Just say no

I’m hurting. I can barely hide it. Vulnerability weighs me down. I keep catching myself staring into nothing, walking with my head down, forcing joy to the surface.

Hear my prayers. I know you do. I want to help but I can’t fall while trying to lift.

Drugs suck. They suck the life out of me and I don’t even take them. They steal from me, lie to me, put me in weird, uncomfortable places…and I’ve never seen them.

I’m not sure where to start and stop. Crying out for Your help and your help, too gives me comfort. I want to feel safe again. That’s what addicts do to you. They can make you feel like you’re the one taking the drugs. But I’m done with the abuse and the drama. At some point, you have to protect yourself…right? Or is that selfish of me? I can see the ones closest to me starting to step up to protect me because I’m not doing it myself. It’s like I’m standing in the middle of a battlefield with bullets zinging by my face but I keep moving toward the gun…and someone is there trying to catch the bullets before they hit me but some have hit me because I’m hurt. Superficial wounds that hurt a ton…like a bitty paper cut that stings worse than a gapping lesion.

The part that almost hurts worse is to see yourself through someone else’s eyes and the way they see you is a complete lie. I remember what my dad told me, “consider the source” but words still hurt. I never thought I was part of the problem. I only served when I thought God wanted me to. I still hold on to that. I won’t believe their lies about me. Isn’t that weird? When someone thinks something of you that isn’t true, you almost second guess yourself. You start to replay every occasion and event wondering if you were part of the problem. I was starting to feel the world against me when really it isn’t the world. I was feeling unloved, a loser. I’m not doing that anymore. I’m done second guessing my actions because then I would be second guessing God. Christ fills my cup, not lies of people who don’t get it.

But the part that does hurt more is listening to the tears, pleas, remorse, promises...and still having to say no. "I love you with all my heart but no. I will do so much for you but no. You are going someplace I'm not...I'll see you if and when you come back."

With all of that said, I still love my friend. I will always love my friend and pray.

Real Quick

I have to read a short story for open mic night at Riv tomorrow. I was going to take one from this blog. Any suggestions? It has to be short which makes me think none of my entries will work. Thanks!

Do you know what is one of the scariest moments in life?

When you flush the toilet and the water starts to come toward you...and you're at someone else's house.

Under Where?

This isn't for the faint of heart.

In trying to break myself of buying the "elite" items in life, I decided I didn't need to be buying Victoria Secret underwear anymore. I've always purchased the 5 for $25 but come on! That's a lot of flippin money for a pair of underwear.

My quest to find something I liked but was affordable led me to the outlet mall--Hanes. I thought i hit the jackpot with all of the sales and specials. My total for 5 pairs of underwear? $22.22. I thought it was a great sign until I realized I'd barely saved any money. The following weekend, I returned them.

My next stop was to Target. They had a sale on the Fruit of a Loom's: 6 pair for $4.99. Now we're talkin! I was so pleased with my find and couldn't wait to try them on. They seemed fine so I adopted them into the family. I knew I was in trouble when I was walking out to the car and already had a wedgie. Screwed! I had to wear them all day at work which was highly uncomfortable and now I'm stuck with a bunch of underwear I can't even wear!

This is so frustrating. I went to VS just to browse...I picked out the 5 pairs I would buy if I wasn't trusting God for something better and cheaper. Sadly, I put them down and walked out. I'll find that perfect pair of underwear...somewhere...

Updates

So, I'm out of the loop a bit. I still love this little blog but I'm limited to the net access. I am picking up a signal from my neighbors but not sure which ones. It is locked so I can't just hop on, though it would make my life so much easier...and I wouldn't be spending so much time at the Coffee Beanery buying the cheapest item I can find (wheat bagel with peanut butter). I've thought about going door to door asking my neighbors but that seems slightly hard up.

I hope Joey gets the internet at his house soon. Please, Joey?

What's new...what's new...

Please pray about my living situation. I want to find a new place to live closer to my work and closer to Lansing for a reasonable price. Right now, I'm spoiled. $400 a month plus the gas bill. Everywhere I've looked puts me at $800 not including gas, water, electric...but my "roommate" is looking to sell the condo so I would rather leave now, get in a 12 month lease which would put me at the end of May 2008 to move out...which leads to some other news...

