and mine knew each other quite well. He lived just down the street from my dad in a beautiful home. I went there several times mostly for MSU Homecoming. The You.att’s were so…elegant, yet real. Bill was my sister’s divorce lawyer. I believe he was also the golf course’s lawyer or investor or something. He leaves behind three children and it’s almost like the names of his family say it all: June (the wife), Allison, Emily and Andrew with the red hair. I remember Bill bringing Andrew down to my dad’s tailgating spot at State. Another acquaintance of ours noticed Andrew had the same exact football as my father. So, the acquaintance hid my dad’s football under a blanket and when Bill and Andrew turned to leave, the acquaintance whispered to my dad, “hey, Charlie. Where’s that kid going with your ball?” My dad chased down Bill and a scared Andrew insisting that Andrew must have mistakenly taken my dad’s football. It was pretty funny and Bill laughed, too.

I once traveled to Notre Dame with Bill, my dad and Tommy, another one of my father’s friends. This is the only picture I could find of Bill last night, taken just before we drove to South Bend. Bill was a soft-spoken man who loved to tell witty stories. I remember him at my dad’s house for Super Bowl or State games. I remember him at the Chas Classic (my dad’s annual golf tournament). I remember him sitting at Dagwood’s with his best pals, having a beer. I remember how thin and pale he looked the last time I saw him. Diabetes. I remember he once told my father that he just wanted to live to see his youngest child graduate from high school, but he didn’t think he would. Bill got to see Andrew graduate and he got to see his daughters graduate from college, too.

My dad called me last night and told me that he and another friend were talking about Bill. “I always wondered,” the friend said, “why a guy like that…Bill…would hang out with guys like us.” Yeah, they were ranking each other under Bill but Bill never saw it that way. That was what made him so classy. He could have been hanging out with the elite or something but he hung out with the every day, middle class Joes.

I’m thinking of his family now. They knew this day was coming, though they held out hope. Bill blessed his family and he blessed us.

Titan gets some TLC

Normally, Cain doesn't want a whole lot to do with Titan but the little guy is recovering. I think Cain understands. He's been there, done that.

UofM/MSU Tailgate Challenge 5k

Overall Results
My Results: 29:20

5th out of 22

It was chilly and I've decided I do NOT like running in the cold. Uh-uh. No way. I'm done for the season. Well, not really. I'll probably do one more 5k at the end of the month and then one in Nov, one in Dec. You can see my hand clenched in a fist in the picture above because I was so COLD. Yi and I ran this race with the Michigan State fans going one way around the course. Joey ran it with the Michigan fans going the other way around the course. It was difficult to breathe so I ran a slower pace. I had to adjust my hair as it was falling out of the pony tail holders and snot was running down my face, so Yi and I slowed to a walk. After awhile, she coaxed me on and I took off by myself. It wasn't that fun of a run because I was cold. It was cool to give Joey a high five when we passed each other, though. I finished in less than 29:20 because they gave us all the same start time. My time was more like 29:10 or so but what are you going to do? Joey and Yi both did awesome.

Titan Loses His Manhood

Our little guy crosses over from puppy to neutered man today. In honor of this event, I have posted pictures of him, the playful little pup we used to know. Poor, Titan.

It's that spooky season of Halloween so I thought I would post this interesting link. The question: is your hometown haunted? I find this interesting more than scary.

Lessons from LOST

While everyone was watching the season 3 premiere of Lost last night, I was sitting in the middle of season 2, trying desperately to catch up with everyone else. Tuesday night, I think God used Lost to teach me a lesson. Here we go.

The condo I live in was bought by my roommate during foreclosure by another couple. This couple couldn’t pay the mortgage on the place so they just quit. Stopped. Then, they dragged out the proceedings for a year. You would think they were broke but perhaps they were just living beyond their means. See, all of the hardware in the house (sinks, lights, handles) was all fairly new and purchased by them. Weird. After they moved out, they didn’t change their mailing address so guess who got a whole bunch of 2nd and 3rd notices for late payment of bills? Well, yeah, me. So, we randomly get letters and bills from companies (or people) looking for the previous occupants. They use multiple names, too, which is weird. Anyhow…back to my point.

Monday, a piece of mail arrived to the woman (who goes by two completely different names) who used to live in my home. It was from DSW. Now, I had been scouting out a pair of brown Nine West boots to replace the scruffy pair I’ve been wearing for the past two years. I opened the mail. There was a $20 coupon for this woman because she was using her DSW card to get points (okay…WHY wouldn’t you change your address for $20 off a pair of shoes?!). I was so happy! I mean, I could totally use this coupon toward my boots. I sing songed my way upstairs and turned on a Lost episode called “Psalm 23.”

In the episode two brothers were arguing. One brother was a drug dealer, the other, a priest. The dealer offered the priest lots and lots of money if the priest would help him smuggle heroin out of the country. The dealer said to the priest, “now you can get all of those vaccinations you need.” The priest said….no. He didn’t want to get the money that way. It was drug money. Illegal drug money. In the end, the dealer threatened to burn the church so the priest caved in but then turned the dealer in. Some sort of point slapped me across the face. As little and minor as it would be to use the $20 coupon, it isn’t mine to use. I should have never opened that piece of mail (ooooo….illegal). I fought God a little bit but realized I wanted to do the right thing and not fudge a little along the way.

I like Lost. I like the Christian undertones. But then I watched an episode last night that completely fired me up. So much so, I might write a letter to the writers and producers. More on that later….

I really like and can relate to this post. Sometimes, I go through growing fits with my church but it is home...and to so many others, too. Of course, none of us are really home, yet.

In other news, I think I joined a small group. What I thought was some sort of one time meeting deal turned into a meeting happening every other week. Joey and I were invited to Chuck and Di's home Sunday night to discuss our faith: is it like a cruise ship or a battleship. Joey's parents, another couple from Riv, and two other gentlemen joined the group, also. We watched two clips from two movies: Titanic and Pearl Harbor. The focus was to see the differences and similarities in what life was like on each boat (before the bad stuff happened). We then read a scripture from Ephesians 6:10 and Corinthians...something. Yeah. I don't have my notes on me so I remember exactly. Really good discussions. Here is my overall thoughts:

Jesus died so we can enjoy life. While we need to be prepared for battle, we shouldn't always be looking for it. Example: you take CPR and first aid to prepare yourself in an emergency. You go about your life planting seeds, living by example, and enjoying life. You go out to dinner with a friend. You are not staring at them waiting for them to choke on their lobster. You are laughing, having a good time and then whamo. They start to choke. You spring into action and use the tools you have learned to help out.

I need more tools though the Lord has been equipping me. He has led me to a church I can learn in, one that breaks me down and builds me back up. He has provided me awesome pastors and speakers who point out areas I need to work on. The Lord has also helped me understand His word and interpret it normally. Oh, and let us not forget my crazy friends and fiance who also equip me to go out into this dark world.

But something else I see God doing is laying out a future for me. The Hills and the Corrs are teaching me how to run a small group among friends. It is almost like they are preparing Joey and I to pick this up years and years from now. I can see it now: meeting on Sunday nights with the Awesomes, the Yis, all of the Lillys, the Camberns and people we haven't met yet to learn about and worship Christ. I'm excited!

More to come on the future of the present small group. Let me know if you want to join us every other Sunday night (the communion bread is AWESOME!).

God's Promise

Genesis 13-16
I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."

Joey and I stumbled across this artwork from God Saturday afternoon. This was the most amazing rainbow I've ever seen. It stretched across the whole sky. I couldn't get the whole thing in my shot but the picture doesn't do it justice anyway. Thank you, God.

Who would do such a thing?

Joey and I went to the mall to return his Tux on Sunday. We saw the funniest thing in the parking lot....

Dino Dash

Results
Overall time: 28:12 (Personal Best)
Mile: 9:05
Came in 24th out of 49 in my age group

Yes, another personal best…and I almost passed out from doing it. First of all, I was really tired. I did stretch well before and after the race so no sore muscles yesterday or today. I met up with Yi, her friend Katie, and Todd. My step-mom and Joey came down to cheer us on. Right before the race began, I saw Marge, the mouthy Christian woman. We prayed together which was soooo cool. Then, Yi and I prayed.

