Love Isn't

I was thinking today about love.  This was during one of the worst lunches ever with my child.  He was completely out of control, throwing food, jumping on the table, running over to pinch Ellie's leg...you get the picture.  I remained as calm as I could, trying to feed Ellie her lunch.  But it made me stop and think: do I love my son right now?  Well, yes.  Of course.  And even when I completely don't like him much, I still feed him, watch over him, make sure he isn't going to hurt himself or the baby, clothe him, make sure he gets enough sleep and hug him.  What do I get in return?  Really, nothing.  And I'm not even looking. 

I know what it means to love a bratty child.  Once in a great while, he will suddenly kiss me and say, "I love you, momma."  But at nap time, he always snuggles in close, feeling protected and loved.  He gets the reward.  Love?  Yes.  Perhaps love truly isn't a feeling but a choice.  I have known this since my marriage but I have lived this since Xavier.  My reward isn't a gushy, loving feeling.  It isn't constant kisses and hugs and I love yous.  It isn't about the way my kids or my husband treat me, either.  It is, in fact...nothing I get...yet, I receive love back in a thousand ways. 

With Joey, I confess, I do look for rewards and when I look, I'm let down.  My expectations of love are driven by society or how I grew up.  But with my kids, I don't ever look for a reward.  There is nothing to gain over my loving them except that they are loved.  Not even sure if this is making sense.  My bottom line is that we look for other people to please us and that is not love.  We expect the people we love to never let us down and that isn't love, either.  We expect some sort of perfection.  We expect....

Maybe we shouldn't.  Maybe we should just love for the simple gratification of loving despite that person's response.  And of course, there is what I know about love from God, the perfecter and author of love:

1Corinthians 13:4-8
⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.