Mission for Him, NOT me

"The following takes place between 6am and 7am..."

Tick, tick, tick...

The final 24 hours is here. I felt my first raw pain from nerves around 6:30 p.m. today.

"Crap, I leave in 24 hours. Oh boy."

I have been uneasy about this mission trip to Germany. You probably didn't want to hear that, though. You are going to tell me how everything is going to be fine but really, I'm still just a bundle of mixed emotions. Here are some of the thoughts spiraling around in the brain:

I don't want to go to Germany. I want to go on a mission trip to Hawaii. When is that trip?

I don't speak German. I don't know how to even relate to their lives. What was God thinking?

There must be some reason why He made all of this so obvious. What's the reason, God? Will I go over to Koln and start speaking in tongues? Will I start healing people randomly? Will I hide in a tree every time someone challenges me?

Don't worry. I'm trusting YOU on this one. I'm still getting a little sick to my stomach.

I packed waaaay too much.

I heard a song today by Warren Barfield as I was driving around getting last minute stuff. It calmed me, forcing me to return to the reason why I'm going to Germany in the first place.

Do they only see who we are
When who we are should be pointing them to Christ
Cause we are who He chose to use
To spread the news
Of the way the truth and the life
Oh I want all I am to die
So all He is can come alive

Til everyone I talk to hears His voice
And everything I touch feels the warmth of His hand
Til everyone I meet
Sees Jesus in me
This is all I wanna be I wanna be mistaken
For Jesus

May He touch with my hands
See through my eyes
May He speak through my lips
Live through my life
I want Him to live

I'm not like this on a minute by minute, second by second basis. My friends can attest to this, my co-workers can attest to this more. But these lyrics describe my heart, my want...the need to live by example instead of my old, selfish quest. I'm still the goofy person God created. That is the cool thing about this new quest: I can still be me and I realized I didn't want to do all of those crappy things I was doing. Those crappy things were filling a void that is now filled.

Want to have a drink? Give me a call when I'm back in town.
Want to go out dancing? Let me know when and where.
Want to go to the casino? I'm not very good, but I'm in.
Want to rob a convience store? Man, I miss those days.... (for those who don't know me well, this is where you laugh)

God uses me in crazy little ways...or this big way I'm about to embark on. You may not realize it, but take note of how He's using you, too. This is the kind of used you feel good about :)