We were pretty scrunched in the starting gate. It was worse than the Crim but thinned out right away after crossing the start line. I was so tired. I almost started walking before I hit mile one. I wasn’t into the run at all. So many other things were going on in my mind. I realized several times I wasn’t smiling like I usually do. Toward the end, I really kicked it up and started looking for Todd. When I saw him, I pushed myself hard as he ran me in and crossed the finish line at 28:12. Wow. And then I was dizzy. So dizzy that I fell into a little kid. Well, I didn’t fall…I stumbled. The race workers were trying to get my chip off my foot but I waved them off and walked around. Joey and Todd found me and I sat down to stretch.

That is my step-mom in the gray & black (with tan shoes) cheering me in.

So maybe this 5k thing is getting a little old. Or maybe I am. Or maybe I need to work out during the week to help my run. Yeah. I’ll try that one. Yi, Joey and I are running the Tailgate Challenge on Saturday in Flint. I’m really looking forward to that!

Picture of Yi, Katie and I starting the run

Pictures from Peter & Jenny's wedding

The Peter and Jenny Wedding Week

It has been a crazy few days. I loved the rushing about and thrill of the upcoming event but after months of planning, it is over. So now, I can rest...and run a 5k tomorrow morning :o)

Wednesday, we had a bachlorette party for Jenny and painted pottery at Playing Picasso. I made the ugliest cat bowl ever. We went to eat at La Senorita afterwards. Jenny and I shared a margarita which was a good idea for me. We laughed at silly things like the waiter singing to a birthday kid in an unenthusiastic tone: ba dat da da dat. Like I can write it out. I can't. After that fun, Yi and I headed to Mr. Cole's house to help make favors. After much silliness with the Goo Be Gone, we started tying the wire thank you circles on to the mini wine glasses. The step after tying the wire on was to tie a mini ribbon around it. At 12:22 a.m., Yi and I called it a night, packed up the favors and took them with us to the Corrs, insisting everyone else go to bed. Yeah. Such heroes. But before we left, it was decided that the bride's gown would come home with Yi so she could take it to Bottom's Up for steaming. Yi was very aware of how important this dress was and I promised her the dogs would not eat it. Somehow, we ended up making the favors until almost 2 a.m. and then passed out.

Thursday, we woke up and immediately finished the rest of the favors. We passed out again. After waking up, we parted ways and I ran some errands. Eventually, I showed up at Holt Jr. High School and met Joey's 6th hour students. It was really fun and they were calling me Mrs. Corr. I liked seeing Joey in his leadership role. After school was out, we went across the street to Sycamore Elementary, the school my niece goes to. Joey and I went to the main office and while trying to figure out if Lyndsay was in class or at recess, she and Emma walked by. She was really surprised and excited to see us. We walked them to the library and then put on our attendant hats again because it was time to decorate Charlar Place for the reception.

After setting up the decorations, Joey and I headed to Bradley's soccer game where we met the most amazing kid. He had just turned 5 and within 20 minutes of knowing him, he asked, "do you love me?" We played soccer with him on the sidelines and got to see Brad play for about 5 minutes.



The rehearsal went well. There were some funny moments and some kinks to work out but it was fun. I had a difficult time letting Aaron lead me down the aisle. I like going my own pace, being in control, you know how I am. The whole thing was like dancing and letting the dude lead. Someone's got to. You both can't or there's chaos. So, I had to submit to him a little bit, knowing he would have to answer for our walk down the aisle, not me. Sound familiar? The dinner at the Cole's house was AWESOME. Manicotti, shrimp with noodles, lasagna, tomato/mozzarella/basil slices, and my favorite, tiramisu for dessert. After dinner, Jenny taught me super secret moves from the an un-named marching band and then the bride and groom practiced their waltz.


Friday morning, Joey and Yi painted my fingernails. Then, Yi and I were on a mission. I had turned into an HMB: high maintenance bridesmaid. See, Jenny had a fabulous idea of bringing chicken salad for lunch while we got our hair done for the wedding. Well, one of her bratty bridesmaids doesn't like chicken unless it is rotisserie. So, this bratty bridesmaid asked her friend Yi to go get her a sandwich from Jersey Giant. Of course, the bratty bridesmaid didn't want to offend the bride so she gently tried to explain the situation to the bride. The bride eased the situation by making fun of the bridesmaid and all was well. This is one of the reasons I love Jenny so much. We had an awesome time getting all pretty at Douglas J even though the lady doing my hair jammed the hair pins into my head. Of course, I can't forget to tell this story about the HMB. Yi and I were moving a bench so we could sit on it. Yi was pushing and stopped pulling and said bench ran over my big toe. The not-so-perfect french pedicure now had a huge mark across it and my toe was throbbing. This was completely my fault. I wasn't careful. After icing the toe for 15 minutes, Yi and I went to my mom's work where I straightened her hair, put on my makeup while my mom finished her hair and then I put a little make-up on Yi. Off to the church.

It was fun helping Jenny get ready and making sure Peter would not run into her. I have been in weddings before but never this involved. I don't think I was mature enough and didn't really understand the role of a bridesmaid. I was aware of so much while we were all getting ready. I felt so honored to put the gown on the bride, put on her necklace and listen to her vows. I loved serving her. When we were ready to go down the aisle, I could feel the nervousness and the anticipation. I smiled at Jenny just before it was my turn to go. I submitted to Aaron and allowed him to lead me down the aisle instead of dragging him along. I got down the aisle and up the stairs with no problem (I had practiced in my dress) and then waited for everyone else to take their places. When I saw Jenny's silhouette at the end of the aisle, I lost it. I began to cry as she took her grandfather's arm and led him down the aisle (she could do that as her grandpa is blind). I will never forget that picture in my mind, the two of them coming toward Peter. Sob.

It was a wonderful ceremony. After pictures, we had to race home to get the checkbook out of my car and then take our place at the reception. I was announced as Holly Fantastic which was awesome, Peter. The cake was THE BEST and the first dance was memorable. Joey, of course, was a dancing fool. We had a Germany reunion, too. All in all, the entire day was fun and full of meaning.

Yi, Joey and I returned to the Corr residence around 1 a.m.ish. Joey took 71 pins out of my hair. I swear, my scalp was swollen from where the chick jammed them in my head.

My grandma died two years ago…about right now. She was at my cousin’s house and her
oldest daughter was by her side. My cousin, his wife and the hospice nurse were outside, discussing different options on how to care for her as she slipped away. My aunt came outside and said simply, “she’s gone.” She is gone and I miss her. I miss her when I drive by the Marquette. I miss her when I’m on the golf course. I miss her when I eat Quaker Instant Oatmeal or Hillbilly bread or those mini cans of orange juice. I missed her a lot when I danced with Grandma Corr at a wedding this past weekend. Time has healed but not made me forget, thank you, God.



I can’t focus too much on the loss as this is a happy week. Two of my best friends will finally be married and they have asked me to not only be a witness to their vows but to also be an attendant. It is such an honor. And I will cry at the wedding. This is one of those few marriages that has placed God at the center and has sought guidance from Him. They are blessed by our heavenly Father. This is also a union which asked for accountability in keeping them on the right path before their marriage…so you know this might be a short-lived reception (just kidding…kind of).

Coolest thing ever....or this week....

My friends Jason and Greta started a baby blog for the triplets. I'll link it so check it out every once in awhile :)

Capital City River Run 5k

Results
Overall time: 28:39 (Personal Best)
Came in 6th out of 12 in my age group
Picture of me and part of Paul (also, the mouthy Christian woman, Marge)

Driving to downtown Lansing, I rubbed my sleepy right eye and concentrated on the road. My car turned onto 496 West and for the first time, I noticed the foreboding black clouds rolling in. Yes, I had noticed the grey skies, misty rain and cold, strong breezes but it looked like the worst was yet to come. Instead of getting upset, I smiled. “Lord, just keep us safe and warm,” I prayed. Nuts. Forgot to mention DRY. I parked in the structure on Grand. As I began to make my way down to Impression 5, I noticed lots of runners with their packets leaving. Not everyone was going to stick this out. Climbing down the stairs, I realized how slippery wood can be when wet. So can leaves. I didn’t bite it, but by the time I was walking along the river, my feet were squishy. Why was I doing this again?

