Sad Blog

I never really look forward to working out but yesterday was different. My workout buddy and friend was going to be home for the holidays and I was actually looking forward to seeing him at Bally's. I didn't realize how much I missed him when he moved to Chicago in September. A lot had happened since then. Bottom line is I've worked out twice since he left. But yesterday was supposed to be different. I was really looking forward to seeing him.

I wasn't even worried when I saw two ambulances in front of Bally's.

In fact, I forgot about it as soon as I saw Andy on the cross-trainer. I was greeted with a huge smile and a hug. We did cardio for another 5 minutes and then stretched by the windows overlooking I-96 in Novi.We caught up on things, laughed, joked around, and it all felt so great. We were doing a lap around the track when the announcement came over the P.A.

"In about 5 minutes, we will be closing the men's locker room indefinitely. Please, if you have anything in the locker room, come get it."

"I wonder if this has anything to do with the ambulances," I said. “Maybe it’s the bathrooms,” Andy said. We both shrugged and went to the locker room. I told Andy to just grab his stuff and then we could lift weights. The staff were only letting one person in at a time. I waited for him and studied the faces of the men exiting the locker room and walking out the door.

Andy approached me. His face was white and he appeared shaken. He whispered, "I'm leaving."

"Why? What's going on?" I asked.

"Holly, there is a guy in there…he’s dead…laying on the floor….I have to get out of here.”

I didn't ask anything else. I went and got my stuff and we left promptly. No, the toilets weren't overflowed. No, there wasn't an electrical fire. Someone had died in the locker room of Bally's. Andy told me they had covered his face with a towel, but he was laid out on the floor in front of the lockers. The man’s locker was open and his suit was hanging inside. Andy heard the staff talking, saying they didn't know who the man was, he had no identification on him. The paramedics were saying they had shocked him 15 times but they just couldn't save him.

Andy relayed all of this information to me as we walked to my car. We talked about how sad it was to live your whole life and become unknown, laying in the Bally's locker room. And how horrible for his family, especially around the holidays.We stopped at my car and were about ready to say good-bye when we noticed four men walking in our direction. They were heading for a woman who had just gotten out of the car across from mine.

"Mrs. ---?" She responded, "Yes?"

"Oh my God, Andy," I whispered. It just happened so fast. I could have hopped in my car but I felt frozen. Andy said, "I don't want to see this."

I seriously thought they wouldn't tell her in the parking lot of Bally's but as soon as I the thought entered my mind, her screams of anguish pushed them out. The yells and screams of her pain put my own body into some kind of shock. I couldn't think or move or feel. I desperately whispered to Andy, "Let's go to your car..."

Andy grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the scene. Tears were pushing out of my eyes. The whole way to the car I tried to block out her screams. I thought I was going to puke.We got to the car. I stopped crying and felt numb with shock and then anger. Why Bally's? Why two days before Thanksgiving? Why did they tell her in the parking lot? Why was she all alone?Andy was also in shock. I had never seen him look so sad. He kept apologizing that I had to see all of this, trying to protect me. I told him not to apologize because my life will not forever be changed by this moment, only hers will.

I thought about a lot of things as I drove home from Bally's. I wanted to talk to Ben. I let it ring once and then I hung up. Why open up this wound which is still so fresh for him? After all, HE had a moment like this almost a year ago. I wanted to call Becky. How silly of me again, because two years ago she got the call to come say good-bye to her mother. I called Joey instead.

I tried to shut it out of my mind. Yes, I get to walk away from last night and not have to feel that loss, the ripping away of someone you love so damn much. And I wonder why I got to witness it. This woman will never now I was standing there during the worst moment of her life, but I will forever remember her, maybe not every day, but I'll think of her now and then. I also don't feel lucky. It doesn't want to make me count my blessings because I count them all the time, almost every day. I'm not a fool. I know I'm going to have moments like hers in my life.

Thanksgiving will be ruined for her and her family. As for my family, we celebrate with a somber heart this year. Two seats will be empty and my heart will ache. And I'll think about Ben's dad, Ben, and Stevie...my heart will ache. Sometimes, I feel like I can't wait to be with my heavenly father. He will be the only ONE to take that human ache away. I asked Him for a hug last night, to help me go to sleep. I think it was the first time I ever asked God for a hug. I guess I'll have to wait for it.