I think Joey and I set a date! Crazy stuff, huh. Only took us since September. But that's how we roll sometimes. Well, how I roll. We are looking at May 25th, 2008. This was after we realized (thanks to Yi) that May 28th is a Wednesday. So please pray about that for us, too.

RivRunners has taken off! It's amazing what God has done with this group. I spend a lot of time on it but i just dig this ministry a ton. I've met so many more people and it is kind of cool to be the lead person on it...I mean, second in lead behind God. I never thought about being a go to person for a group but wow. The Holy Spirit has really encouraged me and helped me to step into this role. Thank you, Lord for thinking of ME to do this RivRunners thing. Of all people! Way cool....

Okay, before my ramblings put me to sleep...I'm out.

Testimony Tuesday

I started writing my faith story in 2005. It is written in parts and is pretty much a life story. You can view Part 1 here:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/02/in-beginning.html
Part 2:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/02/from-methodist-to-catholicism-to.html
Part 3:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/02/full-circle.html
Part 4:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/03/fresh-start_15.html
Part 5:
http://loki22.blogspot.com/2005/04/my-early-20s.html
Finally...after all these years, I'm going to wrap up my faith story and yes, it is a little cheesy with an Avril song mixed in.

January 2003. My life was spiraling out of control. BT and I went to Cincy to celebrate our friend’s 30th birthday. We drove down there not speaking. We drove back not speaking. We hardly spoke at all because we were so angry with each other. What were we angry about? Can’t really tell you anymore. I know there wasn’t a lot of respect but huge amounts of expectation. We failed each other and let the other person know how they failed. I felt alone. I felt desperate. I wanted to be loved and to be in love again but it was so obvious BT and I couldn’t even get along. Our silences lasted weeks. Neither one of us could make a move. I was somehow convinced I was supposed to marry him. I had believed this for five years.

It was easy to escape from him. I lived in Novi, about 15-20 minutes away. I could also go to Lansing any time I wanted…and I wanted to escape. I wanted to get away from everything. I wanted more. I was searching.

The last week of January, a total "coincidence" occurred. I spoke to my mom to set up a hair appointment for the Saturday before the Super Bowl. My mom casually mentioned that one of her clients had just been in…and had asked about me. He was someone I had known but only casually. I took his phone number down. What if I called this guy? I mean, I knew him from high school. He was a freshman when I was a senior. He had the biggest crush on me but I just thought he was cute. I saw him several times over the years. My mom would save the Holt wrestling articles for me and he was in a lot of them. She and I went to his high school graduation open house. I remembered how his eyes lit up when he used to see me. He attended Alma college. I came down there to party during my senior year at CMU. I don’t know how or why but somehow I called this guy during a drunken moment. He came to the frat house and we danced and talked. Over the years, we had kept tabs on each other through my mom. I made the phone call.

We had a short but interesting talk. I was happy to hear he was an elementary art teacher. I was also happy to hear he didn’t have a girlfriend. I asked if he wanted to go to the Mega 80's concert that Friday. He said sure. I got off the phone and felt a little strange because…he mentioned Jesus. Ick. I think we talked about how he was…a Christian. Yuck. I remember telling my mom that we were going to go out on Friday but I finally knew why JAC didn’t have a girlfriend: he was a Jesus Freak. I also felt a little strange because I wasn't sure what my motives were. Meeting up with an old friend?

I don’t know what the heck I was doing. I was lost and searching for something. I wanted to feel good again, good about my life and self. I didn’t feel guilty about going out with him. We each brought a friend and had a blast dancing to 80s music. He was still so cute after all these years. He confessed his crush on me, finally and I laughed. I was definitely a girl who lived for the moment. When my sister and I dropped him off at home (his roommate had left earlier in the night), I asked him to go shopping with me and my nephew the next day. He said sure.

I had an awesome weekend. I felt new and alive. Somebody out there cared for me and showed it. Of course, this left me with a problem. How could I leave the guy I was convinced I was supposed to marry? Did I really want to leave him in the first place? How did I feel about JAC?