I went inside of Impression 5 to put my running pants on over my shorts. I put another shirt over my Coolmax Long Sleeve. It was cold outside. Wondering around the parking lot, I began to wonder if my step-mom would show up. Then, I wondered if anyone from Riverview would still come. As I was wondering all of this, the rain picked up quite a bit. My face was no drenched, along with everything else. This was not fun. Holly does not like to be soaked. I actually took brief refuge in one of the port-o-potties. Deciding this wasn’t a good idea, I used the facility and decided to head back to my car for a warmer, drier, nicer smelling place to make a decision.

I trudged forward through the wind and rain but I made my decision there, on the wet pavement: I was going to run this race no matter who showed up. It was hang time with God and I wanted it. I was going to have joy through a less than desirable situation. I got to the Ion and tossed my running bag into the car. I grabbed my raincoat and umbrella. I was prepared to run alone.

On the way back to the start line, I saw Todd, a friend from Mason who ran the Angel House and Max’s race with us. Todd had decided he was going to run, too but had to go back to his car to get his stuff. As we were catching up on life, I realized…it wasn’t raining. I laughed out loud and took off my hood. “Todd! It’s not even raining!” H smiled and we both looked up at the bright blue sky which was taking over the rain clouds. Heading for the start line, I saw Paul, my pastor, and as I waited for him to pick up his running packet, I saw my step-mom searching for me. I was so excited and happy. I ran to her, hugged her and thanked her for coming. It was so awesome having her there. I saw Mike, who is a part of Rivrunners, and we all went with him when he lined up for the 10 mile.

After the National Anthem was sung, the 10 mile took off. It was our turn for the 5k. Paul said a quick prayer and we got behind the start line. Usually, I don’t run with people. But I decided since this was Paul’s first 5k, I would run with him. But when the race started, I realized the difference in our leg length was going to be a factor. I told him to run ahead but he stayed with me…and I stayed with him which increased my speed. We talked a little bit and really, I had such an awesome time. I even saw the mouthy Christian lady from the Autumn Classic last weekend. I asked her name as we passed her and she shouted, “It’s Marge!” So, now we know each other.

The race truly flew by. It had turned into a cloudless, blue sky with a little chill in the air. Perfect running weather. Paul and I opened up at the end a little too early and became a little winded. After slowing it down, we could hear the announcer at the finish line but couldn’t see it. I did see Todd, standing, waiting, next to the trail. I knew immediately he was going to run me in like he did for Max’s Race. I absolutely loved it. He told me to look up, zone out, stretch my legs…man, I was hauling. I hit that finish line and felt so good. Christine immediately grabbed my arm and handed me a water. “Holly…your time was 28:39!” I almost started crying, I was so happy. Paul ran in behind me and then we walked a bit, though I need to walk and stretch right after I run instead of standing and talking to people. I got a cramp in my right calf because I didn’t stretch properly and now it’s sore. Grrrrrr…

So, now I have the Dino Dash this Sunday. Running that one with Yi, Todd and possibly, Joey. I need to take a break from these runs, though. They are getting expensive!

Autumn Classic 8k

Results
Time: 51:47
395th Overall

We got to Lake Lansing and I was nervous. I knew I could run 4.97 miles but there was still the unknown of doing it. How would my body react? Would I have to walk at all? Joey helped me stretch and then we found my step-mom and her co-worker Michelle. They were going to be walking it. The weather was perfect: warmish, sunny, beautiful.

The race started and I took off a little too quickly. Not a great pace to keep for almost 5 miles. I knew the course somewhat from walking it last year with Suzanne. But now, I knew part of it better because Jenny lives off of Lake Drive. I passed her street and smiled, knowing she was inside her house getting ready to come out to cheer me on. I guess she had come out to the road with a bottle of water but by then, the walkers were going through.

I paced with a man in his late 50s for awhile. It’s really cool pacing with someone you don’t know. It’s like unsaid teamwork. We eventually split up at the 1st water station and I was happy to be on my own again. I really cruised through the first two miles and was surprised that I was feeling okay. God and I were having a great time together.

At mile 3, I was passed by a blind man and his running mate. This was when I noticed a short woman running in front of me. Her shirt read, “He strengthens me.” I smiled. “I love your shirt,” I told her as we began to pace with each other. “Yes, you need a shirt like this…especially on Sunday,” she told me. “Everyday,” I said. As we ran together, I noticed how interactive the woman was with the supporters on the sidelines. A lot of them were from the Okemos High School track team and most just stood there, not saying anything at all. “Come on!” she yelled. “You’re supposed to be cheering us on, not standing there!” I couldn’t help but laugh. I just love waving to people, clapping back to them and pumping my fist in the year as I pass by. I love the encouragement planted along the race route. I remembered the year before when Suz and I were walking and this teenage supporter stopped talking on her cell phone briefly to say, “good job.”

When we hit mile 4, I just took off. I wasn’t unusually tired. I felt good. Thoughts of hunger and peeing filled my head and pushed me further. I also felt strengthened by the Lord. I finished pretty well and stretched after having a banana and piece of Great Harvest Cinnamon Bread. Joey and I had to leave to meet up with everyone for the Tigers game. As we approached the Mazda, a man asked for a ride. We both shrugged and said, “sure.” The man needed to go to Saginaw and Abbott streets. He had been waiting for his buddy to finish but the friend decided to stay for the awards ceremony. Our passenger needed to get home so he could get to church on time. Of course, this struck up some conversations about church. When we told him we go to Riv, he said, “yeah, I used to go there when it was in the Kellogg Center. I know Steve, Noel and Paul.” We explained how we have 5 pastors now and 5 services. This guy freaked out, “no way?!!?!” We kept asking him questions about his church and him but he kept turning it back to Riverview. After dropping him off, I turned to Joey and said, “why were we supposed to meet that guy?” He said, “maybe we aren’t supposed to know.”

Finish Photo

Prelim Fall Schedule

Ah, yes. TV has once again taken over my life. It was nice spending time with you, God. Yeah, I know that is a crappy attitude to have. I'm not being serious...well, not totally serious.

So, I can't decide on my TV line up for this season. Here are the shows I watched this week but not sure how many new ones I'll commit to:

Monday Night:
I REALLY liked Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Clever and dramatic, I like seeing TV poke fun at itself.

Tuesday Night:
I don't remember what I watched.

Wednesday Night:
I watched Jericho. It was lame...and interesting at times. I'm sick of TV shows using the sames songs over and over...songs from almost a year ago. Blah. Can't wait for Lost...if I can catch up on Season 2. We've got a lot of DVD watching to do, baby!

Thursday Night:
I like Earl but I LOVE The Office. I just can't get enough of this show. I think I might try Ugly Betty next week for the 8-8:30 time slot and then switch to The Office and then switch back for Grey's and then switch back for ER. Now....about Grey's....

If you watched it, were you slightly disappointed? For one, I was disappointed to not be snuggled up with JAC watching Grey's with a cat at my feet. We always watched it together on Sunday nights. Now, I have to deal with watching it snuggled up in my down comforter. Oh well. But the episode itself seemed to be a let down and kind of jumpy. I didn't like the flash backs much because...well, it was cool to see how some relationships started but did anyone else catch the Gnarls Barkley song playing in the background? If that was supposed to be a flashback from at least a year and a half ago, why is there a song that was recently released playing in the background? Oops. And how did they "fix" the plauge situation? And why was Miranda so tired? She wasn't her fiesty self and kept acting as if she would pass out? Why?!?! I kept waiting for her to faint with....plague I guess. The whole plague thing seemed to be kind of lame...like it was a filler or something. Of course, I'm still hooked even though I don't think Grey really has to think over her decision. I guess we need a few more episodes where she struggles. I deal with this crap in real life, I don't know why I don't really want to see too much struggle over one decision in my TV programs.

