"The following takes place between 6am and 7am..."
Tick, tick, tick...
The final 24 hours is here. I felt my first raw pain from nerves around 6:30 p.m. today.
"Crap, I leave in 24 hours. Oh boy."
I have been uneasy about this mission trip to Germany. You probably didn't want to hear that, though. You are going to tell me how everything is going to be fine but really, I'm still just a bundle of mixed emotions. Here are some of the thoughts spiraling around in the brain:
I don't want to go to Germany. I want to go on a mission trip to Hawaii. When is that trip?
I don't speak German. I don't know how to even relate to their lives. What was God thinking?
There must be some reason why He made all of this so obvious. What's the reason, God? Will I go over to Koln and start speaking in tongues? Will I start healing people randomly? Will I hide in a tree every time someone challenges me?
Don't worry. I'm trusting YOU on this one. I'm still getting a little sick to my stomach.
I packed waaaay too much.
I heard a song today by Warren Barfield as I was driving around getting last minute stuff. It calmed me, forcing me to return to the reason why I'm going to Germany in the first place.
Do they only see who we are
When who we are should be pointing them to Christ
Cause we are who He chose to use
To spread the news
Of the way the truth and the life
Oh I want all I am to die
So all He is can come alive
Til everyone I talk to hears His voice
And everything I touch feels the warmth of His hand
Til everyone I meet
Sees Jesus in me
This is all I wanna be I wanna be mistaken
For Jesus
May He touch with my hands
See through my eyes
May He speak through my lips
Live through my life
I want Him to live
I'm not like this on a minute by minute, second by second basis. My friends can attest to this, my co-workers can attest to this more. But these lyrics describe my heart, my want...the need to live by example instead of my old, selfish quest. I'm still the goofy person God created. That is the cool thing about this new quest: I can still be me and I realized I didn't want to do all of those crappy things I was doing. Those crappy things were filling a void that is now filled.
Want to have a drink? Give me a call when I'm back in town.
Want to go out dancing? Let me know when and where.
Want to go to the casino? I'm not very good, but I'm in.
Want to rob a convience store? Man, I miss those days.... (for those who don't know me well, this is where you laugh)
God uses me in crazy little ways...or this big way I'm about to embark on. You may not realize it, but take note of how He's using you, too. This is the kind of used you feel good about :)
Friday, June 24, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Project KMM Update
It has been a long time since I've updated the three of you who read this blog on my project. Major developments since then.
When I first thought of the idea...no wait...let me back up. When God first gave me the idea for this project, there were many obstacles. Kim had been gone for 17 years. The people that knew her weren't on the best terms or had moved away. 17 years...pictures get lost, things get stored away, thrown out, ruined. But God's will on this is amazing.
Obstacle #1: Kim's former step-mother.
Kim's dad left a lot behind when the split happened. He left all of his pictures, including all the ones he had of Kim. Everyone told me, "there is no way you'll be able to get those pictures from her, Holly." But I smiled, thinking, "well, I don't want the pictures from her. I have a different idea." About a month ago, I showed up unannounced at Cindy's house. I hadn't seen her in years but saw that she was still the same woman who baby-sat me many moons ago. I like her...but I know her, too. We visited a little while and then I sprung the project on her. Could she help? Would she be willing? She asked if I wanted to go for a ride with her. Off we went to Lansing. We talked about Kim the whole way there and the whole way back. I learned a lot about Kim and a lot about Cindy: she was close to Kim. She misses her. We came back to the house and Cindy immediately went upstairs. "Can you give me a hand, Holly?" I heard her yell. I approached the stairs and saw her standing at the top with boxes. They were full of pictures. We spent the afternoon sorting through boxes and boxes of pictures. I had my scanner there and scanned them into my computer as we went. Again, no one thought it was possible to gain access to these pictures. Know how I did it? I prayed like crazy before I went over there. I asked for God to soften her heart to the cause. I asked for His help but if she turned me away, I would know it wasn't meant to work out. I prayed the whole way to her house. At times, I got so nervous, I wanted to throw up. Then, the Holy Spirit would calm me, give me strength and the words to say. Awesome.
Obstacle #2: Kim's mom
I was told from the beginning not to expect much help from Kim's mom. She was moving to Arizona and didn't want to "go down that road." The week after Kim died, her things were boxed up and put in storage. The siblings came home to a new den that had been their big sister's bedroom. I’m not saying it was wrong or right, only that the mom was very guarded about Kim. When Karen, Kim’s younger sister, explained the project to the mom, she was skeptical. I got a phone call from the mom two weeks ago. She was in town for the summer and was going through boxes. She wanted to help and contribute. I went to Karen’s on Saturday night and met the mom. She looked a lot like Kim, or Kim looked a lot like her. She was also really nice and let me borrow a bag full of pictures of her daughter. The best part was a VHS tape from their last Christmas together.
Last night, I took a deep breath and popped the VHS in. Kim wasn’t in it as much as I had hoped. The quality wasn’t the greatest, either. When Kim walked into the room, I got a little sad. I haven’t seen a live image of Kim in 17 years, since I saw her alive. Kim sat down on the couch, completely out of view. But then…she finally leaned over and she opened her last present. Her brother, Mike, who was a year older than Kim, handed it her shyly. She opened it and exclaimed, “Rush! The Rush tape! Thank you, Mike!” You could clearly see how close the two of them were. She walked over to him and thanked him again. Then, she opened the tape and played it a few minutes on the stereo. After this, she tried on her Varsity coat she had also received. “Look, mom. There’s even room to grow,” she stated.
My throat became tight and I felt incredibly sad. I watched all of them, knowing now that their lives were going to change for the worse in two months. They didn’t know. They had no idea this would be their last Christmas with Kim. I wanted to call Karen and tell her how sorry I was that she had to go through all of that at such a young age. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was that her sister died 17 years ago. I wanted to yell at them so they knew what was about to happen but they continued on, frozen in time, carrying on with a normal family Christmas, unaware. Of course, it was better that they didn’t know, even if I had the power to somehow transcend the whole time barrier.
I didn’t think this project would get to me so much. I hope I can get this thing right. I’ll keep asking for help and praying
When I first thought of the idea...no wait...let me back up. When God first gave me the idea for this project, there were many obstacles. Kim had been gone for 17 years. The people that knew her weren't on the best terms or had moved away. 17 years...pictures get lost, things get stored away, thrown out, ruined. But God's will on this is amazing.
Obstacle #1: Kim's former step-mother.
Kim's dad left a lot behind when the split happened. He left all of his pictures, including all the ones he had of Kim. Everyone told me, "there is no way you'll be able to get those pictures from her, Holly." But I smiled, thinking, "well, I don't want the pictures from her. I have a different idea." About a month ago, I showed up unannounced at Cindy's house. I hadn't seen her in years but saw that she was still the same woman who baby-sat me many moons ago. I like her...but I know her, too. We visited a little while and then I sprung the project on her. Could she help? Would she be willing? She asked if I wanted to go for a ride with her. Off we went to Lansing. We talked about Kim the whole way there and the whole way back. I learned a lot about Kim and a lot about Cindy: she was close to Kim. She misses her. We came back to the house and Cindy immediately went upstairs. "Can you give me a hand, Holly?" I heard her yell. I approached the stairs and saw her standing at the top with boxes. They were full of pictures. We spent the afternoon sorting through boxes and boxes of pictures. I had my scanner there and scanned them into my computer as we went. Again, no one thought it was possible to gain access to these pictures. Know how I did it? I prayed like crazy before I went over there. I asked for God to soften her heart to the cause. I asked for His help but if she turned me away, I would know it wasn't meant to work out. I prayed the whole way to her house. At times, I got so nervous, I wanted to throw up. Then, the Holy Spirit would calm me, give me strength and the words to say. Awesome.