February 2003. I was on the brink of turning 27 and celebrating 5 years with BT. But now, I had surrounded myself by confusion…and the confusion was wonderful. I had reconnected with an old friend and there was something else this old friend was bringing me. It was more than just making me feel good about myself again, making me feel loved and wanted. Something bigger and better was taking place.

There was a song out at the time and it really summed up what I was going through.

“I’m standing on the bridge, I’m waiting in the dark, I thought that you’d be here by now. There’s nothing but the rain, no footsteps on the ground I’m listening but there’s no sound. Isn’t anyone trying to find me? Won’t somebody come take me home?” For months, I had felt lost and miserable. My closest friends were quickly becoming the people I worked with. More and more I felt separated from the previous life. Desperate, isolated, unhappy…

“Its that damn cold night, trying to figure out this life, won’t you take me by the hand take me somewhere new, I don’t know who you are but I….I’m with you.” I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I didn’t have much faith to leap forward. I was unsure how I felt about BT. When I was around him, I felt lonely, bitter, unhappy. I was unsure how I felt about JAC. When I was around him my heart felt light, fluttery and I was happy, secure. JAC extended his hand and I wanted to take it. I wanted to go somewhere with him. I had a feeling it was the right choice but I couldn’t take that leap of faith…because I didn’t have any faith.

“I’m looking for a place, I’m searching for a face, is anybody here I know? Cuz nothing’s going right and everything’s a mess and no one likes to be alone. Isn’t anyone trying to find me? Won’t somebody come take me home?” I had to make a decision. I needed more in life. I had been searching for something…something new and lasting. Was it JAC that was trying to find me? Was he going to take me home and finally complete the empty hole in my heart? I barely knew JAC but I took his hand thinking, “yes, this is it.”

“Why is everything so confusing? Maybe I’m just out of my mind…” It was crazy. I walked away from a 5 year relationship that really wasn’t going anywhere but down the shitter. JAC took my hand and led me. I was happy to take his hand and follow. What I soon discovered was that it wasn’t exactly JAC who was looking for me. It wasn’t exactly JAC who was bringing me “home.” It was someone I didn’t know at all but this someone had been trying to get my attention for years. This someone wanted me back. He wanted to fill my heart. JAC opened the doors and led me in.

JAC took me to his church and I allowed myself to go. I was broken, hungover, a mess. I’ve written about it before. I didn’t like his church. It was too new wavy for me. There wasn’t a choir where I could hear my mama singing. There was a band and they played (gasp) Christiany music. There wasn’t even a cross hanging anywhere. My thoughts flashed back to Mt. Hope church. These people were going to suck me in and wash my brain. My memories took me back to the Pentecostal church I had attended with Pat, the woman I used to work with. I thought for sure JAC’s church was going to be like that one. I sat there waiting for people to come flying out of their chairs, waving their arms delieriously, screaming out in tongues or running to the front for an alter call. None of that happened. In fact, the message talked about being in a rut. I could relate. I didn’t attend this church for a few weeks while things were getting sorted out in my life. The cold nights of February turned into warm, pleasant days of March. I started spending every moment of the weekends with JAC. I gave his church another chance.

I was sold. Or…I was bought. Christ was the one searching for me. He wanted me and I found Him through the help of a contemporary church and an old friend. Yes, JAC took my hand and led me there but now…the song that was out at the time…the one that described my life perfectly…it took on a whole new meaning.

“It’s that damn cold night, trying to figure out this life. Won’t You take me by the hand take me somewhere new, I don’t know who You are but I…I’m with You…I’m with You...” I didn’t know what I was doing but I knew Christ was offering me something I had been looking for forever…His everlasting love and acceptance. It would still take me months to really get it…actually, I’ll try to get it for the rest of my life and that’s okay. I remember sitting at Riverview and actually understanding why Christ died on the cross. Can you believe that I never understood that? I had never been taught and it had never been explained. Riv spelled it out for me. “In the OT, people sacrificed lambs to God for the forgiveness of sin. When Christ was on the cross, he became that lamb. He felt every sin ever committed. He felt every sin you have committed and will ever commit. He endured such pain on the cross…for you…and all you have to do is accept that.” I remember almost falling to my knees when I realized how much Christ must love all of us…how much God loves all of us.