ER---what can I say. Anti-climatic, too? They found Abby and Luka right away and they both didn't seem too traumatized from almost DYING. I love Abby, though. I really do. I like her struggles. They seem real and her character deals with them in a real sort of way. She made they decision to get a hysterectomy to stop the bleeding she was experiencing. It was good to see her vulnerable side when she asked Luka if just one baby would be enough. But wait a minute, she is sitting up, talking to Luka after just having a hysterectomy? And Jerry is sitting up after his heart was just massaged and his chest cavity cracked? I don't know. This might just really be the last season for ER.

Friday:
No TV

Saturday:
No TV

Sunday:
The usuals: Extreme Home Make-Over and Desperate Housewives...though, if it doesn't get better, I'm ditching that one. I'm looking forward to the premiere of Brothers and Sisters. I really dig Calista Flockhart

I'm really going to have to weed some of these out. That's just too much wasted life.

Muddy Waters

Poll question:
How many of you know who Muddy Waters is? How many of you care?

Well....he died (Nice blog, Holly). He coached MSU football from 1980 through maybe 1982 or something. I barely remember him. I do remember Zeike the wonder dog. I remember his name, though and after he was fired and George Perles was hired, he stuck around the area. He is survived by his son....Murkey. No, I'm not making this up.

New Shepard for our Funky Riv Flock

I have someone new that has to answer for my soul in heaven. On Saturday (and Sunday), Dan Price was recognized as a pastor, joining the other four dudes we call pastor. As Noel went through the Biblical requirements of being a pastor/elder, I just smiled and nodded my head. Yes, this is Dan. My thoughts went back to the first time I met he and Suzanne.

For some reason, Joey and I decided to go to a Together bar-b-que at the church. This was back in April 2004. I had seen Dan hanging around the church and he had occasionally stepped in for Paul to lead us in singing. I wasn't too sure about his style. I was used to what I knew which was Paul. But anyway, there they were at the Together event. Funny thing was, Dan looked a lot like a friend of mine from high school, so I kept staring at him. He kept staring back...kind of like "what's wrong with this girl." Anyhow, it was that night I realized the eight-month pregnant woman sitting beside me was his wife (and son). Dan and I started joking around about a lot of stuff but for some reason I was intimidated by his wife. She was just so....tall...and pretty. But that wore off in about a minute because this woman was fun and loving. As we were all sitting there, Dan and Suzanne asked Joey and I out on a date.

A date? Well, they asked us out to dinner for the next Sunday. We accepted. At that time, Joey and I weren't hanging out with people from Riverview. I hardly knew anyone at Riv let alone the Prices and didn't realize they were new to the church and area as well. So, we went out to dinner...the Okemos Applebees. On the way there, Joey and I thought we saw a dead calf in a field. When we told Dan about it at dinner, he insisted we stop to check on it on the way back. It kind of turned into a joke for some reason. No, the calf wasn't dead. It was about 8 hours old and just kind of getting its bearings.

Dinner was interesting and we got to know the Prices better. Dan was bumming because he wanted to go on a mission trip to Amsterdam but because of Suzanne's "condition" he wasn't able to. We were all talking about different ways to induce labor so he could still make the trip. "Come on, Suz," he said when we were going our separate ways, "let's go for a nice, long walk." She didn't have Jaden for another month which was when we brought double decker tacos over for dinner.

Dan took over the singing from Paul and I admit I was totally wrong. I liked his style...most of the time...and because of the variety he and the other band leaders have brought to Riv, I have embraced more musical styles. But both Dan and Suzanne are more than just a music leader and a RivKid teacher.

Dan and Suzanne have helped me personally during some rough times. Their support and outreach have been sincere and biblical. They are a fine example and he will lead the souls of Riverview. We are all blessed to have Dan as an elder and Joey and I are happy to call Dan and Suz friends.

....And I was thinking the other day...wow. I never would have thought I would ever have 5 pastors. And I never would have ever thought I would have all but one of their cell phone numbers programmed into my phone (look out, Mark)....and I call them for various reasons....and they are there. They are all different and balance each other out. The head of our church is Christ...and I don't have his cell phone number programmed in but then again...we all have a direct line, now, don't we.

Whoo-hoo! Go God!

PS: Why does Riverview have 5 pastors???? You can listen to Noel explain it under the "alt.church.leadership" link or perhaps I can bust out my notes and update on it....someday.

I read this quote in Kate's bathroom. It is from a Joyce Meyer magazine:

"While you're busy trying to figure things out, God's already worked it out --
He's just waiting to get your attention."

Barefoot Children In The Rain

Three firsts in my 11 Buffett concert history:
1.) It rained...a lot...hard...most of the time.
2.) He didn't take an intermission
3.) I didn't stay for the last encore.

Joey and I met up with his aunt Diana and uncle Gary in the parking lot around 6pm with all of the other corporate Parrotheads. First, we had pretzels, Jell-O shots, margaritas and beer out of the trunk. Then it was off to check out the pre-concert tailgating.

We had fun wandering and participating in the antics of the parking lot. We met up with our shark friend, Art Brokenshire, a few times. He scored me some food as well. Joey met a guy who made a blender out of...I can't remember...a lawn mower, maybe? Anyhow, the rain was a light drizzle until we headed into the venue. It just started pouring. We got inside the door and found a gushing waterfall coming down the steps leading up to the hill to the lawn. We were safe (we thought) in our rain gear.

Deciding to take a spot next to the mudslide on the lawn was fun. Uncle Gary kept nudging me when he wanted me to watch someone bite it. It was pretty funny until later...but that's later.

Buffett came out around 8:10 or so. He came out dancing to "Singin In The Rain" and he had an inflatable umbrella. He danced around and then they did their official opening with Hot, Hot, Hot. He thanked us for braving the weather several times. I also love how he always changes the lyrics to songs, too. During Margaritaville, he sang, "look at those Parrotheads covered in rain coats, umbrellas, and mud!" I was really happy he played Grapefruit Juicy Fruit and Floridays. Oh, and I REALLY like the new Bama Breeze song.

I took my usual pee break at the end of Cheeseburger. This is when he normally does an intermission. Thankfully, he didn't do one but I missed a lot of good songs. See, it wasn't easy getting up that hill in the mud with flip flops on. Aunt Diana helped me and escorted me to the lavatory. Then, she had a cigarette and ordered a drink. We didn't get back to the lawn until "Window on The World." Now, one of these songs was cool because they showed clips from the Andy Griffith show. I saw it from the drink line. Perhaps it was the Peanut Butter Conspiracy.

Fingers Taylor was playing with Buffett for the first time in I don't even know how long. At least for me, I haven't seen Fingers play with Jimmy for at least 5 years. I talked to Fingers at a bar in Royal Oak in 2003. He told me that he and Jimmy never really had a falling out...except that when he told Jimmy he couldn't tour anymore because he needed to raise his kids, Jimmy just never called him again. But there they were on stage together. Jimmy kept bringing him out, like he couldn't get enough of Fingers. Very cool. What was not cool: trying to go back down the hill to our spot.

Several people tried to assist me and I ended up skating down to someone else who caught me who passed me on to Joey. So, I didn't bite it but came close.

The rain never stopped, until the end of the concert when it turned into a drizzle. Our rain gear couldn't handle the amount of precipitation so we did get a little soaked. Still, Jimmy seemed so appreciative of our support. He thanked us over and over. It was kind of interesting, too, because I never tire seeing Jimmy in concert but I do not put him on a pedestal the way I used to. I mean, it's still "wow! Jimmy Buffett!" but since I've become Christ centered, my perception of the whole thing has just changed. I like him but I don't worship him the way I used to. I used to just scream his name over and over. Now, I usually just dance and smile and occasionally yell. Maybe this perception has changed because....my perception isn't as foggy? Drunk? Drugged up? So, this is what is like to be a sober, Christian, Parrothead. Still fun, but much more clear.

We left after the first encore but could hear Jimmy sing as we left. It felt so good to peal off those wet clothes and jump into some dry, warm sweatshirts. I'm glad I wore flip flops.

So, want to go to a Buffett concert next time he's in town :)

Set List

Quotes

We showed Lyndsay, my nine-year-old niece, the engagment ring on my finger.

Me: Do you know what this means?
Lyndsay: It either means....you are engaged or....you're getting married...not sure which one.

