Joey and Peter entertaining the youth.

Pete taking lessons from the German kinders.

Brown and the best Italian wine we had in Germany.

Pete and Joey invited us to their coming out lunch.

Our day trip to Linz, Germany (Clark, either smile or get out of the way).

Clark in the torture chamber (Linz, Germany).

The lobby where we stayed (and where Joey mostly got into trouble).

The night we were denied. The three of us seemed to be together a lot.

Yi, Joey and I in front/above the Rhine River

Tour of the city. This is the outdoor mall. We must have walked through this place 10 times during the week.

Yi and Joe on the airplane.

Before we left. Meg has just said, "everyone, show me your passports."

5k

I'm running in Max's Race this Saturday on the campus of Michigan State. This will be my first 5k. I'm a little nervous. I hope I can finish decently. Of course, I haven't trained, unless you count walking all over Cologne, Heathrow and climbing Dom. That was all excellent exercise (not to mention the Ultimate Frisbee). I'm also worried about...fashion. Here is a conversation between my step-mother and I:

Holly: Yes, I know you shouldn't change shoes but mine are bright blue and ugly. Yes, I'm concerned about fashion. If/when I pass out at 2.6 miles, I want to look good. I don't want people saying, "look at the girl laying on the pavement with those ugly, blue shoes." Still, I'll probably be wearing them to protect my toes. Perhaps after I'm released from the hospital, we can go to Lady Footlocker. They are having a sale on running shoes: two for $90 (about $45 a piece). Or there is always DSW. I saw many pairs there.

Christine: While those shoes may be a drawback, I will, when I pass you, rip off my shirt, wrap it around your feet than continue to sprint to the finish line in my sports bra. They will pick you up and never notice the shoes until you get to ER. I will come down and quickly wisk you away to Lady Footlocker (after a crepe stop) to the applause of rescue workers. It sounds like a plan to me.

Yes, I know it's shallow but it made me laugh. Focus on the shoes, not the race, then you will be less scared.

East or West

My father was so grateful to be home, he kissed the wall of our apartment. We had been traveling all day from Canada but hit a major storm when we entered Detroit. The rain, wind, and flooding was so bad, we had to pull over. My five-year-old self was terrified. I just wanted to be home. Apparently, so did my dad. I remember him kissing the wall, thanking God for getting us home safely.

This memory came to my mind as I stared out the airplane window watching the greyish blue below me: the Atlantic Ocean. I smiled as the ocean suddenly began to change over to tiny brown and green islands. We were finally in North America. We were almost home.

I had an awesome time in Germany. I learned so much about a culture different from my own. I learned what it was like to stand apart, to be rejected or snubbed because of my nationality. I learned how much I loved my home and I was glad to be back. Several other questions filled my mind as we flew over Canada: why did God choose for me to be born here? Why did He pick the parents I have? Why did He make it so obvious that I had to go on this mission? The Bible says he did all of this so I would have the best opportunity to know and love Him. The mission trip reinforced this and gave me many God moments.

Moment #1
Someone from Riverview donated a Playstation 2 they had ordered off Ebay. They couldn't use this Playstation because it was European (this is the way I understand the story anyhow). We didn't know what we were going to do with it but took it along anyhow. On Monday, we played Ultimate Frisbee on the Koln Campus. It was my turn to hang out and invite people to join us...but I couldn't. I felt shy and awkward. I didn't want to bother these people. Finally, I saw a young man sit down on a bench. I approached him and asked him to play. He did. We had the best time with him and ended up hanging out with him several times that week. Sometime during the week, our new friend mentioned that he loved to play video games. He explained he did have a Playstation but sold it to help with the family farm. Bingo. We had a connection. We were supposed to bring that Playstation 2 for a reason.

Moment #2
We were playing volleyball and frisbee on Tuesday. We tried to talk to people by asking them to play. Two girls we asked seemed very unnerved by us. They wanted nothing to do with frisbee or to have any type of discussion. They laid down in the grass to sun themselves. A half-hour later, one of them sat up suddenly and started screaming. I ran to her to find out the problem. She had been stung by a bee. I called Joey over to pull the stinger out. I ran to my bag because for some reason, I had packed an anti-biotic cream and an Itch Eraser stick for stings and bug bites. Meg also had a frozen cappuccino which we held to the sting to prevent swelling. The girls were so thankful to us. It wasn't really us, though.

