Church Shopping

In my mid-20s, I felt a real need to belong to a church. I went to a children’s program at my mom’s church and yearned for this family friendly setting. I wanted to read the Bible but only made it through the first two books. I was seeking.

I went online and did a bunch of research on different religions. I wanted to know what fit me. Just like going into a clothing store and trying on a pair of jeans, I was trying on different religions. From the research, I created a survey and took it along with my boyfriend at the time. What did we each believe? Infant baptism? Purgatory? Confession? Dressing up or down? Were we Methodist? Presbytarian? Episcopal? Catholic? So many questions but I wanted a church that fit us.

I went to a Unitarian Church not knowing what it was all about. I felt confused by the woman’s message. She talked about many different religions from Buddha to Islam…my head was spinning. But I liked the message. Soon after that, I became friends with a Christian woman at work. She took me to her Pentecostal church. Loved the message but the tongue speaking and outward cries of emotion were too much for me.

I prayed often but I wasn’t sure if I should pray to God or Jesus. I didn’t consult God in any of my decisions. It was more, “crap, here’s what I did. Can you get me out of it?” or “this the way I’m moving…please make it happen the way I want it to.” I thought I was a Christian. And this whole time, Christ was pointing at me.

Finally, in February of 2003, I was brought to Riverview. Everyone knows I disliked Riv the first time I went. But by the second time, a change took place inside of me. My eyes were slowly opening. I didn’t try on Riverview. Christ met me there and said, “stop trying to define your own truth. Learn the real truth even if it hurts.” At times, it did hurt. The Lord pruned me, trimmed the rotten branches from my trees. But I stood there, knowing the truth for the first time. And what is this truth?

That if I constantly tried to define the truth for myself, the truth would always change as I change…and the truth would never be obtainable. God doesn’t change—ever. He is the truth.

The things in my life I thought were fine (sleeping with my boyfriend, getting drunk, smoking pot once in awhile, gossiping, rejecting the Lord) were all sins…but I was free from them. I didn’t have to do them anymore. It was like shedding old skin and stepping into something new.

God loved me even when I didn’t love me. He is faithful even when I’m not.

God wanted to change me, I didn’t have to change myself. I needed to come to Him broken because I could not fix me. Only He could.

When I pray, I should ask for His will. Ask, Seek, Knock. Pray for direction. Pray for the little things. Pray for the big things. Pray continuously.

Most importantly, I didn’t have to do anything but believe that Jesus took the consequences of all of my sins as he died on the cross. He paid for it, not me. I was free. And I loved Jesus. At first, it sounded freaky and weird but I loved Him. Just like when I was a child and one of my first words was Jesus, I was a child coming back to him after being gone for so, so long. Rebelling, living for myself, living outside of the good things Christ wanted for me.

The truth. I didn’t shop for Riverview. It wasn’t even part of my “which religion are you” survey. How perfect Lord’s plan is! He pointed me to a church I would never have considered. If I had found out up front some of the biblical beliefs of this church, I would have walked away. It was truth I didn’t understand, yet because I didn’t have the mind of Christ. I didn’t think like Him or act like Him…yet. And I didn’t have the HS (holy spirit) to understand, yet. I would have initially left but instead, I stayed. I planted myself and grew. I accepted and even died to some things I didn’t like or agree with. I was even thanked for staying at Riv even though I didn’t agree with 100% of everything they were teaching. The things I didn’t agree on weren’t deal breakers for me, though. So I stayed. And I continue to stay. Inside this church was something I didn’t expect but certainly saved my life.