Obstacle #2: Kim's mom
I was told from the beginning not to expect much help from Kim's mom. She was moving to Arizona and didn't want to "go down that road." The week after Kim died, her things were boxed up and put in storage. The siblings came home to a new den that had been their big sister's bedroom. I’m not saying it was wrong or right, only that the mom was very guarded about Kim. When Karen, Kim’s younger sister, explained the project to the mom, she was skeptical. I got a phone call from the mom two weeks ago. She was in town for the summer and was going through boxes. She wanted to help and contribute. I went to Karen’s on Saturday night and met the mom. She looked a lot like Kim, or Kim looked a lot like her. She was also really nice and let me borrow a bag full of pictures of her daughter. The best part was a VHS tape from their last Christmas together.
Last night, I took a deep breath and popped the VHS in. Kim wasn’t in it as much as I had hoped. The quality wasn’t the greatest, either. When Kim walked into the room, I got a little sad. I haven’t seen a live image of Kim in 17 years, since I saw her alive. Kim sat down on the couch, completely out of view. But then…she finally leaned over and she opened her last present. Her brother, Mike, who was a year older than Kim, handed it her shyly. She opened it and exclaimed, “Rush! The Rush tape! Thank you, Mike!” You could clearly see how close the two of them were. She walked over to him and thanked him again. Then, she opened the tape and played it a few minutes on the stereo. After this, she tried on her Varsity coat she had also received. “Look, mom. There’s even room to grow,” she stated.
My throat became tight and I felt incredibly sad. I watched all of them, knowing now that their lives were going to change for the worse in two months. They didn’t know. They had no idea this would be their last Christmas with Kim. I wanted to call Karen and tell her how sorry I was that she had to go through all of that at such a young age. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was that her sister died 17 years ago. I wanted to yell at them so they knew what was about to happen but they continued on, frozen in time, carrying on with a normal family Christmas, unaware. Of course, it was better that they didn’t know, even if I had the power to somehow transcend the whole time barrier.
I didn’t think this project would get to me so much. I hope I can get this thing right. I’ll keep asking for help and praying
Thursday, June 16, 2005
International Friend
“You have to call them and change your flight. You must stay an extra week. I’ll show you around…we can go to Austria, France, Italy!”
I smiled at my friend.
“I wish I could, Uschi…man, I really wish I could…but I just can’t take that much time off work.” I felt a little sad knowing this may be the only time I’m ever in Europe.
Uschi smiled. “Oooo, it would be so much fun.”
I met Uschi (pronounced Ooo-she, short for Ursula) in 1999. We both worked for Perry Johnson, although, her position there was a little more prestigious. She ran the office in Germany from the office she shared with me in Southfield. I was immediately drawn to her sincere and giving personality, so sweet and unassuming. We had a cultural differences which ended up being the jokes between us.
“I have to get a book on Phone-ics,” she said to me last night. “Phone-ics…right?”
“Well…no. It looks like Phone but it is more like F-on-ics, like ‘on’ as opposed to ‘off.’”
“Oh jeez,” she said somewhat seriously. “How am I going to teach my daughters when I can’t even get it right?”
“Well, perhaps you can study “phone-ics” with them. English is dumb, Ush. The rules are so weird.”
She smiled.
As we sat in the Borders café watching her daughter read books, we reminisced about how quickly we became friends. We had to. She didn’t have many being from Germany and me being from Lansing, fresh out of college…well, I didn’t have many, either.
“I will never forget that day, Holly, when I came into the office so scared…”
“I won’t, either.”
Uschi had taken in her car to get an oil change. She met a handsome, young man who worked there. He, in turn, was quite taken with her. He broke the rules and looked up her phone number to make that fateful call. One night, Uschi and I went to the bar and then back to her apartment to crash. I was going to get up early the next morning to get Dave Matthews Tickets. I left my money under a sweatshirt on her counter. When we got back to the apartment, I was shocked to see a 6’3”, gorgeous, Arabic kid sleeping on Uschi’s living room floor. “Um, Uschi..who is that?”
“That is the guy from the oil changing place.”
“How old is he?”
Uschi smiled.
“19”
“Whoa.”
I quickly realized my money was gone and as I started becoming irate, thinking the 19-year-old hood had stolen it, I heard him say to Uschi, “I put that money in your bedroom. You shouldn’t keep out in the open.”
Wow. He was a nice, 19-year-old hood and it turned out, he wasn’t a hood at all. He was from Lebanon and had seen his mother die in the war. He and his sister were living with an aunt in Dearborn and he was trying to save money to take college classes. His name was Shadi (Sha-dee).
“Uschi, what is wrong,” I said when she walked into our office. “You’re white as a ghost…well…paler than normal.”
“Oh no, Holly…I think…I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.” She then revealed to me how scared she was being in the US alone. What was she going to do? She was 22-years-old.
“Do you love Shadi?” I asked her.
“I know you’ll think I’m crazy because we’ve only been together for a few month (she always drops the “s” from months) but yeah…I do.”
More relief came Uschi’s way when she told Shadi. He immediately proposed to her and they were married in February. In May, Uschi gave me some sad news. She and Shadi had decided to move to Germany to be near her family and have the baby there. In August, Lena was born. Uschi sent pictures along with Kinder eggs (hollow chocolate eggs with a toy inside). I missed my friend but she looked so happy.
“I loved living in Germany,” Uschi said to me as I sipped my Chai Tea. “We lived in a little village where the cows and chickens just ran around all over the place. It was so peaceful.”
“You liked it a lot,” I commented.
“Not when I was growing up. I hated it then. But when you leave home…well, you long for what you used to know. I mean, when were little girls, my parents would take my sister and I to the Alps for skiing. In the summer, we would drive to a little villa near Venice to play on the beach. I miss it…….oh! Did I tell you that my parents won the lottery in Germany?!”
“Um, no! How much did they win?”
“An equivalent to a million US dollars. They paid off their house, bills and added a small apartment on for us to stay in when we visit. They also cut back their work hours and are going to travel more. Isn’t that exciting?”
“So exciting, Uschi…”
In 2001, I received a surprise visit from Uschi and Shadi. They were looking for a place to live in Dearborn…and Uschi was expecting their second child. It wasn’t the first time I had met Lena, but the first time I really interacted with her. She had just turned two and was fluent in German and understood Arabic. Two-years-old and bi-lingual. So cool. Their little family came back to the states and Nadine was born in April of 2002.
“That first year back in Michigan was horrible,” Uschi said. “Lena spoke German, understood Arabic, and now we were throwing English into the whole mess. She tried to adapt but I started speaking to her only in English so she would learn. She turned around and invented her own language! It was almost as if she said, ‘well, forget you two if you aren’t going to speak to me in German and Arabic. I’ll just make up my own words!” For six months, I couldn’t communicate with my daughter. Eventually, by watching TV and just being exposed to English, she caught on and one day, she asked me for a cookie or something.”
“What about Nadine?” I asked about her three-year-old.
“She’s been brought up around all three languages. She’s got a good handle on the words but not when to use them.”