So that about wraps up my Jesus story. I mean, I could fill you in on the last four years since I became a Christian or you could just read about all of my struggles on this here blog. I still am always learning and somehow, I still have a child like faith. Christ saved me when I was so weak. And when I’m weak now, I think about that time when everything fell into place. When Christ gave me the best opportunities to get to know the real Him, not the one from the Catholic church that made me feel guilty. Not the one who looked like a pansy hanging out in a field of flowers. The real, powerful, almighty, loving Jesus Christ.

You are mistaken

The entry posted earlier this week was not made by a pastor. It was made by a teenage girl who was giving the scripture lesson to the congregation for Youth Sunday. The theme was about making mistakes. We all make mistakes...even God makes mistakes. I'm not trying to embarress this girl but I flew into "uh-oh" mode. She was a product of her lesson. She made a mistake.

I guess my issue was that her Youth teachers had listened to the sermon several times before she went in front of the church to give it. And no one clarified afterward. And where did she get such an idea that our perfect Lord makes mistakes? She didn't just say it once. She said it several times over an hour.

As I listened to the CD of this sermon in my car, I dialed my phone with the other hand.

"Uh...Chuck? Just wanted to be positive about something before I move forward. God doesn't make mistakes, right?"

"Right on, sister."

I didn't even need the affirmation. I just needed to talk about it. And I did go to God first. I went right to His word to find out why He made the covenant with Noah. My Bible says that God didn't make the covenant because He was sorry so many people were killed by the flood.

Genesis 8:20 Then Noah built an altar to the LORD and, taking some of all the clean animals and clean birds, he sacrificed burnt offerings on it. 21 The LORD smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: "Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though [a] every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done.

God wasn't saying He had made a mistake and now needed to make good on it. He was impressed, pleased with Noah.

God is perfect. How can something perfect be flawed? His plan is perfect but He gives it to a bunch of imperfect human beings. It is our mistake, not His.

Just as a follow up, I did call the pastor of this church and we discussed "God's mistake." He had already planned on clearing this up at the weekend service. Just so we are all on the same page as Christians here....

Thoughts anyone?

“I believe that God made a bad decision and a good decision at the same time; bad by killing people [in Noah’s flood] and good by fixing his mistake by giving us his son.”

How do you feel about this statement made during a local church service?

Jesus's Tomb

For two weeks now, I’ve been listening to two co-workers talk about the Jesus’ tomb thing. Now, it’s not that I’m offended or I think there is one bit of truth in this ridicules story, but the two of them talking about it every day for the past two weeks makes my blood boil. I want to go over and discuss the whole thing with them, but at lunch or another time, not during work hours. I hit my wall the other day. I walked over to them and said the following:

“I hate to be the biiiyatch, but you two have been talking about this for two weeks and it’s distracting. I would love to sit down with you and discuss it at lunch, but not during work hours. What you are talking about is my salvation and I take it seriously.”

I don’t think my message was received well. I totally acted in my flesh.

Sonny and I happened to be e-mailing each other back and forth so I shot him this message:

"I just told a couple people next to me to shut it regarding the “Tomb of Jesus.” They’ve been talking about it for two weeks straight and I finally hit the wall. Probably not a good way to share the gospel but I just couldn’t take another day of listening to them talk about my salvation so brazenly. I totally acted in the flesh. I’m so….fleshy. To me…and I’m saying this for me, now…not you or any other Christian, but my belief in Christianity is faith that Jesus did rise again. If people are trying to discredit that, than they are discrediting my salvation. My belief is in the fact that Jesus was crucified, took on the world’s sins, died and rose again…giving us all new life in him. The rising part is key…for me. The newer Christian might be wounded by all of this. The grade-school Christian (me) is okay with hearing it but my blood pressure goes through the roof. It is just SO absurd that they found this tomb and come to the conclusion it is a certain person in history."


His response was so awesome that I just had to share it (with his permission, of course):

This whole tomb of Jesus thing is a load of crap on two parts.

1. It’s not a new discovery-its been shot down before. This tomb was discovered in 1980. Someone is peddling a book and movie so they want to sensationalize some non-existent link (Da-Vinci Code anyone ?)
2. Being a Christ follower is based on Faith-not tangible evidence for or against.

