Simeon Seinen

"I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live"
~Five For Fighting

A year ago last Saturday, I went to Sommerset Mall with my friend Andy. Deciding we had covered both buildings and all floors, we turned to leave…but something stopped me. “Wait, I think Ben’s brother works here in the Apple store.” Andy gave me a look like, “so.” “Soooo, I want to meet this guy,” I explained. Andy nodded and followed me in. I had never been in an Apple store before (no need) and I felt a little lost. Also, not knowing what Ben’s brother looked like or his name was a bit of a challenge. I scanned the faces of the trusty Mac employees and my eyes fell on a young man with a Seinen look…the eyes, the mouth, the height. I mumbled to an employee, “is….ummm….Seinen…here?” “Simeon Seinen?” I shook my head yes. The employee pointed to the young man I had suspected.

Sim didn’t look much like his tow-headed older brother. He was a little huskier and darker then Ben. I approached him feeling somewhat intimidated. Simeon was standing behind the Mac Genius counter with a countdown clock behind him. He was intensely working on someone’s computer so I had second thoughts. I voiced my concerns to Andy and he was all for leaving. His reply was, “what are you going to say to him anyway?” But I didn’t back down. Turning to Simeon, I marched right up to the counter. “Can I help you?” he asked. I introduced myself as his brother’s employee. He smiled and we shook hands. I can’t remember exactly what was said but when I explained that Ben was my supervisor; he jokingly apologized to me. When I was leaving, I told him I was going to be seeing Ben that night and I would tell Ben that Sim says hi. Simeon replied, “No, just give him a hard time for me.”

That night, I saw Ben at Krissie’s birthday party. I told him that I met his little bro. Ben laughed. “I wondered if it was you. I was in there about an hour later and Sim said one of my employee’s was just there. I asked him the name and he couldn’t remember. I asked what the girl looked like and he said, ‘I don’t know…she was hot.” We all laughed.

That’s the story about a chance meeting. I can’t tell you why I felt so convicted to meet Simeon or why I chose to go to Somerset Mall that weekend because I only go once or twice a year. What I do know is that Simeon died almost a week later at the age of 22 from a acute asthma attack.

March 19—Valassis held a huge party for March Madness. Sparty came into our work to hang out. We also had games, prizes and food. Ben and I were e-mailing each other in the afternoon.

Then Ben left and headed down to Cinci to spend the weekend with Nicole. I went to Lansing to spend the weekend with Jac. I got the call around 6:00. It came from Krissie.

“Holly, I just got a call from LP…Ben’s brother died this afternoon.”
“Ummmm…what?! Oh no…oh…you’re joking….#$*%...which brother?”
“I don’t know…the one who lives in Michigan…”
I’m not sure what I said next. I know I didn’t cry. I was just in a state of disbelief. I continued telling Joey the stories from the day and slowly it all started sinking in…then my thoughts turned to Ben. Shit. He was driving by himself to Cinci. Where was he? Was he okay? I felt I had no right to call him. I couldn’t imagine what he was going through. I started becoming concerned about his faith. Was it strong enough to handle this? Was God with him right now? Oh geez, what about Sim? I started shaking. I remember Joey sat me down on the couch and I just shook and cried. He said some things that calmed me down and gave me the courage to leave Ben a message. It all felt so tragic but a small amount of peace filled me. "God has him now."

I called Ben and left him a message telling him I was so sorry, that I couldn’t stop crying, I don’t understand why, hang on to his faith, God is there, I’m praying hard for him. I never thought Ben would call back but he did. I was standing on the front porch. It was so cold. Ben was racing back to Michigan. I asked where he was. Wopakoneta. We both laughed at the private joke. Ben explained how he got the phone call from Stevie and how he didn’t turn around right away because he just never thought…

“Holl, I had to tell my dad…” Ben said. Oh…Jesus…why? No frickin way was this happening. Before we got off the phone, Ben said, “just pray. Pray for my family and for Simeon’s wife who is by herself at the hospital.” I promised I would.