“Like when we were sitting at the dinner table before we left,” I commented, “she said ‘Lena is chewing with her mouth…’ and the said the word ‘closed’ in German.”
“Yes, she does that all the time.” Uschi smiled.
“So, what happened to you and Shadi having 5 kids by the time you were 30?” I teased.
Uschi rolled her eyes. “Yah, right. If I had more help, I would. But Shadi’s work hours are so difficult. When we first came back to the US, he was working two jobs and finishing his degree. He used to get three hours of sleep. He worked the night shift at the plant for awhile and now he has his dream job except he’s all over the place for weeks at a time and then he’ll be home for weeks at a time. I’m so happy that Nadine is going to be in pre-school. I finally have some time to myself, you know. I can hang out with you!”
Uschi started to teach me a few words in German: yes, no, please, thank you, stop. Then she sighed. “When you come back from Germany, I’ll be on my way there. You have to call them and change your flight.” I laughed. “No!” she laughed with me, “I’m not kidding. We could drive to Rome and see the sights…”
“I couldn’t imagine living a life where I could just hop in a car and go to Rome,” I said.
“France is 2 hours away, Austria is an hour…”
I said, “Well, just to be fair, I can hop in my car and be to Ohio in an hour…not the same thing…not the same thing at all.”
“Michigan is beautiful, though, Holly. The US is a beautiful place to live.”
“Yes, I have to agree, but I’ll speak more educated-ly when I come back from Germany. IF I come back from Germany…”
“You’re going to be fine, Holly,” Uschi comforted me. “Tell her she is going to be fine, Lena.”
“Yes, Holly, it is like being on a butterfly and just floating over the water,” Lena explained.
I smiled. I have always felt blessed by my friendship with Uschi and her family. I do hope I can go back to Germany someday and let her show me around. She and Shadi are also building a summer home in Lebanon. I might wait on that trip, though.
I smiled at my friend.
“I wish I could, Uschi…man, I really wish I could…but I just can’t take that much time off work.” I felt a little sad knowing this may be the only time I’m ever in Europe.
Uschi smiled. “Oooo, it would be so much fun.”
I met Uschi (pronounced Ooo-she, short for Ursula) in 1999. We both worked for Perry Johnson, although, her position there was a little more prestigious. She ran the office in Germany from the office she shared with me in Southfield. I was immediately drawn to her sincere and giving personality, so sweet and unassuming. We had a cultural differences which ended up being the jokes between us.
“I have to get a book on Phone-ics,” she said to me last night. “Phone-ics…right?”
“Well…no. It looks like Phone but it is more like F-on-ics, like ‘on’ as opposed to ‘off.’”
“Oh jeez,” she said somewhat seriously. “How am I going to teach my daughters when I can’t even get it right?”
“Well, perhaps you can study “phone-ics” with them. English is dumb, Ush. The rules are so weird.”
She smiled.
As we sat in the Borders café watching her daughter read books, we reminisced about how quickly we became friends. We had to. She didn’t have many being from Germany and me being from Lansing, fresh out of college…well, I didn’t have many, either.
“I will never forget that day, Holly, when I came into the office so scared…”
“I won’t, either.”
Uschi had taken in her car to get an oil change. She met a handsome, young man who worked there. He, in turn, was quite taken with her. He broke the rules and looked up her phone number to make that fateful call. One night, Uschi and I went to the bar and then back to her apartment to crash. I was going to get up early the next morning to get Dave Matthews Tickets. I left my money under a sweatshirt on her counter. When we got back to the apartment, I was shocked to see a 6’3”, gorgeous, Arabic kid sleeping on Uschi’s living room floor. “Um, Uschi..who is that?”
“That is the guy from the oil changing place.”
“How old is he?”
Uschi smiled.
“19”
“Whoa.”
I quickly realized my money was gone and as I started becoming irate, thinking the 19-year-old hood had stolen it, I heard him say to Uschi, “I put that money in your bedroom. You shouldn’t keep out in the open.”
Wow. He was a nice, 19-year-old hood and it turned out, he wasn’t a hood at all. He was from Lebanon and had seen his mother die in the war. He and his sister were living with an aunt in Dearborn and he was trying to save money to take college classes. His name was Shadi (Sha-dee).
“Uschi, what is wrong,” I said when she walked into our office. “You’re white as a ghost…well…paler than normal.”
“Oh no, Holly…I think…I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.” She then revealed to me how scared she was being in the US alone. What was she going to do? She was 22-years-old.
“Do you love Shadi?” I asked her.
“I know you’ll think I’m crazy because we’ve only been together for a few month (she always drops the “s” from months) but yeah…I do.”
More relief came Uschi’s way when she told Shadi. He immediately proposed to her and they were married in February. In May, Uschi gave me some sad news. She and Shadi had decided to move to Germany to be near her family and have the baby there. In August, Lena was born. Uschi sent pictures along with Kinder eggs (hollow chocolate eggs with a toy inside). I missed my friend but she looked so happy.
“I loved living in Germany,” Uschi said to me as I sipped my Chai Tea. “We lived in a little village where the cows and chickens just ran around all over the place. It was so peaceful.”
“You liked it a lot,” I commented.
“Not when I was growing up. I hated it then. But when you leave home…well, you long for what you used to know. I mean, when were little girls, my parents would take my sister and I to the Alps for skiing. In the summer, we would drive to a little villa near Venice to play on the beach. I miss it…….oh! Did I tell you that my parents won the lottery in Germany?!”
“Um, no! How much did they win?”
“An equivalent to a million US dollars. They paid off their house, bills and added a small apartment on for us to stay in when we visit. They also cut back their work hours and are going to travel more. Isn’t that exciting?”
“So exciting, Uschi…”
In 2001, I received a surprise visit from Uschi and Shadi. They were looking for a place to live in Dearborn…and Uschi was expecting their second child. It wasn’t the first time I had met Lena, but the first time I really interacted with her. She had just turned two and was fluent in German and understood Arabic. Two-years-old and bi-lingual. So cool. Their little family came back to the states and Nadine was born in April of 2002.
“That first year back in Michigan was horrible,” Uschi said. “Lena spoke German, understood Arabic, and now we were throwing English into the whole mess. She tried to adapt but I started speaking to her only in English so she would learn. She turned around and invented her own language! It was almost as if she said, ‘well, forget you two if you aren’t going to speak to me in German and Arabic. I’ll just make up my own words!” For six months, I couldn’t communicate with my daughter. Eventually, by watching TV and just being exposed to English, she caught on and one day, she asked me for a cookie or something.”
“What about Nadine?” I asked about her three-year-old.
“She’s been brought up around all three languages. She’s got a good handle on the words but not when to use them.”
“Like when we were sitting at the dinner table before we left,” I commented, “she said ‘Lena is chewing with her mouth…’ and the said the word ‘closed’ in German.”
“Yes, she does that all the time.” Uschi smiled.
“So, what happened to you and Shadi having 5 kids by the time you were 30?” I teased.
Uschi rolled her eyes. “Yah, right. If I had more help, I would. But Shadi’s work hours are so difficult. When we first came back to the US, he was working two jobs and finishing his degree. He used to get three hours of sleep. He worked the night shift at the plant for awhile and now he has his dream job except he’s all over the place for weeks at a time and then he’ll be home for weeks at a time. I’m so happy that Nadine is going to be in pre-school. I finally have some time to myself, you know. I can hang out with you!”