I understand where you are coming from. I get seriously irritated with armchair archaeologists who base their “belief of the week” on pop-media. Its like they can’t see what’s going on...“Big Film Director” discovers Jesus tomb…oh and he just happened to have made a movie about it and is working with two guys who wrote a book called "Real Archaeology," but this obviously has nothing to do with movie directors and book writers.

People die, only Jesus rose again. I know it because it’s the only time it’s happened and the world was changed from that point on. Only truth can change the world that way.

So, if you know me well, then you know that I wanted to recreate this dance with Joey. Someone beat us to it! We'll have to start practicing JC. I can just see Mike Lilly and Bobby getting into it, too.

The longer a couple cohabits before marriage, the greater the amount of negative stresses on them. If cohabiters, by nature, already have less commitment to marriage than those who choose to marry without cohabiting, the presence of these stressors might be just enough reason for them to end the relationship.

http://mcelroycounseling.com/notes/?p=513

It's kind of weird how all of my pre-christian friends just assume Joey and I are living together or will be now that he has purchased a home. Not so, my friends, and it isn't because of a study done on the subject. It's because of God.

The Spoiled Brat Rides Again

I admit it and I can't believe I'm admitting to it. I had a major meltdown on my birthday. It wasn't pleasant for anyone within a 5 mile radius of me. It started when my co-workers started cancelling on my birthday lunch...and then the family started saying they could not attend the birthday dinner. My irrational thinking led to "no one loves me" and tears. So over the top emo. My other teammates made banana splits which cheered me and I even thought there was still hope while driving to Lansing. But as I approached the city, my attitude worsened.

Arriving to my mom's, I ignored everyone in the house and went straight to bed where I cried for the next three hours. What was my deal? 31, I guess. Krissie asked me earlier where I thought I would be right now in my life. "Married to my best friend whom I am passionately in love with even when he annoys me and we have one little kid and another on the way" was my answer. That day, turning 31, I think I broke down and couldn't see anything clearly. Are we entitled to one day of this, hiding in bed? Still, I was way out of line and could barely control myself. I apologize to all who took the hit.

Just for public knowledge, I am extra sensitive on my birthday. All I want is to have a nice lunch with a friend or friends, a nice dinner with family and to look at baby pictures with my mom. That's all I want. The two seasons of Veronica Mars, the trip to Florida, the Playmakers GC, the facial at Douglas J, the dinner at Clara's Friday night, the 1 pound of honey and the endless birthday wishes I received were good, too. I guess I always knew I was a spoiled brat.

Oh, and the wine tasting was a great time. I think if you click....here...you'll see pictures from the event.

Thanks to all of you who continue to love the bratty me.

(crickets chirping)

Trip Around The Sun

Trip Around The Sun

By Jimmy Buffett

Hear 'em singing Happy Birthday

Better think about the wish I made

This year gone by ain't been a piece of cake

Every day's a revolution

Pull it together and it comes undone

Just one more candle and a trip around the sun

I'm just hanging on while this old world keeps spinning

And it's good to know it's out of my control

If there's one thing that I've learned from all this living

Is that it wouldn't change a thing if I let go

No, you never see it coming

Always wind up wondering where it went

Only time will tell if it was time well spent

It's another revelation

Celebrating what I should have done

With these souvenirs of my trip around the sun

Yes, I'll make a resolution

Then I'll never make another one

Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun

Just enjoy this ride ...Until it's done

Jimmy: Darker Days Behind For Me

“Hey, Beau-ful”

That’s how he greeted the ladies. The last time I heard him say that to me was February 4, 2006. That was the last time I spoke to him.

And now it’s been a year since he’s been gone. Looking back, it has been a strange, sad, angry, confused year which was also full of joy and healing. If only he could have taken that trip with all of us.

No, I wasn’t a close friend but I still had the privilege of walking into his house unannounced like everyone else. I still teased him in retaliation of his teasing me. I still went to the Chophouse restaurant with him and fought with him over the bill. I still got to share a little bit of Jesus with him.