Another favorite quote from the past week:
When are you having kids?

And another from Jennwy:
Holly, you have cute feet.

Gee, thanks :o)

In another 5 years...

"Where were you when the world stopped turning
that September day
Teaching a class full of innocent children
Driving down some cold interstate"
~Alan Jackson

It was raining this morning and I had forgotten it was 9/11. I drove in from Lansing and the closer I got to Detroit, the rain lessened. I was listening to Joyce Meyer and it suddenly occurred to me it was 9/11. I turned on the radio in time for the moment of silence when the first plane hit. The sun was breaking through and the clouds had formed a broken cross in the sky. Tears streamed down my face as I remembered all of the confusion and pain from 5 years ago. I also felt...saved. No matter what, God reminded me this morning that I'm saved from hell when I die.

I wasn't in a room teaching but I thought about my...fiance :) who was teaching that day. I also know my niece and nephew are asking a lot more questions as they have grown 5 years older since the attacks occurred. It still hurts and maybe it should.

I received the nicest e-mail in my inbox from my friend in Australia:

Wasn't sure whether you'll be at work today, but wanted you to know that the events of 5 years ago are in our minds.

I'm thinking of her due to the loss of Steve Irwin and she's thinking of me because of the day in history.

Yeah...soooo...

I guess the word is out. I said....OKAY!

Want to hear the story? Of course, you do. Joey and I are going to tell it two ways: his version and my version. Mine will be long and over detailed.

The first thing you will need to do (see, this story is interactive) is reacquaint yourself with the John Deere Green story I wrote last October. This is the background information. And now...the story.

And now...the story.

I left for Traverse City Saturday morning. The idea was to go up there, hang with the Mazurs, have some heart to hearts with Kate about the battles in my mind, do a lot of praying and then return home early Monday afternoon. My phone would not stop ringing. There were all sorts of issues/problems/dramas going on and for some reason, they were coming my way. Could it have been the prayer I prayed to God the weekend before? "God, please use me as You need to." Wow. I guess He needed to and though it got a little draining emotionally at times for me, the Holy Spirit got me through. So, needless to say, I didn't spend a whole lot of time with myself or with God...but I guess listening to others is a way of helping God...and not talking about your problems all the time is a way of helping yourself. I digress... Joey had been minorly bugging me all week wanting to know when I was coming home Monday. This made me slightly suspicious. When I spoke to him Saturday night and told him I would leave at 11 and be home by 3 on Monday, he said, "no, you'll leave at 8 in the morning and be home by 11." I got off the phone with him, turned to Kate and said, "I think I'm getting engaged on Monday."

Now, I don't mean to make it sound bratty or that I'm really special or something because all of these people were calling me. That wasn't it. I took their phone calls and text messages. I welcomed them. I got a small taste of what it’s like to be a counselor or a pastor. I was pulling on everything I've learned the past three years. It was really amazing to just know God was at work.

I had a nightmare that Saturday night at Kate's. I was in a minor plane crash where everyone survived. The pilot told us to get off the plane while they made some repairs and then we could reboard. When it was time to reboard, my stepmom, who kept changing into my grandmother, didn't want to get on the plane with me. I stated I was a Christian so nothing bad could happen to us. She trusted it and got on the plane with me. This time, the accident was so bad that she was killed. I was horrified because I had talked her into getting on. I woke up really wanting to come home (to Lansing). I knew I was going to leave Kate's on Sunday afternoon. I had decided to on my way up because I wanted to be at the Price's for Melissa and Kyle's going away party. I also felt like I should be in Lansing with everything that was going on.

So, without telling anyone except the Mazurs, I left at 3:00pm. I took 131 home, listened to Joyce the whole time, and made it to the Price's by 7pm. Suzanne explained that Joey was on his way. I got a less than thrilled welcome from him. I think his words were "you brat." I thought it would be a nice surprise and after a couple of hugs, he was fine. See, I didn't know I had just thrown minor wrenches into the plan.

My dad called Joey while we were at the party. This wasn't odd to me because the two of them had gone to the State game together earlier that day. After Joey got off the phone, he said, "your dad is going to call you in about 10 minutes." Now, Joey kind of screwed up here because he failed to mention to my father that I was in town, not in TC.

My dad calls me. "Holly, I can't get a hold of Joey. Could you call him and tell him I need him to come out to the golf course to get my clubs for the bachelor party?" Background info (are you loving this, Kell?): if I hadn't mentioned this before, my grandfather bought a whole lotta land from my grandmother's pa, my great-grandfather. He paid a nickel or something for it. My grandpa tried to farm the land during a drought. He said, screw this and put in one hole of golf. The locals would take turns playing that one hole of golf so grandpa gave Laingsburg, MI a nine hole golf course. In 1994, I worked on the golf course and helped add on 9 more holes. Digressing…

“Dad, why don’t you just bring the clubs to your house in East Lansing so we don’t have to drive out to L-burg?” I asked.
“Well, I need to show him where to put some other stuff for the bachelor party…you know…the beer.”
“Oh…okay…”
“Well, I would tell him myself but I don’t know where he is. Do you?”
“Yeah, he’s standing right next to me.”
“What? Where are you?”
“At our friend Dan’s house…in Lansing.”
“You’re not in TC? Can I talk to Joey for a second?”

So, Joey somehow convinced me it was the Moosehead talking, not my dad. Still, I was suspicious.

That night, I had another nightmare. I dreamt I woke up and there was a bubble gum machine in front of me. Several of them. I could see that one of them had candy in the opening. I lifted the little plastic door and pushed the candy (Skittles I think) out into my hand. There was a ring…but it was made of gold foil. This ring was hideous. I became angry and began to tell whomever was with me that I didn’t want to get married even if everyone else wanted me to. Joey showed up in the dream and I told him I just wasn’t ready. He got upset and told me it was over then because I would never be ready. I woke up in a panic.

By the time Joey picked me up around 10:30, I was convinced I wasn’t supposed to go to the golf course. I just wasn’t ready for this major step. I needed more time. I explained all of this to Joey in tears. But Joey didn’t turn around. He asked me questions, held my hand and was busy formulating Plan B in his head. We got to the four corners of L-Burg. Joey said, “we don’t have to go to the golf course today. We can do whatever you want. Let’s go shopping instead.”

I was surprised. Maybe I had been wrong. Perhaps there wasn’t a mystery at the golf course. “No, we’re already here. Let’s just keep going and see what my dad wants.”

We pulled down the drive to Pine Hills and parked down by the barn my grandfather built. We got out of the car and I asked the kid who works there if he knew where my dad was. “18th Tee” came the answer. Okay. Now, I grew up on this golf course but over the years I have forgotten where every hole is located. I headed for the club house to figure out where the 18th tee was and Joey headed straight for the course.

“Wa-wait,” I said. “You can’t just walk out on a golf course. You could get hit. Let’s go up to the clubhouse.” As I’m saying this, we are climbing the slope toward the parking lot. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a water tower and the word “Joey.” I stopped. I stared straight ahead at the clubhouse. I turned slowly to Joey and saw the nervous look on his face. “What is that?” I said knowing what I had just seen and what it meant.

“Want to go see what it is?” Joey asked. I smiled, took his hand and walked down the hill to the 18th tee, in front of the pond. It was all so surreal. I do remember Joey taking a remote out of his pocket and suddenly John Deere Green was heard over the airwaves of a very quiet golf course. He then got down on his knee and told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

“What about all of the stuff I told you on the way here?” I asked.
“We can take it slow. We will figure it all out together.”
“Pre-marital counseling?”
“Absolutely.”
“Um….(crying now)….okay!”
Kiss, hug and then stories of how he put it together, how he got the ring, how he kept it from me. The ring was nothing like the nightmare. It is a beautiful, platinum ring Joey designed off the cheap ring I’ve been wearing for three years from the Limited. The cheap ring is three rings intertwined. I call it my Trinity ring. So, it was the inspiration for the engagement ring. The diamond is the same diamond Joey was going to give me two years ago before God stepped in and said, “not, yet.” It is such a beautiful gift of love. Truly.