Uschi started to teach me a few words in German: yes, no, please, thank you, stop. Then she sighed. “When you come back from Germany, I’ll be on my way there. You have to call them and change your flight.” I laughed. “No!” she laughed with me, “I’m not kidding. We could drive to Rome and see the sights…”
“I couldn’t imagine living a life where I could just hop in a car and go to Rome,” I said.
“France is 2 hours away, Austria is an hour…”
I said, “Well, just to be fair, I can hop in my car and be to Ohio in an hour…not the same thing…not the same thing at all.”
“Michigan is beautiful, though, Holly. The US is a beautiful place to live.”
“Yes, I have to agree, but I’ll speak more educated-ly when I come back from Germany. IF I come back from Germany…”
“You’re going to be fine, Holly,” Uschi comforted me. “Tell her she is going to be fine, Lena.”
“Yes, Holly, it is like being on a butterfly and just floating over the water,” Lena explained.
I smiled. I have always felt blessed by my friendship with Uschi and her family. I do hope I can go back to Germany someday and let her show me around. She and Shadi are also building a summer home in Lebanon. I might wait on that trip, though.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Friday, June 10, 2005
Morning by morning, O Lord,
you hear my voice;
morning by morning
I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
~Psalms 5:3
Every morning I've been praying, either on the way to work or at work. I acknowledge there is no way I can do this shtuff on my own. I was thinking that perhaps I wasn't doing it right or maybe asking for too much when I would pray, "Please, help me through all of this and let the Holy Spirit be strong in me to not open my big, fat mouth at inappropriate times." I like how this Psalm says "I lay my requests before you and wait..." So, I'm not the only one who asks and requests. Ask and you shall receive...maybe 40 years from now, maybe after leave your earthly home. Request. Wait.
you hear my voice;
morning by morning
I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
~Psalms 5:3
Every morning I've been praying, either on the way to work or at work. I acknowledge there is no way I can do this shtuff on my own. I was thinking that perhaps I wasn't doing it right or maybe asking for too much when I would pray, "Please, help me through all of this and let the Holy Spirit be strong in me to not open my big, fat mouth at inappropriate times." I like how this Psalm says "I lay my requests before you and wait..." So, I'm not the only one who asks and requests. Ask and you shall receive...maybe 40 years from now, maybe after leave your earthly home. Request. Wait.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Couldn't Have Planned It Better
...and I didn't.
I've been praying and meditating and chickening out about how to handle adversity in life. Adversity? No, just the same ol' issue. I finally cleared the air with someone I had a disagreement with a month ago. It feels so darn good to let go of all that crap. I just really had to suck it up and do it.
I went out with my step-mother last Saturday. This was the first time we had really spoken in a month or so. We had such an awesome time working out together at the MAC. I've truly missed her. We didn't talk about the "issue" between us. Just enjoyed each other's company.
Afterward, we went to this little crepe shop I had heard of right around the corner from her house. I had kind of hoped I would see friends there but I also knew these friends didn't work on Saturday. I couldn't have planned it better. My friend was there, greeting us, welcoming us, and making us feel at home. I could tell my step-mom instantly liked this young woman. We got our crepes and ate them under an umbrella outside. I gently made a comment about Suz and how we know each other. That was pretty much it. I didn't want to shove anything down her throat. Soon, two more friends from church pulled up. Wow. Crazy. Anyhow, we finished eating and I took my step-moms home with a promise to see her later that evening at the dance recital for my niece and nephew.
As I greeted my family members in the Holt High School cafeteria later that evening, I turned to see a family of three walk into the building. I smiled and just couldn't stop smiling. I didn't plan this. I couldn't have.
"Hi, Rob. How are you"
"Pretty good."
"Rob, this is my mom, Carrie, my aunt, Kam and my step-mother, Christine. Ladies, this is one of my pastors, Rob."
They all shook hands and I caught a smile from Joey.
I know I didn't have to go blabbing about all of this but I just thought it was so cool...all of those coincidences, all of those chance meetings which gave an opportunity for people to become acquainted and perhaps clear misconceptions. I'm sure there are still more, but God will do His thing in time or maybe He won't do anything at all.
I do know that my step-mom and I have been e-mailing each other every day and now we plan to run a 5k together, perhaps in Chicago. I pray all of this lasts. I want to care for this relationship as long as it is here on earth.
I've been praying and meditating and chickening out about how to handle adversity in life. Adversity? No, just the same ol' issue. I finally cleared the air with someone I had a disagreement with a month ago. It feels so darn good to let go of all that crap. I just really had to suck it up and do it.
I went out with my step-mother last Saturday. This was the first time we had really spoken in a month or so. We had such an awesome time working out together at the MAC. I've truly missed her. We didn't talk about the "issue" between us. Just enjoyed each other's company.
Afterward, we went to this little crepe shop I had heard of right around the corner from her house. I had kind of hoped I would see friends there but I also knew these friends didn't work on Saturday. I couldn't have planned it better. My friend was there, greeting us, welcoming us, and making us feel at home. I could tell my step-mom instantly liked this young woman. We got our crepes and ate them under an umbrella outside. I gently made a comment about Suz and how we know each other. That was pretty much it. I didn't want to shove anything down her throat. Soon, two more friends from church pulled up. Wow. Crazy. Anyhow, we finished eating and I took my step-moms home with a promise to see her later that evening at the dance recital for my niece and nephew.
As I greeted my family members in the Holt High School cafeteria later that evening, I turned to see a family of three walk into the building. I smiled and just couldn't stop smiling. I didn't plan this. I couldn't have.
"Hi, Rob. How are you"
"Pretty good."
"Rob, this is my mom, Carrie, my aunt, Kam and my step-mother, Christine. Ladies, this is one of my pastors, Rob."
They all shook hands and I caught a smile from Joey.
I know I didn't have to go blabbing about all of this but I just thought it was so cool...all of those coincidences, all of those chance meetings which gave an opportunity for people to become acquainted and perhaps clear misconceptions. I'm sure there are still more, but God will do His thing in time or maybe He won't do anything at all.
I do know that my step-mom and I have been e-mailing each other every day and now we plan to run a 5k together, perhaps in Chicago. I pray all of this lasts. I want to care for this relationship as long as it is here on earth.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Rowdy Ol' Time
Joey said, “Let’s go out to eat.” After a whole day of cleaning, I was ready to hang out and look for trouble. We decided on Texas Roadhouse. Yeah, I was feeling a little rowdy. After our meal, Joey said, “where to now?” Hmmmm….how about…that Cactus Juice Saloon north of town? Perfect. Joey had been there before and rode the mechanical bull. I remember him complaining for weeks after about how sore he felt. I urged him not to take a second beating from the thing. We pulled into the parking lot and followed the cowboy hats inside. The bouncer, whose shirt read “Deputy”, asked for our IDs. After showing mine, I went inside to go to the bathroom. I took a quick look around and smiled. It was like stepping into a mini Gilly’s from the movie Urban Cowboy. The band in the corner, line dancing, pool, a punching bag…this was going to be a great time.
When I came out of the bathroom, Joey was standing near the door with a look of disbelief.
J: It was $20 bucks to get in here.
H: No way. You’re kidding.
J: I’m not kidding, Hol. I gave the guy a $20 and he didn’t give me anything back. I explained I had just given him $20 and needed my change. He said, “It’s $10 bucks a piece.” He mentioned bull riding…but there’s always bull riding.