A year ago today, I was driving home from work talking to Jenny. Talking to Jenny? No…complaining to Jenny about the stupid stuff going on in my life. I told her I would call her back as I pulled into my parking lot. I walked over to the mailbox, grabbed the emptied trashcan by the side of the road (Jimmy’s trashcan he let us borrow) and began to drag it back to it’s designated spot by the front porch when I saw Krissie coming out from under the carport. I hadn’t even realized she was there. The look on her face…completely white…shocked. “Jimmy’s dead.” As my mouth dropped so did the mail. I grabbed her, hugged her saying, “why? How? When?”

“It must be a joke,” she said. She was dazed as she walked down the street to Jimmy’s parent’s house, having to pass Jimmy’s house on the way. I called Joey who was taking his grandma to the Lion King at the Wharton Center. There was just no way this was happening. People started to arrive to our condo. They were stunned, convinced someone had broken into the house and killed Jimmy. The darkness of those days began to settle in. Nothing felt safe anymore. Nothing felt right. Yet, I still managed to hang on to my petty problems. They were almost an escape from something I couldn’t handle.

Soon, the truth started to seep into Jimmy’s family and friends. He took his own life. Sadness turned to anger at Jimmy for not confiding in them…and then turned to anger at themselves for not seeing any warning signs.

The months following Jimmy’s death were just so dark. That is the only word I can use to describe them. Krissie stopped sleeping. I could barely drive down the streets to our home and would rush inside so I didn’t catch a glimpse of his house. His friends, the ones who found him, fell apart. It was a complete mess. And then summer came. Krissie and I had so many talks about what happened and finally, against even my best judgment, I told her to leave. She had to leave the condo to get away from the constant reminder. And she did leave. And she finally slept.

The healing began. Krissie got engaged and started attending a church near her new condo. Some of Jimmy’s friends rallied and raised money for suicide awareness and prevention. Still, people will always be a little broken from this tragedy. Some more than others.

I no longer feel the darkness from those months after Jimmy’s death. Joey hauled in the trashcan last night, the same trashcan, Jimmy’s trashcan. The night felt a little different. It felt peaceful. I looked down at Jimmy’s house. The new neighbors who moved in had the front porch light on. The house looked peaceful, too.

There is a banquet tonight to honor and remember Jimmy. I think I’ll attend and hug the people who are still living under those dark days. But I pray that somehow this tragedy will cause them to really rely on God, not their own understanding of it because suicide doesn’t make sense.

Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own

U2 (Jimmy’s favorite band ever)

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soulI don't need...
I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -Sing,
you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...

Where are we now?
I've still got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

Red Dress Run

Good Idea: Run a race for charity.
Better Idea: Run it in a red dress.
Bad Idea: Sucking down a chocolate martini before finishing the end of the race.

Okay, that's the short of it. The long of it goes something like this...

Joey and I met up with Playmakers runners at Trippers. Our friend Levi had talked us into doing this run but what I didn't understand was that it wasn't so much a run as it was a pub crawl. First stop: MAC's Bar. The snot was frozen to my face. Yes, it was bitter cold. 5 degree wind chill. I couldn't reconcile doing a run and drinking beer at the first establishment so I had water. I wanted to run, too! I didn't like stopping. We spent about 20 minutes at each bar. We received two drink tickets at the start but I didn't use mine. Not even at the second stop, The Green Door. In fact, I took off a little early for Moriarty's. My parents were there waiting for us and I had a few sips of beer. I talked Levi into buying me a chocolate martini at 621. I traded him my two drink tickets for the martini. Problem was that 621 wasn't accepting the drink tickets. Oh well. The chocolate martini was only $5 and it was the best damn chocolate martini EVER (except for the homemade Joey chocolate martinis).

Joey and Levi

Of course, my stomach told me it wasn't a great idea while running to Tavern on the Square, our last stop. But, we finished and then took off for my mom's hoe down at her church. That was fun stuff, too because I got to square dance. I love to square dance :o)

My mom and I. She's so cute!!!

Locked In

"We're really Jesus Freaks now. We're spending the night in our church." --Jenny Cole

I never belonged to a Youth Group. Well, briefly in 7th grade. Nothing like RivKids, though. And I have never attended a lock-in before, either. This was my first. I volunteered for the RivKids 4th and 5th grade lock-in. What a blast.

We played barbarian capture the flag. I think Peter and I had more fun than the kids.

