Here is that post I've been referring to. The icky post I just need to...finally post. So here is the incident I faced a few months ago.
I wouldn’t seem like the type that would snub someone on purpose, right? I mean, you read this blog and you might think “she’s a little unglued but seems to make pretty good decisions.” Yes, I’m living the life of a Christ Follower. That’s me. Always giving my time, money, love. But really, it’s not me all the time. I want to share a story which I feel I can write here. I say that knowing the person whom I did this to probably reads this blog but oh well.
You’ve read about how I went through a really crappy autumn season. You would think I would be recovered from this by now but the pain was real and deep. I made steps to heal and reached out to people you wouldn’t expect…one of the sources of said pain. I was definitely on the road to recovery but for reasons I’m not going to mention (first because I don’t want to get into it and second because it really doesn’t matter), I slipped back into an intense dislike for someone. Intense. I went from liking/caring about this person but knowing I couldn’t be friends with them right now to not even being able to look at them. I told Joey about it. I told my pastor about it. I told my mentor about it. But I didn’t tell my friends about it…the people I confide in. I didn’t want them to be put in the middle. Wow. It does all sound so high school but I’m going to keep going with my story. It’s about to sound Jr. High in a minute.
I saw this person on a Saturday last May. We were in the same room for the same reason, us and one other person. I looked up from my work and I will honestly say I tried to make eye contact. I was going to force a smile. It didn’t happen, though and the longer this person and I shared airspace, the angrier I became. I was so angry with this person, that I actually felt sick. I had to get up and leave the room at one point. Anger was consuming me and I was so confused by it. The ironic part of all this was where we were: church. We were at Riverview….the safe place for both of us. For some dumb reason, I made up my mind to pretend this person didn’t exist and I was feeding off the hate. Years ago, I would have felt I was responding correctly. This is how pre-Christian self dealt with problems. At first, I allowed myself to go down this hate road. It felt good. Satan is tricky.
After this person left Riv, I felt like collapsing. Weak and sad, I walked out to my car. I tried to call Joey. No answer. I called another friend. Busy. I was alone with myself and my actions made me ill.
Immediately, I knew what I had to do. I didn’t really think twice. I picked up my cell and called this person. I apologized. I asked for this person to forgive me for my childish behavior. No, I didn’t feel better about myself afterwards. I still felt sick. A friend of mine questioned my actions by saying it wasn’t my responsibility to call said person. After all, that person ignored me right back. But I just didn’t see it that way. My actions were my actions.
The Holy Spirit must be strong in me or something. In this spiritual battle going on right inside of me, Jesus was putting up a fight against my sinful nature. I’ve learned so much. I’m still learning so much. It hurts and yet, it feels good, too, seeing the work in progress, the continual growth. I’m so thankful God loves me in all my weakness and He’ll fight for me, too. Yes, He’ll most certainly allow me to go through schtuff but He is forcing me to stand up to my selfish behavior.
There’s still more to come on this….probably for the rest of my life.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
The Weekend
I haven't posted pics in awhile so I thought I would do that.
Friday night: Went to the Poison concert with JAC, Krissie and Andy. It was pretty cool. I liked Poison a lot when I was 12. I did notice that I feel a lot more comfortable putting my hands in the air at a concert than I do at church or a Christian conference. Just an observation. I know I don't have to either but I thought it was interesting.
Saturday: Went to the MAC with my step-mom. Did 10 minutes on the stairmaster and 20 minutes on the treadmill. We lifted and then said screw it. A change of clothes and we were out by the pool. Now, my step-mom was the one who first brought me to swimming lessons. The apartments she and my father lived in had a pool, too so i was begging them to bring me all the time. I had not been to a pool with her probably since I was 8 or 9. There is a huge water slide at the MAC. We decided to go for it. She went first and then I waited my turn. All the excitement from when I was a kid built up inside of me and came pouring out as I went down that water slide. Just before I hit the bottom, I saw Christine at the edge of the pool, laughing hysterically. I began to laugh and then I hit the water. It flooded my ears and nose but when I stood up, I just couldn't stop laughing and either could she. We did a few laps in the pool and then I showered up and went to Joey's.
