Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
~Hebrews 4:13

Sooo...is this telling me I have to answer for my sins? Pack your bags and get right out....

The real trick of it is that now I am so accountable. Before I was a Christian, I didn't really know, didn't really understand. Now I know. I know when I'm sinning but sometimes I still have that "pre-Christian" attitude: no one knows but God...and He won't tell. Grrrr.... I swallowed the pill. This was my choice to follow. My eyes have been opened but I still want to look away or shut them tight at my own discretion.

I'm in a valley. My safe little Christian bubble is broken. I'm no longer a "new" or "baby" Christian. The honeymoon is over...I'm so glad. I think this is the time when I get to really learn and know Christ. Will I take Him with me through this struggle? Will I take His hand and walk where He leads...even if it hurts so bad He'll probably have to carry me for awhile? Will I choose the easier path or do what I THINK I know is right? Will I let Satan falsely ease my pain?

Obviously, there is a lot weighing on my mind. What I do know is the support God is sending me. I actually tried to leave at the beginning of Riv on Sunday thinking no one would even notice. Heh. Not so fast. Right before I snuck out the side door, someone was there. She stopped me from leaving for good. She turned my heart around about leaving the only church I've ever called home. What a coincidence :)

God is showing me so much. I think He is trying to show me how much of a home I do have at Riv. I can get lost there when I want...and sometimes I can't. It is painful for me to be there right now...I'm going to admit that but I'm feeling support to stay. People are willing to hold me through this to get me through "it". The message is clear: I won't let you do this on your own. What is the solution? Eh.....not so clear.