H: No flippin way! It looks to me like the bull isn’t even on! That’s crazy! Why didn’t you come get me?
J: You were already in the Cowgirls room. Look, it’s okay. I’m not too upset. This is just turning into an expensive night.
H: Well, let me buy you a beer.
We moseyed over to the bar and ordered a Miller Lite and a Jack & Coke. I handed the bartender my debit card.
Bartender: There’s a $10 minimum.
H: This place is really starting to piss me off.
B: You still want the drinks.
H: (Through gritted teeth) Yes.
I then began to complain aloud how this fancy-dancy bar wasn’t even that great. There weren’t many people, a few couples were line dancing, and the mechanical bull stood silent in the corner. I told Joey that we better figure out how to have fun after all the money we were spending. I took a swig of my drink and noticed people coming out of a room in the back. I thought this must be the Cowboy Discothèque and suggested we check it out. Joey agreed so off we went.
As we strolled into the next room, I stopped short in shock. I couldn’t believe my eyes. We were face to face with a real, live, full blown rodeo, complete with bulls, dirt, gates, and cowboys. Joey and I looked at each other. What had just happened? Were we in OZ? No, we were in a bar…in Lansing…with bulls…and cowboys….
Suddenly, $10 a piece didn’t seem like enough.
Joey and I found a spot on the bleachers and watched the workers finish setting everything up. Then, everyone rose for the National Anthem…in a bar…in Lansing. Afterwards, the lights were turned off and a disco ball lit up at the center of the ceiling. Just like at a Pistons game, the cowboys were introduced one by one, spotlight and all.
“And here he is, riding in from Nashville, TN….Cowboy Curtis!!!!” The crowd goes wild. I was still in some state of shock and couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. Next, they read the Cowboys Prayer:
Our heavenly father, we pause ever mindful of the many blessings you have bestowed upon us. We ask that you be with us at this rodeo, And we pray that you will guide us in the arena of life. We don't ask for special favors, we don't ask to draw around a chute fighting horse, or to never break a barrier. Nor do we ask for all Daylight runs, or not to draw a steer that won't lay. Help us O Lord, to live our lives in such a manner, that when we make that last inevitable ride to the country up there, where the grass grows lush and green and stirrup high, and the water runs clear, cool and deep, that you, as our last judge, will tell us that our entry fees are paid.
I got a little choked up at this point. Well, that’s not true but I got a chill at the last part about having your entry fees already paid. Could this rodeo stuff be deeper than I thought?
The first rider came out on a bull named Agent Orange. Three seconds later, the dude’s face was in the dirt and Agent Orange was prancing around the pen. Bull-1 point, Riders-0. Most of the rides were like that but a few guys made it past the 8 seconds. One of the bulls threw a rider pretty far and then drove his head into the guy’s butt. Ouch. The bulls and blood, dust and mud, the roar of a Sunday crowd, the white in his knuckles, gold in the buckle, he'll win the next go 'round, it's boots and chaps, it's cowboy hats, it's spurs and latigo, it's the ropes and the reins, the joy and the pain, and they call the thing rodeo. Yeah, thanks to Garth Brooks for actually writing those lyrics.
The whole thing was a pretty good time. We only stayed about an hour and a half but I was happy with my first Rodeo experience. We left shortly after the cops did. No, I never found out why they were there. As we drove away, I noticed the marquee for the first time.
“Oh, it says ‘Live Bull Riding Tonight.’ They meant ALIVE bulls. Ohhhhh….”
When I came out of the bathroom, Joey was standing near the door with a look of disbelief.
J: It was $20 bucks to get in here.
H: No way. You’re kidding.
J: I’m not kidding, Hol. I gave the guy a $20 and he didn’t give me anything back. I explained I had just given him $20 and needed my change. He said, “It’s $10 bucks a piece.” He mentioned bull riding…but there’s always bull riding.
H: No flippin way! It looks to me like the bull isn’t even on! That’s crazy! Why didn’t you come get me?
J: You were already in the Cowgirls room. Look, it’s okay. I’m not too upset. This is just turning into an expensive night.
H: Well, let me buy you a beer.
We moseyed over to the bar and ordered a Miller Lite and a Jack & Coke. I handed the bartender my debit card.
Bartender: There’s a $10 minimum.
H: This place is really starting to piss me off.
B: You still want the drinks.
H: (Through gritted teeth) Yes.
I then began to complain aloud how this fancy-dancy bar wasn’t even that great. There weren’t many people, a few couples were line dancing, and the mechanical bull stood silent in the corner. I told Joey that we better figure out how to have fun after all the money we were spending. I took a swig of my drink and noticed people coming out of a room in the back. I thought this must be the Cowboy Discothèque and suggested we check it out. Joey agreed so off we went.
As we strolled into the next room, I stopped short in shock. I couldn’t believe my eyes. We were face to face with a real, live, full blown rodeo, complete with bulls, dirt, gates, and cowboys. Joey and I looked at each other. What had just happened? Were we in OZ? No, we were in a bar…in Lansing…with bulls…and cowboys….
Suddenly, $10 a piece didn’t seem like enough.
Joey and I found a spot on the bleachers and watched the workers finish setting everything up. Then, everyone rose for the National Anthem…in a bar…in Lansing. Afterwards, the lights were turned off and a disco ball lit up at the center of the ceiling. Just like at a Pistons game, the cowboys were introduced one by one, spotlight and all.
“And here he is, riding in from Nashville, TN….Cowboy Curtis!!!!” The crowd goes wild. I was still in some state of shock and couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. Next, they read the Cowboys Prayer:
Our heavenly father, we pause ever mindful of the many blessings you have bestowed upon us. We ask that you be with us at this rodeo, And we pray that you will guide us in the arena of life. We don't ask for special favors, we don't ask to draw around a chute fighting horse, or to never break a barrier. Nor do we ask for all Daylight runs, or not to draw a steer that won't lay. Help us O Lord, to live our lives in such a manner, that when we make that last inevitable ride to the country up there, where the grass grows lush and green and stirrup high, and the water runs clear, cool and deep, that you, as our last judge, will tell us that our entry fees are paid.
I got a little choked up at this point. Well, that’s not true but I got a chill at the last part about having your entry fees already paid. Could this rodeo stuff be deeper than I thought?
The first rider came out on a bull named Agent Orange. Three seconds later, the dude’s face was in the dirt and Agent Orange was prancing around the pen. Bull-1 point, Riders-0. Most of the rides were like that but a few guys made it past the 8 seconds. One of the bulls threw a rider pretty far and then drove his head into the guy’s butt. Ouch. The bulls and blood, dust and mud, the roar of a Sunday crowd, the white in his knuckles, gold in the buckle, he'll win the next go 'round, it's boots and chaps, it's cowboy hats, it's spurs and latigo, it's the ropes and the reins, the joy and the pain, and they call the thing rodeo. Yeah, thanks to Garth Brooks for actually writing those lyrics.
The whole thing was a pretty good time. We only stayed about an hour and a half but I was happy with my first Rodeo experience. We left shortly after the cops did. No, I never found out why they were there. As we drove away, I noticed the marquee for the first time.
“Oh, it says ‘Live Bull Riding Tonight.’ They meant ALIVE bulls. Ohhhhh….”
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Riverview Website
Baha Junkie
Me: Hi, I'd like to order one shrimp taco.
