from http://asbojesus.wordpress.com/

One week ago tomorrow, I found out that someone I know committed suicide. He was a relative of one of my friends but I also knew him through the running world. He was a husband. He was a father. He killed himself and not in a pleasant way. I keep thinking about the hole he has left in so many lives. I think about his wife who now has to raise their young children alone. I get angry when I think about how selfish he was to something so horrible. I think about Jimmy and how Jimmy did it right across the street from me.

I've been through this before. Everything feels weird for awhile and then people start to heal. I pray the wife will heal. I pray the children will heal. None of them know Christ so I pray He can help them fill that void. As depressed as I felt on Christmas....I just don't get it. And as angry as I am for this guy's selfish decision, I also feel for his pain.

This, more than anything, seems to be a message from God to me about the people of Lansing. Dan Price wrote about us falling in love with the people of Lansing and caring about their salvation. I was in this guy's world as a fellow runner. I was talking to him little by little at each race. God put it on my heart to reach out to him. Of course, I see all of that in hindsight now. I see where God has placed me in His mission. I see so clearly but another one slipped away. I do not think I could have done anything to change this guy's mind about killing himself. I do not blame myself for any of it because I didn't lay out the salvation plan or something. What his death has done for me is reiterate the message: the people around me are broken hearted, numb, falling apart, tired of this life. God has placed me in a position to reach out. I am not the message, though. I just carry it.