Moment #3
Martin, the pastor we visited and worked with in Koln, had a bar-b-Que for us on our last night there. He gave us directions but never told us his house number. Most of the group had been there before so we found it no problem. Joey and Pete were meeting with our new German friend to bring him to the cook-out so they had no clue where they were going. I became nervous and worried as we finished eating dinner. They still hadn't arrived. I went out to the road several times and checked to see if maybe they were in sight. Nothing. The rain came and I turned my worries into prayers. Please let them find this place. I gave it one last try as the rain poured down. I looked down the road and my heart fell. Nothing. I turned the other way and leapt for joy. It was them! They had passed the house. I yelled to them and they came running my way. Pete said they had gotten lost but took a taxi to the correct street. Still they had no way of knowing which house it was and were trying to follow the smell of the food. "Did you see us walk by, Holly?" Peter asked me. "No," I said. "Then how did you know to come out then to see if we were there?" he asked. "God told me," I smiled.

Maybe I didn't plant any seeds on this mission trip. Perhaps I only plowed the ground or changed people's perceptions of a Christian or American. Maybe I went to learn more about myself. Whatever the reason, I know I had to go and am so thankful for the time I had. Still, the best feeling of all was drinking a Vernors, surrounded by my family, telling stories from the past week. East or West, home is best.

Mission for Him, NOT me

"The following takes place between 6am and 7am..."

Tick, tick, tick...

The final 24 hours is here. I felt my first raw pain from nerves around 6:30 p.m. today.

"Crap, I leave in 24 hours. Oh boy."

I have been uneasy about this mission trip to Germany. You probably didn't want to hear that, though. You are going to tell me how everything is going to be fine but really, I'm still just a bundle of mixed emotions. Here are some of the thoughts spiraling around in the brain:

I don't want to go to Germany. I want to go on a mission trip to Hawaii. When is that trip?

I don't speak German. I don't know how to even relate to their lives. What was God thinking?

There must be some reason why He made all of this so obvious. What's the reason, God? Will I go over to Koln and start speaking in tongues? Will I start healing people randomly? Will I hide in a tree every time someone challenges me?

Don't worry. I'm trusting YOU on this one. I'm still getting a little sick to my stomach.

I packed waaaay too much.

I heard a song today by Warren Barfield as I was driving around getting last minute stuff. It calmed me, forcing me to return to the reason why I'm going to Germany in the first place.

Do they only see who we are
When who we are should be pointing them to Christ
Cause we are who He chose to use
To spread the news
Of the way the truth and the life
Oh I want all I am to die
So all He is can come alive

Til everyone I talk to hears His voice
And everything I touch feels the warmth of His hand
Til everyone I meet
Sees Jesus in me
This is all I wanna be I wanna be mistaken
For Jesus

May He touch with my hands
See through my eyes
May He speak through my lips
Live through my life
I want Him to live

I'm not like this on a minute by minute, second by second basis. My friends can attest to this, my co-workers can attest to this more. But these lyrics describe my heart, my want...the need to live by example instead of my old, selfish quest. I'm still the goofy person God created. That is the cool thing about this new quest: I can still be me and I realized I didn't want to do all of those crappy things I was doing. Those crappy things were filling a void that is now filled.

Want to have a drink? Give me a call when I'm back in town.
Want to go out dancing? Let me know when and where.
Want to go to the casino? I'm not very good, but I'm in.
Want to rob a convience store? Man, I miss those days.... (for those who don't know me well, this is where you laugh)

God uses me in crazy little ways...or this big way I'm about to embark on. You may not realize it, but take note of how He's using you, too. This is the kind of used you feel good about :)

Project KMM Update

It has been a long time since I've updated the three of you who read this blog on my project. Major developments since then.

When I first thought of the idea...no wait...let me back up. When God first gave me the idea for this project, there were many obstacles. Kim had been gone for 17 years. The people that knew her weren't on the best terms or had moved away. 17 years...pictures get lost, things get stored away, thrown out, ruined. But God's will on this is amazing.