I was in a fog the rest of the weekend. At times I felt fine, like nothing had happened. Then, I would remember and would fight this neauseating feeling. I found myself slipping into a teary mess during church that Sunday. I believe the series was on Boneheads but I could be wrong. All I knew was that I needed God more than ever. I knew none of this was about me, but I couldn’t help but take it personally. It is that whole ultimate empathy thing I’ve got goin on. I left several times during the singing and the teaching to wipe my eyes. Where was God? I felt completely lost. On my last trip back from the restroom, I saw the pastor who had just been teaching. He was standing by himself, near the coffee. I didn’t know him well but…I needed something…comfort…a hug…something to ground me. I appoarched him and complete jibberish spilled from my mouth. Whatever I said didn’t make any sense and I could tell this from the look on his face. I complimented him on his teaching, said that my best friend’s little brother died for no reason and blah, blah, blah. What I really wanted to say to him was please, take this pain away from me. Please, give me a verse or something that will make me feel better. I got nothing but a confused look. Defeated and slightly shamed by my actions, I turned away and headed back to my seat. Out of no where, the other pastor, the one I knew way better at the time, was standing in front of me…with his arms outstreatched. I took the hug without a word. How had he known? Don’t misunderstand, either. This is the same pastor who has been known to harass me with teasing. It was just the perfect moment…almost as if…God somehow sent it Himself. I returned to my seat feeling much better. Comforted. Ready to face the crazy crap that was coming during the week.

Mar and I were determined to go to the funeral. We were convinced not to by upper management. I will never allow people to control something I feel so strongly about again. I was afraid, though. Afraid that Ben didn’t want us there. I was also afraid of upper management. We went to the funeral home and I saw the kid I had met only a week before. He was wearing the same Apple shirt I saw him in. All of it was so heartbreaking. It didn’t make sense. Then, there was his wife. She was so small, maybe 100 pounds. She seemed to be holding up okay but really, I just don’t know how she did it. We gave Ben all the love we had and went home.

Ben called on a few of us to help clear out Simeon’s apartment. Stevie had decided she wanted to move back to Kalamazoo. She went back one more time, the one week anniversary. She took some things and then said, “pack the rest into boxes and maybe someday I’ll go through it.” So, that was what we did. I can tell you it ranks up there as one of the most difficult things I ever forced myself through. Ben was up and down in his emotions. At times he was focused and then he would find an inhaler and get upset.

“You know what my last conversation with my brother was about, Holly?” Ben asked through tears.
“What?” I said.
“That you are hot,” Ben said with a laugh.
“I’m so sorry,” I said with tears on their way. "Why did it have to be about stupid me? Why couldn't the two of you told each other how much you love one another?"
Ben paused and said, "we didn't know we were saying good-bye."

I kept packing and finding little things that had made Simeon so precious to his loved ones: Apple T-shirts, CDs, pictures…How did he die of an asthma attack at 22 years old? I was completely sure this was a mistake. God messed something up by allowing this to happen. When I found Stevie’s wedding dress, I was convinced we would all wake up from this disgusting nightmare soon. Can you imagine…packing a 21-year-old woman’s wedding dress into a box, taping the box up and writing “wedding dress” on the box in marker. This was mistake. I prayed for God to comfort them in their sorrow but secretly, I was pissed at Him. It wasn’t a secret from God, of course, but He wowed me by sustaining faith in Ben and Ben’s family. They made it through and continue to make it through, even when it is entirely painful.

And so...it's been a year. Ben moved to Cincinnati and will be married in a month. He continues to have faith even though he thinks his faith is weak. Just by having it after all of this brings glory to God. Because Ben and his family turned to each other, asked for prayers, prayed themselves they all give glory and hope to others who suddenly lose loved ones. This weekend will suck. They will all get together and mourn, cry, share memories...they will relive losing the family baby. All of this will help them heal more because God will be there, in their hearts, helping them to move forward. God bless you and be with you this weekend (and always), Seinen Family.