The water tower was made at the Mason High School shop room before Joey left. You can see the little ladder going all the way up. The paint on the water tower is actual John Deere green paint. I guess the whole thing was drying in the Corr’s backyard when I pulled back into town a day early. Ha! Jenny and Peter had set everything up on the golf course that morning. They are so awesome.

After my dad drove up in the golf cart to congratulate us, Joey left to go move the car. I was left alone with God. I prayed and talked to Him. I felt peaceful but still in somewhat of a fog. I thought about how the land I just got engaged on had once belonged to my great-grandfather and my grandfather had realized a dream here when he built the golf course. I, too, had labored on this land by changing the cups, raking sandtraps, laying PVC pipe and other tasks when I had worked there in 1994. My life started down the hill in a trailer that isn’t there anymore. I thought back to my childhood, listening to my grandmother yell, “be careful or you’ll get hit in the head with a golf ball!” I remembered my beloved cat, Fluffy, who was buried in a poison ivy patch. Joey came back and took a picture of me there, with God.

We scheduled an impromptu lunch with my mom, step-dad, sis, bro-in-law, nephew and niece, though most of them already knew. It was all still sinking in for me, though. I was going in and out of shock, I think. I mean, I wasn’t engaged this morning and now I was eating a waffle with a big, sparkly thing on my finger. After lunch, Joey and I went to the Ingham County Jail to see a friend of ours. This friend ended up in jail after doing something deadly serious. Joey was put on the list to visit this guy to let him know we were angry for what he did but we were still going to be there for him. Please pray for this friend of ours who heard the gospel for the first time this week.

After Joey was done talking to him, our friend walked slowly by the glass door and motioned for me to hold up my hand. I did and our friend pumped his fists in the air along with another inmate on his way back to the cell. So, yeah, we got engaged, had lunch, went to jail and were congratulated by two inmates. We drove out to see the girlfriend of the friend in jail. We spent time with her, ministering, listening, advising…and then we were back to being the newly engaged couple, going from house to house (not stranger's homes) telling people of our news. One of my favorite stops was the Hills home. There were five other couples there and they all went around the room telling stories of when they got engaged. We ended the night at R.B.’s, a 93-year-old man Joey prays with every week. R.B. prayed for us and I felt calm, peaceful.

So, there you are. My emotional, long-winded account of getting engaged. We were told by our pastor to “coast” for right now. There will be plenty to plan but for now, we aren’t. I know there will be a lot of happiness coming our way…I’m trusting God on that one. But I know there are going to be hurt feelings, too. There usually are. I pray people are understanding of our wishes and how we want this wedding stuff to go down. Prayers are always welcomed.

Jennwy and I (look out for the frogs behind you, Jenny!)

God, me and the watertower

I have a people poll question: Should I really marry this guy? It is all up to you, loyal readers.

Updates

A few quick updates:

• For those who do not ready Joey's blog, he got a new job at Holt Jr. High School teaching 7th & 8th grade Art. He also is teaching Art Education part time at Alma College. And I have to share something really cool about this story. When Holt offered Joey the position, they did so the day after the interview. To me, that is unheard of. Most times you wait a week at least. That was how impressed the interview panel was with Mr. Corr. There was a catch, of course. He would lose his tenure and start over at Holt. This meant a $3,000 pay cut. Guess how much Alma offered him per semester? God is cool :o)
• Joey's house sold in 2 weeks. He waited on God's timing, accepted the offer, and is now saving a whole lot of money by living with Ma and Pa Corr. It's a big house and everyone is adjusting.
• I'm going away this weekend to stay in TC with Kate. I can't wait because Kate is great. She really was becoming my mentor before they left...wow...a year ago was when they moved.
• I'm signing up for my first 8k next week. Grrrr.....
• The news of the year! My friend Jason and his wife Greta are pregnant with their first baby....I mean...babies...three of them! Please pray for them. They're a little nervous.
• I feel like there is a whole lot more i want to write but I can't reveal too much. I have several friends in painful places right now and I can't save them from it. I can only pray and encourage them to put their faith in God instead of themselves.

Happy Labor Day weekend and Happy Birthday to some cool people who I love dearly: Melissa, Dan and Peter.

OH! I do have some new news! How could I forget? I have a new pastor!!!! Congrats, Dan! I mean, Pastor Dan :o)

In times of crisis

“I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long”
~Kanye West “Jesus Walks”

Recently, I wrote on the now defunct RivBlog about turning to God. Sometimes, we just screw up. We know the right thing to do, trust in our selfish ambition or craving, and end up in a sin cycle. We have felt like we abused God. We crapped on our relationship with Him. We defied Him. We angered Him. How could we turn to Him now that we are in this huge mess?

This is when we think of God as a human. If we had done all of this to a human, they may think twice before helping us out. This is not God.

I was listening to JM the other day and she told about her youngest son, a messy but loveable kid. She and her husband Dave were trying to teach their son to have responsibility. They kept a chart outside the bedroom where they would reward him for cleaning his room. More times than not, the parents found themselves frustrated because their child just didn’t seem to care about the chart or keeping his room clean. He was too busy having fun.

One day, their son was playing outside when the neighborhood bully approached and began to push him around. The son yelled, “Daddy!” When the voice of his son reached the father’s ears, he did run to the chart next to the bedroom to see how his son was doing with his chores. He did not think about how the son had misbehaved an hour before and did not eat his lunch. All he heard was “Daddy!” and the father was gone. He raced to his son’s side and defended him, picked him up off the sidewalk, wiped his tears away and comforted the trembling boy.

How much more does our Heavenly Father love and care for us? We cannot even comprehend. So, when I have felt that I couldn’t turn to God because like Kanye says, “we haven’t spoken in so long,” I shouldn’t think of it in human terms. When I yell “Daddy! Father! Lord!” God has “run” to my side.

And when God calls us? I know when He has directly called me. One time I had several months to prepare. Another time, I had no preparation. I was to stop what I was doing, cancel my plans, change my direction, loose $$, turn back around and go. Just go. At first, I was confused by the call. It hurt deeply because the person God wanted me to help was in so much pain. I couldn’t think straight at first but a deep breath later and a prayer to the Lord…I was on my way with a sad but clear head. My humanness did start to worry but the Holy Spirit would step in and say “just keep going…let Me steer you.” I had some private moments where I broke down. But I just kept going, allowing God to use me. I could actually FEEL Him moving me, using me. It was incredible. And just like that, the crisis was over. I wondered if I had done enough or the right thing and I swear I heard a voice say, “you did what I asked you…I didn’t ask you to do the things you are worried about.”

So I stand by…and wait for the next time…because I know its coming...and I'm willing even when it hurts.

The Crim 2006

Time:28:58
9:20 Mile
16th out of 91 runners my age
586th overall


Thanks for the prayers on my ankle. By mid-morning on Friday, there was no pain. The tendons were a little stiff but the pain was gone. So again, thank you!

JAC and I drove to Flint Saturday morning. We cut it too close. There were so many people down there that it was hard to find a place to park. By the time we got close to the start line, I had 20 minutes to find the registration and packet pick up. Remind me to never pick up my packet the day of the run! I stopped to ask some dudes where the packet pick up was located. “Inside the hotel.” Well, in order to get to the hotel, I had to cross in front of all the 8kers getting ready for their race. There were so many people.

Joey and I split up with me running ahead to get my packet. Upon entering the hotel lobby, I asked a woman standing in the ballroom door where the registration and packet table was located. “Follow the blue line.” So, I followed this %$@ blue line which zig zagged back and forth through all of these displays. I began to run and finally game to the end. Ahhhhh….packets.

I approached the table and confidently gave my name. “You need to give me your number.” “My number?” “Yes, its located on the wall behind me.” Thousands of names were on this list but I found mine.

Now, last weekend when I ran the Shared Pregnancy Center race, I was number 13. My number for this race was like 3,969 or something. Crazy. So, I booked it out to the front of the hotel and my heart was pounding. There was no Joey and I thought the 5kers were lined up ready to start. I began to panic. I asked a woman how to get the chip on my shoe in order to time me. She didn’t know how. Either did I because Joey usually puts it on my shoe. So, I’m freaking out, losing control and the nicest man approaches me and puts the chip on. The race started. Tears were rolling down my face. “I can’t find my boyfriend. I have to run with my sweatshirt, t-shirt and my packet information.” This nice man took my stuff and told me he would check it in at the hotel under my race number. I wiped my face and headed for the race.