Obstacle #1: Kim's former step-mother.
Kim's dad left a lot behind when the split happened. He left all of his pictures, including all the ones he had of Kim. Everyone told me, "there is no way you'll be able to get those pictures from her, Holly." But I smiled, thinking, "well, I don't want the pictures from her. I have a different idea." About a month ago, I showed up unannounced at Cindy's house. I hadn't seen her in years but saw that she was still the same woman who baby-sat me many moons ago. I like her...but I know her, too. We visited a little while and then I sprung the project on her. Could she help? Would she be willing? She asked if I wanted to go for a ride with her. Off we went to Lansing. We talked about Kim the whole way there and the whole way back. I learned a lot about Kim and a lot about Cindy: she was close to Kim. She misses her. We came back to the house and Cindy immediately went upstairs. "Can you give me a hand, Holly?" I heard her yell. I approached the stairs and saw her standing at the top with boxes. They were full of pictures. We spent the afternoon sorting through boxes and boxes of pictures. I had my scanner there and scanned them into my computer as we went. Again, no one thought it was possible to gain access to these pictures. Know how I did it? I prayed like crazy before I went over there. I asked for God to soften her heart to the cause. I asked for His help but if she turned me away, I would know it wasn't meant to work out. I prayed the whole way to her house. At times, I got so nervous, I wanted to throw up. Then, the Holy Spirit would calm me, give me strength and the words to say. Awesome.

Obstacle #2: Kim's mom
I was told from the beginning not to expect much help from Kim's mom. She was moving to Arizona and didn't want to "go down that road." The week after Kim died, her things were boxed up and put in storage. The siblings came home to a new den that had been their big sister's bedroom. I’m not saying it was wrong or right, only that the mom was very guarded about Kim. When Karen, Kim’s younger sister, explained the project to the mom, she was skeptical. I got a phone call from the mom two weeks ago. She was in town for the summer and was going through boxes. She wanted to help and contribute. I went to Karen’s on Saturday night and met the mom. She looked a lot like Kim, or Kim looked a lot like her. She was also really nice and let me borrow a bag full of pictures of her daughter. The best part was a VHS tape from their last Christmas together.

Last night, I took a deep breath and popped the VHS in. Kim wasn’t in it as much as I had hoped. The quality wasn’t the greatest, either. When Kim walked into the room, I got a little sad. I haven’t seen a live image of Kim in 17 years, since I saw her alive. Kim sat down on the couch, completely out of view. But then…she finally leaned over and she opened her last present. Her brother, Mike, who was a year older than Kim, handed it her shyly. She opened it and exclaimed, “Rush! The Rush tape! Thank you, Mike!” You could clearly see how close the two of them were. She walked over to him and thanked him again. Then, she opened the tape and played it a few minutes on the stereo. After this, she tried on her Varsity coat she had also received. “Look, mom. There’s even room to grow,” she stated.

My throat became tight and I felt incredibly sad. I watched all of them, knowing now that their lives were going to change for the worse in two months. They didn’t know. They had no idea this would be their last Christmas with Kim. I wanted to call Karen and tell her how sorry I was that she had to go through all of that at such a young age. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was that her sister died 17 years ago. I wanted to yell at them so they knew what was about to happen but they continued on, frozen in time, carrying on with a normal family Christmas, unaware. Of course, it was better that they didn’t know, even if I had the power to somehow transcend the whole time barrier.

I didn’t think this project would get to me so much. I hope I can get this thing right. I’ll keep asking for help and praying

International Friend

“You have to call them and change your flight. You must stay an extra week. I’ll show you around…we can go to Austria, France, Italy!”

I smiled at my friend.

“I wish I could, Uschi…man, I really wish I could…but I just can’t take that much time off work.” I felt a little sad knowing this may be the only time I’m ever in Europe.

Uschi smiled. “Oooo, it would be so much fun.”

I met Uschi (pronounced Ooo-she, short for Ursula) in 1999. We both worked for Perry Johnson, although, her position there was a little more prestigious. She ran the office in Germany from the office she shared with me in Southfield. I was immediately drawn to her sincere and giving personality, so sweet and unassuming. We had a cultural differences which ended up being the jokes between us.

“I have to get a book on Phone-ics,” she said to me last night. “Phone-ics…right?”
“Well…no. It looks like Phone but it is more like F-on-ics, like ‘on’ as opposed to ‘off.’”
“Oh jeez,” she said somewhat seriously. “How am I going to teach my daughters when I can’t even get it right?”
“Well, perhaps you can study “phone-ics” with them. English is dumb, Ush. The rules are so weird.”
She smiled.

