The Peacful Day Before cont.

I pulled my car into the Ponderosa parking lot and stopped alongside the row of trees next to the freeway. I was in a daze as Devon talked. We were both torn between shock, grief, and excitement for Susan. Honestly….and yes, I’m going to divulge this information about myself to be honest…but I honestly had a part of me that thought, “my wedding is ruined.” It was ruined because the sky didn’t seem as blue. Ruined because I didn’t feel smiley anymore. Ruined because my pastors and friends were grief-stricken. Ruined because Noah’s mommy was gone and Joel’s best friend…gone.

As I began pulling up a chair to the pity party in my head, I heard Devon say, “Holly, this should not effect your wedding. Susan’s life is a celebration and your wedding is a celebration as well.” I hung up with Devon and called Jenny. As we discussed what had happened, I felt I needed to see Joey as soon as possible. I called him next. He was confused because we had decided not to have contact with each other until the wedding. Just hearing his voice made me miss him so much more. We hung up as I walked into my mom’s work for my appointment. Words began to slip out of my mouth and it seemed unreal to me. I lay down in the chair to get my eyebrow’s waxed and tears streamed down my face. I’m not sure if my mom thought it was from the waxing or if she knew. She didn’t really say. She just wiped them as they fell.

Now, I was really thinking about Noah, Susan’s two-year-old. I saw them two weeks before then. It was after the 11:30 service and Susan was sitting in the front row of church with Noah. Dan was playing the guitar while Noah clapped his hands. We made some small talk but nothing I can remember. I do remember her face and that she was wearing a brown jacket of some kind. I remember that because of her huge brown eyes. My memory took me back to the days when I first met her…probably in 2004 when she took over Suzanne’s position in RivKids. Susan and I seemed to have a similar sense of humor at times. I remembered when she was pregnant. I remembered when Joel, her husband, joined RivRunners e-mailing list but never showed up to the runs until about two months ago. I remembered Joel and I laughing about it, how he had been one of the first members but it took two more years for his schedule to clear. I also remember when Susan talked about her past to the entire church. I e-mailed her that week to thank her for coming forward but I used the Susan@eriv.net. Again-ha, ha because a different Susan using that e-mail address now, e-mailed me back. I never followed through.

My mom finished my brows and my phone rang. It was Joey. Before I could pick up the phone, I totally lost it. I handed the phone to my mom who explained to Joey that I couldn’t talk—literally. I left the salon and headed toward East Lansing to complete an errand. I called Joey’s mom, Reta, to make sure she brought her grandparents’ place setting for the wedding communion. But again, I could barely speak. “Where are you, honey?” She asked. I looked around me…feeling lost in my own town.

“Riverview,” I managed to say.
“Pull into the parking lot. I’m coming to get you.” So, I did. I grabbed my Bible and sat on the grass sobbing hysterically. Not a soul was near. Just me and God. I cried to Him and read from Matthew. I can’t ever remember what I read now. Reta picked me up but I couldn’t get a grip. Thoughts of Susan, Joel and Noah just kept running through my head. And her friends…who were my friends…and her pastor who is my pastor….the Savior we share…

Reta drove me to Pruess’ Pet store. I wanted to buy Joey a Plecostomus for his fish tank as his had died a few days before. I got overwhelmed and we ended up getting him a gift card. Joey called while we ran our next errand. He told his mom he had looked everywhere for the DVD burner. Now he remembered where it was. Reta turned to me and said, “I have good news…and some bad news. But in light of everything going on, it really isn’t that bad.”
“Okay,” I responded. I had calmed down enough and actually felt peaceful.
“The good news is we know where the DVD burner is but that’s where the bad news starts. It was in the basket of stuff Junior had brought to Charlar Place which must have been pushed under a table.”
“Oh no…”
“And the owner of Charlar Place is up north for the rest of the weekend.”
“Oh…..no…..”
We devised a plan to go to Best Buy and purchase another DVD burner. In the meantime, Peter would bring his Mac over to my mom’s in about an hour to see if we could transfer the files and burn it on Peter’s laptop. But when I looked for my wallet, it wasn’t in my purse. I had figured that out at Pruess’ but now…what was I going to do? Reta didn’t have her debit card or checkbook.
“Let’s go to my parent’s house,” I said.