I think it was then that two things happened. The first thing was I realized it was the 8k that had just started, not the 5k. So, I went into the hotel and started to stretch. What else could I do? It was then that Joey found me. He gave me my MP3 player and took my ID and bank card. We split up again with him going to find the stuff I had given a total stranger. I headed for the start line…the 5k start line. The second thing that happened was Yi and her dad were waving to me from the bank. I was so relieved to see them. I briefly spoke to her and then joined the runners. A few minutes before the race began, I ran back over to Yi and asked her to pray. Peace and comfort flooded my body. I was okay. Why had I even questioned God?

The race started but because of all the people, I couldn’t get my usual start. It took awhile, with people weaving in and out, running right in front of me (I almost plowed into someone because of it) but I finally broke through the crowd. The adrenaline was pumping. My spirits were lifted. We headed down Kearsly street and I noticed the 8kers coming the other way. I couldn’t help it. I clapped for them and some of them clapped for us. It was kind of like Merrill on Signs: “It just seemed wrong not to swing.” That is how I am when I’m running. I’m smiling, clapping, waving and feel uplifted.

As I rounded a corner, a specific song came on my MP3 player. The lyrics just blew me away.

If tomorrow is Judgment Day
And I'm standing on the front line, mmm...
And the Lord asks me what I did with my life,I will say,
I spent it with you.

I started to cry. The holy spirit was on me. It was so strong that it just lifted me up, gave me peace, joy and I was spilling over in tears. I passed a church whose members were handing out water. They had a huge quote on a banner which said John 4:14 "but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." I just couldn’t stop smiling and said, “God bless you” as I accepted their glass of water.

It was nearing the end of the race. I had no clue what my time was or how I was doing. Corner after street corner started to grind on my nerves a bit. Where was the finish line already?! But then, I turned my last corner, and there it was. I saw the clock counting down “29:12, 29:13, 29:14….” I hauled it with everything I had in me. The streets were lined with people. They were yelling and cheering us on. I crossed the finish line.

Yi and Joey found me right away. I was elated. I didn’t care I had finished worse than my race the week before. I finished the Crim! I didn’t realize what I big deal it was until my step-mom posted this message on our family website:

Holly is being modest. The Crim is listed in Runners World as one of the best 10 races to do in your lifetime. AND she came in 16th in her age group in a field of 91 runners. Considering she only started seriously training this summer makes that finish "huge" - esp. at her advanced age. Running is as much mental as physical - maybe more. I for one am totally impressed - as is her father. Run Holly Run!!!!!

As it turned out, my time didn’t start until I crossed the start line, not when the gun went off. So, I really ran it in 28:58. Pretty good. Really good. What meant more to me was running with God.

I need prayer

...and I'm not above asking for it.

I hurt my ankle. Not sure how but the tendons or muscles in the back of my ankle...my achilles' tendon, I guess...hurts. No clue how this happened. I was packing last night and do nothing out of the ordinary and whamo. Pain. Lots of pain. Couldn't even walk. So I limped around the condo. I thought it would be better this morning but one step out of bed and it was worse. I used a heating pad (sorry if I offended everyone that's shouting "no! ice it!") and the pain subsided. I'm walking okay now but the tendon feels a little tight. Here is where I need prayer.

Call me stupid but I'm still running the Crim. I have faith God will get me through but I might have to be carried across the finish line. I just want to run this race so bad, I already paid the money and I'm mentally prepared. It's my last race for awhile and was also started the year I was born.

It's going to be fine but if you could say a little prayer, that would rock.

Thank you, sheep.

Facing Pain, Receiving Joy: Part 3

I had to teach RivKids Sunday at 10. I was pumped to teach but I felt weary from being a little sick and from the battle that had raged in my mind. I went to my classroom feeling so comfortable…and…well…I almost have to laugh. I can’t even really write about it but I’ll just say this: you can have many, many “safe places” in your life (places you can hide), but if God wants to make a point, if He wants you to turn around and face something, you can’t run for long. Well, I didn’t have a choice about the situation, but I did have a choice about my reaction. I swallowed my pride, prayed about it and quit running from it. I ended up feeling so much peace. The turmoil inside faded quickly. I had an awesome time teaching my kidlets about what God cares about. I even faced the thing I keep running from, pretty much because God has made it obvious I can’t run anymore. Again, relief and peace.

After picking grass in Riv’s front yard with Yi, talking to both Noel and Steve, missing a chance to say hello to Alan (sorry!) and listening to Eric tell me his gross story about breaking his ankle, I was on my way to Joey’s with a heart overflowing with confidence. People love me. I love them. There’s still a blog coming about that topic, though. Joey and I packed, became hungry, went to Applebee’s, had really bad service, gave our waiter a $5 tip anyhow, saw my step-dad and went back to packing. With Nick’s help we got almost everything out. The kitty cats might need therapy after the car ride, though. I was following Joey in the Mazda and decided to pass him. I saw Chessie sitting in his lap. When I called him, he said Hemi was hiding under the seat but Chessie was trying to co-pilot the Ion.

It was a lot of work to move Corr to the Corr's but I got to help unpack which is my favorite part of moving. I slept in the guest bedroom and felt like I was at a bed and breakfast.

Yes, this weekend was not full of joy but it was certainly a test of character. Will I be moved?

Facing Pain, Receiving Joy: Part 2

Ha! Yi! I did it! I got to part 2 :)

Saturday afternoon was Jenny’s bridal shower. It was interesting having it in my mom’s church, the church I will probably get married in. I was glad to help provide the location even though we wanted to have it at Riverview. Things were getting a little intense and I needed a minute to myself just to talk to God. I snuck into the dark sanctuary, bent my head and asked God for peace. Suddenly, the organ started and I almost leapt into heaven. My heart was pounding as I leaned to the right. I hadn’t even noticed the man sitting at the organ when I had walked in. I laughed to myself. How funny, God. I ask for peace and you send me loud organ music causing me to become more unnerved. But the music soon turned peaceful and relaxed me causing me to smile to the Lord, again. Always helping me. Healing me.

After the shower, I went to Joey’s to move some stuff to his parents. We ate the rest of the spaghetti (wait for it….) and then took boxes to his parents. They were about to leave for the Hill’s house to play cards. We were all laughing about stuff and I was feeling so secure. Joey and I discussed what to do after church, made our decision and then tried to set the plans into motion. They were a no go…and this is where my feelings got hurt pretty bad and when I allow my feelings to be hurt, Joey becomes angry at whatever the cause….even though the main cause is usually me. He wants to protect me and trust me on this one, he does step in and protect me from myself when necessary. However, he was hurt a little, too. So, we went to the Hill’s and hung out with some of my old teachers from Holt. While there, my grandma called upset. My cousin, Justin, had been home for only a few hours when he was called back to Indianapolis. They flew he and his company to Kuwait that night and soon after touching down in Kuwait, they entered into Iraq. It doesn’t sound like he’s going to a very nice area. Please pray for him to have courage and the Lord’s protection…and then pray for God’s will.

Joey and I went to Riv after our stop at the Hill’s. While standing in the lobby, I had a flash from the past approach me with a hug. My ex-boyfriend’s little cousin was there. She explained how she was now a sophomore at State and this was her second or third time coming to Riv. She also told me that Bush (the ex) had told her I go to Riv. She had hoped to see me and was so excited I was standing there. Now, crazy thing about all of this…I had a dream the night before about this girl when I hadn’t thought about her in sooo long. What a coincidence J I was really happy to know she was seeking a real relationship with Christ. I pray I see her again.

Joey and I visited with some of the newer people we have met this summer. I finally congratulated the Kranzos on their move to Boston but my heart is sad about them leaving. While standing there with them and the Fritzes (is that right?), I felt so safe and my hurt feelings stopped crying out for attention. However….I was a mess during church. At one point, I asked Joey if we could leave. He said no. I knew he was right and didn’t fight it. I was just so confused about many different things. Losing friends. Sharing friends. Wanting to feel comfortable with my friends. Wanting to do the right thing for Christ. The more Paul talked about the spiritual battle taking place inside of us, the more the battle inside of me intensified. We left in a hurry and went to my grandma’s.

