Random Thoughts

You have no idea how much I miss being able to check blogs and write in my own. Ah!!! But now I probably get more done which is what VAL wants and deserves. Now I have to go back to Laptop lunches...which I don't mind. Panera is packed today, though. When I walked through the door I was mobbed by a bunch of Livonia teachers. One of them even cut in front of me in line. I had to laugh. I wanted to say something like, "it's not nice to cut. I want you to write that on the board 400 times." Really, though I bet she wasn't paying attention. What's that line teachers always say...I need your undivided attention? I never understood that one until a couple years ago.

Things have calmed down in the past couple of days. My "undivided attention" has been focused on giving God my problems and let Him worry about them.

Friend: Does God worry?
Me: No...
Friend: But you're going to give Him your problems to worry about...?
Me: Well...since He doesn't worry, I don't have to, either.

I think I'm past the self pity stage. I'm also past the "intensely seeking Christian council" stage. This has benefited me more than anything else. I love it when people pray for me over the phone. I'm not good at it but I want to become better because it is so awesome. No one has condemned or judged me. They have listened, been empathetic and are willing to be soldiers with me during this spiritual battle. I feel so protected...like the prayers and love have wrapped around me and are keeping the demons at bay. And now...to be less dramatic....I'm coming out of the survival stage, too. Its been pretty shaky this week but the more focused I am on Christ, the more strength I have to continue. How could anyone get through this stuff without Him? It makes me sad. I find it fascinating that God is using me even now to help someone else going through it. Serving Him is what I want. Serving me ends up hurting me. Don't you just love trials? They teach us about ourselves, about God and how to serve others.

There is a song that came out last year. I heard it just before I walked into Panera. Tears came to my eyes as I smiled. My focus right now is to just be. God is working on my heart and helping me get better. I don't want to fall away from Him ever again.

And now...the song :)

Gravity
Written by Shawn McDonald and Chris Stevens

The ways of this world are grabbing a hold
Won't let me go, won't let me fly by
It takes its toll down on my soul
Cause I know what I need in my life

Don't let me lose my sight of You
Don't let me lose my sight
I don't want to fall away from You
Gravity is pulling me on down
I don't want to fall away from You
Gravity is pulling me to the ground

This world keeps making me cry
But I'm going to try, going to try to fly, going to fly high
Don't want to give into the sin, want to stay in You 'til the end

Don't want to lose my sight of You
Don't want to lose my sight
I want to fly Into the sky
Turn my back on this old world
Leave it all behind
This place is not my home


The tears...ah...they are slowly going away. The exhaustion is being replaced by peace. Anxiety, almost gone. It's like I had the spiritual flu or something. Coming out of the dark and into the light...and only happy blogs now as they will be few and far between.

Now....do I get that Chai tea or not? Hmmmmm......