December 10th

Today is her birthday and I'm sad. It's rainy and blah outside which fits my mood inside. I hope to get the Memorial DVD my cousin and I made tonight so I can watch it and remember her. I'm also going square dancing tonight with some pals. We are going to crash some square dancing club thing (I think you have to be a member but perhaps they'll feel sorry for me after my sob story and let me join). Anyhow, I'm still going to "celebrate" because she loved her birthday. I know she has a new birthday, though. Kind of weird that the day she died was actually a kind of a birthday, too, because she was born into heaven. At least I hope. I have faith she's there. Still, being left in this gloomy place without her, I'm trying my best to understand she's really gone. My human feelings though feel sad and that it is a little unfair. I don't really understand but I think that is how God made us. He doesn't always want or expect us to understand. But he does expect and want us to have faith and I do.