Baha Lady: Okay, is that all?
Me: Yes.
BL: Okay, your # is 1.
Me: Here is my frequent user card.
BL: I stamp it twice for you.
Me: Oh....okay...cool. (Walks over to salsa bar and begins to load up on favorites. Suddenly remembers something.)
Me: Excuse me.
BL: Yes.
Me: I forgot to tell you I wanted the taco made with a flour tortilla.
BL: I knew that. I was wondering how long before you remembered to tell us.
Me: (feeling slightly embarrassed) Oh. Yeah. Thanks!
BL: Here is your order.
Me: Thanks.
BL: It was nice seeing you again.
Me: Uh, you too!
I looked down at my frequent user card. I got it a month ago. It's almost full.
Baha Lady: Okay, is that all?
Me: Yes.
BL: Okay, your # is 1.
Me: Here is my frequent user card.
BL: I stamp it twice for you.
Me: Oh....okay...cool. (Walks over to salsa bar and begins to load up on favorites. Suddenly remembers something.)
Me: Excuse me.
BL: Yes.
Me: I forgot to tell you I wanted the taco made with a flour tortilla.
BL: I knew that. I was wondering how long before you remembered to tell us.
Me: (feeling slightly embarrassed) Oh. Yeah. Thanks!
BL: Here is your order.
Me: Thanks.
BL: It was nice seeing you again.
Me: Uh, you too!
I looked down at my frequent user card. I got it a month ago. It's almost full.
Blues
When I look back at last week, I feel darkness. I was mildly depressed. There wasn't a lot of will to do anything except eat and sleep. Oh, and feel sad. But this week is different. I'm smiley and feel good. I bounced back. I have people around me who instantly recognized I wasn't myself. They were in tune with it and questioned my well-being. It wasn't because of them that I bounced back so well, though. For one, it is because I'm pretty well balanced. Chemically, I mean. Everyone goes through this occasionally. It passes on through after a day or so. Secondly, I have a strength inside me that won't let me go to far down that road. He just won't IF I don't shut Him out. So I hung on. And though there are areas of my life I'm completely a wreck about, overall I'm happy.
Some people aren't so lucky. I don't always understand but I know some people don't bounce back after a few days of feeling blue. They spiral down further and further until there is so much darkness around them, they can't even see who they really are anymore. There is an imbalance. There is a focus on things that aren't real. Paranoia. Fear. Hopelessness. Panic. Loneliness. We need to pay attention to those close to us. We need to recognize when these feelings don't go away after a few days because those days easily turn into years...and then it is almost too hard to come back.
Thanks to those who cheered me up last week, for those that simply said, "hey I'm here if you need me." I was carrying a lot of weight and just hearing that made the pressure less.
Some people aren't so lucky. I don't always understand but I know some people don't bounce back after a few days of feeling blue. They spiral down further and further until there is so much darkness around them, they can't even see who they really are anymore. There is an imbalance. There is a focus on things that aren't real. Paranoia. Fear. Hopelessness. Panic. Loneliness. We need to pay attention to those close to us. We need to recognize when these feelings don't go away after a few days because those days easily turn into years...and then it is almost too hard to come back.
Thanks to those who cheered me up last week, for those that simply said, "hey I'm here if you need me." I was carrying a lot of weight and just hearing that made the pressure less.
99th Best
Valassis has been in the "Top 100 Companies to Work For" by Forbes Magazine for the past...I don't know...seven years or something. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Anyhow, we made it into the hall of fame this past year but, well, our ranking has slipped from 50-something to 99. That's right. Valassis has one foot out 'da door. Does Valassis want to lose this prestigious title? Nooooo. So they are busting butt to change our minds about the company we work for as the determining factor are the surveys that come from us. This past week, Valassis made two major changes:
1.) They brought back 401K gift matching.
2.) They changed the vacation policy. Now, you don't have to wait until your 5 year anniversary to get 15 days off. Employees that have been here 3 years now get the 15 day vacation.
Guess who's a 3 year employee this year? Guess who now has a total of 18 vacation days because she purchased 3? Guess who is really happy now?
1.) They brought back 401K gift matching.
2.) They changed the vacation policy. Now, you don't have to wait until your 5 year anniversary to get 15 days off. Employees that have been here 3 years now get the 15 day vacation.
Guess who's a 3 year employee this year? Guess who now has a total of 18 vacation days because she purchased 3? Guess who is really happy now?
Monday, May 23, 2005
Attention! Pay Attention!
Lately, self doubt has crept into my being. I get a new project at work, perform well, and then something either in my control or out of my control happens. All of this causes me to second guess myself. I get so angry at me. Why didn’t I notice the fold was off? Why didn’t I know you aren’t supposed to varnish both sides of the piece if a sample needs to glue in? Why didn’t I notice the wrong barcode printed? Why didn’t I pay attention to the color? Ugh. Yeah. The crap part of it is that upper management notices. I flat out asked my supervisor “do you consider me an average TSR?” He thought for a minute and said, “as far as performance goes, yes but as for issues surrounding the job…no. You are below average.” He wants to help me be successful in this position. I told him I may never be. This might not be the right fit. I also said I wanted to start looking at other positions in the company. I don’t think he liked that much. I just don’t feel happy when I’m here. And then there is this self doubt thing…. Okay. Time for a story.
Thursday before the movie started, Joey won first place for his Darth Vader costume. His prize was a talking Yoda doll. He showed it to me. I wasn’t too impressed but was proud of him. He worked really hard on that costume. As we are leaving the theater after the movie, Joey handed Yoda to me but my nephew Bradley took it. As we walked out of the theater, Joey started performing for all of the fans waiting in line. One of his best friends from high school was in line and Joey took Yoda from Bradley to show his friends. I stood there for a moment and then decided to go to the bathroom. A moment or two later, Joey’s mom walks into the bathroom. “There you are, Holly Girl,” she said. We then met Brad and Joey outside of the restroom and worked our way out to the front of the building where a few more pictures were taken. Joey walked Brad and I to my car and then he asked the question, “Where’s Yoda?”
Me: I don’t have it.
Brad: I don’t have it, either.
Joey: Maybe my mom has it.
We all went our separate ways. Later on, Joey called to ask if I was sure Yoda wasn’t in my car. I checked it out. No Yoda. Joey became really upset and frustrated. He said that his friend Ben, his mom, and Bradley all said that I was carrying Yoda. I was dumbfounded. Huh? I never touched the doll. I felt so confused and I started doubting myself. If all of these people said I had it…I must have had it and left it in the bathroom…but I know I didn’t…but maybe I did….God, this is just like being at work. I can’t get away from it.
My cousin, who is head of security at Celebration Cinema, called me and said Yoda had been found near the THX. He wasn’t sure if it was in the bathroom, just near the THX. So we still didn’t know who left Yoda behind. And why was it a big deal? Why couldn’t I let it go? Because of the scorecard we keep here at work. It was spilling over into my life.
I was thinking about all of this as I flushed my step-dad’s toilet (wait, I’m going somewhere with this). “What the---? He has a push button flusher! I’ve never noticed before! My attention to detail does suck! I suck! I’m losing my mind!” Then, I called Dean into the bathroom. “You’ve never noticed that in the 10 years we’ve lived here, Holly?” he said. I shook my head. “Ha! That’s because I changed it today. The handle broke this morning.” A huge wave of relief came over me. I do notice things. In fact, I notice some of the smallest things. My brain is only human, though. I can’t notice everything and keep track of things all the time. But I really feel like God was trying to say, “Slow down, Kid. You’re not as bad as you think. You’re not as bad as they think.”