After leaving her home, we decided to go to a safe place. Right now, I can’t explain what a safe place is. I guess, in making an attempt to explain, it is a place where I don’t have the shadow of the past hanging over my head. It’s a place I don’t have to worry about certain things in my life. I guess you could also refer to this safe place as running away. Anyhow, we went to the safe place and laughed with our safe place friends.

That night, I felt sick. So did Joey. It had to be the spaghetti. Damn, Emils.

Facing Pain, Receiving Joy: Part 1

This weekend was such a painful, joyful experience. Is that possible? Of course...at least inside of my life.

Friday, Joey, Yi, my step-mom and I helped out with Backpacks of Hope. These are donated backpacks and items for schoolchildren without the means purchase the required necessities for school. My job was to check zippers on the backpacks and then cut the tags off. Not sure what Joey and Yi were doing. After helping out with that, Joey and I went to Emil’s (of course) to get spaghetti for two. We usually order it like this: no sausage and mushrooms on the side. This time, they gave us lots of meatballs and a meat sauce next to the marinara. It was yummy but about an hour later….I don’t know. Could something have been wrong with the meat? I asked Joey if he had any problems but he didn’t seem to. I dismissed my issues and met up with Yi at my mom’s. After much finagling, we managed to get the queen size air mattress into my bedroom. No room to walk. Pretty cozy.

Yi and I woke up early and made it down to the Shared Pregnancy Center 5K. My step-mom was already there, standing in the rain. Yi decided to run the 5K just before they began the race. This was my first time running in the rain. This was also the first time I ran on the Riverfront Trial. I had a great start and was having an awesome time with God. I prayed, ran with a smile, had joy flowing through my veins, felt swept up in the beauty of the raindrops hitting my face and the water. This trail runs through downtown Lansing and underneath some bridges.

As I approached one of the bridges, I realized someone was sleeping on the pavement. Yes, this run was taking me right by a homeless person. It was strange. Here I was running a 5K and looking forward to a hot shower and this person was sleeping under a bridge. I prayed and kept moving with the person on my mind.

It seemed like I reached the half way point sooner than I expected which boosted my confidence. The race route had us turn around and run the way we just came. It all felt so much easier than the time before. Of course, I pooped out a little when I saw the finish line. Still, I managed to finish in 28:45ish. I don’t have my exact time, though. Yi and Christine did awesome jobs as well.

Guess what today is in the world of me?!?!?!

Actually, I'm not too thrilled. I remember when I was dating my ex-boyfriend after a year. We were both 23 or so and I asked him what his intentions were. He said he didn't want to get married until he was...oh...32 or 33. I laughed and told him we would never work out because there was NO WAY I was waiting THAT LONG to get married.

I'm half way to 31. Is this some kind of joke, God?

Really, though, I love how Joey and I are waiting on the Lord to help us through this pre-engagement time. Just because our closest friends are getting engaged and married, we are waiting on God to move us. He has yet to settle our hearts but is instead working on us both, seperately and as a couple. So, I guess I can only be happy that it hasn't happened yet...I could have rushed that last relationship into a horrible marriage.

So...happy 1/2 birthday to me :) Another 1/2 year wiser than I was six months ago, right? Ha.

Ha! Can't keep me down! I'm back....for now :)

Check out this article about The Power of One. Not what you think....

I've been gone since Saturday and now I'm at my cousin's in Michigan Center. Went to Cleveland and Cedar Point. I'll update soon but I need to work on some computer stuff right now. Sorry, Kell!

So, Val blocked me from all blogspots and livejournals, again. Back to only posting on the weekends. And this blog will be a lot less active. See, you took me for granted again and look what happened :) Really, though, I think it was God. I wasn't handling something well and couldn't discipline myself to stop what I was doing. Well, now I can't do whatever it was I was doing. When I saw the blocked page, I didn't get upset or angry. I just smiled and shook my head. Yes, I get it, God. Thank you for protecting me from me.

Of course, now we all need to switch to something I can read at work. Dan, can you hook me up with your technology?

Going To God First

I recently attended a Christian conference by a well known teacher. During the conference, she stressed to me the importance of going to God first. She asked, "how many of you out there get a problem and then go tell 5 of your friends and later that day remember to pray about the problem? You need to go to God first, not to your friends who don't know what they're doing, either. He wants to be number one in your life!"

I thought about this and relayed it to a close friend of mine. The next time you have a problem, stop and pray. Don't pick up the phone and call anyone. Stop and pray for God to send you someone to talk to about the problem. See what He does.

My friend and I agreed this was what we were going to do. That was last Thursday night. The next morning....I got a problem. Something hurt me and began to crush my spirits. I had been expecting this "thing" to happen but when it did, I was caught off guard. I CHOSE to be upset and hurt by the "thing" that happened. What did I do?

I called my boyfriend. I didn't go to God. I called JAC and carried on about how low I felt. Problem was, JAC had so much going on he didn't have time to deal with me. I hung up the phone even more hurt than I was before. Now what?

Oh yeah! God! I was supposed to go to Him first! So, I bowed my head and prayed hard, asking for forgiveness, asking for comfort and trusting God to send me the person HE wanted to help out with the issue.

I finished praying, looked up at my computer and within 5 minutes, I received one of the most beautiful e-mails I have ever received. It was from someone I met through Riverview and someone I consider to be one of my closest friends. For no reason at all, this friend praised me, encouraged me, lifted my spirits and he thanked me for sharing my struggles. At the end of the e-mail, he wrote, "Funny how we're sometimes used by God and don't even realize it, huh?"

Funny. I wonder if my friend knew God was using him at that moment.

I need to go to the Lord first and after going to Him, I need to TRUST in Him. Yes, seek counsel from others but the next time a major OR a minor issue shows up, bow your head and ask Him to send someone in your life to help you. And then have faith.

A New Addiction

Check out this running tool from USA Track and Field. You no longer have to drive out your route to figure out how many miles it is. This lets you map out the route you want to run and the distance. I've put in 5 routes so far. Thanks, Mike Potter!

Reasons not to get out of bed today...

I remember when I first started dating Joey in 2003, I was like the little girl from the movie Signs: The water tastes funny.

Now, in the words of Dave Matthews, DON’T DRINK THE WATER (IF YOU LIVE IN MASON).

This is trying to anger me on so many levels.

And now, in the words of a soon to be former Mason resident: WTF...I have been drinking radioactive water!!!!!! No wonder I haven't been sleeping well :op

Other headlines that really tried to kill my joy this morning:

• Breaking News: Woman Killed In I-275 Crash. The freeway remains closed in that area while police investigate. This is the freeway right next to where I work. I mean, I am right off the ramp. I take this freeway every day to get to work. How sad.
• Local Murder at Apartment Complex This was in Holt. Very near where our friends live. Very near where my family lives.
• Mom Killed During Teen's Driving Lesson
• New worry for drivers: BP shuts oilfield

So, I started to go down that road of feeling hopeless but I quickly grabbed my joy before it flew out the sunroof. I remembered something important. Something that had been reaffirmed for me this weekend. I am saved. I am passed over in a good way. We have friends who care about us soooo much. We have people who are quickly becoming new friends who care about us soooo much. No. I will continue to have joy even as I pay 3.25 for gas (if that should happen).

And Yi, I loved your post. I could relate to it well this morning.

Dad: So, I was talking to your niece last night and I told her about the mosh pit I accidentally got myself into during the Fuel concert a few years ago.
Me: The one at Common Ground?
Dad: Yeah. Then she told me she's been in a mosh pit.
Me: She's nine. How has she been in a mosh pit?
Dad: Apparently, it was at Riverview.
Me: Riverview?
Dad: Yeah, your church.
Me: Huh.
Dad: That's what I said. What is she doing in a mosh pit at your church?
Me: It must have been during that punk concert.
Dad: You must know what my next question is going to be...
Me: Yeah...I do.