Another one passes on

Dan says I write about death a lot. Not that I do it in an unhealthy way, according to him. I wonder why I do. I know it's because it keeps happening in my life. It started when I was 12 and will continue until I pass on.

I almost didn't write this entry because I don't want people to think I'm obsessed with death or things related to death. Then I realized Dan wasn't putting me down. It's just a part of me, a part of all of us. That's the deal, right? You get to be born and you get to die. Well, except for me. I won't die.

My step-father's mother passed away Monday around 2:30ish. My sister and I were having a conversation about her and how morbid everyone was being about the situation. We thought people were giving up on her and she needed something more. As we were talking, the Lord took his daughter home. I found out about 10 minutes later. Incredible sadness came over me but I was also stunned.

Grandma (Mary) Cook was such a spitfire. She was sharp and witty; a short woman devoted to her Catholic faith. She modeled as a young lady and went on to marry, have three children and then divorce. She lived near St. Lawrence hospital with Miss Kitty and loved her garden. She was a part of the red hat society which kept her busy. She did my mom's taxes. She e-mailed.

Grandma Cook did something remarkable for me two years ago. She found out about the mission trip to Koln and paid the last $200 we needed to go. Of course, now I'm kicking myself because I never got around to showing her the pictures or telling her any of the stories. I also could have visited more...regrets do hurt.

Joey and I went to visit her about a month ago. She was staying in the St. John's nursing home. This is a place people get parked to pretty much die. We found her curled up, half asleep on her bed. Waking up, she was pleased to see us there. We visited awhile and talked about heaven. She said that after she was done with purgatory, then the blessed mother would great her and take her to Jesus. Joey and I just smiled. She didn't seem to scared to die but she made it known she wasn't ready to give up. I'm just not sure what happened...

Today was sad. I'm truly feeling the extinction of a generation. I know this is how Mary felt watching her grandparents and parents die. And I know the death is not permanent but it still feels a little more lonely in this world. As I gain years, the time is running out. Gain and loss. It will be so painful to watch the old ones die as the new ones are born. One generation fades as another burns brightly. Sometimes, it doesn't make any sense to me. At the most, I have faith in a God that conquered death and I just don't see how anyone could get through it without Jesus...um...cuz you can't.