Mystery

Ben (my former supervisor/present day friend) and I used to e-mail each other a lot. I was looking through some old e-mails yesterday, found this one, decided to post it because it made me laugh. I shall post more things I find funny as I see fit. My blog. Meow.

B: What's up HB?
H: Eating a lunch I can’t stand and looking for a new car. What about you?
B: Pissing away another day at valassis.
H: My days of pissing are over, I think. My job is in and ready to control my life.
Have you ever rebelled against yourself?
B: I think I've been through periods of rebellion with myself. What about you?
H: I’m really rebelling against myself right now. I’m forcing myself to eat this food and I can hear….I guess I hear my other self screaming, crying, resisting my efforts to eat it instead of throwing it out. I keep telling myself things like, “if you don’t eat it, you’ll be hungry later and I’m not feeding you again until dinner,” or “there are starving people all over the place and you’re going to throw away perfectly healthy food?” But then, my other self back talks me. “I know if I’m hungry you’ll feed me before dinner” and “if there are starving people all over the place, send the lunch to them!” I’m so lenient with myself. But no! Not this time! I won’t let me get away with it…..well, I'll at least eat half.
B: You are hilarious!! I would love to hear more of this inner dialogue and the other subjects that you argue with yourself about.
H: I can’t talk anymore. I just grounded myself. Of course, knowing me, I’ll rebel.
B: You should sneak out after your otherself goes to sleep. I'll meet you at the corner.
H: I know I would get caught. My other self is a light sleeper. I hate microwave meals. They always seem like such a good idea at the time.
Up for a little BS tomorrow?
B: I think the question is are you up for a little BS?
H: Almost always. Do you think I should get a 2000 Chevy Astro Cargo or a 1988 Chevy Bonaventure.
B: I think you should ride your bike instead.
H: No, I want a van. One of those old types like the Mystery Machine.
B: Are you going to solve mysteries?
H: No, I’m going to build them.
B: Then you're not the one that needs the van.
H: Oh. Then I want a Mazda 6.
B: I think if you are building mysteries you should drive one of those little mini coopers. That seems like a mystery building type car. Either that or an Impala.
H: The first mystery to solve is why I ever bought that car.
B: I thought it was because Joey told you it was a good idea.
H: I guess the mystery is why I listened, then.
B: Because you are sometimes impressionable.

That's two mysteries solved. I think I need that van.