The next day, I went to my sister’s and Bradley was home sick with a sinus infection. “Um, Holly, I remembered something last night.” “What?” “Well, I remember that I put Yoda down on the concession stand. I was the one who lost him.” “You are kidding me.” “No.” “Oh, well, Bradley,” I said, “I’m on my way to pick Yoda up from Celebration. Don’t beat yourself up over leaving him there.” Yeah, don’t beat yourself up.
Thursday before the movie started, Joey won first place for his Darth Vader costume. His prize was a talking Yoda doll. He showed it to me. I wasn’t too impressed but was proud of him. He worked really hard on that costume. As we are leaving the theater after the movie, Joey handed Yoda to me but my nephew Bradley took it. As we walked out of the theater, Joey started performing for all of the fans waiting in line. One of his best friends from high school was in line and Joey took Yoda from Bradley to show his friends. I stood there for a moment and then decided to go to the bathroom. A moment or two later, Joey’s mom walks into the bathroom. “There you are, Holly Girl,” she said. We then met Brad and Joey outside of the restroom and worked our way out to the front of the building where a few more pictures were taken. Joey walked Brad and I to my car and then he asked the question, “Where’s Yoda?”
Me: I don’t have it.
Brad: I don’t have it, either.
Joey: Maybe my mom has it.
We all went our separate ways. Later on, Joey called to ask if I was sure Yoda wasn’t in my car. I checked it out. No Yoda. Joey became really upset and frustrated. He said that his friend Ben, his mom, and Bradley all said that I was carrying Yoda. I was dumbfounded. Huh? I never touched the doll. I felt so confused and I started doubting myself. If all of these people said I had it…I must have had it and left it in the bathroom…but I know I didn’t…but maybe I did….God, this is just like being at work. I can’t get away from it.
My cousin, who is head of security at Celebration Cinema, called me and said Yoda had been found near the THX. He wasn’t sure if it was in the bathroom, just near the THX. So we still didn’t know who left Yoda behind. And why was it a big deal? Why couldn’t I let it go? Because of the scorecard we keep here at work. It was spilling over into my life.
I was thinking about all of this as I flushed my step-dad’s toilet (wait, I’m going somewhere with this). “What the---? He has a push button flusher! I’ve never noticed before! My attention to detail does suck! I suck! I’m losing my mind!” Then, I called Dean into the bathroom. “You’ve never noticed that in the 10 years we’ve lived here, Holly?” he said. I shook my head. “Ha! That’s because I changed it today. The handle broke this morning.” A huge wave of relief came over me. I do notice things. In fact, I notice some of the smallest things. My brain is only human, though. I can’t notice everything and keep track of things all the time. But I really feel like God was trying to say, “Slow down, Kid. You’re not as bad as you think. You’re not as bad as they think.”
The next day, I went to my sister’s and Bradley was home sick with a sinus infection. “Um, Holly, I remembered something last night.” “What?” “Well, I remember that I put Yoda down on the concession stand. I was the one who lost him.” “You are kidding me.” “No.” “Oh, well, Bradley,” I said, “I’m on my way to pick Yoda up from Celebration. Don’t beat yourself up over leaving him there.” Yeah, don’t beat yourself up.
Storm Spotter
Last Wednesday evening, I drove myself to Dearborn, MI for Storm Spotter training. Yes, that’s right. I’m an official Storm Spotter. What does that mean? A couple of things.
1.) When I see bad weather, I call it into the National Weather Service.
2.) When the National Weather Service sees bad weather on radar, they can call me to see if I can report on anything.
The training lasted from 7:00 to 9:00. Two hours. Now, I’m not an expert but they trained us on types of things to look for and report on. They also taught us the difference between funnel, wall and shelf clouds. Pretty cool. So now, when you see “Spotter Activation Required” that is me (along with thousands of others).
1.) When I see bad weather, I call it into the National Weather Service.
2.) When the National Weather Service sees bad weather on radar, they can call me to see if I can report on anything.
The training lasted from 7:00 to 9:00. Two hours. Now, I’m not an expert but they trained us on types of things to look for and report on. They also taught us the difference between funnel, wall and shelf clouds. Pretty cool. So now, when you see “Spotter Activation Required” that is me (along with thousands of others).
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Downer
I've been a real downer lately. Trying to shake it only makes me feel worse. I'm just not happy here at work. Either Satan is meddling in my projects, royally screwing them up or God is trying to show me that it has been time for me to leave...for a long time now. I don't know. I just know that when I'm here, I'm miserable. The worst part is that it shows. Yesterday, someone sent me an e-card saying she misses my smile. A guy who works in the bindery stopped me on my way out to ask me why I'm not happy. Nuts. He knows? I'm just tired of this job. I get 10 e-mails a day where one of our processes has changed. Today, I'll get 10 more changing the ones from yesterday. I'm having a difficult time keeping up. I'm tired of every print job becoming a "learning opportunity." I got a call from the press supervisor Sunday night at 11:30.
"Uh, Holly, this Tylenol job we have running...the fold isn't lining up correctly."
"Uh, What do you mean?"
"Uh, the fold is right but the artwork is zigzagging."
"Uh, okay."
"Uh, what do you want us to do."
"Uh, I have no idea. I'll call you back."
So, I called my supervisor who wasn't about to come in and check the piece even though he lives closer and then I called the project leader who lives in Howell. By 12:30 in the morning, I was driving into work. She drove in as well. I wanted to shut the press down, she didn't. So, we didn't. All hell broke loose on Monday. Because I'm a frontliner, the blame usually falls my way. It should have been caught before it went to press. Yay. Yet another learning opportunity.
Yesterday, I was bypassed to go to our facility in Calexico, CA. This is a trip our supervisor has been promising to myself and two others who work on sampling programs. Guess who's going and who's not? Yes, I already told you.
I'm sorry. I'm venting. And really, when reading this, please don't hear my whiney voice. My voice is sad and distressed, trying to seek comfort in God, smile through all of this crap. Oh, and there is so much more crap then what I have let on here. Work crap. Family crap. Crap, crap, crap. There are still so many things to smile about. One of them is my roommate.
Last night, I came home and Krissie was making dinner. I asked what she was cooking up and her reply was, "all of your favorite comfort foods: homemade mashed potatoes, asparagus with mushrooms, and vanilla pudding with fresh blueberries." I stood in the kitchen in total amazement. Wow. "Awww, Krissie, that is so awesome of you," I managed to say without a crying fit. "Question: why vanilla pudding with fresh blueberries? I mean, I like it but I didn't know it was my favorite comfort food." "Well, you were just telling me the other day how much you like the parfaits from McDonalds but lately the fruit has been frozen when you get them." "Will you marry me?" I heard myself ask.
She is an awesome friend and the best person I've ever lived with. She really is. I will miss her when I suddenly quit my job, move in with my parents and try to get a job in a crepe shop somewhere....
"Uh, Holly, this Tylenol job we have running...the fold isn't lining up correctly."
"Uh, What do you mean?"
"Uh, the fold is right but the artwork is zigzagging."
"Uh, okay."
"Uh, what do you want us to do."
"Uh, I have no idea. I'll call you back."