We spent the rest of the day packing, going to certain stores, attending church and then having a nice dinner at Emil's. After laughing at our inside jokes, we stopped by my cousin's house to chat. Joey dropped my off at my mom's around 10:30ish and I was tired. Oh, yeah. After being in the pool with my step-mom, it made me want to visit the old apartment complex we used to live in. Said complex is next to Dusty's Cellars in Okemos. We drove around and found the pool. Same pool. Same pool rules sign. I sighed, remembering how I used to ride my big wheel all around the complex and to Dusty's Cellars because that was where my dad bought his deli meat. Still buys his deli meat there. It is an awesome place. Check it out sometime (I wonder if they would pay me for the plug).
Sunday: Taught large group for the threes and Pre-ks at both services. Also had a nice chat with a friend inbetween services. Off to Joey's afterward to pack, just beat the storm home from Meijer and then were rescued by Mike and Eric. They helped Joey move the big-A fish tank to his dad's. Went to the Lily Pad for the best chocolate chip cookies EVER (well, there is one batch that comes close...a co-worker of mine) and then back to Joey's to pack. Now, it is time for our Sunday evening walk through downtown Mason. Those walks are going to end soon. I think I'm sad about it.
Friday night: Went to the Poison concert with JAC, Krissie and Andy. It was pretty cool. I liked Poison a lot when I was 12. I did notice that I feel a lot more comfortable putting my hands in the air at a concert than I do at church or a Christian conference. Just an observation. I know I don't have to either but I thought it was interesting.
Saturday: Went to the MAC with my step-mom. Did 10 minutes on the stairmaster and 20 minutes on the treadmill. We lifted and then said screw it. A change of clothes and we were out by the pool. Now, my step-mom was the one who first brought me to swimming lessons. The apartments she and my father lived in had a pool, too so i was begging them to bring me all the time. I had not been to a pool with her probably since I was 8 or 9. There is a huge water slide at the MAC. We decided to go for it. She went first and then I waited my turn. All the excitement from when I was a kid built up inside of me and came pouring out as I went down that water slide. Just before I hit the bottom, I saw Christine at the edge of the pool, laughing hysterically. I began to laugh and then I hit the water. It flooded my ears and nose but when I stood up, I just couldn't stop laughing and either could she. We did a few laps in the pool and then I showered up and went to Joey's.
We spent the rest of the day packing, going to certain stores, attending church and then having a nice dinner at Emil's. After laughing at our inside jokes, we stopped by my cousin's house to chat. Joey dropped my off at my mom's around 10:30ish and I was tired. Oh, yeah. After being in the pool with my step-mom, it made me want to visit the old apartment complex we used to live in. Said complex is next to Dusty's Cellars in Okemos. We drove around and found the pool. Same pool. Same pool rules sign. I sighed, remembering how I used to ride my big wheel all around the complex and to Dusty's Cellars because that was where my dad bought his deli meat. Still buys his deli meat there. It is an awesome place. Check it out sometime (I wonder if they would pay me for the plug).
Sunday: Taught large group for the threes and Pre-ks at both services. Also had a nice chat with a friend inbetween services. Off to Joey's afterward to pack, just beat the storm home from Meijer and then were rescued by Mike and Eric. They helped Joey move the big-A fish tank to his dad's. Went to the Lily Pad for the best chocolate chip cookies EVER (well, there is one batch that comes close...a co-worker of mine) and then back to Joey's to pack. Now, it is time for our Sunday evening walk through downtown Mason. Those walks are going to end soon. I think I'm sad about it.
Friday, July 28, 2006
JM Part 2
A story from JM. This is going from my notes, so they aren't direct quotes.
I was in a department store and got to talking to this woman about her job. I asked her if she was paid on commission. She said no but they were required to sell a certain amount or they would lose their jobs. I asked her how it was going. She said, not well. After talking with her a few more minutes, I discovered she was a Christian. I asked her, “Did you pray for favor from God to get more customers?” The woman became quite and said, “you mean…I can do that?” “Sure! Why not?” I responded. “Well, isn’t that kind of like asking for money?” the woman said. “Well, do you need money?” I asked her. See, that is the problem with a lot of us. We don’t ask God for what we need. He does know our hearts but He wants us to ask.