As we sat in the Borders café watching her daughter read books, we reminisced about how quickly we became friends. We had to. She didn’t have many being from Germany and me being from Lansing, fresh out of college…well, I didn’t have many, either.

“I will never forget that day, Holly, when I came into the office so scared…”
“I won’t, either.”

Uschi had taken in her car to get an oil change. She met a handsome, young man who worked there. He, in turn, was quite taken with her. He broke the rules and looked up her phone number to make that fateful call. One night, Uschi and I went to the bar and then back to her apartment to crash. I was going to get up early the next morning to get Dave Matthews Tickets. I left my money under a sweatshirt on her counter. When we got back to the apartment, I was shocked to see a 6’3”, gorgeous, Arabic kid sleeping on Uschi’s living room floor. “Um, Uschi..who is that?”

“That is the guy from the oil changing place.”
“How old is he?”
Uschi smiled.
“19”
“Whoa.”
I quickly realized my money was gone and as I started becoming irate, thinking the 19-year-old hood had stolen it, I heard him say to Uschi, “I put that money in your bedroom. You shouldn’t keep out in the open.”

Wow. He was a nice, 19-year-old hood and it turned out, he wasn’t a hood at all. He was from Lebanon and had seen his mother die in the war. He and his sister were living with an aunt in Dearborn and he was trying to save money to take college classes. His name was Shadi (Sha-dee).

“Uschi, what is wrong,” I said when she walked into our office. “You’re white as a ghost…well…paler than normal.”
“Oh no, Holly…I think…I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.” She then revealed to me how scared she was being in the US alone. What was she going to do? She was 22-years-old.

“Do you love Shadi?” I asked her.
“I know you’ll think I’m crazy because we’ve only been together for a few month (she always drops the “s” from months) but yeah…I do.”

More relief came Uschi’s way when she told Shadi. He immediately proposed to her and they were married in February. In May, Uschi gave me some sad news. She and Shadi had decided to move to Germany to be near her family and have the baby there. In August, Lena was born. Uschi sent pictures along with Kinder eggs (hollow chocolate eggs with a toy inside). I missed my friend but she looked so happy.

“I loved living in Germany,” Uschi said to me as I sipped my Chai Tea. “We lived in a little village where the cows and chickens just ran around all over the place. It was so peaceful.”

“You liked it a lot,” I commented.

“Not when I was growing up. I hated it then. But when you leave home…well, you long for what you used to know. I mean, when were little girls, my parents would take my sister and I to the Alps for skiing. In the summer, we would drive to a little villa near Venice to play on the beach. I miss it…….oh! Did I tell you that my parents won the lottery in Germany?!”

“Um, no! How much did they win?”

“An equivalent to a million US dollars. They paid off their house, bills and added a small apartment on for us to stay in when we visit. They also cut back their work hours and are going to travel more. Isn’t that exciting?”

“So exciting, Uschi…”

In 2001, I received a surprise visit from Uschi and Shadi. They were looking for a place to live in Dearborn…and Uschi was expecting their second child. It wasn’t the first time I had met Lena, but the first time I really interacted with her. She had just turned two and was fluent in German and understood Arabic. Two-years-old and bi-lingual. So cool. Their little family came back to the states and Nadine was born in April of 2002.

“That first year back in Michigan was horrible,” Uschi said. “Lena spoke German, understood Arabic, and now we were throwing English into the whole mess. She tried to adapt but I started speaking to her only in English so she would learn. She turned around and invented her own language! It was almost as if she said, ‘well, forget you two if you aren’t going to speak to me in German and Arabic. I’ll just make up my own words!” For six months, I couldn’t communicate with my daughter. Eventually, by watching TV and just being exposed to English, she caught on and one day, she asked me for a cookie or something.”

“What about Nadine?” I asked about her three-year-old.

“She’s been brought up around all three languages. She’s got a good handle on the words but not when to use them.”

“Like when we were sitting at the dinner table before we left,” I commented, “she said ‘Lena is chewing with her mouth…’ and the said the word ‘closed’ in German.”

“Yes, she does that all the time.” Uschi smiled.

“So, what happened to you and Shadi having 5 kids by the time you were 30?” I teased.

