Being Offended Part 1

This is a tough entry to write. I pray you hear me out on this one. It is another growing pain. I’ve been rightly accused in the past of being vague. You know why I have to be…to protect the innocent…but sometimes a lesson is so big, I have to share it. Oh, yesssss. Another lesson I’m going through…

"I wish everyone would just stop being so Christian!"

The statement made my eyes sting a bit. I felt a tightness in my throat. My heart ached when I heard those words. They were painful. I wanted to simultaneously slap the person who said it and hug her out of compassion.

The crazy thing was, those words came out of my mouth.

I was tired of everyone for being so politically correct. For the first time, I wanted to stop hanging out with Christians and hang out with only my pre-Christian friends, the ones who are loyal to me and "my ways". Lately, I had been feeling uncomfortable in my weekend world. I actually looked forward to hanging out with my co-workers at work. I was feeling miserable during the weekend, crying all the way from Lansing to Livonia, stepping into Val and feeling overwhelmingly happy. This was a 180 degree change. I wanted to be around people who weren’t Christians. My fiancé listened to me rant and rave and feed off of my bitterness. In the middle of this fit, I said, "Jesus loved people but he hung out with 12 and was closest to only 3."

So there! Yeah! That’s right. Don’t I feel better….well…no.

I went to bed that night feeling horrible. Noel had just taught on friendships and that if we really value our friends, we will share the gospel with them. If we only want the hit off of the friendship, then we keep our mouths shut. If we share the gospel and our friends reject, that’s fine because they aren’t rejecting us. They are rejecting Jesus. We need to still hang out with the ones who reject because after all, there is still time. Don’t you want to see your friend in heaven? Yes, I do. Even if that means sacrificing that strong loyalty they have to me, I will.

I do like how everyone is trying to be Christ like but I have a feeling we are all getting it a little mixed up. We need to stay in the word, listen to the teachings of our pastors, worship our Lord, ask for help in understanding…seek counseling which is what I’m going to begin doing this week. I want to get this selfishness worked out of me. I need to truly let go of the resentment I have toward people.

Here’s another crazy thing. The next morning, I turned the TV on and through Joyce, God rebuked me for feeling the selfish ways I’ve been feeling. I knew I had to change my attitude and there will be follow ups to the rebuking posted in blogs to come. But at the very end of the program, Joyce said something that blew me away: "You can’t be the best friend of everybody in the world so you need to make your mind up what your divine connections are in life. Divine connections are people God has brought into your life and you know that there’s a spiritual connection. You might have a lot of acquaintances but you can only have a certain amount of really good friends. Did you hear me? There’s nothing wrong with being closer to some people than others. Jesus out of the 12 had 3 that He spent more time with. There’s going to be somebody you click with, somebody you are going to bond with."

I get it so wrong a lot of the time. I’m not the perfect Christian. I’m an imperfect human who camps out too much on her feelings (like I said, that post is coming). The question is, how does God see me? If He looks at me through the lens I think I deserve, then He sees my selfish, hypocritical, evil ways. If He looks at me through Christ’s blood…He sees me as perfect. I’m saved. But He has lessons for me. Man, so many lessons…

Don't forget, there are posts to come on how God is finally straightening me out after a year of suffering. He is finally helping to free me from the prison I put MYSELF into.

PS: I love Christians :o) I love pre-Christians :o) I am selfish but I am growing...