Memorial

My grandmother is gone. I'm not even sure where she, either. I really believed she was in heaven but now, I think maybe she doesn't go to heaven until we all go to heaven. I'm a little mixed up but will bring it up in my bible study tomorrow.

I read the following at her funeral:
"I knew my grandmother for only 28 and a half years—a small fraction of her life. After all, she was 65 when I was born. I think about all the years she lived and admit I can’t quite grasp it. I’ve been looking at old photos of Grandma and what I see is a young woman, younger than I am, married, standing with her first born and her fine-looking husband. She had her whole life ahead of her and most of us weren’t even a thought in her mind. She was a foxy young thing and loved to date. We all know the story about when she was dating one guy but another showed up to take her out. Emma stalled the guy at the door so Grandma could sneak out of the window to meet up with the other dude.

Of course, all of that was over the night she and her parents went to a dance. As the band played, she caught the eye of a certain saxophone player. She knew then he would be the one she wanted to spend her life with. And boom, we all entered the picture.

I remember the visits to the trailer. A few memories from when I was little and stayed with her were:
the little boxes of cereal
Hill-billy Bread
Bluebird OJ out of the little can
the lava lamp
her photo albums
riding in circles for hours with my tri-cycle in her garage
Cory and I playing with the doll clothes Grandma made us
Chipper
Going to the depot for Superman ice cream
And the giant picture of Jesus watching the United Nations building
I remember the way she would worry too much. If I went a hair too close to the road, if I drove a golf cart, if there was a strange car up at the clubhouse. Sometimes she freaked out.
But I also recall her our on her front porch, always waving good-bye to people as they drove away.

My view of grandma changed when I started working at the clubhouse in 1994. There was a different side to her, a saucy side. Yes, still a worrier but we began teasing each other. We would trade little witty remarks back and forth, she always outwitting me. I began to have fun with the lady.

The best thing for Grandma was moving to the Marquette. She didn’t seem to worry as much which allowed her to be more playful. She loved to pick on me with that big smile. I would say, “If you don’t be nice to me, I’m going to leave.” “You promise?” she would say. Sometimes when I would go to see her, I would knock on the door. Silence on the other side and then….a knock back. So I would knock again….silence….and then a knock back. Grandma, let me in!

She was worried about me, though. When are you going to get married? Who are you going to marry? I would tell her, you just want another party to go to, someplace you can dance. Again, that big smile would appear. Maybe you should get yourself a saxophone player like I did. A funny thing I noticed about Grandma was she would always ask you to repeat yourself and I know sometimes it was because she wanted to hear the joke or the compliment twice. She loved to flirt. I enjoyed my visits to the Marquette. We would visit for awhile, she would beg me to stay longer, give me a long hug and then wave to me from her window as I drove away.

I really envied her. She had so much fun in her last season of life. So much fun, she just kept extending that season over and over. She learned how to use the computer, how to e-mail, and how to IM people at 12:30 in the morning. She loved Bingo, cards… men. Yes, she found love, a couple times, and got herself a few boyfriends. But besides harassing Grandma, I loved to dance with grandma. I danced with her all night at Kami’s wedding and she was the last one on the dance floor at Cory’s. Couldn’t get her to go to bed. She didn’t dance much at Greg’s reception but I tried to get as many in as I could. Because as much as Grandma and I looked forward to the day when she could dance with me at my wedding, I feel like we both kind of knew it wasn’t going to happen.

A couple of Sundays ago, I went to see Grandma at Ingham Medical. “How you doing, Grandma?” “Fair,” was usually the reply but this time I got “tired.” She always teased me about my living arrangements. According to her I “move too much”. But now I had my chance to tease her. “Grandma, you keep moving on me! First Lansing General, then Sparrow, now here. Are you trying to lose me?” She smiled that big smile of hers, “Is it working?” Then, we discussed how our relationship had changed over the years. “You were kind of strict and mean, Grandma,” I teased her. She smiled, “Was I?” “Oh yeah, I like you a lot better now.” “You, too” she teased.

Looking at pictures and thinking back to this past year…yeah…it is hard for me to believe she is really gone. But don’t cry for her. Cry for the loss but not for her because I’ll admit, it is sad to see her go. I miss her a great deal and feel a void in my life. But she in experiencing the coolest thing ever. She gets to hang out with Jesus and God which is pretty awesome. So do not cry for her. Cry for your loss, but not for her.

I will honor my grandmother. I will share her with my children. I will show them that picture of her when she was twenty-something, having no idea where her life was going to take her. But I will also show them a picture of her when she was 92, so full of life and still living it as if she were 22. After all, when I asked her how old she was after her last birthday, she said, 29. I said, what are you dyslexic or something. She just smiled and said, well next year, I’ll be 39, and then 49, and then 59…she loved every age she lived. I ask that we all do this because it’s scary. It is difficult to embrace each season of life. I am also asking all of us to hold on to each other, after this day and not to drift apart. Our matriarch is gone but I beg all of us to get together as often as we can even if once or twice a year. Cherish each other as she cherished each one of us.

As for Grandma, it is safe to say she has gone home now. She is full of life again and she is sitting at a table in the biggest dance hall she has ever seen. The music is beginning to play, her feet are tapping in time, her eyes are wide and that big grin is on her face. Just as she gets to her feet, a certain saxophone player catches her eye. She smiles that big smile to him. Then she begins to say hello to all the people she had to say good-bye to so long ago, all of the people she once mourned will surround her in love. And we will get our chance someday when it is our turn to say hello to her again."

I feel like I kind of lied a little...about her being in heaven and all. It may not be a big deal to most but to me it is a huge deal. I need to get this somewhat figured out.

After the funeral, my three cousins, my uncle, Joey, my dad and my step-mom went out to the golf course. It was so much fun being out there, trying to soak up all that my grandparents built (and some I actually built!).