This is where I will probably get a little mushy. I mean, everything that was happening that day was like one attack after another. I didn’t intend on being a bridezilla but my stress level was out of control. I had cried out to the Lord in the Riverview parking lot. Immediately, He sent help from all sides to calm my fears and be on attack instead of under attack.

Christine immediately gave me the money I needed to purchase the DVD burner. I barely finished my sentence on why I needed the money and it was in my hand. I’m so thankful to her.

My cousin Michael was on the phone helping me pick out a DVD burner compatible with a Mac to make sure I got the right one.

Peter was at my mom’s house when he should have been mountain biking with Joey. As we waited (forever it felt like) for the files to transfer, we had a chance to talk. He told me that Jim Lenon was ready to step in to take Dan’s place on the guitar if needed. Jim had even been practicing that afternoon just in case. Then, Joey called Peter and said that Noel (our pastor) had just called. Noel said they were taking this day to mourn but tonight (for Sean and Mikenna) and tomorrow (me and Joey) would be celebrations. Everything was going to be okay. On top of that, I was surrounded by people who loved and cared for Joey and I. Even when these people were hurting, too, at the same time they were mourning their friend, they would celebrate our marriage. And the friends in our circle…words can’t possibly express enough gratitude and love.

I felt safe and an armor of protection surrounded me.

Peter left with the files and headed to Joey’s. I headed to my mom’s room and took a shower. I decided to text message Suzanne to tell her I was praying for her (Susan and Suzanne were very close). But I had to pass Susan Haist’s name in my cell phone. I didn’t even realize I had her number…but of course I did because of RivKids. I felt exhausted and laid down on my mom’s bed.

I woke up feeling totally alone. I wanted out of that dark room and I wanted my girlfriends. I met Jenny and Yi at Joey’s, burned some music CDs and grabbed the last DVD, completed by Peter. It was done. The last DVD was finally done.

We went to church. It was the 6:30ish service. Randi-Kay was standing near the back. I hugged her tight and we talked about Susan. Randi-Kay imparted so much wisdom on me I was amazed. She’s been a Christian for a year and a half and God is using her. While I talked to RK and to Monaca who had joined us, I realized I could be happy. It wasn’t disrespectful to Susan to be happy about my upcoming wedding day. The shadow I felt had been following me around all day and clouding the most exciting event of my life thus far was NOT Susan. Susan was a light for the world. She was bright and funny and loved the Lord. That cloud around me lifted and I joined my friends in the third row. I sobbed as I sang the songs and smiled at God when James Granger read the verse I had read earlier in the day whiled crying in the Riv parking lot for Susan. Dang….I love God.

After the service, we were allowed to go into the new auditorium and write on the floors before they were carpeted on Tuesday. I picked a spot in the middle and wrote this...

Joseph and Holly Corr 5/25/08 ~Praying for our pre-Christian friends and for those lost (crossed out) Found!

Yi, Jenny and I drove to the Kellogg Center and met up with Becky in the ramp. As we walked to the front desk, I saw my aunt Ginny and her family. I felt so full of love and excitement. They were here for me. Me! ME?!?! I really was getting married in less than 24 hours. Wow.

The girls and I went to dinner at the State Room. We drank wine, ate pasta and laughed. It felt so good to smile and laugh with them. My priorities were totally in check. I had been so nervous the day before and earlier in the morning that my throat felt like it was squeezing shut. That feeling had been replaced with grief, confusion and God forced me to check myself.

Self checked.

I was marrying my best friend in just about 12 hours. And here I was with some of my best friends. We struggled to get the bed out of the couch.....

and I sighed peacefully as Yi and I got into the King bed of the suite. My prayer that night went something like, “Dear Heavenly Father…ummm...I'm getting married tomorrow....”

…and then I was asleep. What a day.