Peace, freedom and the opposite of being alone

"I knew I was alone, but I think I've been secretly hoping that I would meet someone eventually and all that would change. Your insight makes sense and in a sense has given me some peace. Peace similar to what I felt the day I let go of Christianity. I'm no longer concerned with achieving something that feels so far out of my grasp. Now I can just live."

I read this comment on someone's blog and it made me stop....stare...go numb...feel sick. I don't know who this person is because I was fishing around in blog world. It was by accident I saw it...well...maybe. I'm not sure if I could get into a lot of trouble for posting it but I just had to. I need these thoughts in my life because they will come at me again and again. I need some adversity in my life otherwise, how will I grow spirtually?

I feel for this woman. I really do. I do not judge her because she "let go" of Christianity. I appreciate her openness.

I read a quote the other day: Christianity is not a religion or a philosophy, but a relationship and a lifestyle. The core of that lifestyle is thinking of others, as Jesus did, instead of ourselves.

Then there is this PDL quote: Becoming like Christ does not mean losing your personality or becoming a mindless clone. God created your uniqueness, so he certainly doesn't want to destroy it. Christlikeness is all about transforming your character, not your personality.

So, you read a lot of my posts and may think a couple of different things:
1.) Holly is a Jesus Freak.
2.) This isn't the Holly I've known.
3.) I love how Holly shares her stuggles in life.
4.) Holly struggles too much...maybe she should give up on this Christian thing, too.

Those were the thoughts that went through my head when I first read the quote. But then I thought about where I have been and what Christ has done in my life:

*I know and can accept I am an imperfect human being only saved by Christ's blood.
*God loves me the same when I succeed and fail. He DOES see me as perfect because He sees me through the blood of Christ. My sins are forgiven.
*I stopped using drugs.
*I stopped abusing alcohol.
*I stopped hurting my soul.
*I recognize how I hurt people.
*I recognize my selfish needs.
*I still love Buffett.
*I still love Johnny Cash.
*I see Christ helping get rid of the bad stuff I have held on to.
*I see my character changing for the better.

I let go, too. I let go off so much crap when I gave it to God to worry about. This is why I hang on. I feel much more free than I did before i was a follower. Yes, I actually feel more free. And peace is within me, too even with every struggle because the creator of the universe loves me. Yes, He actually loves me and wants to help me. I am not alone.

It is nothing I do. It is everything He has done.

And now...a song we sing at Riv (yes, we really do):
What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Oh! precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.