Behaved? Controlled?

The past few days have been good, better than I imagined. Last night went well. We went to an Irish bar, had food and drinks, danced and laughed and I'm happy to say I was in bed by 1:30--and I wasn't drunk.

I was a little nervous about hanging out with this group of friends. Since my decision (in April) to not get drunk anymore, I haven't really been in this kind of situation with them. They are my closest friends and have been since college. The issue is that my friends are pretty heavy drinkers and I was, too. Not to say I drank a ton during the week and every weekend. It was just when we all got together, it was drink after drink after drink. And I'm also not saying it was just because of them. I did it with all my friends because most of my friends are drinkers. Soooo....I think I need to start from the beginning...with the end.

I went to my cousin Greg's wedding in April. I had recently listened to Noel's message about alcohol. I ignored that same message during the reception. My dad and I were egging each other on and the wine was flowing. I went to Joey's after the reception and got sick...really, really sick. I cried, I felt sorry for myself, I puked...and then I cried out to God. I didn't want to do this anymore. I wanted to have control. I wanted to truly be a Christ follower. I wanted to glorify God. I also didn't want to hurt my body.

That was the last time and so far, I've had the control I need. It's true that I could have quit cold turkey and I will if I feel alcohol controlling me. So far, so good. One of the true tests was this weekend with Andy, Ry, and Bek. I had a few drinks over a 5 hour period and probably way too much water. Beks later admitted that she had confided to Andy that she was concerned about me...concerned I wouldn't have enough fun because I wasn't tossing them back. But today she told me something different: "you're still the same Holl." Well...yeah. I mean, I was cutting it up on the dance floor, I was laughing hysterically, I was eating like I would never eat again....but I can see why she was concerned. It is scary when the people we know so well make drastic changes in their lives. I believe my progression has been slow, though.

I'm still a party girl, just not a drunk one. I'm more of a behaved party girl, well, not tonight. Tonight I'm a stay-at-home-watching-TVLand-while her friends are out drinking and watching football-except for Beks who is sleeping already-blogging-type girl.