Easter Dinner-Blah

My little chat with the parents did not go well. I was nervous and it showed. I didn’t feel confident, didn’t sound confident, and came across unsure of myself. It sucked. I came right out and asked them during dinner: would you come to see me get baptized….again. Yes, I threw in the “again” to soften the blow. They both kind of looked at me, looked at each other, looked down at their plates and then…silence. So I tried to fill the silence with a bunch of babble. Then, my step-mom said…

Step: Weren’t you already baptized?
Pops: Yes, she was…in the Methodist church.
Step: What makes you think that one didn’t take?
Me: (not very smoothly) Uhhhh…well…I’m an adult now and I didn’t really have a choice or know what was going on when I was 6-months-old so I would like to do it now as an adult. I want to say it with my heart and accept it with my mouth. I mean, say it with my mouth and accept it in my heart.
(Silence while they traded looks with each other.)
Me: I’ve been doing all of this now for two years…going to Riverview, following Christ. This isn’t some sort of passing thing. This isn’t a phase.
Pops: See, that is what bothers me…the word “follow”. Who are you following? You know, you have to be careful because a lot of people thought they were following God when they were really following Jim Jones. These people get all whacked out and walk into their new wave churches and shoot everyone.
Me: Dad, someone could walk into Christine’s Catholic church and shoot up everyone. Someone could walk into the local high school and shoot up everyone. Please.
Pops: You’re right, you’re right.
Step: What denomination is this again?
Me: We don’t wear name tags.
(Crickets chirping.)
Me: Non-denominational. My pastors teach from the bible and relate it to our lives. They don’t want to add all of the religiousy things to the message. They are trying to change the context but not the content in order to reach the teens and twenty-somethings, the ones who are falling off the radar and not going to church at all.
Step: First of all, you have to be careful when someone says they are teaching from the bible. They can take things out of context and get you to follow their own agenda by using the bible. Second, you have to be careful with the bible. It is full of contradictions. The problem with religion today is that you have all of these churches springing up which are loosely based on Christianity and all these churches do is teach hate: hate women, hate homosexuals, hate non-Christians. And if your pastors are saying that other religions are bad, then…Blah blah blah blah….

I tuned her out at that point. I felt so hopeless. I knew she was wrong but I have never had the heart to go toe to toe with the woman. She is so opinionated and judgmental to the outside world. The Catholic church is perfect in her eyes and the one true religion. She pushes a lot of people away with that superior attitude and has hurt a lot of her close friends and family...including my sister and I. I would be lying if I said “at least I didn’t cry.” I felt defeated. She was asking me questions about my pastors. What are their qualifications? Did any of them major in theology? I couldn’t answer her. She crushed me.

My dad (not nearly as harsh and opinionated) said, “Holly, of course we’ll go to the baptism. We’ll support you.”
Step: Of course we will, Holly. Even if we don’t agree we will support your decisions. You’re an adult and can make up your own mind.

I started thinking about all of this last night and on the way to work this morning. I was playing the old mind game “Why didn’t I say this. Why didn’t I fight that.” Everything became clear after a good sleep. I almost sat up in bed and said, “Hey, wait a minute!” The whole line about supporting me even if they don’t agree…do I really even want them there now? I so wanted them to see Riverview with their own eyes. I wanted them to meet the pastors and somehow know that they don’t teach hate, they don’t push their own agendas. I also wanted them to know how the leaders have stood up and said, “do not hate other denominations or even bad-mouth them because they are the bride of Christ and this is not the perfect church…we will take stands on things we shouldn’t or do nothing when we should have done something…but we will always go to the bible for guidance.” I tried to tell her about the hate series and how we don’t go to abortion clinics to picket. I wanted to tell her how the bible does not contradict itself but explains itself when you read the whole thing.

I didn’t choose this battle. I walked in without my ammunition or my armor. I was unprepared and all of it fell on deaf ears. Now, I find myself second-guessing. I know it is so much more difficult to talk to the people who have known you forever about this stuff than discussing it with a total stranger…but does God really want to send me to Germany? Will I do a better job if and when I am asked about my Christian faith? I need to take a step back and take everything in again. Listen to the messages, review the notes, remember that I do know but just need the confidence or something. And what about my parents? I know this is bratty, but I don’t think I’ll mention the baptism to them again. If they ask when it is, I’ll tell them and give them all the info they would need, but for now, I just don’t need it. What I need to do is focus on why I am getting baptized and dispel any seeds of doubt my parents might have planted.

I don’t want to be a fake. I don’t want to just be a Christian around my Christian friends and at church. I want to be a Christian to all my friends, all of my family and at work. So far, I’ve done okay in integrating, but dad and step-mom are the last frontier.

“Love your enemies…and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” Matthew 5:44

PS: Go State