So, I called my supervisor who wasn't about to come in and check the piece even though he lives closer and then I called the project leader who lives in Howell. By 12:30 in the morning, I was driving into work. She drove in as well. I wanted to shut the press down, she didn't. So, we didn't. All hell broke loose on Monday. Because I'm a frontliner, the blame usually falls my way. It should have been caught before it went to press. Yay. Yet another learning opportunity.
Yesterday, I was bypassed to go to our facility in Calexico, CA. This is a trip our supervisor has been promising to myself and two others who work on sampling programs. Guess who's going and who's not? Yes, I already told you.
I'm sorry. I'm venting. And really, when reading this, please don't hear my whiney voice. My voice is sad and distressed, trying to seek comfort in God, smile through all of this crap. Oh, and there is so much more crap then what I have let on here. Work crap. Family crap. Crap, crap, crap. There are still so many things to smile about. One of them is my roommate.
Last night, I came home and Krissie was making dinner. I asked what she was cooking up and her reply was, "all of your favorite comfort foods: homemade mashed potatoes, asparagus with mushrooms, and vanilla pudding with fresh blueberries." I stood in the kitchen in total amazement. Wow. "Awww, Krissie, that is so awesome of you," I managed to say without a crying fit. "Question: why vanilla pudding with fresh blueberries? I mean, I like it but I didn't know it was my favorite comfort food." "Well, you were just telling me the other day how much you like the parfaits from McDonalds but lately the fruit has been frozen when you get them." "Will you marry me?" I heard myself ask.
She is an awesome friend and the best person I've ever lived with. She really is. I will miss her when I suddenly quit my job, move in with my parents and try to get a job in a crepe shop somewhere....
Thursday, May 12, 2005
My Supervisor
Holly: I have a fear of choking to death.
Jim: What do you mean?
Holly: Like on a piece of food.
Jim: You don't have to worry about that kind of choking. You need to worry about this kind of choking (pretends to have his hands wrapped around my throat, choking me).
Holly: Oh my.......!
Brain: (Laughs)
Holly: Do I really aggravate you that much?
Jim: Yes.
Jim: What do you mean?
Holly: Like on a piece of food.
Jim: You don't have to worry about that kind of choking. You need to worry about this kind of choking (pretends to have his hands wrapped around my throat, choking me).
Holly: Oh my.......!
Brain: (Laughs)
Holly: Do I really aggravate you that much?
Jim: Yes.
Food Addictions
I go through phases with certain foods. Here are my latest crazes:
Baha Fresh shrimp tacos, guacomole, and salsa. I don't like other salsas now. Has to be Baha. I go there 1-2 times a week.
Chai Tea with vanilla--this is the latest craze. I'm not into coffee but this stuff....wow. I discovered it last week and have three since then. I'm starting to schedule my drive home around coffee joints that serve the stuff. Anyone know where to get this drink in Lansing? I'm screwed if I can't have it on the weekends....
Baha Fresh shrimp tacos, guacomole, and salsa. I don't like other salsas now. Has to be Baha. I go there 1-2 times a week.
Chai Tea with vanilla--this is the latest craze. I'm not into coffee but this stuff....wow. I discovered it last week and have three since then. I'm starting to schedule my drive home around coffee joints that serve the stuff. Anyone know where to get this drink in Lansing? I'm screwed if I can't have it on the weekends....
Star Wars III
No, I can't wait.
Yes, I am going opening day.
No, I don't have high expectations.
Yes, that was a lie.
No, I didn't like Jar Jar Binks.
Yes, I like Part II better than Part I.
Why Star Wars? Why me?
Growing up, I had four male cousins in my age group: Ryan, Chris and Cory are 1-2 years older than I and then Greg who is a year younger. This was who I played with most of the time. They weren't into GI Joe like my step-brother. They were into Star Wars soooo I was forced to like Star Wars. I remember going to see Empire with Ryan and sitting in the very front row. I was four-years-old and recall staring at my shoes during the scary parts (my legs were sticking straight out because I was so little). It was assumed I would always be Leia when we were playing. Usually, Leia didn't have a big part and I would end up sitting in a chair by myself watching them. When my cousin Ryan moved to London, he had to give his prized collection of Star Wars toys to Cory. I'm not so sure Cory took the best care of them. Needless to say, I don't think Ryan got them back when his family moved to Ohio. Good times....
Yes, I have a think for Star Wars. I enjoy the stories behind the stories like how Han and Chewie met and Boba Fett's escape from the sarlacc. I do want to be one of those people who sports a costume on opening day but I won't.
I'm trying to get the cousins together to watch this last episode. We'll see....
Yes, I am going opening day.
No, I don't have high expectations.
Yes, that was a lie.
No, I didn't like Jar Jar Binks.
Yes, I like Part II better than Part I.
Why Star Wars? Why me?
Growing up, I had four male cousins in my age group: Ryan, Chris and Cory are 1-2 years older than I and then Greg who is a year younger. This was who I played with most of the time. They weren't into GI Joe like my step-brother. They were into Star Wars soooo I was forced to like Star Wars. I remember going to see Empire with Ryan and sitting in the very front row. I was four-years-old and recall staring at my shoes during the scary parts (my legs were sticking straight out because I was so little). It was assumed I would always be Leia when we were playing. Usually, Leia didn't have a big part and I would end up sitting in a chair by myself watching them. When my cousin Ryan moved to London, he had to give his prized collection of Star Wars toys to Cory. I'm not so sure Cory took the best care of them. Needless to say, I don't think Ryan got them back when his family moved to Ohio. Good times....
Yes, I have a think for Star Wars. I enjoy the stories behind the stories like how Han and Chewie met and Boba Fett's escape from the sarlacc. I do want to be one of those people who sports a costume on opening day but I won't.
I'm trying to get the cousins together to watch this last episode. We'll see....
Germany
I told God I didn't want to go to Germany. I received another $100 check. It must be God's way of smiling and saying, "That's nice, dear..."
Oh, and don't get me wrong. Sometimes I pull a Moses and feel totally unqualified to go but then God sends a little reassurance my way. I pray the rest of the Germany team is doing alright. I haven't seen them in a few weeks. We're getting closer to our $$ due date....ahhhhhh!!!!! Still, I'm not too concerned about the $$ part. I've got about $800 to go but still have more letters to send. So if you're reading this and smiling to yourself because you haven't received a Germany letter from me, I would stop smiling now. And for those of you that have contributed....wow. Thank you. I'm completely humbled every time I get a donation, no matter how much the amount. And for those that haven't been able to contribute, like I said in your letter, we need people praying for us, too. Thank you for those prayers. But, official thank yous will come later when you receive your "Meat-on-a-stick" souvenirs from the trip.
Oh, and don't get me wrong. Sometimes I pull a Moses and feel totally unqualified to go but then God sends a little reassurance my way. I pray the rest of the Germany team is doing alright. I haven't seen them in a few weeks. We're getting closer to our $$ due date....ahhhhhh!!!!! Still, I'm not too concerned about the $$ part. I've got about $800 to go but still have more letters to send. So if you're reading this and smiling to yourself because you haven't received a Germany letter from me, I would stop smiling now. And for those of you that have contributed....wow. Thank you. I'm completely humbled every time I get a donation, no matter how much the amount. And for those that haven't been able to contribute, like I said in your letter, we need people praying for us, too. Thank you for those prayers. But, official thank yous will come later when you receive your "Meat-on-a-stick" souvenirs from the trip.
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