Crying It Out

***Warning--this is a highly opinionated blog post***

When Xavier was just a few days old, Joey and I were sitting on our bed trying to figure out how to get him to sleep. He was crying. Joey suggested we let him "cry it out." I considered it. After all, I wasn't sure where I'd heard about crying it out before but it seemed like it was something I was supposed to do as a parent. Xavier went on crying for the next 30 seconds.

"Let's let him cry it out tomorrow," I said. And I might as well say that every day.

I read about "crying it out" in my Baby 411 book. The authors (who are doctors) tried to stress that you CANNOT SPOIL A NEWBORN. They have extremely immature nervous systems and do not know how to calm themselves down. Crying is also the only way babies know how to communicate. It made sense to me. It made me feel good because God forbid I start spoiling (aka ruining my child) this early in life.

On New Year's Day, Joey's well meaning aunts gave me the same advice: don't be afraid to let Xavier cry it out. I disagreed and they looked at me like I was just a foolish, new mom who didn't know anything, yet. But I do know the sound of my son's cries and how they alert me to his needs. Why would I want to stop them?

The idea of spoiling was in the Holy Bible but not THIS idea of spoiling. People seem to think if you hold your baby too much or respond to his needs too much, you will over indulge him. I was thinking about that the other day. Let's pretend I did let Xavier cry it out.

Xavier: (crying after 2 minutes of me letting him C.I.O.) Mom! My diaper is wet and uncomfortable. Please come change it!
Me: No, Xavier. Cry it out.
Xavier: (crying after 4 minutes of me letting him C.I.O.) Mom! I'm hungry and just need to eat so I can calm myself down!
Me: No. Cry it out.
Xavier: (crying hard after 7 minutes of me letting him C.I.O.) Mom! I don't know how to stop crying, yet. Please help me soothe myself and calm me! I'm spinning out of control.
Me: No. Cry it out.
Xavier: (still crying but realizing his cries are not being heard...or ignored) Mom? Where are you? I need you. I need you to help me. I need to be held and rocked and...
Perhaps this is when he does pass out after crying himself to sleep. And maybe the next night he goes straight to sleep because he has learned his crying will not get him what he needs.

Screw that. Seriously.

I was talking to a woman at bible study who has a daughter a few months older than Xavier. Of course, the question is always asked, "are you getting any sleep?" I gave my usual answer about how X wakes up every 2-3 hours to eat. Then, I asked her if she was getting sleep. She said yes. She and her husband were following the Babywise book which is where you basically let the baby cry it out. "You know, it was really, really hard but now, she sleeps through the night," this mom told me. You know, it was really, really hard because it is supposed to be. Those cries are there for a reason and bother mom for a reason.

To all other parents who want to C.I.O., go for it. But it really pisses me off when people suggest it to me. I will not leave my baby alone to cry and be ignored. F that. Instead, we are reading Happiest Baby On The Block. We started swaddling Xavier again (yes, at three months) and now he sleeps for 4 hours straight, wakes up briefly for a diaper change and to eat and then sleeps another 2 hours straight (and will sleep again for 2 hours after 1 more diaper change and eating session).

Now, when he is older...older than one year...I might but only when he is trying to manipulate me. That ain't happin' yet.

I thought perhaps my feelings on C.I.O. were a little too strong or maybe even a little naive until the other day when Joey said the following...out of the blue:
You know, my son deserves every bit of love I can give him. If I let him cry it out, I'm not loving him the way I should. I'm not going to do something just so it is more convenient for me.

I walked over and kissed him. See, we are on the same page...and I didn't even have to nag him :o)

Of course, this brings up a future topic...attachment parenting or baby training?