We did make overs until midnight. Yes, I was curling little girl's hair until midnight.

I thought it was funny that Emma's dad had to make sure everyone knew this was his daughter. I think I'm going to look for a shirt that says "Chuck."


My niece and her new friend, Zoe.



The kids slept in the auditorium (translated = sanctuary). They watched Cars until 3 a.m. Yes, folks, I didn't sleep until 3 a.m. Wendy Smith and I shared an air matress and I don't think I kicked her much during the night. We got up at 7:30 a.m. and I was exhausted but I loved the experience. I'm in for next year.

I Gotta Go Where It's...Sort of Warm

I went to Florida the first weekend in February to visit Kelly (VRA). I felt all grown up driving to the airport myself, missing my exit, getting turned around, parking at Quikpark, taking a shuttle to the airport, finding my terminal and flying by myself to Orlando. Just before take off, I heard someone say Orlando was under a tornado warning until 8 a.m. Interesting, I thought but really, all I could think about was warm weather and my new swimsuit. Ah...a reprieve from the crappy weather in Michigan!

We had a comedian for a pilot. "Folks, we just have a few rules for you. Please don't smoke unless you are in a designated area in the airport. Please adhere to the safety belt rules. Also, please remain inside of the aircraft during the flight. Now, if you'll look out of the left windows, you will see...a bunch of clouds. If your vision is really good, you can Toledo, OH." The rest of the flight was spent listening to Buffett on my MP3 player and talking to God. He is amazing and I can't stop thinking about God's creativity when I'm eclipsing the heavens in a plane.

After landing and taking a shuttle to the main airport, I saw spotted Kelly, waiting for me. I don't know if she saw the tears in my eyes but I was so happy to see her. We have been friends for almost 15 years. Want to see a picture of us from back in the day? Sorry, Kell. And us now...(we definitely improve with age--remember that!)

The first thing I found out was how bad the damage was by the tornados. Kelly's husband, Chris, was deployed to a badly hit subdivison. Second thing--Florida was rainy and cold. Well, warmer than Michigan but not warm enough for the clothes I packed.

Kelly and I drove to Citrus County after trying to gas at a couple of gas stations. I saw where she worked, her new house and then we picked up her two boys from school. We then had to drive an hour to Gram's house to drop off the boys. An hour back and we got ready to go out. I had a lot of fun getting to know Kelly's friends and also getting to know her as well. It had been awhile since we have hung out on a daily basis. True, our lives are different (I do not hang well after midnight) but I still love her sooo much.

Saturday, we picked up the boys from Gram's and took them to Austin's soccer game. I got to see Chris briefly also. See, when the rain started, I took off for the truck with Tyler.

Tyler and I waited for the rain to stop while listening to Jerry Jeff Walker. After the game, Chris took the boys and Kelly and I took off for Margaritaville. I was wearing a turtleneck, folks. A turtleneck in Orlando, FL! I was not pleased. We had a good time at dinner and then moved to the volcano bar for a few drinks.

As you can see, it really is a volcano bar. Once an hour it erupts and margarita flows down the volcano and into the giant shot glass. I love this bar. After dinner, Kelly and I visited with Johnny Walker. We got back to our hotel at a decent hour and even made it to Rob Schiller's new church. I never realized how much I missed that family until I saw them. After eating at Sweet Tomatoes (the best salad bar EVER) and rushing back to the airport, I made my flight. Despite squall warnings back home, our flight left on time. I left the cold damp Florida weather for frigid, blowing snow...or as our pilot said, "welcome to tropical Detroit." Oh well. I had Joey's homemade spaghetti waiting for me at home.

Kate could be the greatest mom ever.

Let It Go

Let It Go
By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you:

let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person intostaying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming tosee you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made

manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us,

no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

LET THEM GO!!

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it justmeans that their part in the story is over. And you've gotto know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keeptrying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, Ibelieve in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'mfaithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

LET THEM GO!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, andsee your worth.....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ..

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to takeyou to a new level in Him......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a brokenrelationship.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even tryto help themselves......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed .....

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are soused to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.GOD is doing a new thing for 2007!!!

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left think about it, and then ..

LET IT GO!!!

"The Battle is the Lord's!"