I was curling my hair one morning and this little piece of hair just wouldn’t curl. I turned the iron up and it still wouldn’t curl. I sprayed my hair but no curl. I was frustrated and suddenly got this feeling. “No,” I thought, “I can’t pray about THIS. Do I really need divine intervention for my hair?!” I humbled myself and asked the Lord for help. Taking a deep breath, I tried to curl the piece of hair. It curled. The prayer worked. Now, let me ask you something. If God, the creator of the universe, has counted every piece of hair on your head and collected every tear you have ever cried in a bottle, why would He NOT care about every single thing in your life. Stop being religious with God. Start being relational with God.
I was in a department store and got to talking to this woman about her job. I asked her if she was paid on commission. She said no but they were required to sell a certain amount or they would lose their jobs. I asked her how it was going. She said, not well. After talking with her a few more minutes, I discovered she was a Christian. I asked her, “Did you pray for favor from God to get more customers?” The woman became quite and said, “you mean…I can do that?” “Sure! Why not?” I responded. “Well, isn’t that kind of like asking for money?” the woman said. “Well, do you need money?” I asked her. See, that is the problem with a lot of us. We don’t ask God for what we need. He does know our hearts but He wants us to ask.
I was curling my hair one morning and this little piece of hair just wouldn’t curl. I turned the iron up and it still wouldn’t curl. I sprayed my hair but no curl. I was frustrated and suddenly got this feeling. “No,” I thought, “I can’t pray about THIS. Do I really need divine intervention for my hair?!” I humbled myself and asked the Lord for help. Taking a deep breath, I tried to curl the piece of hair. It curled. The prayer worked. Now, let me ask you something. If God, the creator of the universe, has counted every piece of hair on your head and collected every tear you have ever cried in a bottle, why would He NOT care about every single thing in your life. Stop being religious with God. Start being relational with God.
Ephesians 4
Joey and I are reading Ephesians right now. Wow. I dig this book. It's possibly my favorite. I got so excited reading Eph. 4 last night that I had to share it.
So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.
Whoa, I said. Know people like that? Jac said. "yeah, me sometimes...still." But when I read this, I feel God showing me where I've been and how He has changed me. So, here is more of the verse which almost had me in tears by the end.
You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Okay, I can't stop myself.
25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin"[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold.
Another whoa. Joey laughed and said, "I'm holding you to this one." Yeah. Sometimes when I am angry, I'll let the sun go down two or three times before I face it. Then, there are those mornings when I wake up and just feel grumpy. Why is that? There must be a reason we do this. Something is making us grumpy if we search for it deep inside. Lately, though, I've been waking up and listening to Joyce. She tells me to enjoy everyday life every single day. She tells me how much God loves me. I learn tons from her. The devil does not get a foothold on me when I start my day. Not any more. Now, during the day...I'm a work in progress.
This is where I got to hold Joey to something:
29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
I don't think this means to never swear. That's a whole new post, though. Consider your audience. Consider if you are building up or tearing down.
30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Do you think that is as beautiful and perfectly stated as I do? This is an area God is growing me up in. I think I'm finally going to post the posts I've been holding off on. Get rid of it. Just get rid of it.
With that said, I'm going to the Poison concert tonight. Whoo-hoo!!!!!
So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.
Whoa, I said. Know people like that? Jac said. "yeah, me sometimes...still." But when I read this, I feel God showing me where I've been and how He has changed me. So, here is more of the verse which almost had me in tears by the end.
You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Okay, I can't stop myself.
25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin"[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold.
Another whoa. Joey laughed and said, "I'm holding you to this one." Yeah. Sometimes when I am angry, I'll let the sun go down two or three times before I face it. Then, there are those mornings when I wake up and just feel grumpy. Why is that? There must be a reason we do this. Something is making us grumpy if we search for it deep inside. Lately, though, I've been waking up and listening to Joyce. She tells me to enjoy everyday life every single day. She tells me how much God loves me. I learn tons from her. The devil does not get a foothold on me when I start my day. Not any more. Now, during the day...I'm a work in progress.
This is where I got to hold Joey to something:
29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
I don't think this means to never swear. That's a whole new post, though. Consider your audience. Consider if you are building up or tearing down.
30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Do you think that is as beautiful and perfectly stated as I do? This is an area God is growing me up in. I think I'm finally going to post the posts I've been holding off on. Get rid of it. Just get rid of it.
