When people die, things get ugly...

I've noticed how manners quickly fly out the window when a loved one dies. I wonder why this is. I'm sure it is something simple but I don't understand it. I will try to explain what I mean.

My uncle and I had a conversation at the hospital a week before his mother died.
Me: I heard anyone can speak at Grandma's funeral.
Uncle: Yes.
Me: I would like to speak.
Uncle: Your name did come up as a speaker but really, Holly, I don't think you can do it.
Me: Ummmm (feelings getting hurt)....why not?
Uncle: (kind of an abrasive person): I think you would be too emotional.
Me: Well, I don't think you know me very well.
Uncle: That's true but I just don't think you are up to it (case closed).
Me: I sat with this woman until 3 am Friday night and 1 am last night. I'm up to it and I'm going to do it (case never closed).
Uncle: okay...if you think you can...but the pastor will need a copy of what you wrote in case you can't finish.
Me: (knowing I'm not giving the pastor anything before hand) Sure, whatever. Thank you for the opportunity (smile).

Now, my point is we have two people with two different agendas. Both of us wanted our way. I wasn't going to give in and this almost caused a problem. I couldn't see it at the time, however. Things got a little worse after Grandma died. The day before her viewing, I felt push back from several relatives wanting to know what I was going to say. It made me question whether I was doing the right thing or not. I almost backed out but I already had the thing written. I was going to go for it.

After I was finished, my uncle came to me and said, "wow, Holly. I'm impressed. I'm really impressed." "Thanks but really, I was inspired."

My point to this whole dumb post is that now Jeff's mom is dead and there are hurt feelings all over the place. Everyone has a different agenda about the funeral. Some don't want a big deal, some want the speeches, the videos, the photos, the church, the whole sha-bang. I wish everyone could win in these situations but people don't always get nicer in their grief. I guess the one good thing is the person who left it all behind. They don't have to stick around to see the hurt feelings and bitchiness. Its sad. Really sad.

I think the same can be said for weddings, too.