Uschi rolled her eyes. “Yah, right. If I had more help, I would. But Shadi’s work hours are so difficult. When we first came back to the US, he was working two jobs and finishing his degree. He used to get three hours of sleep. He worked the night shift at the plant for awhile and now he has his dream job except he’s all over the place for weeks at a time and then he’ll be home for weeks at a time. I’m so happy that Nadine is going to be in pre-school. I finally have some time to myself, you know. I can hang out with you!”

Uschi started to teach me a few words in German: yes, no, please, thank you, stop. Then she sighed. “When you come back from Germany, I’ll be on my way there. You have to call them and change your flight.” I laughed. “No!” she laughed with me, “I’m not kidding. We could drive to Rome and see the sights…”

“I couldn’t imagine living a life where I could just hop in a car and go to Rome,” I said.

“France is 2 hours away, Austria is an hour…”

I said, “Well, just to be fair, I can hop in my car and be to Ohio in an hour…not the same thing…not the same thing at all.”

“Michigan is beautiful, though, Holly. The US is a beautiful place to live.”

“Yes, I have to agree, but I’ll speak more educated-ly when I come back from Germany. IF I come back from Germany…”

“You’re going to be fine, Holly,” Uschi comforted me. “Tell her she is going to be fine, Lena.”

“Yes, Holly, it is like being on a butterfly and just floating over the water,” Lena explained.

I smiled. I have always felt blessed by my friendship with Uschi and her family. I do hope I can go back to Germany someday and let her show me around. She and Shadi are also building a summer home in Lebanon. I might wait on that trip, though.

Please, love this as much as I do....

Wookie Guitar Solo

Morning by morning, O Lord,
you hear my voice;
morning by morning
I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
~Psalms 5:3

Every morning I've been praying, either on the way to work or at work. I acknowledge there is no way I can do this shtuff on my own. I was thinking that perhaps I wasn't doing it right or maybe asking for too much when I would pray, "Please, help me through all of this and let the Holy Spirit be strong in me to not open my big, fat mouth at inappropriate times." I like how this Psalm says "I lay my requests before you and wait..." So, I'm not the only one who asks and requests. Ask and you shall receive...maybe 40 years from now, maybe after leave your earthly home. Request. Wait.

Couldn't Have Planned It Better

...and I didn't.

I've been praying and meditating and chickening out about how to handle adversity in life. Adversity? No, just the same ol' issue. I finally cleared the air with someone I had a disagreement with a month ago. It feels so darn good to let go of all that crap. I just really had to suck it up and do it.

I went out with my step-mother last Saturday. This was the first time we had really spoken in a month or so. We had such an awesome time working out together at the MAC. I've truly missed her. We didn't talk about the "issue" between us. Just enjoyed each other's company.

Afterward, we went to this little crepe shop I had heard of right around the corner from her house. I had kind of hoped I would see friends there but I also knew these friends didn't work on Saturday. I couldn't have planned it better. My friend was there, greeting us, welcoming us, and making us feel at home. I could tell my step-mom instantly liked this young woman. We got our crepes and ate them under an umbrella outside. I gently made a comment about Suz and how we know each other. That was pretty much it. I didn't want to shove anything down her throat. Soon, two more friends from church pulled up. Wow. Crazy. Anyhow, we finished eating and I took my step-moms home with a promise to see her later that evening at the dance recital for my niece and nephew.

As I greeted my family members in the Holt High School cafeteria later that evening, I turned to see a family of three walk into the building. I smiled and just couldn't stop smiling. I didn't plan this. I couldn't have.

"Hi, Rob. How are you"
"Pretty good."
"Rob, this is my mom, Carrie, my aunt, Kam and my step-mother, Christine. Ladies, this is one of my pastors, Rob."

They all shook hands and I caught a smile from Joey.

I know I didn't have to go blabbing about all of this but I just thought it was so cool...all of those coincidences, all of those chance meetings which gave an opportunity for people to become acquainted and perhaps clear misconceptions. I'm sure there are still more, but God will do His thing in time or maybe He won't do anything at all.

I do know that my step-mom and I have been e-mailing each other every day and now we plan to run a 5k together, perhaps in Chicago. I pray all of this lasts. I want to care for this relationship as long as it is here on earth.