With that said, I'm going to the Poison concert tonight. Whoo-hoo!!!!!
The World
God sang a song to me this morning. Want to read the lyrics? Of course you do!
To the waiter at the restaurant
You're just another tip
To the guy at the ice cream shop
You're just another dip (Ha!)
When you can't get reservations
'Cause you don't have the clout
Or you didn't get an invitation
'Cause somebody left you out (Booooo)
That's alright, that's ok
When you don't feel important, Holly
All I've got to say is
To the world
You may be just another girl
But to Me
Holly, you are the world
You think you're one of millions
but you're one in a million to Me
When you wonder if you matter, look into My eyes (someday)
And tell me, can't you see
you're everything to Me
I really thought about how much God loves me this morning. For all of my imperfections, He doesn't see any of them. He knows my heart and He still loves me. Fail or succeed, He loves me the same...constant. I smiled, realizing that this isn't just my song. God sings this to all of His girls. He loves each one of us as if we are the only person in the world. Can I even comprehend that love? Did you wake up feeling or at least knowing God's love this morning?
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the song God has for you. Ha! Happy Friday!
PS: Guys, you have to find your own song.
To the waiter at the restaurant
You're just another tip
To the guy at the ice cream shop
You're just another dip (Ha!)
When you can't get reservations
'Cause you don't have the clout
Or you didn't get an invitation
'Cause somebody left you out (Booooo)
That's alright, that's ok
When you don't feel important, Holly
All I've got to say is
To the world
You may be just another girl
But to Me
Holly, you are the world
You think you're one of millions
but you're one in a million to Me
When you wonder if you matter, look into My eyes (someday)
And tell me, can't you see
you're everything to Me
I really thought about how much God loves me this morning. For all of my imperfections, He doesn't see any of them. He knows my heart and He still loves me. Fail or succeed, He loves me the same...constant. I smiled, realizing that this isn't just my song. God sings this to all of His girls. He loves each one of us as if we are the only person in the world. Can I even comprehend that love? Did you wake up feeling or at least knowing God's love this morning?
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the song God has for you. Ha! Happy Friday!
PS: Guys, you have to find your own song.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
After you are finished reading this, will you please take one minute and pray for our Mexico Mission Team? They are at the half way point and we need to build them up with prayer. This is probably such an awesome experience for all of them but still, if you could pray for the lives they are touching, their own sanity, and for good health, that would rock. Amen and peace out.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Sad Evening
After lifting weights at Bally's last night, I wanted a treat (see...need reward for self). Perfect treat = Border's Hot Decaf Skinny Chai...and right around the corner. I went in with money still on my gift card feeling oh so happy. As I approached the cafe, I noticed two things: the Border's chai in cartons was no longer being sold on the shelves and the cafe had been remodeled. This couldn't be good.
I took a deep breath and sounded like Ralphy from the Christmas Story when I said, "CanIhaveahotdecafskinnychaitogoplease?" The lady smiled and said, "we only carry Tazo Chai now. Is that okay?"
No. It wasn't okay. I forced a smile and asked for a decaf Tazo Chai. She smiled again and said, "we don't carry that." Grrrr.....
"I really liked the Border's stuff," I explained, though, how was that going to solve anything?
"I know. It was a real loss," the lady empathized.
I left, feeling like my best friend had moved to Florida again. No...that wasn't it because the Border's Chai is gone....gone I tell you....just gone....
Of course, this moves The Coffee Beanery up into first place on my list. Anyone interested in opening one of those in Lansing?
I took a deep breath and sounded like Ralphy from the Christmas Story when I said, "CanIhaveahotdecafskinnychaitogoplease?" The lady smiled and said, "we only carry Tazo Chai now. Is that okay?"
No. It wasn't okay. I forced a smile and asked for a decaf Tazo Chai. She smiled again and said, "we don't carry that." Grrrr.....
"I really liked the Border's stuff," I explained, though, how was that going to solve anything?
"I know. It was a real loss," the lady empathized.
I left, feeling like my best friend had moved to Florida again. No...that wasn't it because the Border's Chai is gone....gone I tell you....just gone....
Of course, this moves The Coffee Beanery up into first place on my list. Anyone interested in opening one of those in Lansing?
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